Prats of The Week - Swindon Borough Council

Ooh err missus, it has been quite a wee while since I have awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, Prats of The Week Award.

Therefore, without further ado, I am happy to award it to Swindon Borough Council.

For why?

Well now let me tell you a story.

Just off Newall Street in Swindon there is a very narrow alleyway, that is far too narrow for cars to pass through.

Some weeks ago, for reasons that were never clearly explained, Swindon Borough Council (or rather one of its contractors) painted double yellow lines on both sides of the alleyway (leaving a gap of 13 inches between the lines).

Suffice to say, no one was impressed and the council at the time said that the lines were a "temporary measure" and would in time burnt off.

Anyhoo, it now transpires that instead of burning them off the council has had them painted black.

Why not just save time and money and leave them there?

Ahah Nanny's chums from the council have an answer.

As per the BBC, a council spokesman said that they had been removed as the council wanted drivers to know that double yellow lines "are there for good reason and are capable of being enforced".

"These particular lines didn't get close to meeting either criteria.

The lines will be burnt off, but in the meantime they have been painted over as a temporary measure."

He added that the contractor had agreed to meet the cost and the council would "not be paying for the painting of the lines or for their removal".

What a remarkable waste of time and money (don't be deceived, somehow or other the cost of this will end up being charged to the local taxpayer).

Swindon Borough Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Nanny Bans Parents II - Isambard Community School Withdraws Policy

My thanks to a loyal reader who has sent me a link to a press release issued by the Isamabrd Community School, in response to the story about them requiring parents to be CRB checked if they wish to watch their kids play sports etc.

Apparently, it's all been a terrible misunderstanding over a "small story" (the school's phrase not mine)!

How did this "misunderstanding" come about?

It seems that the local paper was given "out-dated information regarding this issue".

Cough!

In other words there was a CRB check requirement, but the school withdrew it either before the article went to press or just after the article was published.

Oh, and by the way, what the fark is "enrichment time" when it is at home?

Here is the press release in full from the school website:

"In light of the recent press coverage regarding CRB checks on parents wishing to watch their children play in sports fixtures we would like to issue the following statement:

Parents are more than welcome to attend to watch sports fixtures at Isambard Community School. 

However, there is no access to the sports pitches through the main school building. Parents are requested to use the Tadpole Lane entrance where there is ample parking. There have previously been issues with parents and other visitors arriving at the Isambard Way entrance and being annoyed to be asked to drive to Tadpole Lane. However, we are unable to allow visitors access through the school during the normal school day, which includes the enrichment time between 3:15pm and 6pm. We hope this clarifies the school’s position.

We are very disappointed that the Swindon Advertiser and other newspapers have made such a big issue out of this small story whilst ignoring the outstanding examinations results achieved in the summer (see here) and our contribution to the local community, for example, the annual Lantern Parade held in October (see below).

We apologise for the fact that the Advertiser were given out-dated information regarding this issue prior to the article going to press."

Methinks I smell a whiff of last term's pork pie here.

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Nanny Bans Parents

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me to the goings on at The Isambard Community School in Swindon, which has absorbed Nanny's hysteria about all adults being a threat to children hook line and sinker.

According to the Telegraph the school has banned parents from watching their children take part in sports events, unless they pass a criminal records check.

In other words all adults are deemed guilty of being child predators unless they can prove otherwise!

Neil Park wanted to see his son George play rugby, but was banned from entering the school because he hadn't had a CRB check.

The message that this sort of nonsense sends kids is that adults cannot be trusted, and should be feared.

When I was a kid I was taught very simply not to talk to strangers or take sweets etc from them and, if in difficulty, I should ask for help from a policeman.

Sage advice which, aside from the lack of policemen these days, is still valid.

A child will not be abducted in public if it follows that simple guidance.

Regarding CRB checks, they simply "prove" that the person carrying a "clean" CRB is not registered on a database has having committed a crime; that of course doesn't mean that he/she hasn't committed or won't commit a crime.

Nanny is teaching children to fear all adults, that is not healthy and is in itself is a from of child abuse is it not?

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Nanny Bans Height

I am always gemused at the imaginative excuses Nanny comes up with to charge us more money. My compliments to The Jolly Roger Play Centre in Swindon for coming up with a new excuse for charging their clients more money.

