Nanny Bans Brecon Beacons

 

The Brecon Beacons National Park has got its collective eco knickers in a twist over the word "beacon" in its name.

For why?

Well you see children it doesn't fit in the the net zero bollocks that we are all meant to believe in (beacons emit carbon). As such the prats running the park will rename it Bannau Brycheiniog.

Will the change of name lower carbon emissions?

Will it fuck!

 
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Prats of The Week - The Church of England

 

Seemingly Church of England bishops are to debate whether God should be gender neutral - even dropping “our Father” from the Lord's Prayer. 

To quote something, someone once allegedly said:

Father, forgive them, because they do not know what they are doing!

 
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Prats of The Week - Haringey Council

 

For reasons best known to itself, Nanny's chums from Haringey Council spent £180,000 on changing the name of Black Boy Lane to La Rose Lane. 

Despite the feigned offence at the name, the council left the name on the new road sign.

Unsurprisingly it has been corrected, and people living in the street have put up their own Black Boy Lane signs in their windows.

Haringey Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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NHS Bans Capitals

In a display of utter idiocy, the NHS has decreed that capital words are offensive.

As per Guido Fawkes:

Commenters on the NHS website are now being chastised for over-using capital letters. Presumably they’re shortly to rebrand as ‘the nhs’…

One co-conspirator was recently blocked from reviewing a hospital as, according to the NHS moderators:

“it contains capitalised words. On the internet this can be regarded as “shouting” and many people are offended by it. Please resubmit your review, and avoid over-using capital letters.”

I wonder if the NHS realises that its name is in capitals, as such will it ban itself?

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Prats of The Week - The Royal Academy of Music

 

For reasons best known to itself, the Royal Academy of Music has got its knickers in a twist over old musical instruments that have connections with Britain's imperial past.

As such the Academy might dispose of “problematic” musical instruments and artefacts as it seeks to “decolonise” its collection.

The institution, founded in 1822, is the UK’s oldest conservatoire, and its on-site museum in London holds a collection of 22,000 artefacts significant to the history of music.

But instruments held in the museum could be disposed of by the Academy in a planned review of its 200-year-old collection in the spirit of decolonisation.

Pianos made with colonial ivory and artefacts linked to Messiah composer George Frideric Handel, who invested in the slave trade, could potentially be problematic.

The Sunday Telegraph understands that “there will undoubtedly be some items in the collection, which has been built up over two centuries,” that the Academy “will want to look at more closely through a decolonisation lens.

Whitewashing history, and throwing away everything that offends those who wish to be offended, serves no purpose other than to destroy the future (as you cannot know where go are going if you do not know where you have been).

The Royal Academy of Music, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Nanny Bans Saxons

 

In a peak hissy fit of stupidity, Nanny has decided that the name "Saxons" is divisive. As such, she has banned it's use in rugby.

The Rugby Football Union has stopped using the nickname “Saxons” for one of its senior England representative teams after it was deemed inappropriate, given the sport’s drive “to reflect the diversity in society”.

England’s second team will revert to the name England A when they play Scotland A in Leicester on June 27 after 15 years of being branded as the England Saxons.

Utter bollocks!

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Meanwhile In Brixton.....

OMG this is beyond hilarious.

Had to be done 😂😄🤣 #BLM meets #YMCA pic.twitter.com/qkWYc7PPgD

— Karen #PositiveDiscriminationIsUnlawful (@BigC_Contrarian) August 2, 2020

In the event that Forever Friends (the new black shirts) get their reparations for not being slaves, from people who were not slave owners, I will be hot footing it to the Italian and Swedish embassies to demand reparations for what they did to my ancestors back in the days of the Roman Empire and Viking raids!

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L'Oreal Bans Whiteness

As per AFP:

"The L'Oreal Group has decided to remove the words white/whitening, fair/fairness, light/lightening from all its skin evening products."

Question for L'Oreal:

Given that you have banned the above mentioned words, what exactly will you tell your customers the product does?

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Prat of The Millennium - Richard Burgon

Today I'm announcing my plan for a Labour Peace Pledge.

This will change Labour's constitution so our Party never again backs military action abroad without the explicit backing of party members, except in a national emergency or where there's UN backing.https://t.co/YBioGpNRez

— Richard Burgon MP (@RichardBurgon) February 5, 2020

A policy that will end in tears, as it gives power to Momentum thugs!

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Nanny Wants Shops To Hide Booze

Edinburgh's Deputy Council Leader, Cammy Day, is taking his Nanny instructions from the Children's Parliament (and no, I don't mean Westminster).

The Children’s Parliament issued a report in which children as young as nine voiced concern about the high visibility of alcohol in everyday life. The Children’s Parliament report published last month called for alcohol to be made less visible in shops and on TV, and the removal of adverts from billboards and an end to alcohol firms sponsoring events where children are present.

