Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Friday, May 26, 2006

Nanny's Toilet Training

Those of you who think that Nanny is a tad anally retentive may well be right.

She has become somewhat vexed over our use of toilets; specifically she is worried that we don't know how to use them. Nanny's trolls in Tayside NHS trust have decided that we need a bit of toilet training; they have issued an instruction book on how to use the toilet.

Nanny's trolls have issued a four page leaflet entitled Good Defecation Dynamics, complete with a diagram.

Can you believe it!

The book reminds you to breathe when sitting upon the throne. Wise words indeed Nanny!

Posture is also important:

"Do not slump down but keep the normal curve in your back.

Keep your mouth open as you bulge and widen.

You should aim to do this every time you open your bowels

The book adds:

"When you sit on the toilet make sure your feet are well supported;

you may need to use a small footstool

Money well spent!


  1. Well, we all knew that Nanny likes talking crap didn't we.

  2. Anonymous1:39 PM

    A small footstool? If Nanny exudes them from her feet, she's in very serious trouble.

  3. Anonymous2:24 PM


    Get off my back and let me have a shit in peace!!

  4. Are there two April the 1sts in 2006. Where is my calendar?

  5. Anonymous2:02 AM

    "Bag said...
    Are there two April the 1sts in 2006. Where is my calendar? "



    Or somewhere between 0 and 1023 if you work for the Home Office.

  6. 'Put your head between you knees,
    give yourself s little squeeze
    And out it comes, like rotten cheese...'