Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, May 15, 2006

How To Improve Police Response Times

How To Improve Police Response Times
One of the frequent complaints made these days about the service from Nanny's police, is that they are slow to respond when you are reporting a crime such as burglary, yet heavy handed and quick off the mark with other issues such as speeding or dog scaring.

Well Spiv (one of the regular contributors here), a fellow chartered accountant no less, has come up with rather an ingenious method for getting the police to turn up to an incident whilst the crime is still being committed.

Imagine this, if you will, you are a home owner who one night hears burglars messing around in your home or garden shed.

You ring the police up, and they say that they will send someone in a few hours as there is no one available.

An all too frequent excuse these days!

Hang up, then call them back in 30 seconds.

Tell them that you have shot and killed the intruder.

I guarantee that a squad car, containing a suitably equipped armed response team, will race around to your home within 5 minutes.

When they find a living intruder and ask why you said that you had shot him, you can respond by asking how it is they managed to turn up in five minutes if there was no one available?

I think it is a brilliant solution to slow police response times!


  1. Anonymous12:21 PM

    I suspect spiv will be along in a moment to point out that this wasn't his idea - it's been doing the rounds on the internet for at least two years...

  2. Yup, which is somewhat far less a time than Blair's "tough on crime, and tough on the causes of time" has been around!!

  3. Anonymous2:27 PM

    Yes, this is not a new idea: I read a letter in the newspaper worded more or less the same as this a couple of years ago.
    Incidentally, if you were to do this what's the betting the police would ignore the burglary (or whatever crime you were reporting) and arrest YOU for'wasting police time'?

  4. if you were to do this what's the betting the police would ignore the burglary (or whatever crime you were reporting) and arrest YOU for'wasting police time'?

    One hundred percent would be a reasonable wager.

  5. The only times the police get excited are:

    (1) when one of them is killed


    (2) when their pay & conditions are threatened.

    Essentially speaking, they're thugs and not to be trusted. Although nowadays (exemplis non gratia, Sir Ian "No Relation" Blair) they also dabble in social engineering and furthering the boundaries of political correctness. Bit like the education sector, really; and indeed most of government.

  6. Anonymous4:50 PM

    I am not surprised at the pathetic over reaction of the plods. GMP (motto "Fighting the public, protecting crime")will doubtless be sending some brain donor to see what "lessons can be learnt" to lower their performance to this level.

  7. Anonymous1:50 AM

    It does seem quite possible to happen upon clumps of police these days though quite why that should be is a matter for conjecture.

    Today she-who-must-be-obeyed-unquestioningly set off to find out local DVLA office to deliver some paperwork. She was using a map and address I had downloaded from the DVLA web site. It appeared to be quite a simple route.

    From what she told me she found the correct main road (? possibly) but no reference to the trading estate type address given on the web site. However, she saw 4 police cars parked at the side of the road so stopped to ask directions. As she stopped a fifth car pulled up behind her.

    She said that they were all very nice to her but had no clue where the office was and left her to drive on an continue her search. I think she was probably within half a mile of the place but anyweay she gave up and the documents have not been entrusted to the Royal Mail - so I guess we will have to wait and see if anything turns up in about 2 weeks time - 2 days either end for the mail and 7 working days for the DVLA to do what they used to do in an hour or so while people waited. But I digress ....

    So the collection of police could not provide directions to a Government office which cannot have been more than a mile or so from where they had parked. Hmm. Perhaps they were not local police or perhaps they were new. If they were Traffic Officers I would have thought they would have known the lcation of the office in question. Or could have contacted their base and asked for the information on their new Airwaves (or whatever it is called) radio system.

    But no.

    Still, at least it proves that they can gather a group of mobile plod when they have a mind to do so.

    On the subject of the latest 'policeperson' being killed - I'm not sure that specials really count in police terms, especially when off duty.

    Odd that the victim appears to have been injured by her own kitchen knife - would one wonder into the street in nightclothes and take a knife if one was a trained special? I would have thought not really. I have a feeling it could be interesting to see how this one unfolds.