Day is seeking a meeting with Community Safety Minister Ash Denham on the issue.

Well here's the thing:

1 What the fuck is the Children's Parliament (other than a PR exercise)?

2 This is an adult world, run by adults. The visibility of alcohol in shops is not a matter of concern for children.

3 Hiding the booze won't change people's consumption in any way!
 

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The Fruits of Prattery!

Vegan café that charged 18 per cent 'man tax' set to close. https://t.co/5ju7mwm94k

— Christopher Snowdon (@cjsnowdon) April 24, 2019

“The man tax blew up the internet, an idea that we didn’t think was all too radical, yet the way the world responded showed us how fragile masculinity is and solidified the necessity for us to confront and dismantle patriarchy.” 😃

— Christopher Snowdon (@cjsnowdon) April 24, 2019

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GPS Trackers On Knives - Prat of The Week Scott Mann

Whilst I appreciate that most of our politicians are utterly useless and stupid, I have to say that Scott Mann wins the prize for not only being an utter prat but for being one of the most stupid members of Parliament I have come across in a long while.

For why?

He wants GPS trackers on all knives!

What about the knives already in existence? Utterly stupid suggestion. Not least because you will be placing a state monitored tracking/spying system in every household in the country! Are you really an mp?

— Ken Frost (@ken_frost) March 14, 2019

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Prat of The Week - Kirsten Powers

Dear white people who are upset that you can't dress up as another race or culture for Halloween: your feelings don't matter. The only feelings that matter are of those who feel disrespected/mocked by you appropriating their culture for entertainment.

Show some common decency.

— Kirsten Powers (@KirstenPowers) October 23, 2018

Disregarding the nonsense that is Halloween I have no idea who this person is, I am assuming some form of American "celeb".

However, she is talking utter bollocks.

All manner of everyday items that we wear have been "appropriated" from other cultures eg:

- jeans from the USA
- ties from Croatian mercenaries hired by Louis XIII
- buttoned shirts invented by 19th century British polo players
- shoes came from ancient Mesopotamia etc

Therefore, if you worry about appropriation you will need to stop wearing clothes!

Kirsten Powers, well deserving Prat of the Week!


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Nanny Bans "Mansize" Tissues

Kleenex is scrapping "Mansize" branding from its tissue boxes after 60 years on the shelves as consumers called it out for being sexist. 

The company said the tissues would now be called "Extra Large".

What utter fuckwittery!

However, since Nanny is on the lookout for "sexist" names etc here are some that should be banned as per Liz Kershaw:

- Woman's Hours

-Woman's Own

-Woman's Weekly etc

Feel free to add your own!

Utter crap!

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Prat of The Week - James Cracknell

Somewhat belatedly I would like to award James Cracknell my Prat of The Week Award.

Who is James Cracknell?

Apparently he is an athlete turned anti-obesity campaigner.

For why does he deserve the award?

According to The Spectator, Cracknell said in April that North Korea and Cuba had got a ‘handle on obesity’ (ie their hapless citizens - with a few notable exceptions - aren't fat).

Cracknell, by all accounts thinks that is splendid, and is all for Nanny adopting those countries' methods and techniques which he attributed to both countries being ‘quite controlling on behavioural trends’.

There you have it folks, Nanny's chums want Nanny to impose dietary dictatorship.

James Cracknell, well deserving Prat of The Week!

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Nanny Bans Whooping

I appreciate that some students do not have the brains that they were allegedly gifted with. However, even this piece of student fuckwittery has surprised me.

The Telegraph reports that students who whoop, cheer and clap should face “consequences” because they are excluding deaf people, delegates at the National Union of Students conference said.

Audience members were repeatedly warned that they must cease whooping to express support for a speaker, because it has a “serious impact” on the accessibility of the conference.

Delegates at the NUS annual conference in Brighton were encouraged to use “jazz hands” instead of clapping - where students wave their hands in the air - as this is deemed a more inclusive form of expression.

Estelle Hart, an NUS elections committee member who was chairing a session on Thursday, told students: “No whooping, it does have a serious impact on some delegates ability to access conference.”

For good measure Shelly Asquith, the NUS vice president for welfare, returned to the theme, telling delegates: “We’ve had a number of requests that people stop whooping”.

The Durham University student union proposed a motion at the conference that would see clapping and whooping banned at all future NUS events.

Two points:

1 Surely talking/speaking also "excludes" deaf people. Shall we ban that as well?

2 Jazz hands cannot be seen by the visually impaired, that should be banned too.

God help us is this is the quality of the generation destined to takeover in the coming years!