Dylan and Amanda Sparks were told that they would have to pay extra (the full child price) for their two year old son Oliver to attend the nursery, because he is 3ft 3ins (100cm) tall.

Now fair enough, if there are sections of the nursery that are for "larger" kids etc or if that is the stated price structure (which it is).

The trouble is, instead of simply saying "we charge extra for larger older kids", the nursery swathed their request for more money in Nanny's time honoured excuse of "health and safety"; adding that Oliver would wear the equipment out faster (isn't that what kids do anyway?).

Why hide behind "health and safety", when it clearly is a simple matter of structured pricing (which they have already stated in their rules and conditions anyway)?

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The Dangers of Too Little Salt

This site's humble origins, all those years ago, were with this article about Nanny's anti salt campaign published in September 2004.

Since then Nanny has bombarded us with regular warnings about how salt will kill us, and that we must not add it to our food etc etc.

It surely is a miracle that for the 100,000 years or so that mankind has existed, it has managed to survive without Nanny's timely warnings about salt. A bit rough also on those from Eastern Europe who, as a matter of custom and practice, offer guests bread and salt (bread, as we know is also loaded with salt). How is that there is still a population living in Eastern Europe, gievn their love of salt?

Anyhoo, it transpires that...cue the dramatic music...too little salt can be dangerous as well!

As Dawn Page, 52, found to her cost when she began a "detox diet". Mrs Page began vomiting uncontrollably after starting The Amazing Hydration Diet. She then later had an epileptic fit which damaged her memory, speech and concentration.

Her nutritionist Barbara Nash told Mrs Page her to drink large amounts of water, and reduce her salt intake when she started the diet in October 2001.

According to Mrs Nash the vomiting was a normal part of the detoxification process.

!!!!!!!!

Less than a week into the regime Mrs Page had to be taken to Princess Margaret Hospital in Swindon, after suffering a severe epileptic fit. Doctors diagnosed low salt levels in her body.

Mrs Nash's insurance company agreed to pay out £810,000, but in a statement her lawyers denied any liability.

Dr Andrew Wadge, of the Food Standards Agency, has branded detox regimes "nonsense" and said the body has its own system of getting rid of toxins - the liver.

Quite!

Now would Nanny kindly stop mithering us about salt!

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Local Councils - What Are They Good For?

Nanny's local councils employ some of the finest hard working people in the country, and attract the finest minds to become local councillors...don't they?

Nanny's council tax is not high, and the services provided by our local councils are clearly value for money...aren't they?

Nanny's local councils are staffed by people with a healthy attitude to risk, who do not seek to impose petty minded bureaucratic rules and health and safety measures on the local population....right?

No, I don't think so either.

Here is another story about mind numbing, bureaucratic, social engineering rules imposed by local councils that clearly have not been thought through.

It seems that limits on what people may throw into their bins may mean that, in many boroughs, waste will pile up on the streets this Christmas.

Councils across the country have imposed a limit on the amount of non-recyclable refuse they are prepared to collect, this includes food scraps.

Now, as we all know, Christmas is the mother of all eating and drinking binges. The result being a mountain of turkey bones, stale Brussels sprouts and other assorted debris/detritus.

This pile of waste has to be disposed of...normally in our bins.

Unfortunately, Nanny's chums in the local councils have other ideas. In places such as Swindon, Bournemouth and Oxford, councils have a recycling programme which means the vast majority of households are only allowed one wheelie bin full of general domestic waste.

The "bright boys" in the council are not relaxing that policy over Christmas.

It seems that the bin men in these areas will refuse to pick up any bags left on the side and if the lid is not closed properly, they will not empty it.

Excellent!

Clearly a helpful, customer orientated policy!

Definitely one that will work during the festive season.

Spokesman for Swindon Borough council, Richard Freeman, congratulated himself:

"At the moment we are able to recycle 38%

of all the refuse collected in the town.

That is an impressive figure which means

our strict policy must be working."

Let's see how it works at Christmas then matey!

The rats and other assorted vermin will be pleased.

Local councils:

-Value For Money
-Helpful
-Logical
-Hard Working

NOT!!!!