Postman Pat

Postman Pat
Postman Pat
He's a lazy twat!

Pity the poor people of the peaceful hamlet of Cefn Minog, population: three, who woke up one morning to find that their entire community had been branded a health and safety hazard.

That is at least the conclusion drawn by one of Nanny's trolls, working for the dreaded Health and Safety Inspectorate.

Mr Jobsworth conducted a "risk assessment" of Cefn Minog, and concluded that it presented a clear and present danger to the health and safety of the local postal employees.

Nanny has ruled that the postmen must not deliver post in Cefn Minog again.

Nanny's troll identified three potential ways that a postman would be killed if he tried to bring a sack of letters up the slope. The grassy pastures apparently contain 23 hazards capable of inflicting major injury, six that could cause serious injury and two risking minor injury.

One of the deadliest obstacles, the inspector concluded, was a stile opposite Bettws Farm, near Abergavenny.

Marked as "harm potential", the report states:

"Slip/trip/fall.

Muscle/tendon strains or broken bones, cuts, grazes, bruising.

Hit by moving vehicle."

The "probable severity" was listed as "fatality".

This came as news to William Jackson who is 79 and has a pacemaker, he walks across the same route every day to post his letters. Indeed there have been postmen coming to Cefn Minog since the reign of Victoria, without suffering any major fatality.

Great Gott, a farm, was identified by Nanny's troll as:

"A working farmyard with a muddy surface, loose stones and a raised cobbled area".

The report noted of dangers:

"Collision with farm vehicles/machinery.

Bumping into/striking against injuries".

"Opening gate and climbing very steep footpath...

very strenuous exercise could bring on or worsen a medical condition."

An alternative route would bring the post van along a track bordered by a dry-stone wall. This would cause:

"considerable jolting of driver at very low speed causing cumulative spinal or other back injuries".

Quote:

"The driver could lose control of vehicle

skid, steering thrown by protruding stones or side of ruts causing vehicle to strike a tree or a wall,

or at worst

roll over on adverse camber striking against/bumping into injuries".

Postcomm, the regulator that compiled the report, said:

"What looks like a quite pleasant country walk

could be a lethal stroll for a postman on a dark winter morning.

The health and safety assessor has to look on the bleak side."

Utter bollocks!

How is it then that post is delivered to some of Britain's less than inviting tower blocks and council estates?

I would have thought that the postman would face far more life threatening dangers in those places.

A cynic might suggest that this report is being used as an excuse to avoid making a few deliveries that take the postman a little more time than others.