Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Prats of The Week - Nanny Bans White Hard Hats

Prats of The Week - Nanny Bans White Hard HatsTis a grey and chilly Monday morning, still some hours to go before the first tincture of the day. Thus it is time to award my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week the judging panel were unanimous in their decision and can state, unequivocally and without any hesitation, that the award should go to Network Rail.

For why? I hear you ejaculate.

Aside from the obvious reason that our rail network is a shambles; Network Rail have ordered workers from Miller Construction, currently engaged on the Union Square mall (Aberdeen), to down tools.

The workers were, by all accounts, wearing the wrong colour of hard hats. They were wearing white, when in fact they should be blue.

Part of the construction is nearby a rail line from Aberdeen station, and Network Rail insist that white hats should be worn by people working near rail lines who have track safety certificates. Workers without the certificate should wear blue ones.

All very well, but at the end of the day a hard hat is a hard hat. Its purpose is to protect the wearer's bonce from injury; whether it is blue or white is irrelevant.

Even Nanny's Health and Safety Executive confirmed that there was no legislation relating to the colour of safety helmets.

A spokesman said:

"We don't care if they are blue, white or even pink as long as they meet safety requirements and people don't get brained when something falls on them."

One worker put it more bluntly:

"It is a load of bloody nonsense over nothing and it has been holding up our work."

Network Rail well deserving Prats of The Week.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store. is brought to you by "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries


  1. Anonymous11:00 AM

    This left me without words for several minutes. Are you sure this is real and not Jeremy Beadle returned from the grave with more practical jokes?

    So any colour but white would do?

    I rather think that both sides are being stupid here but at least Network rail have a reason related to safety. Presumably the construction people, given the relatively low cost of safety helmets, could simply have pointed out the requirements to their safety conscious employees and contractors and issued non white helmets for the job?

    Or is there more to this than meets the eye?

    I note that the problem is in Scotland. Are the Blue and White identifiers of special significance here?


  2. Anonymous12:15 PM

    I don’t know if membership of the judging panel is by invitation only, but if I’d been on it I’d have vetoed this one.

    For a start, always be watchful for the subtle creep of Goodthink into our vocabulary. Any sentence that begins with: “Even Nanny's Health and Safety Executive confirmed …” should set alarm bells ringing.

    Nanny would be delighted if we all adopted the traditional European attitude: ‘If legislation states we can do it, then we can do it; otherwise we can’t’.

    It comes down to the issue of distinguishing between typical H&S non-risk, versus real risk that needs to be properly managed.

    In my book, tinkering with a railway line by someone who’s not meant to be there definitely counts as real risk. Either for the person on the line or for people on the trains who assume the line will be safe and professionally maintained when coming home from work at high speed. Hat-colour is one means of quickly identifying someone who has inadvertently strayed into a situation where they can cause harm.

    The bit about protection from objects falling out of the sky is a different issue.

  3. Anom

    1 As far as I can graps the story, they were not touching the railway line

    2 Once they have the right coloured hats, they will be allowed near it.

    Therefore the ban adds not one jot to the health and safety of the users of the line, or the workmen.

  4. Anonymous4:46 PM

    This rather brings to mind tales from the last time we had a Labour government here in the UK....As I recall, there were disputes at a British car maker's works, as well as other places, when workers picked up tools that belonged to the members of another union.....This appears to me, to be merely an extension of this crazy thinking, sadly, this time it is the management rather than then workers with the loony tunes brain cells!!

  5. Anonymous1:49 PM

    To me, a hard hat is a hard hat. I cannot see what difference the colour makes, even if it should be sky blue pink with green spots and purple stripes!