Exposed, Nanny's Bribe Scandal

I can exclusively reveal that Nanny is paying bribes.

What?

Nanny, the upright moral guardian of our lives; both spiritual and temporal, paying bribes!

Surely not!

I am afraid so; she is in fact bribing school children to attend school.

You see Nanny has for a long time lectured us about the importance of education. She has a passion, so she says, for education and ensuring that the children of Britain are given the best start in life.

However, there is one slight flaw in her plan to turn British children into the intellectual elite of the world, the children don’t believe her.

Contrary to the media driven myth that we have bred a generation of moronic ingrates, today’s child is “savvy enough” to know that they are being sold “a pig in a poke”.

The exams, that they are being “hot housed” to pass, are worthless pieces of paper; that merely assign them to, at best, stacking shelves at the local supermarket.

Nanny, in her enthusiasm to ensure that her exam pass statistics rise each year, has made the exams impossible to fail. Our children know this; after all if members of the Royal Family can gain more than one A level, anyone can!

Bearing this in mind, children see no point in attending school; to attain these worthless qualifications.

Nanny of course knows that this reflects badly on her “passion for education”.

Therefore, having outlawed corporal punishment and any other form of chastisement, she has but one course of action left open to her to induce children to attend school; she has to bribe them.

Nanny’s “brilliant idea” is being tested at Kings Norton High School, a comprehensive in Birmingham. This school is likely to close, because of its poor GCSE results and abysmal 5% non-attendance record.

Children at Kings Norton, who deign to attend class, will be entered into a weekly draw for a prize worth £50.

Those who meet their individual targets for attendance, over a whole term, will be entered into a draw for a £150 prize.

Hey, they even get paid to sit the exams; £2 and £5 per subject. Easy money!

In money terms, the cost of Nanny’s scheme is £267K. However, in terms of destroying the remaining vestiges of dignity within the education system the cost is incalculable; as soon every child will expect to be paid to attend school, even though attending school is required by law.

In truth, Nanny does not have a passion for education; her passion is for statistics of her “achievements”, to brow beat us with, so that she can remain in power.