Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Prats of The Week

Prats of The WeekTime methinks for another one of my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Awards.

This week it goes to a local council...

Gosh no surprises there then!

Local councils have over the past few years acted as Nanny's stormtroopers in her war against freedom of choice, freedom of action and freedom per se.

Local councils add no value whatsoever to people's lives. Which is kind of odd really, given the fact that it's the local residents that pay council tax to keep these unloved and unwanted organs of the state in existence.

Anyhoo, this week's award to goes to Portsmouth Council.

For why?

Ask Lourdes Maxwell.

Over the last 25 years Ms Maxwell has erected (can I say that?) a paddling pool in her communal garden every summer in front of her house, for her grandchildren and the neighbours' children to play in.

The pool is a staggering and death defying 2ft deep.

This year there will be no pool.

For why?

Portsmouth Council have decreed that it needs a lifeguard.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

They also decreed that she must have insurance policy as well.

The health and safety Gestapo put their size ten jackboots in, when Ms Maxwell wrote to the council asking for permission to put a bigger pool in the communal garden outside her home.

She was promptly told it was too dangerous, and also told to empty the existing pool.

Now you see the clear lesson here is, never ever tell your local council anything.

They cannot be trusted to use the information in a sensible or helpful way.

After an intervention by her MP, Portsmouth "generously" allowed Ms Maxwell to have a pool but only if she pays for insurance and ensures that supervisors were on constant watch.

Ms Maxwell is not the only resident required to obey rather petty rules, all residents who use the communal gardens must ask permission before performing any relatively harmless task such as having a barbecue.

Ms Maxwell did ask around for insurance but said "they just laughed at me. No one offers insurance for paddling pools".

I am sure some greedy fast buck insurance company will now!

What's the betting it will be a £5M liability? That's the norm isn't it?

Nigel Selley, Portsmouth Council's neighbourhood manager, said:

"We did not have sufficient assurances that the risks associated with providing such a facility would be well-managed.

We have since spoken to Ms Maxwell and she is aware of our concerns for child safety and the risks associated with drowning

"such a facility"??

Pompous's a farking 2ft paddling pool, it's not a facility!

These people are totally disconnected from reality, and take a real pleasure out of interfering in the day to day lives of normal people.

Why not drop Portsmouth Council a wee note and let them know what you think?

Portsmouth Council, well deserving Prats of The Week.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store. is brought to you by "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries


  1. Anonymous11:29 AM

    Methinks the time has come for, well meaning, concerned citizen action of course!
    Every reader of this blog should take it upon themselves to use all existing regulations against nanny herself. Every time you see leaf hit the it to nanny as a potential slip hazard. Each time you see a council vehicle belch just a tad too much smoke out of its exhaust, report it to manny as an environmental hazard. In short, swamp the b*****s with so much investigations targetted at themselves that they have no time to interfere in the lives of normal folk.

  2. Anonymous12:05 PM

    It is so typical of many of our nutty local councils. In my opinion, local governments have created so many non jobs to fiddle unemployment figures, that each of these holders of non job positions feel the need to show that they are worth while. They feel they need to be seen to be doing something, anything, even the absurd.

    My brother owns a company and had the 'elf'n'safety person of doubtful parentage visit him. The said wally approved of his risk assesments and was pleased that an acre of tropical rain forest had been destroyed for the forms, but he advised my brother that he had forgotten one very important point. My brother drives to his premises and the officer was concerned that my brother had not assessed the risk for getting out of his car and walking across the yard to the front door of his complex....I kid you not. My brother laughed and thought he was joking but, sadly the stormtrooper was being deadly serious....What a prat!!

  3. Anonymous12:22 PM

    Anon 11:29

    Yes but local Nanny will just see this as a reason (satisfying local demands) to appoint more bureaucrats and increase taxes to pay for them.

    That said the wind over the weekend has been ripping leaves and small branches off trees and bushes near me and clearly littering the local area to I thought I might contact the responsible authorities and demand that they investigate and chastise those responsible.

