Nanny has discovered a secret, and damaging, addiction amongst the youth of Britain; it seems that, not content with “popping e” and sniffing glue, teenagers are “stuffing their faces” with Yorkshire pudding.
Nanny commissioned Professor Werner von Stickfinger, her “respected” medical adviser, to conduct a study of the health effects on teenagers of eating Yorkshire pudding.
Professor Stickfinger’s report was shocking; it seems that teenagers readily become addicted to Yorkshire pudding, which when eaten gives them a pleasant feeling of “comfort” and “fullness”.
In fact teenagers have become so addicted to eating Yorkshire pudding, that they hold secret “pudding bakes” on derelict pieces of land, away from Nanny’s prying eyes.
Nanny knows that if people are feeling comfortable, and well fed, they are less inclined to listen to her constantly harping on about health and safety issues.
Additionally, people who are feeling “sated” and at ease with their lives will not listen to Nanny’s constant shrieking about the risks and threats facing society today. This lack of attention to Nanny would, in the end, consign her to the dustbin of history.
In short, Nanny can only survive if people are feeling uncomfortable and threatened.
Therefore, armed with her “scientific” report, Nanny has implemented a test ban of Yorkshire pudding in the Stockton-on-Tees area. Her lackeys in the council were only too happy to oblige.
As from today Stockton-on-tees Borough Council have ordered supermarkets to stop selling flour, eggs and matches to youngsters under the age of 16 for 10 days.
Nanny will monitor the results of the ban order, code named “No Yolk”, to see if she can extend the ban to other towns across the UK.
Does this story seem a little far fetched?
Well, I direct you to The Scotsman which reports that Stockton-on-Tees Council have indeed banned the sale of eggs, flour and matches to teenagers. Nanny hates the idea of teenagers “letting off” a little steam by “egging and flouring” buildings during Halloween.
Whilst the Halloween antics of teenagers may be annoying, it is not the end of the civilised world. Far better they throw a few eggs, and bags of flour, then petrol bombs surely?
Nanny, by placing an arbitrary illegal ban on buying something as innocuous as eggs and flour, has set the precedent for any petty local council dictator to ban whatever they wish.
Today it’s flour and eggs, tomorrow it may be something that you want to buy or do!