Nanny Bans Billy The Trumpet

My thanks to a loyal reader who has pointed out that Nanny's chums from Nottinghamshire have banned the Barmy Army trumpeter, Billy Cooper, from the first Investec Test at Trent Bridge.

The England side are appealing for a relaxation of the ban, as they consider him "the unspoken 12th man."

Nottinghamshire justify the ban on the basis of their blanket ban on musical instruments, which is stated on match tickets and, that being so, they could face requests for refunds from supporters who object to Cooper's playlist. 

However, espncricinfo note that the ECB is thought to have some sympathy with Cooper's commitment to England's cause and respect for his professional playing ability.

One compromise suggested is that Billy The Trumpet plays from the balcony of the Trent Bridge Inn behind the ground, something which Nottinghamshire could not control, or even an official guest spot during an interval. 

Views ladies and gentlemen?

 

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Ker Farking Ching! - Making Death Pay

As the old saying goes "the only certainty in life is death and taxes".

Kudos therefore to Nanny for finding a way of taxing even the dead, as per this story that was pointed out to me by a loyal reader.

Around 40 people attending a funeral service were somewhat "underwhelmed" when a traffic warden placed a parking ticket onto a funeral limousine outside St Saviours Church on Lewisham High Street.

The Sun claims that, when confronted, the traffic warden said:

“I am doing my job.”

Ah yes, that rather familiar refrain!

Funeral Director Nicki Dunphy said:

“Everyone is outraged. 

She brazenly put the ticket on the car when the family hadn’t even gone into the church. 

We, and other funeral directors, have to stop to unload coffins and to let grieving families exit the cars. 

There are funerals every week at St Saviours Church and dozens of other churches all over the borough and I’ve never heard of this happening before. 

People expect a bit of respect - this isn’t just a public car.”

Unsurprisingly, following a hoo hah, Nanny's chums from Lewisham council have since apologised:

“We apologise for any distress the issuing of this parking ticket has caused. 

Funeral hearses and limousines are exempt from parking restrictions and the Penalty Charge Notice should not have been issued. It has now been withdrawn.”

Proof positive that Nanny will try every trick in the book to raise money from her "loyal" subjects!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Dimwits

As loyal readers are only too well aware, living in the Nanny state has eroded people's ability to think for themselves and has destroyed commonsense.

A particularly striking example of this was reported by The Sun, concerning Gary Swift's recent visit to ATOS Healthcare which was assessing his claim for an employment and support allowance.

Mr Swift has lost his right arm from below the elbow.

Seemingly, if the report is accurate, the interviewer asked:

“Do you expect your condition to improve? 

Do you expect your arm to grow back within the next two years.”

Mr Swift reportedly replied:

"Well it’s not grown back in the last 30 years, so I can’t see it happening over the next two.”

ATOS Healthcare are quoted:

“That question would never be asked. Staff carrying out the assessment are trained doctors, nurses and physiotherapists.”

Mr Swift claims that he was later sent on a job seekers’ gardening course, and given a spade.

The above story is quite bizarre if it is true!

In the event that this story is BS, then it serves to highlight how people's ethics have been eroded by a state that proactively seeks to take away our self responsibility for running our own lives.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Swindon Borough Council

Ooh err missus, it has been quite a wee while since I have awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, Prats of The Week Award.

Therefore, without further ado, I am happy to award it to Swindon Borough Council.

For why?

Well now let me tell you a story.

Just off Newall Street in Swindon there is a very narrow alleyway, that is far too narrow for cars to pass through.

Some weeks ago, for reasons that were never clearly explained, Swindon Borough Council (or rather one of its contractors) painted double yellow lines on both sides of the alleyway (leaving a gap of 13 inches between the lines).

Suffice to say, no one was impressed and the council at the time said that the lines were a "temporary measure" and would in time burnt off.

Anyhoo, it now transpires that instead of burning them off the council has had them painted black.

Why not just save time and money and leave them there?

Ahah Nanny's chums from the council have an answer.

As per the BBC, a council spokesman said that they had been removed as the council wanted drivers to know that double yellow lines "are there for good reason and are capable of being enforced".

"These particular lines didn't get close to meeting either criteria.

The lines will be burnt off, but in the meantime they have been painted over as a temporary measure."

He added that the contractor had agreed to meet the cost and the council would "not be paying for the painting of the lines or for their removal".

What a remarkable waste of time and money (don't be deceived, somehow or other the cost of this will end up being charged to the local taxpayer).

