Let's Get Dirty!

Ahaha!

Yet more scientific evidence that leads mankind away from the Nanny state orthodoxy. This time a team of scientists, from the School of Medicine at University of California, have published an article in Nature Medicine that states that children should be allowed to get dirty.

Excess cleanliness can hinder the skin's ability to heal. Dirt bugs dampen down overactive immune responses that can cause cuts and grazes to swell.

These findings chime with the "hygiene hypothesis", which argues that exposure to germs during early childhood primes the body against allergies.

Ever wondered why there are so many kids with "allergies" these days?

It seems that an unhealthy obsession with cleanliness is to blame. After all were we really as allergic to all manner of trivia as some claim to be now, mankind would have died out millennia ago.

Rates of "allergy" have tripled in the UK over the last ten years.

The answer?

Get dirty!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

The New "Superbug"

I see that there is an alleged new "superbug" at large in the community. Seemingly it resides in school playgrounds, parks and other public areas.

Over the last year or so 10 kids have caught this "superbug" from cuts and grazes that they have incurred whilst playing, and regrettably died.

Cue stage left shrill calls for Nanny do to more to stop this.

Prepare yourselves for warnings about the dangers of letting children play in public, and some form of unworkable "deep clean" policy to be announced.

The reality is, we are surrounded by bugs; it is part of growing up to be exposed to them, and to fight them off.

The alleged rise of a "superbug" is most likely the result of:

1 Children not being given jabs and booster jabs for basic bugs, such as tetanus.

2 Children living in ultra clean environments that do not expose them to ordinary bugs, thus reducing the effectiveness of their immune systems.

3 Insufficient use of Dettol and TCP on cuts and grazes immediately after the accident.

The "superbug" is not a threat to children, it's the cotton wool that Nanny and some over protective parents wrap the kids in that is the danger.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Let's Get Dirty

It seems that living in our sanitised and sterile Nanny cocoon is in fact rather bad for us.

There has, over the past 30 years or so, been a steady rise in the number of people claiming that they are allergic to all manner of things, from housemites to nuts.

Needless to say some of these claims are in fact hysterical BS, caused by the modern cultural fad for looking for reasons to excuse laziness, idleness, bad parenting and fussiness with food.

However, there has also been a rise in the number of people with genuine allergies.

Epidemiologists are theorising that the benefits of modern life, such as mains water supply, improved drainage and the greater cleanliness that is now de rigeur has caused us to become weaker when it comes to our responses to outside stimuli such as mites, animals, dust and nuts.

In Eastern Europe people continue to live in close proximity to animals, as such the incidence of the common forms of allergy remain low.

It seems we have become far too clean.

The irony being that the one area which should be 100% spotless, namely hospitals, Nanny has allowed to become absolutely filthy.

Funny that, isn't it?

Anyhoo, the lesson is clear; let's get dirty!

Prats of The Week

Well folks, it's that time again...time to award my coveted "Prat of The Week" award.

This time the award goes to the Trading Standards team of Dorset County Council (ah how refreshing, yet another local council making a fool of itself!).

So, what have they done to deserve this award?

Well the good old boys from the Trading Standards team were examining the Sgt Bub Bakery in Weymouth, which has been run by Val Temple for the last 30 years or so. The team unearthed a horrifying discovery, concerning the ingredients of some of Val's cakes.

What was that then Ken?

Did they contain poison?

No!

Were they made with GM products?

No! (and who gives a stuff anyway?)

Was the bakery dirty?

No!

It turns out that Vals' Paradise Slice didn't come from paradise, her Pig Tarts contained no pork and her Robin Tarts didn't contain any robins.

Yes, that's right, Val was accused of mislabelling the products and has to change the names of them.

So, let us be absolutely clear, the good old boys in Trading Standards were worried that people would be buying the products under the mistaken belief that they contained pigs, robins and a little bit of paradise.

How stupid do they think that we are?

What about Swiss rolls, shepherd's pies or baby's head puddings (the correct name for steak and kidney pudding) then?

Val is needless to say totally unimpressed with this.

Quote:

"It's a joke. It's an insult to the public.

Of course my cakes don't contain pig,

robin or come from paradise.

Where is paradise anyway?

It's absolutely ridiculous.

What's next - Shepherd's Pie?

Where will it all end?

You could apply it to everything.

It's so silly."

The Paradise Slice is made from a 120-year-old recipe and includes almonds, sultanas and cherries. The fact that people have eaten this slice for 120 years without any problems is of course irrelevant to Nanny's Trading Standards, the slice will now be called an "almond, fruit and nut" slice.

Val noted:

"The Trading Standards have been coming here

for the last 26 years and only this year

have they made this decision.

