Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, December 10, 2007

Christmas Decorations

Christmas Decorations
In keeping with the season, you will be pleased to know that I spent this weekend erecting and mounting (can I say that?) the Frost household Christmas decorations.

Please be assured that, in keeping with the ethical principles of this website:
  • The decorations are fire hazards

  • No "pull" or "load bearing" tests were carried out

  • Some decorations have been hung from light fittings (which have not been tested for load bearing)

  • The coloured lights and electronic snowman have not be checked by a qualified electrician

  • I used a chair to stand on, when mounting and erecting many of them

  • I have not received any training wrt standing on a chair, or indeed mounting/erecting decorations

  • The electrical parts of the decorations add to the CO2 emissions of the planet

  • Many extra plug extensions have been added, without being checked for safety

  • The wires for the extensions and the lights present a considerable trip hazard
All in all, a typical British Christmas!

Nanny can keep her nose out.

I am fully confident that, ignoring the effects of booze and excess food, I and my loved ones stand a better than 50% chance of making it through the Christmas period in one piece.

By the way, talking of food and booze, don't forget to use the most excellent links on this site to buy your booze and food for the festive season.

How about a Nanny thong?

Nanny Thong

Buy them and other Nanny stuff at Nanny's store

How about an "In Your Face" Thong?

In Your Face

Buy them at The Emporium

Have it large this Christmas!


  1. Anonymous12:57 PM

    Tut Tut Ken...Nanny will be furious!!

    I suggest we make the most of being able to decorate our homes at Christmas, as I am sure it is only a matter of time befor Nanny bans us from doing so for either 'elf'n'safety reasons or green fascist reasons....of course the regulations banning the decorating of homes will come complete with the usual fine attached for failure to comply...Kerching.

  2. Like Ken, I too decorated the Von residence over the weekend at the insistence of my daughter. I balanced between a stepladder and the sofa to affix garlands to the ceiling and came to no harm. In fact barring the incidents with the cat and the staple gun (which was easily remedied with the aid of Mrs Von, a pair of leather gauntlets and some industrial pliers) and the fish tank and the fairy lights which whilst unfortunate did mean we had a nice fried fish supper for our Saturday meal I survived unscathed. I will shortly be going online to order a rather large ham to sit alongside the rather splendid goose we have ordered and the heroic amounts of food and alcohol that have already been laid in for our disgustingly traditional middle class Christmas.

    I am sure Nanny is having heart palpitations just reading this but I have one last thing to add that is likely to get her knickers in one final twist...I will also find time to attend a service at my local church where hymns and carols are sung in time honoured Christian tradition. So up yours Nanny!

  3. Anonymous5:15 PM

    I would like to point out that I did not spend my weekend erecting or mounting any Christmas decorations in the Anonymous household.

    Like most single men, my lifestyle can be summarised as one of optimised perfection through the application of pure and perfect logic using the positive feedback loop of life.

    By way of example: a few years ago it suddenly dawned on me that the amount of hassle I experience putting the Christmas decorations back into the attic in January is directly proportional to the amount of effort expended in erecting and mounting the decorations in December. The simple removal of Christmas decorations from my annual ‘must do’ list represented a further milestone on my journey to perfection providing extra time for more efficient pursuits.

    Because the erecting and mounting exercise had already been optimised to one of reaching up into the attic and lifting down one pre-decorated Christmas tree without lights and two bobble things for hanging on the wall; the amount of time saved (including blowing off a year’s worth of attic dust) came to about 4 minutes each way.

    Still, 8 minutes is 8 minutes.

  4. Anonymous9:40 PM

    I trust it was an office-style swivel chair on castors!

    Anonymous - I like your style! As a single bloke myself, I have also taken an easy approach to decorations by keeping everything in one box in a spare wardrobe. I shall now be giving serious consideration to dispensing with the box come 12th night.

  5. Anonymous9:32 PM

    anonymous, have you ever thought about optimising your perfection while still enjoying a decent level of Christmas decoration?
    Leave you decoration in the attic and run it from the nearest power outlet using an extension cord.
    Should take you less than 1 minute each way. Still, 2 minutes is 2 minutes, but at least you show some style ...