Swindon Borough Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Give Nanny An Inch

Give Nanny an inch, and she will take a mile.

Such was the case for Andrew Wilson, a window cleaner from Lincol, who recently had the misfortune of parking his van in his own driveway in such a manner that one inch of it overhung the yellow lines of his street.

Needless to say a traffic warden duly appeared and presented him with a £70 fine.

The van was parked near the end of the driveway because of building work going on at a neighbour's property.

Mr Wilson is quoted by the Mail of accusing Lincolnshire County Council of 'milking people of every penny':

"It's a £70 fine but if you pay it in 14 days then it's £35. 

I'm not going to pay it. 

I've appealed against it and sent the photos I took. 

I have been living here for three and a half years and the yellow lines have always been there but I've never had a problem. 

'After 6pm you don't need a permit so the traffic wardens are always down there at like 5.30pm trying to catch people out.  I've seen them scraping the ice off trying to look for permits. 

'It is just stupid. It is milking us for every penny we have. It is disgusting."

The council will investigate and cancel the ticket, if they find it has been issued in error.

We shall see!


Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Bin Brother - The Wrong Box

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me in the direction of the knobheadery practised by Hertsmere Borough council, wrt recycling.

According to the Borehamwood Times, Paul Pritchard recently put an empty Thornton's chocolate box in his brown recycling box.

Big mistake!

For you see children, Nanny doesn't want cardboard placed in the brown box.

As we all know, it should have been placed in the GREEN BOX!

Mr Pritchard was duly punished by Nanny for his environmental "crime".

His punishment?

Nanny refused to empty the brown box.

Nanny is unrepentant, a jobsworth from Hertsmere council said:

"It was not emptied because the cardboard was put in the wrong bin. This is a resident error because it should go in the green bin. 

We do not take out contaminated items left on the top of a bin – because it is likely there is more underneath, either deliberately or by mistake. 

We work hard to educate people about what can and cannot go in different bins and regularly send out information about on it."

- "Resident error"!

- "Educate people"!

Pah!

A true jobsworth attitude if ever I read one!

Odd though, because I was under the impression that the taxpayers pay the wage bills of the council; as such aren't they meant to work for us?

Councils are the enemies of the people!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

HSE Bans Everything

My thanks to a loyal reader who recently pointed me to a Health and Safety fracas involving Nanny's Health and safety Executive (HSE) and AgChemAccess (an agrochemical company that imports products into the UK for global distribution).

AgChemAccess is suing the HSE for £2M,  for issuing "illegal" enforcement notices that stopped the company trading agrochemicals for two months and nearly forced the company out of business.

Farmers Weekly reports that the HSE brought the Norwich company's international agrochemical trade to a standstill for two months this summer, after it wrongly ordered movement restrictions on the whole of its UK-held stock.

An HSE investigator, who inspected third-party warehouses holding stock belonging to AgChemAccess, issued the company with a series of enforcement notices on 11 July. He believed the company was breaching safety regulations, and enforced a two-month movement ban on its UK-held stock.

However, on 29 August, following successful judicial review proceedings, the inspector accepted that he had no reasonable grounds to issue the enforcement notices and these were quashed.

Nicholas Gooch, director of AgChemAccess, said:

"The HSE did not engage with us in any way to try to resolve the problem.

They just simply put a blanket on us."

As loyal readers know, Nanny's obsession with one size fits all and a jobsworth attitude to regulations is a very dangerous combination.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny's Appetite For Life

"Kudos" to Nanny's chums in Cardiff council for recently creating a temporary in house job (note the job is only available to employees of Cardiff council - why?), the sole purpose of which seems to be to encourage children to eat more school meals.

When I was a lad, my fellow pupils and I would stuff our faces (no boiled cabbage though); there was absolutely no need for us to be encouraged to eat!

Why does the council wish kids to eat more school meals, given that school meals have been given a drubbing by the likes of Jamie Oliver et al over the last few years?

Aren't many school meals, generally, the same reheated shite that people serve at home anyway?

Appetite For Life Co-ordinator

ED50126358
Job Category: Catering/Cleaning/Caretaking
Contract type: Temporary
Working hours: Full Time
Department: Education
Grade: Grade 6
Salary: £22,221 - £26,276
Closing date: 17/08/2012

This vacancy is only available to employees of Cardiff Council including Cardiffworks and Agency Workers currently engaged with the Council.

A unique opportunity has arisen for the post of Appetite for Life Coordinator, on a 12 month secondment, to work with Cardiff Catering, the Council’s in-house Education Catering service.