A woman officer came in and said they were

acting on a complaint over my labelling."

At this point I have to ask, what sad loser made the complaint in the first place? What kind of person has such an empty life that they make an effort to raise such a complaint?

Why did Dorset County Council waste tax payers' money on this fools errand?

A customer, James Marper, wryly observed:

"It's complete madness.

What are they going to ban next - spotted dick?

Who do these officials think they are?

Where has common sense gone?

Val should bake a "nutty as a fruitcake"

to mock the small-minded people who have

had the nerve to enforce these rules.

Tax payers are shelling out so much money

and to see it being paid to these

interfering idiots is extremely disheartening."

That is the reality of living in the Nanny state, small minded zealots are allowed to wield power over those of us who are capable of exercising common sense and who take responsibility for our own actions.

Ivan Hancock, Dorset County Council's Trading Standards manager, said:

"The fact is that food needs to be properly described

so that the consumer can tell what it is.

There is nothing wrong with using other names

but it must be accompanied by the true name of the food.

Consumers have the right to know what is in food."

The customer could of course just ask Val what is in the cake, surely???

Dorset County Council Trading Standards team, well deserving of the Prats of The Week award.

Feel free to drop them a note here tradingstandards@dorsetcc.gov.uk

Whilst we are on the subject, are there any other products that would upset the Trading Standards team (eg Spitfire Ale contains no spitfires)?

Nanny Bans, Then Unbans Pigs

Nanny is a tortured soul, she frets 24 hours a day about the offence that may be given to every single person living in Britain by even the most harmless of remark or action.

In Nanny's world it is always better, and easier, to ban something; lest it cause offence, rather than to allow freedom of speech and freedom of action.

Why?

In my view there are two main reasons for this approach:

1 Nanny fears freedom of thought and action, as of course they undermine her rule

2 Nanny is intellectually lazy and doesn't have the time or ability to justify "controversial" actions, therefore she takes the easy option and bans things.

Here is a particularly fine example of Nanny stupidity, concerning a simple school festival that turned into a battle between common sense and utter stupidity.

Honley Junior School in West Yorkshire was to perform the Roald Dahl story of Little Red Riding Hood and the three little pigs. However, Nanny didn't approve of this and instructed the school to substitute puppies for pigs.

Why?

Isn't it obvious?

Nanny decided that some of the Muslim children singing about pigs would be embarrassed.

Can anyone tell me, at what stage did Britain become an Islamic Kalifate?

Needless to say, there has been a right old hoo ha about this senseless decision, and Kirklees Council has stepped in and authorised the use of pigs in the show.

As ever with deranged decisions, the order to ban the pigs was made by a committee. You see folks in committees no one ever has to take responsibility for acts of utter stupidity, and as such the dimmest and most spiteful of people on the committee manage to get their views acted upon.

Gill Goodswen, who is one of the organisers of the Kirklees Primary Music festival behind the changes, said:

"We have to be sensitive if we want to be multi-cultural.

It was felt it would be more responsible

not to use the three little pigs."

She said the committee had to consider the feelings of children who would be singing along, not just the performers.

"We feared that some Muslim children wouldn't sing along

to the words about pigs.

We didn't want to take that risk.

If changing a few words avoids offence

then we will do so."

Feeble minded people like this, who don't stand up for common sense, allow bullies and extremists to pervert our way of life; she should be reomved from office...PERIOD!

Mohammed Imran, of the nearby Hanfia Mosque and Educational Institute, said that Islam does not ban the mentioning of pigs.

Philip Davies, the Conservative MP for Shipley, said:

"My view is that the people responsible for this

are completely bonkers. It is the type of political correctness

which makes people's blood boil.

As usual it is done in the name of ethnic minorities

but it is perpetrated by white, middle class,

do-gooders with a guilt complex

and far too much time on their hands."

Kirklees council education spokesman, Jim Dodds, stepped up to the mark (to his credit) and said the idea was bollocks:

"There is something barmy going on here

and it has happened on my watch.

I can tell you now that the three little pigs

will be back into the school musical festival.

The decision (to ban the pigs)

was made by well-meaning people -

it was the wrong decision,

so let's stick with the traditions."

Good for him!

The festival is due to take place in June.

Re "well meaning people", these people should not be allowed out on their own, they cause more trouble and division in society than enough; because they spend their lives looking for fault in everything around them they are sad losers, willing to do Nanny's dirty work.

Convince a little man that he is performing a great task for humanity, and he will walk through fire for you.

The Dangers of Fruit

Nanny's health and safety Gestapo have struck again.

This time the Gestapo have raided the hotel health club that I use. To save the embarrassment, for the moment, of the good people of the hotel in which the club is housed I will not give away their name. They run a good hotel, aside from this aberration, and have always looked after myself, family and friends very well.