    I have to conclude that Mrs. Earth may be implicated or at least know who the fixed penalty should be issued to. I may advise 'the authorities' accordingly (anonymously of course).

    As for paddling pools - very dangerous things mostly for what they contain.

    I mean we all know that young children can drown in tiny depths of water and water and its containers are central to spreading infection and disease. Indeed the Daily Mail today points out that the Tiger Mosquito, a large and dangerous disease spreader from distants parts, can breed in the merest hint of moisture (apparently). It is thought to be spreading in goods shipped around the world and then breeding in any tiny damp place it can find. So, Portsmouth being at the centre of a maritime trade region, the risks from Tiger mosquitoes are clearly high and to have a veritable mosquito breeding super factory, in the form of a paddling pool, in the area is clearly madness. The council clearly should take action, the more so in that the disease factory is operated on their property.

    I bet the paddling pool is not bio-degradable either ....


  4. Anonymous12:29 PM


    What a sadly believable story.

    I wonder if the 'elf'nsafety people fill in risk assessments before every client visit?

    "Risk of travel to location."

    "Risk of verbal abuse"

    "Risk of being thumped for being a prat ..."

    Maybe he trained with journalists in Russia or diamond dealers somewhere in Africa?

    Or perhaps teenagers going into fast food emporia in Southern London?


  5. Anonymous1:51 PM

    Have you ever thought of actually doing a 'Prat of the Week' award in suitable cases? Turning up at the town-hall with a bottle of Noilly Prat, accompanied by local press and TV, and trying to award it to the prat responsible. A bit Michael Mooreish, I know, but worth a try, I think.

  6. Anonymous3:34 PM

    I trust Portsmouth council has lifeguards on duty at all public areas of water? (quite a lot of them after this weekend's downpour I suspect!) If they don't, surely they are placing all their inhabitants in great danger?

  7. Anonymous3:37 PM

    Is there any relationship between the "petty, jobsworth" councils and a particular political party?

    Are these over officious councils all run by the same political group?

  8. For goodness' sake don't waste a perfectly good bottle of Noilly Prat [my favourite tipple with vodka]. Newts' piss in a plastic container is quite good enough for these wallies.

  9. Anonymous5:22 PM

    Anonymous 3:37 PM asked

    "Is there any relationship between the "petty, jobsworth" councils and a particular political party?"

    Sadly I fear this particular disease is endemic for all controlling parties but there may be pockets of resistance in some areas that reflect along party lines.

    I would guess some of the more obscure groups and Independents may so far be free of contamination - but then they don't matter much if they are not influential, sadly.

    It also seems to be a pandemic with similar tales reported around the globe, at least from the so called industrialised nations.

    I don't suppose most of the non-industialised nations or indeed the industialised ones outside Europe, North America and their off-shoots in the south seas would be as worried about children and paddling pools. Many seem to be differently focused on what their children are useful for.


  10. "but only if she pays for insurance"
    In the US, "Homeowner's Insurance" would cover her wading pool, and full-size pool insurance can be added.

    "and ensures that supervisors were on constant watch."
    We usually call them "Mom."

  11. In Australia there is a steady trickle of infants and young children who drown in amazingly shallow ponds and pools. There are laws about fences around pools and such. Still it happens.
    No watching of children by big sisters etc like in the past

  12. Something similar happened almost 3 years ago when a paddling pool was banned

  13. Anonymous6:35 AM

    Kids will do stupid things around water and many do drown in small pools or paddling pools. Alas, I fear that Nanny is simply reacting to fears of a lawsuit when some dumb arse parent is getting pissed in the front room while little Johnny breathes his last in the paddling pool.

    Naturally, it will not be anyone's fault apart from the pool manufactrer and the person who put the pool out for the kids to play in.

    The legal whores will descend and the merry dance will continue, blame counterblame, more legislation to 'prptect us' and ever fatter fees for the lawyers.