The successful applicant will be required to coordinate the implementation of the Appetite for Life Food and Drink Standards in schools across Cardiff and to develop initiatives to encourage the uptake of school meals through links with schools, parents, children and local health groups. The post holder will represent Cardiff on various related groups and promote partnership working.

You will need to have a sound catering and/or nutrition background with relevant skills, qualifications and experience of working within schools. You will report to the Catering Services Manager and work within a team of professionals in this forward thinking and award winning service group.

You should enjoy the interaction with children and young people and have a mature and robust personality. Candidates should possess a full valid driving license.

This post is subject to a Criminal Records Bureau Enhanced check.

This post is temporary up to August 2013.

Internal candidates who wish to apply for this position on a secondment basis must obtain approval prior to application using Form SEC1 (4.C.081). Requests may only be approved by the relevant Chief Officer or senior nominated officer graded no lower than OM2 or in the case of schools based staff the Headteacher / Governing Body.

This post is suitable for job share.

We welcome applications in both English and Welsh.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Jeff Ellis and Associates

Ooh err missus, it has been a very long time since I awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, Prats of The Week award.

This week, in keeping with the fact it is internationally renowned, I am awarding it to Jeff Ellis and Associates of Florida.

Whom are they?

They provide lifeguard services.

For why am I awarding them this?

Just ask Tomas Lopez, one of their (now ex) lifeguards.

Mr Lopez was patrolling part of Hallandale Beach north of Miami, when he was told that a swimmer was in trouble in an unguarded area of the beach.

He is quoted by the BBC:

"I wasn't going to say no." 

He went to the man's rescue.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, he was fired!

For why?

His company claims that he had broken company rules and could have put other swimmers at risk. Susan Ellis of lifeguard provider Jeff Ellis and Associates told the South Florida Sun-Sentinel:

"We have liability issues and can't go out of the protected area."

She added that the stretch of Hallandale Beach that Mr Lopez was supposed to be patrolling on Monday was being protected by other lifeguards who were on the phone to emergency operators at the time.

Be that as it may, Mr Lopez and an off-duty nurse then helped the man until paramedics arrived to take him to hospital.

Two colleagues have quit in protest!

Jeff Ellis and Associates, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Poole Council

My goodness me, it has been quite some time since I have awarded my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Award. Therefore, without further ado, I name Poole Council (regularly featured on this site)as this week's honoured recipients.

For why?

Just ask Roy Farnham, a 67 year old scout leader, who recently made the heinous mistake of using his initiative and did something proactive without first asking the council.

Mr Farnham's scout hut (First Lilliput Sea Scouts in Poole) is at the end of a potholed ridden lane/bridle-way.

Fearing that someone might injure themselves if they fell into a pothole, Mr Farnham took it upon himself to fill in the (5ft wide - 18 inches deep) holes with hard-core.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, Poole council threatened him with a fine for fly tipping!

Was that not a tad "aggressive" and "jobsworthy" of them to use the fly tipping law against him? The council claim that the hard-core is not the correct substance to use, then why not give him the correct substance?

For good measure they also told him that if anyone fell over on his hard-core, then he faced the risk of being sued.

Will the council repair the bridal-way then?

Errmmm..no.

For why?

It would cost £150K, and they are under no legal obligation to repair bridal-ways!

Now, the council is of course correct that if someone fell over on Mr Farnham's repairs (given how we are so happy to sue each other these days) he does indeed face the risk of being sued. However, if they won't repair it and they won't let Mr Farnham repair it or give him the correct filing to make the repairs, what happens next?

Poole council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Daffodils

Spring has sprung, the trees are budding, the sap is rising and the daffodils are growing in all parts of the septic isle, aside from Tendring that is.

For why?

Just ask Robert Blyth, who owns a farm in Ardleigh.

Mr Blyth has been required by Nanny's chums from Tendring District council to submit a seven-page document for permission to plant "a seasonal display of flowers" (daffodils) at his farm.

This being a council that he is dealing with, he will have to wait weeks before a decisions is made; by then the flowers will have withered and died.

Were he to go ahead and allow the daffodils to bloom without asking for permission, the council would have fined him £2,500.

Ker Farking Ching!

(Actually Nanny already has form with daffodils, in 2005 Strood civic centre banned them for being "politically biased").

Anyhoo, Tendring District Council claim that the 13,000 bulb display (which spells out the name of the farm's weekly boot sale) is an advertisement, and therefore needs to be approved.