Anyhoo, let me tell you what has happened.

The club has been in existence for a good few years now, and aside from the five years that I lived in Sweden I have been a member since around 1994. During this time there has always been a bowl of fresh fruit, in the reception area of the club, for consumption/scoffing by the members and hotel guests.

Can you guess what happened?

Yes, that's right, the health and safety Gestapo have decreed that the fruit presents a health and safety risk. Therefore it has been banned.

As far as I am aware, there have yet to be any fatalities in the club arising from the consumption of a contaminated piece of fruit. Maybe they are worried about a spot of polonium getting mixed up with it...who knows?

I would suggest that, at a pinch, apples and pears could be contaminated by dirty hands. However, bananas and oranges are safe; as no matter how dirty the skin, or the hands that touch the skin, no one will be eating the skin on these.

I would also ask how is it that supermarkets, farmers' markets and the French have managed to sell fruit (that is poked and prodded by dirty little hands) for countless years without a mass outbreak of corpses littering the street?

Suffice to say, I am not particularly hopeful about the prospects of the traditional mince pies and wine being laid out on the reception desk this Christmas (as has been the case each Christmas since I have been a member).

All very silly, and very unnecessary. I have sent the hotel a copy of this, and will let you know if they rethink this daft policy.

Nanny's Toilet Spies

Yesterday, being the anniversary of 9/11 and the attack on the Twin Towers, Nanny and her chums did their level best to remind us all that she is working for our benefit in trying to win the so called "war on terror" and ensuring that the "battle for civilisation" is won by the "good guys".

A cynic might argue that attacking Iraq, which was not responsible for the 9/11 slaughter, was a rather strange way to "protect us".

A cynic might also argue that a more effective means of lessening the chances of terrorist attack would be to allow the natural fissures and rivalries within Islam to be exposed from within, and for the extreme elements within the various factions (eg extremist Sunnis, extremist Shias etc) to fight it out amongst themselves and to kill each other, rather than for us to unite them by bombing civilian targets in the Middle East.

The most effective way for these fissures to be exposed, and for the "united" extremists to be thrown back to their natural state of trying to kill each other, would be for all of our troops to be removed from the Middle East and for us to stop buying oil from the Middle East.

However, what the fuck do I know?

Nanny has proven, by the fact that we all feel so much safer than we did a few years ago, that she really does know best.

On that note, she has been working hard to try to ensure that our flights are less likely to be blown up or highjacked.

By the way, I know that facts are something that Nanny really abhors, but do you realise that it has been at least 25 years since a British flight has been highjacked?

Maybe Nanny has been over reacting wrt her ever increasing security clampdowns?

Anyhoo, Nanny has decided that planes need CCTV and sound recording devices installed...yes Nanny really does have a fetish for CCTV!

Researchers in Britain and Europe are looking at technology that would introduce a network of microphones and cameras throughout aircraft, including the toilet, which would be linked to a computer.

This computer would be "trained" to pick up suspicious behaviour.

Precisely how a computer distinguishes between "ordinary" toilet activities, and suspicious toilet activities is beyond me. That being said, Catherine Neary of Bae Systems is very confident of the scheme's success. Bae is one of the British participants in a £24 million European Union project Safety of Aircraft in Future European Environment.

Ms Neary said:

"It would pick passengers who are behaving oddly or in an unruly manner.

They may appear nervous, or could be getting up while the plane is taxiing.

If someone looks as if they are praying,

the microphones would be able to tell if they were by picking up key words."

Adding:

"There are likely to be cameras and microphones in the toilet,

because that is where terrorists go to assemble bombs.

If people know they will be safer,

they will be happy to accept the sensors,

but we are considering the legal implications of this."

Oh yes, I can really see this working!

CCTV is all very well, but it is invariably used "post event" to catch/prosecute the criminal after he has done the dirty deed. Unless you have "real time" human observers monitoring the plane, who are able to intervene pre attack, then this system is worthless.

I also suspect that the Mile High Club may be a tad annoyed about this too, or maybe not?

I don't know about anyone else, but I for one will be closely inspecting the facilities and the bowl the next time I answer the call of nature.

Nanny Bans Dirty Weekends

Nanny has a bit of a hang up about sex, and really doesn't think that people should be doing it that often.

Therefore she has outlined plans to abolish the dirty weekend. Nanny will ban the use of aliases when checking in to hotels, this will mean the demise of Mr and Mrs Smith the ever so regular couple who stay in thousands of seaside hotels across Britain each weekend.

Nanny says that the abolition of aliases will help prevent rooms being used for the performing of sex acts for money.

Yeah right, that will work!

