Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Nanny's Perfect Christmas Party

Nanny's Perfect Christmas PartyWith the office Christmas party season now in full swing, Nanny has issued a number of guidelines as to how to hold the "perfect" Nanny Christmas party.

They are summarised below:
  • No alcohol should be served, Nanny disapproves of alcohol

  • No pork (eg cocktail sausages, scotch eggs, pork pies and sausage rolls) should be served, this may offend certain non Christians

  • No meat should be served, this may offend vegetarians

  • No mince pies or Christmas puddings should be served. These contain lard and suet, and as such would offend vegetarians

  • No mistletoe should be used to decorate the office; this would encourage kissing, which of course could be construed as sexual harassment

  • Kissing is banned, for the reason above and because of the risk of spreading avian flu

  • Christmas should not be mentioned, and there should be no decorations, as this may offend the non Christians

  • No form of dancing or physical contact should take place, as this may be construed as sexual harassment

  • No crackers should be pulled, as the explosive content is contrary to Nanny's anti terrorist laws

  • No food should be served, as people are far too fat anyway

  • No presents should be distributed, as recipients may feel pressured to have sex with the gift giver. Also, presents may be of varying degrees of quality, as such some people may feel discriminated against

  • No party games should be held, as some people will be classified as "losers" which of course is very bad for their self esteem

  • No photocopiers should be in the vicinity, as people may be tempted to copy their backsides (which of course is a health and safety issue, as well as being construed as sexual harassment)
Happy Christmas everyone!


  1. Anonymous4:00 PM

    You should make this into an official looking poster.

  2. Anonymous4:08 PM

    I'm with hoagie! These are great, had a good laugh!

    Sadly enough.