I see that our media are really getting worked up over this swine flu "epidemic", so much so in fact that they have stopped placing the "financial meltdown" at the top of the headlines.
I also see that Nanny, in order to be seen to be doing something, has now decided to send every household in the UK a leaflet explaining what to do.
Here is my advice (I am not a doctor), but it is common sense which you should already be doing anyway:
1 Don't waste your money on those masks, they don't work.
2 Wash your hands regularly and thoroughly (something that staff in some of Nanny's hospitals seem to have lost the habit of); especially when coming back inside the house, having handled money, before food and after a loo visit.
3 Eat properly.
4 Avoid touching your eyes, nose or mouth with your hands (or indeed any other organ of your body).
5 Don't live, eat, or sleep with pigs.
6 Continue to enjoy roast pork and pork sausages.
7 Avoid having sex with human beings and pigs.
That's it in a nutshell. I am now going to have a couple of Wall's finest!
BTW, now is a good time to buy hog futures, as when the swine flu "epidemic" turns out to be a storm in a teacup they will rebound.
Please do remember though, I am an accountant not a doctor:)
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Thank your for the advice!
ReplyDeleteI sometimes slip up on number four of your list, but I always obey the other six and always have done (as far back as I can remember, anyway).
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ReplyDeleteI was listening to the news yesterday.....Talk about over reaction; It sounded as if the news was being read by Corporal Jones!!
ReplyDeleteThere is no reason why a flu pandemic should kill off people in a modern society. We are assured by Nanny that she has the medication reserves to treat it.
What worried me more though was Brown's line, almost exactly the same as he used about the financial crisis:-
It is a global pandemic, we are doing everything we can and Britain is better placed than most to deal with it.....Perhaps then we should panic!!
I think it's still ok to have sex with pigs as long as you don't kiss them.
ReplyDeleteSwine flu, bird flu, SARS......I have trouble getting worked up about these things. THe reality rarely matches the hype.
ReplyDeleteThe only scare that will stay is global warming - because they can raise 'green' taxes on the back of that.
ReplyDeleteIf Brown and co are in charge of our health, then Swine Flu will be as virulent and 'successful' as the Black Death. Unfortunately, Number 6, the swine you refer to in Westminster and Brussells will ensure their own safety and well-being first and foremost, and stuff the rest of us! You don't seriously expect our beloved leaders to waste these anti-flu drugs on the riff-raff, sorry, taxpaying public, do you?
ReplyDeleteWait a minute Ken - you forgot to tell everyone to give up smoking! Let's face it, smoking causes EVERY disease known to man (and a few others) and is also undoubtedly responisble for eartquakes, tsunamis and manifold other disasters
ReplyDelete1 Don't waste your money on those masks, they don't work.
ReplyDeleteIt's true these masks will not protect you from inhaling the virus. But, they have one good use, to keep you from touching your mouth and nose.
Oh dear as a prime porker our delightful Home Secretary must be very worried about the swine flu.
ReplyDeleteShe had better invest in some "educational films" about the risks - all billed to the taxpayer, naturally.
The TV news has just featured a child from Torbay saying 'When we first heard at lunchtime yesterday that one of our clsssmates had it, we all panicked and everyone was saying "Oh, we're all going to die!"'
ReplyDeleteWhat a pathetic nation of wimps the British have become, and are raising their children to be.
Oh - and the latest is that Tamiflu isn't very effective and is produced by a company in which Donald Rumsfeld has a large interest [and is doubtless anticipating huge profits]. So don't buy it, folks.
What's the main symptoon of swine flu?
ReplyDeleteYou come out in a rasher.
Sorry, I'll get my coat...
you need to put oinkment on it.
ReplyDeleteI'll get mine as well
Now be good chaps, and trotter along you two....
ReplyDeleteOr I shall be forced to give you the chop.
ReplyDeleteAre you lot trying to rind me up
ReplyDeleteNah, don't mean it, just ribbing you about it that's all
ReplyDeleteOy think I can loin a lot about it though..........TAXI!!!
ReplyDeleteWell I took it so seriously I rang the Swine Hotline.
ReplyDeleteBut all I got was crackling.