That is a bit rich, given that the council have such a display showing the council logo on Clacton seafront!

So what happens if the permission is refused?

The plants will have died by then anyway!

Hypocritical, idiotic jobsworths!

Councils are the enemies of the people!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats Of The Week - South Gloucestershire Council

Another Monday morning crashes down upon us, with the depressing inevitability of an unloved season!

Therefore what better occasion for me to award another of my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Awards.

This week it goes to South Gloucestershire Council.

For why?

Just ask Christine Hudson, who recently erected (may I say "erected"?) a 12" wooden panel/fence for her fuchsias.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, she received a visit from a council planning inspector.

For why?

The 12" erection was deemed to be an 'unauthorised development'.

At this point one would ask what sad bastard, who clearly needs a life, reported her to the council in the first place?

Anyhoo, aside from sad bastard (seemingly a neighbour who didn't like it), South Gloucestershire Council informed Mrs Hudson by letter that she needed planning permission for the erection. In the event that Mrs Hudson did not apply for retrospective permission, she would be forced to de-erect the fence.

Mrs Hudson, quite rightly, refused and tore the letter up.

Unsurprisingly, now that the media have kicked up a fuss, South Gloucestershire Council has now retracted its request for retrospective planning permission.

Councils are the enemy of the people!

South Gloucestershire Council, well deserving Prats of The Week.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - York Council

My golly gosh, 'tis a Monday morning and therefore time once again to award my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to York council, and the jobsworths in their "fence erection" (can I say "erection"?) department.

New fencing (costing £6K) was erected on playing fields in Heworth.

However, there was one tiny glitch.

Using the picture above, from the BBC website, can you spot what the glitch was children?

Yes, that's right, the people erecting the fencing followed plans to the letter and put the fencing up through the middle of some football goalposts.

York council and related jobsworths, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Ker Farking Ching!

Nanny has yet again shown her true colours wrt her petty mindedness and jobsworth attitude towards her subjects. Ian Norfolk made the mistake of trying to park his car in Hull some 14 months ago, that was the start of a very sorry tale indeed.

When Mr Norfolk parked his car (perfectly legally) he bought a parking ticket, and went to visit his mum. On his return imagine his surprise to see that, despite the fact the parking ticket had one hour left to run, a traffic warden was in the process of issuing him a ticket.

Ker Farking Ching!

Mr Norfolk explained to the warden that he still had an hour left, the warden agreed and admitted that she had made a mistake.

Problem sorted?

Ermmm...no, not quite!

In Nanny's world nothing is ever so simple; because the warden had officially issued the ticket, the warden told Mr Norfolk he would have to appeal.

Some 14 months on, having taken on Hull City Council and endured threats from bailiffs (who extorted £434.36 from Mr Norfolk and pushed him into mortgage arrears), he has finally managed to get the council to admit that they were wrong and have offered to pay a refund.

Councils have become the enemy of the people!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Bin Brother - Sticky Grass

I was intrigued to read that Coventry council binmen recently refused to collect Alexander Neilson's (a disabled pensioner) grass cuttings from his recycling bin.

For why?

Seemingly the cuttings were "too sticky"!

Apparently sticky grass sticks to the base of the bin, or some such nonsense, and loosening wedged/stuck material is not in their job description.

This story shows that we all have a very bleak future indeed, under Nanny's "care", as we become older.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny's Non Jobs

Given that as a nation we are skint (total debt is around £4.8 Trillion), it is depressing to read that since last May (when the coalition stumbled into power) 4,000 new posts have been created by local councils.

Such "vital" new roles include; "woodfuel development officer", "new media staff" and "healthy workplace coordinators".

Also included in the new roles are "life skills" experts, who teach members of the public basic tasks such as ironing.

Coming soon:

- "Wipe my arse" specialists!

This is of course completely potty.

Councils are deliberately ignoring the necessity to cut back (aside from cuts that they know will hurt the coalition), and have lost any sense of responsibility that they may once have had.

Councils have become the enemy of people!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Councils Are The Enemy of The People II

Yesterday I wrote:

"..Sprowston Parish Council is of the view that the £20 gifts represent a potential breach of the Bribery Act 2010 (intended to prevent corruption in foreign business deals involving UK firms).

The parish council deem these gifts to be a breach of that Act, even though Kenneth Clarke, the Justice Secretary, insisted the other week that the Act would not prevent businessmen and women from giving one another corporate hospitality such as days out watching rugby at Twickenham.

