Nanny Bans Whooping

I appreciate that some students do not have the brains that they were allegedly gifted with. However, even this piece of student fuckwittery has surprised me.

The Telegraph reports that students who whoop, cheer and clap should face “consequences” because they are excluding deaf people, delegates at the National Union of Students conference said.

Audience members were repeatedly warned that they must cease whooping to express support for a speaker, because it has a “serious impact” on the accessibility of the conference.

Delegates at the NUS annual conference in Brighton were encouraged to use “jazz hands” instead of clapping - where students wave their hands in the air - as this is deemed a more inclusive form of expression.

Estelle Hart, an NUS elections committee member who was chairing a session on Thursday, told students: “No whooping, it does have a serious impact on some delegates ability to access conference.”

For good measure Shelly Asquith, the NUS vice president for welfare, returned to the theme, telling delegates: “We’ve had a number of requests that people stop whooping”.

The Durham University student union proposed a motion at the conference that would see clapping and whooping banned at all future NUS events.

Two points:

1 Surely talking/speaking also "excludes" deaf people. Shall we ban that as well?

2 Jazz hands cannot be seen by the visually impaired, that should be banned too.

God help us is this is the quality of the generation destined to takeover in the coming years!


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City University Students' Union Displays Complete Knobheadery

Kudos to the students’ union of City University in London for displaying knobheadery beyond belief.

It transpires that the union does not like The Sun, Daily Mail and Express newspapers.

As such the union has decreed that these titles be banned from the campus.

Disregarding the fact that we live in a "freeish" country, where we have the right to read the newspaper of our choice, the students have also made a rather fundamental error wrt their ban?

Can you guess what that is children?

Yes, that's right, there are no retail outlets for newspapers on the campus!

Knobheads!

Ironically City University has one of the biggest journalism departments in the UK with a variety of post graduate and undergraduate journalism courses available.

They might care to remember what Heinrich Heine once wrote:

"Where they burn books, they will also ultimately burn people."

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Close All Shops On Boxing Day!

A Change.org petition demanding that all shops be closed on Boxing Day, set up by Ian Lapworth, claims "we managed 30 or 40 years ago" and should "forget making money for one day" and "concentrate on making more memories with the ones we love".

"Whilst not everyone may see Christmas as a religious holiday, it should be respected as such, and retail workers given some decent family time to relax and enjoy the festivities like everyone else."

Whilst I appreciate that some people in the UK wish to live in the 1950's, I have a number of observations wrt this petition:

1 We are not living in the 1950's.

2 Shopping on Boxing Day is not compulsory.

3 Many people (eg doctors, nurses, firemen, TV bods, etc etc) work over the seasonal period.

4 Not everyone is a Christian or, for that matter, believes in god.

5 If you want to spend Christmas with your family and not shop, then good luck to you. However, it's not for you to dictate to others what they can/cannot do over this period.


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Don't Try This At Home Children

Coming soon, Nanny will try to legislate against stupidity!

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Nanny Bans Whistles

My thanks to a loyal reader for pointing me to a Nanny story of such utter absurdity, that I first thought it was a late April Fool!

St Monica's Catholic Primary School in Milton Keynes has banned whistles to signal the end of playtime.

For why?

It seems that, according to staff, whistles produce an “aggressive” noise that will scare the children.

The solution?

Staff must instead raise a hand in the air to get the attention of pupils at the end of break time.

Does this mean that whistles are also banned during sporting event such as football?

This is so absolutely farking stupid that I am lost for words!!!

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Oxford University Endorses Racism

Knobhead of The Millennium, Ntokozo Qwabe, is in the news again.

Jan Hendrik Ferreira, a South African social worker based in London, started a change.org petition with an open letter to Louise Richardson, the Oxford University vice-chancellor.

“Mr Ntokozo Qwabe and friend violated a person’s dignity, publicly degraded and humiliated her, and created a highly offensive situation which Mr Ntokozo Qwabe has since taken great pleasure in narcissistically boasting over her reaction across social media."

The petition to have Qwabe sent down from Oxford or stripped of his scholarship has been rejected by the university which said it would violate his “free speech”.

As per the Telegraph, an Oxford spokesman said:

"Our duty of care to all members of the university means we do not discuss individuals.

Oxford is a place where non-violent speech, however objectionable, can be expressed and challenged. Our students may voice opinions which others believe to be misguided or which they find offensive. They have a right to do this, but in exercising it we expect them to respect other people and the law."

That being the case, would they have said the same if Qwabe was white and made his remarks to a black waitress?

Meanwhile Qwabe wallows in his notoriety, he noted that "white" people had started a petition to have his scholarship revoked or for Oxford to send him down, and added of requests for his comment “we will only engage with white media when we have the land back”.

A Knobhead indeed!

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Knobhead of The Millennium - Ntokozo Qwabe

Kudos to Ntokozo Qwabe (of the Rhodes Must Fall student group in Oxford) for demonstrating to the entire world that he is indeed the Knobhead of The Millennium.

Not only is he a hypocrite (castigating Rhodes, despite being a Rhodes Scholar), he is an odious racist; refusing to tip a waitress in South Africa because she was white, then gleefully positing his abhorrent views on his Faecesbook page.

The Independent has a summary of the sordid affair here.

Ntokozo Qwabe well deserving Knobhead of The Millennium!

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Brighton Council Forces 3 Year Olds To Identify Their Gender

I give you this news item, unedited, from Brighton and Hove News.

How the fark is a three year old meant rationally determine what gender they wish to be, think they are, outwith what sex organs they have?

What one wonders goes through the minds of those who sit on Brighton council?

"Hundreds of parents found out yesterday which primary school their children will be attending in September, and were asked to fill out a council form to accept the offer.

After the tickbox for male/female, a note explained that the national recording system only gives these two options, and asked parents to “support your child to choose they gender they most identify with or if they have another gender identity please leave this blank and discuss this with your child’s school”.

The wording of the letter is already under review after the council was made aware of concerns about the new policy.

One Brighton mother, who asked to remain anonymous for fear of being attacked by transgender activists, said she objected to the question because it reinforces dangerous stereotypes of what makes someone a man or woman rather than challenging them.

The mother also argued that children of this age don’t have a sophisticated enough understanding of gender issues, and asking them to make a distinction so young could have harmful ramifications later in life.
She said: “A boy who does not fit into the ‘masculine’ category should not be encouraged to believe that his body is wrong, rather schools should be encouraging that child to broaden their view of what is masculine.
“It is okay for boys to like pink. It is OK for boys to like playing with dolls. It is OK (later) for boys to be gay. None of these things make that boy a girl.

“Children at school should be free to develop their identity, celebrate their achievements and accept their bodies. The little boy who wants to wear a dress should be allowed to do that without being pathologised, diagnosed, and treated.

“Research has shown that 80% of children who experience gender dysphoria as children DO NOT transition in later life but instead are more likely to be gay. The worrying rise in schools and other agencies accepting the self identification of a four-year-old is likely to cause emotional distress.

“Imagine how confusing and upsetting it would be to be the ‘trans’ child: a boy who self identifies as a girl at four, grows up as trans (is told by school and other agencies that they are no different from other girls), has a new name and pronoun but then grows up to be a gay man.

“As an adult that child might feel let down by the very people he trusted to protect his best interests, he might feel he has been emotionally abused by the collusion in a narrative he had no power to control, he might want redress for the emotional damage caused.

“Children do not have access to an adult view of the world – they don’t fully understand permanence, social structures, what is possible and what is not possible. Four-year-olds do not generally have fixed views and often don’t fully understand that their sex, colour or even species is fixed.

“Treating children as though they are adults is a dangerous approach from a safeguarding point of view. They are not adults – let them enjoy the innocence and creativity of their childhood.”

