Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Tuesday, September 12, 2006

Nanny's Toilet Spies

Nanny's Toilet SpiesYesterday, being the anniversary of 9/11 and the attack on the Twin Towers, Nanny and her chums did their level best to remind us all that she is working for our benefit in trying to win the so called "war on terror" and ensuring that the "battle for civilisation" is won by the "good guys".

A cynic might argue that attacking Iraq, which was not responsible for the 9/11 slaughter, was a rather strange way to "protect us".

A cynic might also argue that a more effective means of lessening the chances of terrorist attack would be to allow the natural fissures and rivalries within Islam to be exposed from within, and for the extreme elements within the various factions (eg extremist Sunnis, extremist Shias etc) to fight it out amongst themselves and to kill each other, rather than for us to unite them by bombing civilian targets in the Middle East.

The most effective way for these fissures to be exposed, and for the "united" extremists to be thrown back to their natural state of trying to kill each other, would be for all of our troops to be removed from the Middle East and for us to stop buying oil from the Middle East.

However, what the fuck do I know?

Nanny has proven, by the fact that we all feel so much safer than we did a few years ago, that she really does know best.

On that note, she has been working hard to try to ensure that our flights are less likely to be blown up or highjacked.

By the way, I know that facts are something that Nanny really abhors, but do you realise that it has been at least 25 years since a British flight has been highjacked?

Maybe Nanny has been over reacting wrt her ever increasing security clampdowns?

Anyhoo, Nanny has decided that planes need CCTV and sound recording devices installed...yes Nanny really does have a fetish for CCTV!

Researchers in Britain and Europe are looking at technology that would introduce a network of microphones and cameras throughout aircraft, including the toilet, which would be linked to a computer.

This computer would be "trained" to pick up suspicious behaviour.

Precisely how a computer distinguishes between "ordinary" toilet activities, and suspicious toilet activities is beyond me. That being said, Catherine Neary of Bae Systems is very confident of the scheme's success. Bae is one of the British participants in a £24 million European Union project Safety of Aircraft in Future European Environment.

Ms Neary said:

"It would pick passengers who are behaving oddly or in an unruly manner.

They may appear nervous, or could be getting up while the plane is taxiing.

If someone looks as if they are praying,

the microphones would be able to tell if they were by picking up key words


"There are likely to be cameras and microphones in the toilet,

because that is where terrorists go to assemble bombs.

If people know they will be safer,

they will be happy to accept the sensors,

but we are considering the legal implications of this

Oh yes, I can really see this working!

CCTV is all very well, but it is invariably used "post event" to catch/prosecute the criminal after he has done the dirty deed. Unless you have "real time" human observers monitoring the plane, who are able to intervene pre attack, then this system is worthless.

I also suspect that the Mile High Club may be a tad annoyed about this too, or maybe not?

I don't know about anyone else, but I for one will be closely inspecting the facilities and the bowl the next time I answer the call of nature.


  1. Ken wrote:

    "If someone looks as if they are praying,

    the microphones would be able to tell if they were by picking up key words."

    If this is the case then I fear that most of the passengers on some of the flights I have had the misfortune to be on would be immediately tagged as terrorists. On at least one memorable flight most of the passengers and crew found religion but on analysis of their words I'm sure the security services would have found them to be something on the lines of:

    Oh lord I pray to thee that the engines stay attached to this rust bucket and the wheels actually go down when we reach the ground at the other end. Lord I beseech thee too that you might assure this sinner that the pilot has passed some form of flying exam and is not just in the cockpit as he is the only person employed by the airline who has seen a picture of an aeroplane in a book. Amen!

    Still, all the tapes from the loo-cams could be sold for a profit to film makers who need five hours of farting and grunting sound effects for their next jungle epic.

  2. Anonymous1:00 PM

    Bae spokeslady said

    ""There are likely to be cameras and microphones in the toilet, because that is where terrorists go to assemble bombs."

    Soooo, how many have been caught doing this and why have we not been told?

    Surely all they have to do is set the door to open after 10 mins or so.

    Enough time for a quicky (for most) but well short of the extended time necessary (as I understand it) to extract and mix any chemicals required to create anything explosive with possible capability of causing a catastrophe.

    But then, what do I know?

  3. Anonymous6:33 PM

    What I can't understand is why 'they' think it is only planes that will be attacked, what about trains, stations, ports, airports, stadiums, cruise liners etc etc.

  4. Anonymous11:16 PM

    I'm a bit concerned over what the security computer would make of a "rear end explosion" after an unusually toxic vindaloo the night before?

    Would the perpetrator risk having his arse blown off literally as well as figuratively speaking?


  5. Anonymous10:33 AM

    'allow the natural fissures and rivalries within Islam to be exposed from within'. Good point. And what do we see in Yahoo news today... 'The U.S. general in charge of Iraq's biggest province, Anbar in the western desert, denied his troops had lost control of it to local Sunni rebels, challenging the characterisation of a Marine intelligence report leaked to U.S. newspapers that has caused a stir ahead of November's congressional elections.' True or not, this emphasises the point that there is a danger of us (Americans and Brits) getting ourselves entangled in an Islam civil war. Give us a break! Isn't life tough enough as it is?