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Prats of The Week - Cardiff Metropolitan University

Kudos to Cardiff Metropolitan University for winning Prats of The Week for their Orwellian diktat banning phrases such as “right-hand man” and “gentleman’s agreement” in favour of more inclusive, gender neutral language. 

Cardiff Metropolitan University’s revised code of practice states more appropriate terms should be used where possible, adding that students should not allow their “cultural background” to affect their choice of words on campus.

“Forefathers”, “mankind” and “sportsmanship” are also on the list of 34 words and phrases to be avoided as part of efforts to “embrace cultural diversity” by the university.

The Independent lists the banned phrases:

Cardiff Metropolitan University's Guide to Inclusive Language:

Term – Suggested alternative
"Best man for the job" – Best person for the job
"Businessman/woman" –  Businessperson, manager, executive
"Chairman/woman" – Chair, chairperson, convenor, head
"Charwoman, cleaning lady" – Cleaner
"Craftsman/woman" – Craftsperson, craft worker
"Delivery man" – Delivery clerk, courier
"Dear Sirs" – Dear Sir/Madam (or Madam/Sir)
"Fireman" – Fire-fighter
"Forefathers" – Ancestors, forebears
"Foreman/woman" – Supervisor, head juror
"Gentleman’s agreement" – Unwritten agreement, agreement based on trust
"Girls" (for adults) – Women
"Headmaster/mistress" – Head teacher
"Housewife" – Shopper, consumer, homemaker (depends on context)
"Layman" – Lay person
"Man" or "mankind" – Humanity, humankind, human race, people
"Man" (verb) eg man the desk – Operate, staff, work at
"Man in the street", "common man" – Average/ordinary/typical citizen/person – but is there such a person?
"Man-hour" – Work-hour, labour time
"Man-made" – Artificial, manufactured, synthetic
"Manpower" – Human resources, labour force, staff, personnel, workers, workforce
"Miss/Mrs" – Ms unless a specific preference has been stated – though its common not to use titles at all these days
"Policeman/woman" – Police Officer
"Right-hand man" – Chief assistant
"Salesman/girl/woman" – Sales assistant/agent/clerk/representative/staff/worker
"Spokesman/woman" – Spokesperson, representative
"Sportsmanship" – Fairmess, good humour, sense of fair play
"Steward/ess" – Airline staff, flight attendant, cabin crew
"Tax man" – Tax officer/inspector
"Waitress" – Waiter, server
"Woman doctor" (or feminine forms of nouns eg actress, poetess) – Doctor (actor, poet etc)
"Working man", "working mother/wife" – Wage-earner/taxpayer/worker
"Workman" – Worker/operative/trades person
"Workmanlike" – Efficient/proficient/skillful/thorough

Good to see the "university" focusing on what is really important!

Cardiff Metropolitan University, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Prats of The Week - Geoplace

Kudos to Geoplace (a local government quango that oversees the official database of addresses used by councils and emergency services) for winning my prestigious Prats of The Week Award.

For why have they been thusly honoured?

Geoplace have told councils that streets should no longer be named after local heroes - including fallen soldiers - in case they are later linked to "inappropriate activities".

The edict comes after hundreds of streets, footpaths and plaques named after Jimmy Savile had to be altered when he was exposed as a child abuser.

Nanny's chums in the Local Government Association have defended the decision, arguing it would save taxpayers' money in the future.


The idea is of course utter bollocks, as it would mean that streets can never be named after anyone ever again.

Also, for good measure, councils have also been asked to ban the word “the” from all new place names on the grounds that it  causes confusion and lengthy delays for the emergency services.

Geoplace, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Prat of The Week - A Question of Hate

Here's Andrew Neil destroying the Oxford professor who reported Amber Rudd's speech as a hate crime. https://t.co/j6hcwiWfEN

— Will (@WillMcHoebag) January 12, 2017

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Prats of The Week - Veolia

It seems to me that at times, Nanny is completely bonkers.

How else can this sorry tale of stupidity be explained?

Dave Clark, Rob Jefford and Alex Steven have been sacked from the bin collecting jobs in Chatham for helping an elderly man clear bags of rubble from him garden. They were fired for gross misconduct after trying to go above and beyond the call of duty for residents.

They were in fact fired on the same day (7 November) that their employer Veolia published a newsletter containing a note from a resident praising their work.

How did this come to pass?

One resident (clearly with nothing better to do with his/her life) complained after the guys helped clear the rubble. Veolia reviewed footage taken from a dust cart camera, which is fitted on all vehicles, showing the crew, who operated in Chatham, Kent, collecting extra items of waste including bags of rubble.

A spokesman for Veolia told the Mirror they could not comment because the matter is part of an ongoing internal investigation.

Veolia, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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