Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, July 27, 2009

Nanny's Special Police Force - Bouncers

BouncersHot on the heels of Nanny's great wheeze to create "Plastic Policemen" (PCSO) and empowering park wardens and others to be able to fine people ("Jacqui's Specials"), Nanny has come up with another "terrific" idea.

She has decided to grant night club doormen ("bouncers" to you and I) the power to be able to fine people who are unruly.

Not only that, but Nanny's Bouncers will be abe to access the police criminal records database. In other words, a person whose only "qualification" to levy fines etc is a special T shirt and high vis yellow vest both with logos that say he/she can levy fines (provided by Nanny) will be able to nose around the criminal records database at will.

Good isn't it?

By the way, in order for bouncers (or rather the companies running the bouncers) to be able to "qualify" to levy fines and wear the T shirts etc, they first have to pay a fee to Nanny.


Any fines levied will go into the coffers of the local councils or police.


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  1. Don't forget that a number of so called 'bouncers' have criminal records themselves and some of the firms supplying them are a bit shady as well. I'm sure none of them will be at all tempted to find out a few juicy tidbits from the database and turn up on some persons doorstep with a cheery "If you don't want your workplace to know you were nicked for shoplifting when you were 12 I'd hand over ten grand right now!".

    I know Nanny has had a few trial runs at handing over sensitive data to criminals via the loss of laptops, CDs and memory sticks but I wonder why she does not go the whole hog and just hand everything over to the guests of HMP service to run.

  2. Anonymous11:40 AM

    Did you see in the Advertiser that ticket inspector who used the bank details of people he'd fined to order stuff online!

  3. @Kaptain_Von.. I agree - many of the bouncers that I've come across would appear to have very unsavoury backgrounds, so handing over personal details would be tantamount to legalised indentity theft.

    What Nanny appears to be doing is addressing the shortfall of real police officers by recruiting ever-lower orders of society to fill the gap. The magistrates concern about a "third tier" force is surely a misprint for "third rate?"

    The day must surely come when road sweepers (can I say that?) are "promoted" in this way: after all they are on the street and hence ideally placed to spy for Nanny!

  4. When I used to be a "bouncer", back in the day, you would just give troublemakers a few digs. No way we would have bothered issuing tickets :-)

    Since the introduction of the SIA licence, most of the decent doormen have disappeared because they cant get one for having a conviction from when they were 18 or some such nonesense.
    As a result, there are a lot of useless kids working the doors because they are the only ones who can get licenced. I bet a few of them would love to start issuing fines, having grown up in NuLabours Britain.

  5. Is there any scruffy little knuckle-dragging oik in this sanity-forsaken land who doesn't have some sort of statutory "power" to to get themselves tw*tted from here to next Sunday by attempting to "fine" me?

  6. The other worrying thing is that all of these "civil enforcement officers"....Doormen, bin men, parking wardens, park wardens, RSPCA inspectors etc etc will have full police/military powers should Nanny invoke the civil contingencies act....This means that untrained, unqualified staff will have real control and power over the ordinary members of the public......We have seen how power goes to the head's of many council employees such as bin men, imagine how petty and nasty they would be given full police type powers.

    This type of "network" of little helpers and spies is exactly the type of thing employed in the former USSR, in Hitler's Germany and Iraq; Brown's dream of a Stalinist Socialist Utopia under the EUSSR is getting nearer and nearer to becoming a reality.

  7. Number 63:39 PM

    Welcome to Neu Labia/EU stasi state. Spied on by every cretin that stands outside a pub door, emptys your bin or likes dressing up like a policeman (PCSOs) that is before we get to the fact that your accountant has to dob you in if he suspects you are cheating the oh so deserving nanny state, the social workers, the council twats posing as James Bond to spy on people dropping crisp packets..

    The start has to be the removal of the Nu Labia and that is only the start.

    Until the people of this country take their liberty seriously again we are doomed to be walked over by nanny in her elf and safey approved broques.

  8. Isn't this how Hitler started his thug force?

    Excellent piece, NKB.

    I've taken the liberty of lifting it for my blog - it deserves a wider audience.

  9. This is why, after 21 yrs as a JP desperately trying to hold things together whilst both hands were being tied behind back - legally speaking - I quit. Let Nu-lab empower Bouncers to give criminal records, who gives a f*** these days. This is becoming a travesty of a civilised nation.

  10. RavingMad1:44 AM

    I wouldn't worry too much about this. The bouncers concerned will soon be so tied up in the bureaucracy and paper work of their new 'role' that very few people will be troubled by them.

    However, this will mean that the government will have to set up an enquiry into the working of bouncers, appoint a bouncers 'Tsar' and try to alleviate the paperwork by enabling each bouncer to have the necessary clerical staff - all pooled from the ever increasing unemployment figures - thereby enabling Gordon to quite rightly claim that he is creating 500,000 new jobs in the civil security system, that's as well as 500,000 jobs in IT

    As Gordon would say, it's the right thing to do!!