Nanny Bans Union Jack

I have been running this site for yonks (since 2004 in fact), and have therefore become somewhat enured (there's a word I don't use often enough) to Nanny's idiocies. However, occasionally Nanny does something so idiotic that even my elephant hide skin is sufficiently pricked for me to issue forth a trumpet of rage.

Thus I draw your attention (on this fine Monday morning) to a truly absurd piece of Nannyism, courtesy of Nanny's chums from Fylde council (click the tag "Fylde" and you will see they have featured before on this site).

Peter and Lesley Salthouse run the Naze Lane Chippy in Freckleton, and have (as part of their shop front advertising) a Union Jack sign in the window.

Nothing wrong with that is there?

You would think not, wouldn't you?

However, Fylde council have ordered the Salthouses to remove the sign?

For why?

Apparently it contains too many "angles, triangles and colours"!

Isn't that what a Union Jack is actually made up of??

The council have decreed that the sign is "out of character" for an English village!

As I have noted many times before on this site, councils are the enemies of the people!

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Bin Brother

Nanny is very concerned about keeping Britain clean and tidy, you only have to walk around some of her fine inner city areas (feel free to name and shame them) to see what a good job she has been doing!

However, let us not dwell on the unfortunately large gap between Nanny's desires and her abilities.

In one particular case Nanny has been very very assertive indeed, as she does her best to protect a beach from litter.

Now, what sort of litter do you think that she was protecting it from?

Paper?

No!

Plastic bags?

No!

Empty cans of drink?

No!

I will tell you.....

Sand

Yes, that's right, sand!

Arthur Bulmer, a pensioner who lives near to the sea, had his seafront garden carpeted with sand the other week, as a result of storms driving the sand up from the beach.

Mr Bulmer decided to use his initiative, and shovel the sand into a wheelbarrow to take it back to the beach in several loads.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, he has been threatened by Nanny with prison or a £50K fine if he carries out his evil plan.

You see, Mr Bulmer lives in St Annes and Fylde Borough Council are particularly good friends of Nanny. Indeed it is sad to say, but local councils throughout the land are sucking up to Nanny in all sorts of nasty and unpleasant ways.

Can anyone really, in their heart of hearts, justify the need for local councils; when you consider how much they charge us in council tax, yet how little they actually do aside from preventing us from enjoying our lives freely?

Anyhoo, Fylde Borough Council told Mr Bulmer that if he moved the sand, it would be classified as fly-tipping; in addition to the threat of jail and a fine, they would also take his wheelbarrow away.

To be fair to Nanny's chums in the local council, their workmen have been slowly taking the sand away from public areas, but not from private areas such as Mr Bulmer's garden.

By the way, some seven tons of sand sat upon his lawn; it is not unreasonable that he wanted to move it.

A spokesman for Fylde Borough Council attempted to explain their stupidity:

"The sand is actually part of the Queen's Crown estate,

which owns most of the foreshore around our coasts.

This year has seen an exceptional problem with wind-blown sand.

We have been cleaning up since Christmas.

But the council has no responsibility to clear sand

or any other debris from private land.

The owner must do this."

He added that dumping "anything" on to the beach from a private garden constituted flytipping.

Unfortunately the "logic" of Nanny's mouthpiece kind of falls apart; for you see, Nanny's workmen have been scraping the sand off the public areas and dumping it back on the beach.

Mr Bulmer ended up paying £500 to some workmen to clear the sand away (I wonder where they put it?).

Feel free to write to Fylde Borough Council to let them know what you think of them via this link Listening@fylde.gov.uk

By the way, in case you would like to understand the structure of Fylde Borough Council may I direct you to this page on their website?

The Council Structure

I think that says it all!

Nanny's Donkey Inspectors

My thanks to one of this site's regular visitors who advised me of the following piece of Nanny nonsense that happened in Fylde, on the eight mile stretch of beach between Blackpool and Lytham St Annes, over this summer.

It seems that Nanny's chums in Fylde borough council are "investing", I of course mean wasting, £18K of taxpayers' money on health and safety "experts" who will check the safety of donkey rides and other seaside pleasures.

Nanny has set them the onerous and "worthwhile" task of looking into the risks associated with the above activities, as well as doing a thorough health and safety check on such dangerous activities as:

- tossing a Frisbee
- practising golf swings
- collecting and sawing up driftwood

Seemingly the council have said that every aspect of beach activity would be examined and assessed.

If necessary, guidelines would be issued to allow them to be enjoyed in a safe manner.

Utter bollocks!

As ever, Nanny is wasting our money on pointless pursuits.

Fylde Flies A Kite

Congratulations to Nanny's chums on Fylde Borough Council, who certainly know how to spend their council tax payers' money wisely.

The "good old boys" on the council have been getting a bit of a bee in their collective bonnets recently about kite flying on the beaches. Many a kite flier goes to Fylde as, by all accounts, the conditions there are ideal for flying kites.

Unfortunately, this being Nanny Britain, the council has got a bit nervous about this activity; there was a minor accident involving a stunt kite and a person walking a dog on the beach, the three (kite, walker and dog) became entangled. The council has, of course, now banned the flying of kites.

However, Nanny is never happy with half measures, she has also decided to conduct a study into the flying of kites to see if it is dangerous. As such Fylde Council will spend £15K of taxpayers' money on this study.

They will hire a team, yes a team, of experts to conduct the investigation.

Nanny's council safety boss, Sue Fazackerley, has promised that the experts would be working there "for as long as it takes".

Value for money, by anyone's standards!

Feel free to tell Fylde Borough Council what you think of their use of taxpayers' money, by writing to them at this address listening@fylde.gov.uk. They promise a response within 1 working day!