Sprowston Parish Council (who clearly believe that they know the law better than the Justice Secretary) are unmoved:

'Whilst the good intentions of some clubs to reward our staff for their work is appreciated, with the introduction of the Bribery Act 2010 it's requested that this practice ceases at it places the employee in a difficult position. I'm sure you will understand and respect this.'..."

I am gemused to read that the Ministry of Justice have now officially confirmed that:

"A Christmas tip for grounds staff would not constitute a bribe."

As said, anyone with half a brain could have told the council that.

Councils are the enemy of the people!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Councils Are The Enemy of The People

It never ceases to amaze me how brain dead our local councils have become over the years.

The members of Sprowston Recreation Ground Bowls Club (Norwich) found this out for themselves recently when they fell foul of Sprowston Parish Council, their local parish council.

The bowls club has, for many years, given staff £20 in cash or vouchers at Christmas to thank them for their efforts.

Fair enough?

Not if you are Sprowston Parish Council.

For you see loyal readers, Sprowston Parish Council is of the view that the £20 gifts represent a potential breach of the Bribery Act 2010 (intended to prevent corruption in foreign business deals involving UK firms).

The parish council deem these gifts to be a breach of that Act, even though Kenneth Clarke, the Justice Secretary, insisted the other week that the Act would not prevent businessmen and women from giving one another corporate hospitality such as days out watching rugby at Twickenham.

Sprowston Parish Council (who clearly believe that they know the law better than the Justice Secretary) are unmoved:

"Whilst the good intentions of some clubs to reward our staff for their work is appreciated, with the introduction of the Bribery Act 2010 it's requested that this practice ceases at it places the employee in a difficult position. I'm sure you will understand and respect this."

Anyone with half a brain can see that gifts of £20 are not in the same category as bribes to dodgy foreign governments and businessmen. However, as has been seen many times on this site, councils and certain "jobsworths" do not have half a brain.

Councils do not operate by commonsense, instead they believe in the unattainable mantra of "zero risk". Nothing that even hints of risk to the individual or council can be allowed to happen, therefore they "play safe" (without bothering to understand the law or practice commonsense) and ban everything.

Councils have become the enemy of the people, and should be treated with the same contempt as one would treat a rabid dog!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Office Shagging Banned

I was more than a little wryly gemused to read a while ago that Nanny's chums from Fenland District Council's HR department had taken it upon themselves to try to interfere in that most natural of human passtimes, shagging.

The busybodies from HR had got their collective knickers in a twist over council workers having relationships with other council workers.

As such, if you are a hapless member of staff of this sad little council you might have soon been required to apply in writing for permission to shag a fellow member of staff!

This idiotic policy ('Draft People Policy: Relationships at Work') was drawn up by Ms Sam Anthony, the council's head of human resources and organisational development.

HR, now there's a function that adds fark all value to many organisations!

"Intimate behaviour during work time is not acceptable, and this applies during all working time (not flexed off time), both on and off council sites. Any breach of this could be regarded as a disciplinary offence (potentially gross misconduct) leading to disciplinary action."

HR clearly feels it hasn't enough to do, which is probably the case!

The data collected by the busybodies of HR would have been stored on the personnel files of the employees concerned!

Anyhoo, unsurprisingly, this daft idea created a furore and the council mid January duly told Ms Anthony that it was bollocks and rejected it.

I guess she will have to find some other way to justify her role in the council?

Just as well she was never my Personnel Manager when I was a lad, there would have been quite a thick file on me:)

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Health and Safety - Heavy Handed Jobsworths

I see that yet another bunch of Nanny's jobsworths have been "laying down the law" wrt health and safety issues.

This time the health and safety Gestapo have goose stepped their way to Bucknell village railway station, which for several decades has been garnished with flowers etc by members of the Bucknell Women's Institute.

Despite the fact that no one has ever had an accident tending the floral displays, Nanny's chums from Network Rail have now decreed that the WI's actions are contrary to health and safety regulations. Network Rail have ordered that the ladies stop their activities until they complete a risk assessment, arrange insurance and sign a five-page licence restricting their activities.

They will also need to have safety training.

Is this Victoria station?

Ermmm...no...a "staggering" 8 trains a day use the station, at a mind blistering 2mph.

Word on the street has it that when representatives of Network Rail confronted the ladies at the station, the manner of the representatives was not that "polite".

Bully boy tactics from failing state enterprises are not what we expect from our brave new "big society".

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries