Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Who Ate All The Pies?

Who Ate All The Pies?Hello folks, I have dragged myself away from the mince pies and assorted Christmas goodies to bring you this sorry tale of Nannyism that landed on my desk a wee while ago.

Nanny has stuck her interfering nose into the noble art of pie eating. The organisers of Wigan's prestigious pie eating contest have been seduced by Nanny's dark side, and changed the rules.

First prize has always gone to the contestant who could eat the most meat and potato pies in three minutes.

However, the title of World Pie Eating Champion will now be awarded to the person who can eat a single pie in the shortest time.


I spit upon such nonsense.

This debasement of the noble art of pie eating is in response to Nanny's incessant whining about the number of calories that we all consume.

As if this were not enough, to add insult to injury, vegetarians will be allowed to eat non meat pies.

What is the world coming to?

Dave Smyth, who won the first contest in 1992 when he ate four pies in three minutes, thinks that this is bollocks.


"This contest has always been about savouring as many pies as possible

over a three minute period,

not sprinting through a few mouthfuls of a single pie.

They've taken things too far this year.

Pies are supposed to be meat and potato

and anything else just isn't normal.

I intend to lobby the organising committee

and I'm not going to rest until I've got answers

Each pie weighs 12oz and contains about 400 calories.

Organiser Tony Callaghan said:

"I realise it may be controversial,

but this is the way forward for pie-eating at this level.

It will make for an exciting sporting spectacle,

whilst also doffing its cap to Government guidelines on obesity.

We have also bowed to relentless pressure from the Vegetarian Society

and agreed to introduce a vegetarian option,

although vegetarian pie-eaters in the competition

will be allowed to eat a slightly smaller version

because of its rather more glutinous content

FYI, Hitler was a vegetarian.

In honour of this noble art I am off to consume another mince pie!


  1. Anonymous8:58 PM

    Ken - hope you're having a great holiday. If you want to know who ate all the pies, go here ! Enjoy!

    (Return favour for the Bagpuss theme you so kindly posted in the summer ...)

  2. Bagpuss, I've just picked myself up off the floor, and am still convulsed, with tears streaming down my face.

    However did you find that gem??

    Hoping there are many more like that in 2007, so have a good year everyone. Maybe, just maybe, Bliar and his cronies may finally wake up to what they have done to our once beloved country.

  3. Thanks Bagpuss

    Very entertaining!

    Glad to hear from you, was getting worried about you.

    Have a great New Year


  4. "It will make for an exciting sporting spectacle?!"