Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Friday, November 19, 2004

Nanny Bans Nursery Rhymes

Humpty Dumpty BannedNanny is clearly feeling a little bored with life at the moment; she has commissioned, at great expense to her charges (that’s you and me folks!), a study into violence in nursery rhymes.

The study, carried out by the Bristol Royal Hospital for Children, found that the frequency of nursery rhyme violence was more than 10 times greater than in programmes shown on TV before the watershed.

The study focussed on 25 popular rhymes, including; Humpty Dumpty and Jack and Jill.

The scenes of violence included:
  • Humpty Dumpty being hurt in a fall

  • Jack and Jill tumbling down a hillside

  • Simple Simon being thrown to ground by a cow

  • Rock a bye baby crashing to earth, as the cradle falls (wouldn’t that be covered under a manufacturer’s warranty or something?)
The conclusion of the study was that television is not the only source of violent imagery for children.

Nanny will therefore be decreeing that the current nursery rhymes are unsuitable for children, and ban them. She will then issue new, “sanitised”, rhymes that are less harmful to young minds.

As you all know, this site is happy to co-operate with Nanny in any way.

Therefore, I am launching a special competition; whereby visitors to can write their own Nanny style “sanitised” nursery rhymes.

These new “sanitised” rhymes can be based on traditional ones, or be entirely “free form”.

Please submit your entries to me, marking them for the attention of the Rhyme Sanitation Department. The winners will earn the kudos, and “notoriety”, of having their names and creations published on this site.

Good luck!


  1. Ohhhhh.... Nononono..

    You must be joking? Next they'll ban Andersen and the brothers Grimm (or has that already happened?). Would you be so good as to provide a link to the study in question and/or any news stories regarding it?

    Also, anybody wanting inspiration for their entry to this inspired competition should read James Finn Garner's 'Politically Correct Bedtime Stories' (

    and 'Once Upon A More Enlightened Time' (

  2. Rock-a-bye, baby,
    In one of the sustainable forest's tree's above average,
    When the wind blows, in addition to powering affordable key workers' homes across the Welsh EU region,
    The cradle will rock.
    When the bough breaks,
    The cradle will fall,
    And down will come baby,
    Thus prompting a full and frank report by the Health and Safety Executive into the actions of Forest Enterprise which results in a case of corporate manslaughter.

  3. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  4. Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
    (But only after his employer had carried out a thorough risk assessment)
    Humpty Dumpty had a great fall,
    (No win, no fee solicitor called, Health and Safety close business, family demand public inquiry)
    All the King's horses and all the King's men were either in Iraq or their regiments were being amalgamated,
    So grief consellor puts Humpty together again
    (But only after weekly conselling for five years)

  5. Should also have mentioned that far worse than the violence in nursery rhymes is their sexual imagery.

  6. Actually, if you read the press surrounding this, it's actually a bit of sarcasm designed to take the hand out of some of the hysteria surrounding TV violence. In that context, I thought it was very good! However, it is a sign of the times that I took you seriously for a minute!