Pass The Sickbag Someone II

In honour of the Grauniad's suggestion that fireworks be banned, I bought a box load yesterday and filled the air with noxious substances.

I also lit a small fire.

Our cat was nonplussed, and watched the event through the window with passive indifference.

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Twats of The Year

Oh my goodness, even in the anals (or is it annals?) of Nannyism this story (if it is true) way surpasses the norm for my "Prats of The Week" Award.

Hence I am awarding the Co-op and the Cranbrook police my coveted, and rarely awarded, "Twats of The Year" Award.

Please note the caveat "if it is true", because it sounds so absurd that surely it can't be true?

Anyhoo according to The Mirror, Sue Savage (a mum of modest stature) was shopping in her local Co-op in Cranbrook Kent.

Unable to reach the vodka bottles on a high shelf she asked her 15 year old daughter, Tara, (who stands at a commanding 6ft 3in) to reach for them.

Can you guess what allegedly happened next loyal readers?

Yes, that's right, a jobsworth supervisor appeared and told her to put the items back (Nanny thinks that the booze was for Sue's daughter).

Sue left the store and the booze. She then came back alone later, to buy the vodka.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, the store manager appeared (as if by magic) and said the he believed that she was going to supply a minor.

Factoid: it is not illegal for parents to offer their kids booze in their own homes.

Sue "went British" (ie stood up for herself and ignored officialdom), she placed £10 on the counter and walked off with the booze.

The Co-op minions warned her she was breaking the law.

Factoid: she wasn't unless they had proof otherwise.

Then, I guess out of sheer annoyance and fear, she rang police; they came along and told her to return the booze.

The story becomes unclear at this stage. However, the Mirror reports that she was then arrested and given a £80 fixed penalty.

If this is true then, without a doubt, both the Co-op and Cranbrook police are well both deserving of the "Twats of The Year" Award.

I would appreciate hearing from anyone with more information on this story.

In the meantime here is the Co-op's email address, feel free to say "Hi" customer.relations@co-op.co.uk.

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Pass The Sickbag Someone

Given the many other far more odious sources of pollution that allegedly are contributing to environmental damage (eg planes, factories, forest burning, cows, cars, humans, politicians, newspaper production, wars etc), quite why the Grauniad thinks that fireworks should be top of the list for banning is beyond me.

Should Fireworks Be Banned on Environmental Grounds?

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Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

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Bonfire of The Numpties

Here we are again folks, tis Guy Fawkes night!

Hoorah!

As expected, Nanny's anti firework and anti bonfire brigade are doing their level best to put the mockers on this fine event (celebrating a really bright bloke who wanted to get rid of all the politicians of his day!...that's the idea isn't?).

I am sad to see that the year on year negative publicity spewed out by Nanny has so worn down the organisers at Ilfracombe Rugby Club, that they can't even be bothered to ask their council for permission to have a bonfire.

Instead, put off by the "mountain" of paperwork and regulations set by council chiefs, they have opted to have a "virtual" bonfire!

Seemingly a real fire would have required five qualified fire marshals, and metal barricades to keep people at a safe distance.

The "virtual" bonfire will use giant heaters, lighting, sounds of crackling wood and a smoke machine to give the impression of a fire.

There will at least be some real fireworks (this year anyway).

So ends another fine British tradition, worn down by endless paperwork and nit picking bureaucracy.

Have it large tonight folks!

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Bonkers Conkers

With conker season all but over it never ceases to amaze me how each year there is a crop of stories relating to over protective schools either banning conkers, or insisting on some form of "protection" being worn, on the spurious grounds of health and safety.

This year the same sad old "health and safety" issues have cropped up, as the pupils of Adlington Primary School in Macclesfield have discovered. The pupils there, who wanted to play conkers in the playground, were been ordered to wear safety goggles because of health and safety issues.

Miss Broadhurst, the headteacher, said:

"We are quite an academic school and were determined the kids should have some fun - but we do it safely.

In terms of wearing goggles we just considered it was better to be safe than sorry. Conkers are generally frowned on now because a child somewhere in the country, at some point, has been hurt playing a game.

I suppose it does really show that health and safety has gone over the top."

Ken says:

1 Wrap the kids up in cotton wool and they will never grow into mature, responsible, self reliant, confident adults.

2 What about the danger of wrists being bruised by a badly aimed conker? Why not insist on pads for hands as well?

3 Risk and danger is necessary for a healthy well balanced life, remove risk and danger and you kill the human spirit.

4 Kids will look for other ways of getting a "rush from risk", eg running across railway lines.

5 This type of overreaction merely transfers the adults' anxiety onto the kids, thus damaging them psychologically.

6 If this "does really show that health and safety has gone over the top", why on earth implement this daft policy?

All in all it is an over reaction to a low risk situation.

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A Nation of Brain Dead Numpties - Marks and Spencers

It would seem that "brain dead numptiness" is spreading like a veritable plague, even that bastion of British shopping Marks and Spencer has come down with it.

Andree Evans, from South Mimms, recently toddled along to her local M&S to buy a birthday card.

She went to the checkout to pay, and the till beeped. Fortunately the M&S assistant was on hand to override the till.

Gosh, what could be wrong?

Nothing, for Andree was over 25.

Eh?

What are you saying Ken?

Ah, my loyal readers, I neglected to describe the nature of the card.

Was it porn?

No!

It had a photo of a wine glass, a corkscrew, five bottles of wine and another empty glass.

Eh?

The problem my loyal readers is that the picture related to booze, Nanny hates booze (not as much as she hates "weed", but she really does hate booze) and as such the card could not be sold to people who are under 25.

That at least was the view of the people at M&S who programmed the till, and the assistant who explained it to Ms Evans.

I assume Christmas cards featuring Santa are also age restricted, since he is a fat, red faced man who likes young children to sit on his lap and happily visits them in their bedrooms when their parents are asleep?

Sad to see M&S have gone down with "brain dead numptiness". Maybe we should send them a "get well" card?

Oh, but we had better be sure that it doesn't contain any pictures of booze; would a picture of boobs or "meat and two veg" be OK instead?

Drop them a note here M&S.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries