Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Nanny's Special Gestapo

Nanny's Special GestapoI know that many of you cynics, living out there in Nanny's Britain, believe that local councils are a waste of space.

Councils, in your cynical view, are staffed by inefficient jobsworths whose only goal is to stifle individual creativity and freedom by imposing layer upon layer of bureaucratic rules upon us.

Folks, that simply isn't true!

Nanny is ensuring that our beloved and respected local councils will serve us even better in the future, by spending around £30M on special training for council operatives.

What will these operatives do Ken, I hear you ask?

Will they be trained to provide us with better services?

Will they be trained in customer care?

Will better quality people be hired?


Nanny will in fact use this money to train a whole new branch of her anti smoking Gestapo.

Smoking, aside from fat people and...errr..thin people, is one of Nanny's pet hates.

Therefore she is training a specially selected group of local council Gestapo, to spy on those of us who indulge in a quiet fag (cigarette for my American readers) in forbidden areas.

Thousands of "respected" council staff are being trained, as I write, to police the smoking ban in bars, restaurants and shops in England.

Nanny is paying £30M to train her Gestapo to give on-the-spot £50 fines to individuals, and take court action against premises.

Nanny's Gestapo will have the power to enter premises undercover, allowing them to sit among drinkers, and will even be able to photograph and film people.

Nanny's Gestapo will become fully active on 1 July. They will patrol virtually all enclosed public places including offices, factories, pubs and bars.

Business owners will be liable for £200 fines if proper signs are not displayed and, potentially, fines of £2,500 if they refuse to enforce the ban.

Our beloved and respected local authorities have been given the power to enforce the ban, so it does not consume police time. As we know, the police have their hands full arresting people for building snow penises.

Nanny's Gestapo will initially consist of an army of 1200 jobsworth busybodies, with nothing better to do than to stick their noses into other people's business.

Ian Gray, policy officer for the Chartered Institute of Environmental Health and chief trainer for the government course, said:

"..there will be some occasions where action has to be taken

and I am sure the compliance officers will not shy away from that

The battle lines between the state and the people are being drawn, time to man the barricades!

Gray added, chillingly (drop him an email

"These officers do not have to identify themselves

when they go into premises and

they can even film and photograph people

to gather evidence although this may not be appropriate in many cases.

There will be two ways of doing this,

either staff can go in and identify themselves to the landlord,

but they don't have to

Those of you who don't believe that we are living in a police state should wake up bloody fast. Once these Gestapo are on the streets, they will be used for more than just anti smoking spying.

"In Germany they came first for the Communists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a Jew.
Then they came for the trade unionists,
and I didn't speak up because I wasn't a trade unionist.
The they came for the Catholics,
and I didn't speak up because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me,
and by that time no one was left to speak up

Martin Niemoeller

Let us try to create the ideal job description for a member of Nanny's new Gestapo. I will start the ball rolling:

-Sexually inadequate
-Uniform fetish

Please add to the list.


  1. Anonymous10:41 AM

    This article is Thoughtcrime. Consign it to the nearest memory hole and report to MiniLuv.

  2. Anonymous11:04 AM

    More job qualifications:

    Control freak
    Obsessive self-image as cross between James Bond and Torquemada

  3. I wonder if these people know that Mr H. Himmler snuffed it years ago and will not be able to provide job references.

    Still, I'm sure they won't let a minor inconvenience like that stop them so, maybe the job description should have the line:

    "Previous experience of rounding up enemies of the state essential. Ex SS, KGB or NKVD staff welcome."

  4. Anonymous11:31 AM

    Not sure about the Uniform fetish (Uniformity, yes, but that's another article.)

    Not very incognito to wander around in a uniform, though I suspect that uniform wearing enforcement should be part of the law.

    Mind you what is more dangerous? Wandering around in a Uniform or going undercover and being thought of more accurately as a devious spy?

    It is astonishing what lengths the current policy makers are prepared to go to, across the board it seems, to force people to change their habits utterly (rather than adapt to new ways of dealing equitably with alleged problems).

    Almost all percieved 'matters of importance' seem to skiping the mutually acceptable adaptation route and going straight direct change and enforcement.

    Maybe I can begin to understadn why the Anthropogenic Global Warming promoters reject the suggestions that adaptation might be a more sensible thing to consider. They have already worked out the Nanny and her world spread cohorts are not about change direction on command and control policies and adaptation does not normally fit neatly into micro-management from afar. So no point in wasting time considering it.

  5. Job Qualifications:

    Tendency to scrutinize at length and with mounting disgust their own facial characteristics in a mirror

    Tendency to scrutinize crusty or gooey objects retreived from their nostrils, particuarly when alone, which they almost always are

    Tendency to lament Hitler's suicide as as tragic case of misunderstood genius

    Tendency to spend long nights alone gazing out the window at imagined spies and enemies

    Tendency to blame malign social forces for their inhumanely prolonged virginity

    Tendency toward repeated viewing of Star Trek episodes, with special sympathy for and identification with "Klingons"

    Tendency to masturbate while viewing Star Trek episodes, particularly during scenes in which female Klingons make an appearance

    Tendency to inhabit dimly lit basement apartments which they euphemstically referred to as "bunkers"

    Tendency to view human beings as an inferior species in need of extermination

  6. Anonymous12:58 PM

    Nanny's Anthem, by the Police obviously.

    Every drag you take
    Every move you make
    Every bond you break
    Every step you take
    Ill be watching you

    Every single day
    Every word you say
    Every game you play
    Every night you stay
    Ill be watching you

    Oh, cant you see
    You belong to me

  7. Anonymous2:34 PM

    I'm just waiting to hear of one of these Smoke-Spies being punched on the nose when someone believes they are filming his girlfiend. Because they don't identify themselves or wear a uniform they may be mistaken for a perv. Oh dear, what a shame, never mind.

  8. Anonymous3:55 PM

    Hmmm... I seem to remember reading on this site not long ago about a copper stating that taking photos without permission was pretty good justification for giving someone a punch up the bracket...

    However, I'm a white, straight, white-collar, law-abiding, middle-class smoking, driving male who doesn't belong to an armed militia pressure group. I'm practically a walking offence as it is. Not worth the risk...

  9. Anonymous8:30 PM

    Unfortunately, instead of the bloody revolution this sort of crap OUGHT to generate, we will hear the usual outbreak of wankers saying "...if you've got nothing to hide, then you've got nothing to fear."
    Job qualifications for these scum?
    The conviction that God (or Marx) has chosen them to enlighten those poor benighted souls who have so far failed to recognise them as the superıor beings they believe themselves to be.
    Unfortunately, as a heavily smoking, old-style Tory with a low tolerance threshold against smarmy little bastards brandishing their authoritarian little badges, it seems that I can never come back home again: I wish I thought that the NuTories would change things.

  10. Anonymous8:21 AM

    Got nothing to fear? What if you're a photophobe? could you make a case for mental torture if some idiot from the council tries to take your photograph?

  11. Punch on the nose? When there are so many shiny knives out there.

  12. Anonymous4:26 PM

    These people are the sort of geeks who sat at the front of your class at school, werre made to do everyone eleses homework and always came last on Sports Day.

    They are now taking their revenge......

  13. Anonymous11:38 PM

    did I get banned?

  14. Anonymous9:48 AM

    Don't believe all you read - I'm in local government, and we ain't heard anything of this training - so it ain't happening "as we speak"

    That said, apart from one or two personal insults, I agree with the majority take on the ISSUE. Do you think I can be arsed to send my people out just to catch a smoker or two?

    Oh, and by the way, whose frigging idea was it, anyway? Yep, your very own HMG. We aint ALL jobsworths

  15. Anonymous2:16 PM

    Anonymous (of the parasitic local government kind) said: "Do you think I can be arsed to send my people out just to catch a smoker or two?" My people, my people? You pretentious little taxpayer funded twat. They are our people and most of them we don't effing want. No person with any self respect works for the Nanny regime, living off the hard work of decent folk. Get yourself a proper job.

  16. Anonymous5:41 PM

    Docbud, if you took the time to read what was said, you might be a little less rude.

    And, I'm not a parasite, any more than you are, probably.

    Your ignorant raving shows you know nothing about the workings of local government - like it or not, it's here to stay - anyway, enough from me, thanks for the welcome, shan't be back to be insulted by lowlifes like you

  17. Anonymous1:06 AM

    Anonymous the Parasite:

    .."like it or not, it's here to stay -.."

    And that statement justifies you being a blood-sucking parasite?

  18. Anonymous12:59 PM

    Sounds like money for nothing - where do I sign up?

    Are they going to pay people to go out and check up on the checkers?? They would be the real scum!

  19. Anonymous1:01 PM

    where do you stand if you don't light up? Is there an offence of "teasing the checkers"?

  20. Anonymous10:54 PM

    Back again, against my better judgement!

    Probably you only come out with such vile abuse because you were turned down by your local council. Oh dear, what a pity, couldn't even get a job at the local council!!

    He who laughs last...who's paying for YOUR pension?

    Who's the twat, now ?

    Oh, and what this got to do with the smoking ban?

  21. Anonymous2:09 AM

    Nanny's Flunky,

    You really are a poisonous little facist, arent you?

    Who is paying my pension? I am, you brain dead fuckwit.

    You think you are doing me a favor by "giving" me my own money?

    ..'Oh dear, what a pity, couldn't even get a job at the local council!!..."

    Like anyone with an IQ above room temperature would work for nanny and her gestapo.

    The rest of us in the Real World actually WORK for our living.

    You and your minions are a disgrace to the Civilized World.

    A pox upon you and your colleagues.

    Simon The Horrible.

  22. Anonymous3:01 PM

    "Are they going to pay people to go out and check up on the checkers??"

    Quis custodes ipsos custodiet? (Who shall guard the guardians themselves?)