Nanny is also asking hotels to redesign interiors that cater for lewd and illicit acts. Changes include de-postering four-poster beds, the removal of "weekend kits" and ceiling mirrors.

Barmy!

Nanny's Doggy Database

Nanny, as we all know, loves to keep records; records of our movements, records of our TV ownership, records of car ownership, ID records now even records of our DNA are being built up.

However, as with all obsessive compulsives, Nanny is not yet fully satisfied. She has decided to diversify and expand her catalogue of records from not just mere humans, but to dogs as well.

Nanny's chums on the Isle of Man, her Commissioners no less, have decided to start a doggy database for dirty dogs.

Dirty dog owners who fail to clean up after their pooches will now face fines of up to £1000, as a result of DNA testing.

Nanny's Commissioners will conduct a DNA test on every pile of dog waste they find, and use it to track down the culprits.

Nice work if you can get it!

The suspect animal will have its DNA tested, and if the sample of dog excrement matches the hapless pooch, the owner could be fined.

Honest folks, this is not some late April Fool's joke!

The plan has been announced by council bosses in the Malew area, at the island's southern tip.

Commissioners' clerk Dave Barron said:

"I'm fed up with it.

We have tried being nice, putting up posters and talking to people.

Now we are going to take action

if we see anybody breaking a by-law.

But the problem is catching dogs in the act.

If residents want something done, I will do something.

I cannot prosecute without somebody telling me who, where and when.

There is DNA equipment that tests the poo and the dog and matches up the two.

We are not just sitting around waiting for a dog to foul the street.

We can take it further."

PC Faith Cooper, from Port Erin police station, said:

"It's a massive problem

You can't walk in a straight line."

Only in Britain!

The question is, will those animals who have had their DNA tested but were found to be innocent have their DNA records removed from the central database?

Humans who get tested don't have that right.

Hoisted By Her Own Petard

You will doubtless recall all the fuss that erupted when Anne Robinson described the Welsh as being "irritating and annoying".

Nanny's police in the province managed to burn their way through £4k investigating 12 complaints by people who felt that Anne had "broken the law".

You will also recall how I mused rather wistfully the other day, in my post about "Nanny's Dirty Diary", that Anne Robinson had been investigated for something far more trivial than Blairy's comments about the Welsh.

"Fucking Welsh" I believe he said, following on from the Welsh Assembly elections in 1999.

Surely far worse than "irritating and annoying"?

Well, guess what?

Some people have complained, and Nanny's police in North Wales are now going to investigate.

The North Wales Police are seeking the advice of the Crown Prosecution Service, money well spent!

Who lodged the complaint?

Well take your pick; a whole series of Welsh groups were annopyed at this "henious" breach of the law, including nationalist political party Plaid Cymru (Welsh for "Party of Wales") have said they would lodge complaints about the alleged comments.

This site wishes Nanny well in her "self examination".

Maybe she may now consider revsing some of her laws, in view of this absurd waste of time and money?

Nanny's Dirty Diary

Nanny's party conference, the modern day equivalent of the Nuremburg rally, is upon us once again.

It is now time to prick her inflated bubble of self congratulation; so "eloquently" espoused by John Despot, when he opened the conference by telling the delegates that they should all give each other a hug/handshake of congratulations for their "achievements".

Nauseating shit!

The best way to do this is from within, Lance Price (former deputy to Alastair Campbell) has given the media the ammunition to do just that.

Price has published a book, "The Spin Doctor's Diary", which gives a frank account of the tantrums and cynicism of Blairy's inner circle.

Amongst the goodies contained with in the book are the following:

• Blairy privately seemed to "relish" sending British forces to Iraq as his "first blooding", while publicly claiming he did it "with a heavy heart"; ie he is two faced.



• Blairy referred to the "f****** Welsh" when an election in the principality was going against Labour. Now correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't the police spend £4K investigating Anne Robinson for something far more trivial?



• Blairy made up policies on the hoof with his spin doctors, sometimes minutes before appearing on television.

Price also claims that the media was bullied, browbeaten and bribed with favours to report Labour favourably, and that the BBC reveals its questions in advance to Blair at press conferences in return for their reporters being chosen to ask their questions first.

I think we knew that anyway.

Price claims that the cabinet was often reduced to the role of bystanders, as Blair and his spin doctors made the big decisions.

Price also claims that two of Nanny's officials had sex on a sofa in Blairy's office in Labours Millbank HQ, as cabinet ministers celebrated their second election landslide victory yards away in 2001.

I hope it was "safe sex"!

According to Price, Blairy also has admitted that private schools "give kids a much better education"; and that he wants to privatise parts of the NHS.

As one senior politician in Germany in the early thirties remarked:

"The gangsters are now running the country".