What's In Santa's Magic Sack?

Oh dear, be careful what you pull out of Santa's sack this Christmas everyone!

Parents in Pill were in for a rude surprise on Saturday when they discovered that some of the goodies given to their children by the local Santa in a Salvation Army hall were distinctly adult-themed.





Salvation Army Officer Nicholas Ward lis quoted by the Bristol Post:

"It has come to our attention that some children received inappropriate toys from Father Christmas at tonight's 'Santa's Grotto'.

We are very sorry for this and will take this issue up with the Christmas Lights committee, who provide the toys for Father Christmas to distribute.

That said, we would like to thank Santa for his time and for all the families who shared in our Winter Wonderland.

We hope you had a good night and please accept our apologies for any offence these toys might have caused you and your children."

For a pleasant change, people took this cock up with good humour and didn't play the "won't someone think of the children?" card!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Something For The Weekend - Penisgate

I am hugely gemused at the kerfuffle going on in Auntie's bunker over Penisgate, the accidental showing of a graffiti penis on Prince William's head on BBC Breakfast (ie before the watershed) yesterday.

Nice to see Auntie and her viewer have their priorities right!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Fake Penises

I am gemused to see that Nanny and her officers have been busy in Newquay during the halcyon days of summer (all two days of it), ensuring that the Cornish resort shed its reputation as a haven for drunken revellers and stag parties.

How so?

Nanny has introduced a zero-tolerance approach to "risque" fancy dress.

The result being that some visitors to Newquay have had "risque" costumes seized by police.

What is an example of  "risque" costume?

A mankini!

Devon and Cornwall Police Superintendent Julie Whitmarsh recently gave an interview (as per the Telegraph):

"We have had this consistency of seizing inappropriate items of clothing, sending people home to get changed, and that has worked, it has made a real difference, this 'no-nonsense attitude'.

Mankini is what we term 'offensive clothing', so we won't accept people wearing them. They are just hideous.

Is it just me, but if you were living in Bath for example, or Bournemouth, is that something you would wear to walk into town on a Saturday afternoon? 

No."

For good measure, Nanny also banned fake penises (preferring, I assume, the real thing?); as per Super. Whitmarsh:

"They are just revolting, there is nothing pleasant about seeing anybody in a mankini. We have had a real crackdown on the fake penises. 

And people are getting that message. You look at the images you see of Newquay now, 2009 is three years ago and we are in a very different place."

I wonder how that approach would work in Brighton?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Nanny Bans Penis's (Or is it Penii?)

The recent snowfall in the UK, aside from causing all the predictable problems with our "world class" transport system, has led to a flurry (how very witty of me) of Nanny type directives.

Many of Nanny's state schools have banned snowballing...seemingly snowballs are dangerous, and present a threat to the future of mankind.

In addition, John Knowles, a student who erected a 4ft snow phallus fell foul of Nanny's gestapo.

Police Cunstable Wiley (I kid you not) apprehended Knowles in mid erection (so to speak), and fined him £80.

Cunstable Wiley made John de-erect his phallus then took him to the local police station, where he imposed a the fine for a public order offence.

Funny how drug dealers, muggers and other assorted scum seem to be able to avoid such speedy punishment isn't it?

Nanny really needs to sort out her priorities.