Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Nanny Bans Goggles - A Grimm Tale

Nanny Bans Goggles - A Grimm TaleNanny's swimming police have been on patrol again. This time they have decided that Roland Grimm, a man who has swum (or is it swam?) in more swimming pools than I've had gin and tonics (and that's saying something!), is inappropriately dressed.

His crime?

Goggles to you!

He has a special set of goggles that stops water going up his nose, with a single eye piece which does not press against his face.

The Health and Safety Gestapo at his leisure centre in Swiss Cottage (where he has swum/swam for 30 years) have banned his goggles.

Centre manager Gary Dark said:

"Non-shatterproof panels in enclosed environments can cause facial injury on impact with pool surfaces or other bathers and may pose a further hazard in relation to broken glass remaining on the pool floor.

Full face masks that cover the nose can also cause breathing difficulties if water is swallowed and may restrict vision which can cause an accident

One small point, it seems that the goggles are not glass but plastic. Isn't this ban a wee bit excessive?

I know that there are a number of regulars here who are keen swimmers, what's your take on this?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store. is brought to you by "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries


  1. Anonymous10:58 AM

    He swims. He swam. He has swum.

    I haven’t Googled it but I’m 99.9% sure there’s such a word as ‘swum’ for use with the perfect tense, although it wouldn’t be a surprise to find that Americans / Canadians don’t use it. They had a major overhaul of their English long ago and threw out many of the weird irregular verbs we use. Something that’s being called for again in this country. So keep swimming and swumming while you still can before they’re changed to:

    He swims. He swimmed. He has swimmed.

    Therein ends my grammatical contribution to this site on the basis of: ‘get out while you’re on top in case the questions grow progressively more difficult with each passing week’.

  2. Anonymous12:12 PM

    I'd love to see someone stand up to Nanny and tell her to go screw.

    No such luck, though.

  3. Anonymous12:50 PM

    Well why dont you?

    Seems people are always complaining that noone else is complaining.

  4. Sorry to disabuse you of your notion, but in the States we retain "swim, swam, swum," or at least we're supposed to. It's all part of our nefarious plot to keep the language arbitrary enough to frustrate the foreigners.

    By the way, I thought Nanny only disapproved of beer goggles.

  5. Anonymous7:56 PM

    I'm a very keen swimmer myself and I have to say this really is news to me.

    I wear goggles and so do COUNTLESS others at the pool I go swimming at.

    This is just barking mad....

  6. Anonymous9:21 PM

    Anon #2

    I don't live in the place formerly known as Great Britain. I visit there often in business.

    Believe me, If one of nanny's flunkies started up anything with me I would certainly tell them to go screw and show you how it's done.

  7. Anonymous8:18 AM

    Wonder how many 'accidents' resulting in injury there have been in the years that Mr G has been using his goggles. I'd hazard the guess - none. But, of course, 'there's always a first time' and 'you can't be too careful' are Nanny's watchwords of today.

    I was surprised by the reason for banning the offending goggles - I was expecting them to be banned on the grounds of them 'scaring the children' (visions of Mr G as a sort of aquatic Hannibal Lecter!).


  8. Anonymous12:43 AM

    Isn't nanny's flunky named Mr Dork?
    (You incorrectedly called him Mr Dark.)