Brighton and Hove City Council’s lead member for equalities, Councillor Emma Daniel, said the change to the form had been made in response to calls from families and schools to be more inclusive.

She said: “Our pupil registration form asks for a range of information from parents and carers for children and young people of all ages who are entering a new school community.

“Parents and carers are asked to state their child’s gender as male or female. For the vast majority of families this is very straightforward.

“We have inserted the additional text about gender identity in response to calls from families, young people and schools to show an inclusive approach to gender.

“There are increasing numbers of children and young people nationally identifying as trans. Many trans people nationally report having been bullied when they were at school.

“By acknowledging the range of gender identities in our school communities we are helping ensure schools are safe spaces for everyone.

“We are aware of concerns that have been raised about the new wording we have used on our form relating to gender identity.

“We will review this to see whether we can in future make it clearer that we consider discussions around gender identity to be an option for parents if they feel it is appropriate rather than an obligation.”

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Bin Brother - Clean Your Baked Bean Cans!

Hull City council are a tad fed up with dirty bins and erroneous baked beans, as such they have decided to take action. Householders who mix up their recycling, or fail to wash old tins and bottles, face having their bins left unemptied, losing collections altogether or even being sent on awareness courses.

The Mail reports that this "bold initiative" will be publicised by consultants in a £100,000 campaign to encourage residents to recycle more effectively.

Seemingly a particular bugbear is placing food waste with recycling, contaminating materials that could otherwise be reused.

There are plans to confiscate the blue recycling bins of 2,150 householders who fail to recycle correctly.

A spokesman said:

"A few baked beans let in the tin can dribble onto the cardboard packaging"

How the fark are binmen meant to check every baked bean can they find for erroneous baked beans?

This is absolutely bonkers!

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Advice To The Oxford Union

Given that no man or woman is a saint (once their lives are placed under a microscope) and given that people's views about what is right and wrong changes with time, why don't we pull down every statue ever erected?

For good measure, since Rhodes is so offensive to you, let us also abolish the Rhodes Scholarship.

I assume that those of you who currently benefit from it will be refunding all monies received?

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Advice To Cyclists

Know the difference , LMFAO .## Clive .

Posted by Wow , Don't Miss This . on Monday, 11 May 2015

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Everything Causes Cancer!

As loyal readers know, the World Health Organisation (WHO) recently added processed meats to its list of ‘known’ carcinogens.

Here, courtesy of the Spectator, here is list of a few of the other things which have been claimed to be linked to cancer in the past fortnight:

• Make-up in Halloween outfits (blamed by a laser surgery centre in New York)
• Chocolate (blamed by a colorectal surgeon at St George’s Hospital, Tooting)
• Deodorants (tabloid article — no source given)
• Hormone-replacement therapy (tabloid article — no source given)
• ‘Roundup’ herbicide (named in US lawsuit)
• Sand used in fracking, which is to say, sand (Friends of the Earth)
• Nail polish (tabloid article — no source given)
• Shampoo (US gynaecologist)

In other words, if we look hard enough everything we eat, drink and come into contact with can increase the chances of some people developing cancer.

However, is not the reality that we are simply living much longer than we were designed to?

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Sugar Sugar - Brighton Council Hates Sugar

Are you Sugar Smart? Find out about our #sugarsmartcity debate & fill out the survey to win prizes at https://t.co/IIynJx7mmc #Brighton

— BrightonHoveCouncil (@BrightonHoveCC) October 29, 2015

Those of you who want to give Brighton coumncil (worshippers of Saint Jamie of Oliver) your views on the "dangers", or otherwise, of sugar should complete the survey via the above link.

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Knobheads of The Year - The WHO

In a display of utter fuckwittery and knobheadedness, the World Health Organisation is planning to declare that bacon, sausages and other processed meat cause bowel cancer.

Red meat is also expected to be listed as being “probably carcinogenic to humans”.

The announcements were expected to be made on Monday; with processed meat put in the same category as cigarettes, alcohol and asbestos.

Bollocks!

On the assumption you have a varied diet eg, vegetables, meat, fibre etc your bowels will remain in good nick.

The WHO are knobheads!

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Fuckwits - Anarchists Attack Cafe

 

As per the Guardian:

"Hundreds of protesters attacked a cereal cafe in east London on Saturday night, daubing the word “scum” on the shop window and setting fire to an effigy of a police officer.

Riot police were called in to defend the Cereal Killer Cafe in Shoreditch after it was targeted by a large crowd of anti-gentrification activists carrying pigs’ heads and torches.

The owners of the cafe, which has been seen by some as a symbol of inequality in east London, said on Sunday that the attack left customers including children “terrified for their lives”.

Gary Keery, 33, who founded the cafe with his twin brother, Alan, said: “It’s senseless violence, isn’t it? We’ve had some letters through the letterbox saying ‘die hipsters’ and stuff but nothing to this extreme. It just doesn’t make sense.” 

Footage of the attack filmed from inside the shop and obtained by the Guardian shows masked protesters shouting outside the shopfront. One man daubs graffiti on the window while another is seen holding a burning stick."

How exactly trying to burn down a cafe resolves the housing crisis is beyond my limited intelligence.

Maybe someone can explain it to me?

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Knobhead of The Millennium - Kerry McCarthy

Kudos to Corbyn for appointing Knobhead of The Millennium, Kerry McCarthy, as Shadow Secretary of State for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs.

McCarthy is a vegan and recently told Viva!life, a magazine for vegans:

"I really believe that meat should be treated in exactly the same way as tobacco, with public campaigns to stop people eating it. 

Progress on animal welfare is being made at EU level … but in the end it comes down to not eating meat or dairy.

The constant challenging of the environmental impact of livestock farming is making me more and more militant, not least that CAP payments are available for grouse shooting, controlling buzzards and forestry."

FFS!

These people shouldn't be allowed out in public on their own, let alone be placed in positions of responsibility.

Kerry McCarthy, well deserving Knobhead of The Millennium!

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US Nanny Arrests Schoolboy For Homemade Clock

Sadly in the USA, levels of paranoia about terrorism have reached new heights as Ahmed Mohamed can attest to.

Ahmed, a 14 year old student at MacArthur High in Irving, took a homemade clock to school to show his teachers.

Unfortunately, instead of being impressed, the school phoned police about Ahmed’s circuit-stuffed pencil case. The police duly arrived, and took Ahmed, in handcuffs, to juvenile detention.

I expect they will have more to say tomorrow, but Ahmed's sister asked me to share this photo. A NASA shirt! pic.twitter.com/nR4gt992gB

— Anil Dash (@anildash) September 16, 2015

Police are now considering charging him with making a hoax bomb, even though they have acknowledged that he told everyone that it’s a clock.

Call me picky here, but if the police/school really thought it was a bomb, why the hell didn't they evacuate the school and call bomb disposal?

This sounds like a bunch of people, having realised that they have made fools of themselves, now desperately trying to cover their own backsides. 
 
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Brighton Hates Fags - Beach Smoking To Be Banned

As loyal readers know, Nanny's virulent hatred of fags knows no bounds. However, kudos to Brighton and Hove council for excelling even Nanny's rabid hatred of fags and making utter knobheads of themselves.

It transpires that Brighton and Hove could become one of the first places in the UK to ban smoking in its parks and on its beaches.

Councillors are being asked to approve a public consultation, to extend the voluntary ban in playgrounds to other public spaces in the city.

Cllr Daniel Yates, chair of Health and Wellbeing Board, is quoted by Brighton and Hove News:

“The health benefits of smoke free areas and protecting children from second-hand smoke are well established.

We’re keen to keep people safe from the effects of smoking in public areas, especially children who are most vulnerable. However we also want to ensure any measures taken have support of residents in the city. The report is a welcome addition to the meeting agenda.”

What utter bollocks!

It is not at all well established that passive smoking is in anyway harmful in the open air.

Maybe he should direct his attention to the toxic effects of the congested roads of Brighton instead!

The areas being proposed to become smoke free, following consultation, are locations where children are most likely to be present, especially during school holidays at times when the parks and beaches are busiest.

The plans are due to go before the city council’s health and wellbeing board next Tuesday, 21 July. If agreed, the consultation will run from the 22 July for 12 weeks.

In the event that these proposals become law, I would like to ask the council how the fark they intend to enforce the rules?

I ask, because the beach is farking long and has, in peak season, over 40,000 visitors per day. 

 

It is ironic that the council are so keen to divert its staff and the police to enforce a smoking ban on the beach; because they have done fark all to stop abusive drinkers, drug takers, tent communes etc from blighting the beachfront and city's parks over the past few years. 

 

There was even a rave on the beach the other week, that left in its wake 60 used needles, broken glass, vomit, urine and human faeces. Where were the police, council and local media when this was on and when the people who have businesses on the beachfront were left to clean up the shit?

Congratulations to Brighton and Hove council, well deserving Knobheads of The Millennium!

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The £8K Orange Peel

Kudos to Broxbourne Borough Council for making utter knobheads of themselves (and costing taxpayers £8K), over a farcical dispute regarding a dropped orange peel.

Luke Gutteridge accidentally dropped an orange peel (which is biodegradable), then binned it immediately and apologised to the Broxbourne Borough Council-contracted officer.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, Mr Gutteridge was fined £75.

Instead of bending over and taking it, Mr Gutteridge went to court.

Suffice to say the case was dismissed, and the council claimed that lessons would be learnt.

Pah!

Tim Hutchins, Broxbourne council member for environmental protection, is quoted by the BBC:

"Clearly we thought we had sufficient evidence to bring this case. The costs were not awarded against us and I think that's a fair indication the court believed the case had been properly brought."

Bollocks, they lost and the costs of Mr Guterridge's defence will be met by the taxpayer.

As the Budget is delivered today (see live tweets here), many councils will bleat and snivel about the cuts they will have to bear. However, do not forget that councils are very wasteful of our money and cannot be trusted to run a piss up brewery!

Councils are very good at spending other people's money!

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Nanny Bans Pleasure

Nanny's best friend Theresa May has decided that we are all enjoying ourselves far too much, and wants to put a stop to it.

Her particular ire is targeted thusfar against so called "legal highs", which are chemical concoctions designed to produce similar effects to illegal substances.

Nanny has, over the past few years, been merrily banning these as soon as they hit the market. However, no sooner as one ban is put in place another variation on a substance is devised and sold perfectly legally.

Thus Nanny May is having no more of it and, despite there being no credible scientific research whatsoever about the dangers or otherwise of these substances, she has decided to push through a bill that bans them all (irrespective of whether they have been invented yet).

How can you ban something that has yet to be created?

Simples!

You ban ALL substances that are "psychoactive substances" (ones that give you pleasure, for want of a better word).

There is a wee problem with the proposed legislation.

It is in fact the worst piece of legislation (technically and ethically) ever drafted by any government in living memory.

For why?

Well did you know that tea, coffee, nuts, scented pillows etc all come under psychoactive substances?

Yes they do!

Thus there are (for the moment) exemptions eg alcohol (as long as it contains no other psychoactive substances), nicotine, tobacco and caffeine are “exempt substances”, as are medicinal products. However,  the bill appears to render the production of any new psychoactive drug for research purposes unlawful.

Additionally, butane gas, petrol, glue etc are not on the list of exemptions; despite the fact these are used by some people to get high.

Oh and the legality of efags (designed to weane you off real fags) is also questionable.

Thus the bill is pile of old shite!

I had expected this sort of bollocks from a coalition of Labour and the Scottish Nazi Party (had they won the election), but not from a Tory majority government with more pressing issues to focus on.

What the fark are May and her bill drafters on?

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries