Drunk Handcuffed Man Crashes Police Car - Oops!

As per the BBC, a drink-driver who tried to escape in a police car and crashed into cars while wearing handcuffs has been jailed.

Dominic O'Neill, 38, was detained and placed in the back, but "managed to to get into the driver's seat and drive off" in Leicester, on 21 October.

O'Neill was sentenced to 16 months in prison for several motoring offences at Leicester Crown Court.

Leicestershire Police said its officers had "received advice" surrounding the circumstances of the crash.

Quite!

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Spot The Difference

Here is a wee spot the difference competition (no prizes) for you to test your observational skills on.

Can you tell me the difference between the two objects in the picture above, and what each is used for?

Yes, that's right, the one on the left is a white stick used by the visually impaired, the one on the right is a Samurai sword used for killing people.

Now that wasn't too difficult was it?

Sadly some in the Lancashire police might have had some problems with it.

The Telegraph reports that Colin Farmer (a 61 year old visually impaired gentlemen) found himself tasered and handcuffed whilst on his way to meet friends for a drink in his local pub in Chorley.

For why?

Police had earlier been dispatched after reports of a man roaming around Chorley town centre in Lancs armed with a sword, and a patrolman spotted Mr Farmer walking down the street using his white stick to get around and mistook it for a samurai sword.

Mr Farmer said:

"The whole thing was like being trapped in a nightmare.

I didn't even know the police were there. I heard this man shouting. I thought they were shouting at some people.

I certainly didn't know they were police - and I certainly didn't know they were shouting at me.

I thought I was going to be attacked by some hooligans. The next thing they fired a Taser at me, though I didn't know it was a taser at the time. 

I just felt this thump in my back. As soon as the taser hit me I hit the ground. 

I hit my head on the floor, then this policeman came around. I said 'I'm blind, I'm blind. I'm blind'.

This policeman knelt on me and dragged my arms round my back and handcuffed me so tight I've had bruises since. 

I said 'you're hurting me, I'm blind' - and there's no way he could not have seen my stick on the floor.

I walk at a snail's pace. They could have walked past me, driven past me in the van, or said drop your weapon. 

It's a sad excuse. They wouldn't even stop when I said I'm blind. I was absolutely terrified. I thought any second I'm going to have another stroke and this one will kill me."

Chief Supt Stuart Williams, of Chorley Police said:

"We have launched an urgent investigation to understand what lessons can be learned and the matter has also been referred to the Independent Police Complaints Commission."

Mistakes of course do happen, but this seems to be one hell of a snafu!

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The Boys In Hi Vis

I have observed that certain phrases trigger a raising of blood pressure amongst my loyal readers. One such phrase is "hi vis", as discussed yesterday in relation to binmen and council admin staff.

In the spirit of keeping the blood pressure up, I am going to repeat the phrase again today....hi vis!

For it seems ladies and gentlemen that Nanny is planning to do away with our "boys in blue", and replace them with the "boys in hi vis".

Police chiefs believe that hi vis (instead of blue) will make the police easier to spot on the streets (alongside binmen, road diggers, traffic wardens etc etc). Additionally Nanny believes that, if it is adopted across the country, it will make for a more unified image.

The absurdly named “national high visibility jacket” will be tested first in London.

Groan!

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Nanny Bans Swans

Oh dear Nanny does make an utter fool of herself sometimes, as the good people who run The Scream gallery in Mayfair will attest to.

The gallery had been exhibiting a photograph of a naked woman and a swan (a modern depiction of the Greek myth of Leda and the Swan - according to Greek mythology, the god Zeus took the form of a swan to seduce Leda. She later bore his children, Polydeuces and Helen of Troy) for a month, when one day a Metropolitan police officer saw the image from a bus.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, two uniformed officers went to the gallery and told Jag Mehta, the sales director at the gallery, that the photo suggested that the gallery condoned bestiality (which is a criminal offence).

Factoid: swans are highly aggressive creatures, how the hell could anyone get near enough to one to be able to interact with it in any sexual way?

Ironically the exhibition was over and so the gallery took the image down, but the police remained until they saw that it had been taken down.

Miss Mehta did explain to the police that the myth of Leda’s rape by Zeus was an acceptable form of erotica in Victorian times. However, the police replied (according to The Telegraph) that:

“They said they didn’t know anything about the myth.” 

Despite telling the gallery to remove the image (which the gallery is still happy to show to people who wish to see it) the Metropolitan Police have said that the incident had not been recorded as a crime.

Ironically, despite ordering the gallery to the picture down, the police have not taken action against the Evening Standard for publishing a picture of it!

I am confused, if it's a crime to show the picture in a gallery why is it not a crime to show the picture in a newspaper and on its website?

Oh and while we are on the subject of swans, why is it that Tchaikovsky's ballet Swan Lake (where a prince falls in love with a princess who had been turned into a swan) allowed to be performed?

Censorship does seem to cause an awful lot of confusion, especially when people have to judge what they define to be "offensive", doesn't it?

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Dorset Police Declare Martial Law

Oh by the way folks, Dorset police appear to have declared "martial law"!

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Give a Dog a Bad Name - Nanny Bans Uniform

Nanny and the media have done a "splendid" job of demonising Britain's youth. Were we to believe the propaganda every young person in this country is a slack jaw, feral animal intent of causing trouble and mayhem.

Whilst that description may apply to some, as indeed as has always been the case, not every young person in the country should be tarred with the same brush.

Sadly Bethany Ogley, an 11 year old, was recently tarred with that very brush by a community "police" officer in Barnsley.

Bethany voluntarily helps out at her local cemetery, where her sister is buried. Recently she was paying one of her regular visits to the grave, when a "plastic policeman" approached her and told her that under the "Safer Schools Partnership" her visiting the grave would give her school a bad name.

For why?

Bethany was in school uniform.

Why does she wear uniform to visit the grave?

Because she visits it on her way home from school!

Seemingly the "plastic policeman" was unimpressed, and warned her that if she was caught there again in uniform she would face detention.

Nanny et al need to grasp an important fact here, not every young person is a feral criminal. However, if you treat every young person as a feral criminal they may well end up behaving like one!



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Nanny's New Database

Joy Oh Joy!

Nanny, possibly relieved at the avalanche of data being spewed forth about the Murdoch empire's "moral lapses", recently and rather quietly launched "The Police National Database".

Another day, another database!

This particular database will hold the records up to 6 million apparently innocent people, including every victim of sexual assault and domestic violence.

All 43 police forces in England and Wales and other law enforcement agencies will be able to access the database...along with members of News International and their hired stooges (topical "joke" their folks!).

Jennie Cronin, a director at the National Police Improvement Agency (NPIA), the body in charge of the database, estimated that the records of between 10 and 15 million people would be held (that's between 16% to 24% of the entire population).

Given that approximately 9.2 million people in the UK have criminal records, that leaves up to almost 6 million on the database who are we assume innocent.

Approximately 12,000 approved police officers and staff will be able to access the database.

Would these be of the same quality and high ethical standards as those who allegedly sold information and contact details of all and sundry (including the Queen) to News International?

David Davis, the former Conservative shadow home secretary, said in a matter of fact manner and without any apparent irony:

"Historically police databases have sometimes been made available to people outside of law enforcement agencies. This cannot be afforded for the PND to work properly."

Errmmm...quite!

Given that databases are notoriously leaky, and given the ongoing furore over police receiving payments for selling details of ordinary citizens to News International; does anyone trust the database and indeed the police not to leak information?

Seriously, does anyone trust the police any more?

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Prats of The Week - Tendring District Council/Essex Police

Ooh here is a fine example of pratishness that is worthy of my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to Tendring District council and Essex Police for their truly daft plans to chase people who have a fag in a company car, by using "sniffer wardens".

It seems that, in conjunction with Essex Police, the council have decided to set up road blocks across the county. Cars that are stopped will then be sniffed and the ashtrays inspected.

A smoker caught having smoked in a company car will be fined £50 (or taken to court and fined £200).

Ker Farking Ching!

Oh by the way, failure to stick no smoking stickers inside a company car can attract a fine of up to £1K.

Ker Farking Ching!

To my humble view this is just farking moronic on so many levels.

Have the council and police really nothing better to do with their time?

Tendring District Council and Essex Police, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Prats of The Week - CPS

Goodness me, the week is almost over and I have yet to award one of my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Awards.

This week it goes (somewhat belatedly, as the story is a tad past its prime) to the Crown Prosecution Service (CPS).

For why?

Ask Michael Thompson, who was recently prosecuted at the behest of the CPS.

What did he do?

Way back in July 2010 he was driving through a police speed trap in the Grimsby area, and flashed his headlights to warn fellow knights of the road about a mobile police speed gun.

The police flagged him down and charged him, peding CPS approval.

Note, he wasn't prosecuted by the CPS for speeding but for warning other motorists.

Nanny's chums at Grimsby Magistrates' Court have fined Mr Thompson £175 plus £250 costs plus a £15 "victim" surcharge ("victim"? what "victim"??), on the basis that he was wilfully obstructing a police officer in the course of her duties.

Mr Thompson is of the view that it was his civic duty to warn others.

Here's my view, the CPS and police are fooling no one with this prosecution. The theoretical purpose of speed traps etc is to ensure that motorists adhere to the speed limit.

Therefore if motorists know that there is a speed trap they will slow down, thus ensuring they keep to the speed limit and satisfying the alleged purpose of the speed trap.

However, the reality is that speed cameras and traps are a nice little earner for the state and local police forces (cameras have raised £100M in fines since they were introduced in the 90's). The reason for the prosecution was that Nanny was furious that one of her ways of making money out of us was thwarted.

Ker farking ching!

Mr Thompson should be praised for his actions!

The CPS, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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One Bad Apple

I am genuinely sorry to see that Alan Johnson was forced to resign, because of the upcoming storm of media interest in issues relating to his marriage.

It seems a very "rum do" indeed when "professional" officers assigned to protect people end up compromising their role, and have affairs with those/the spouses of those that they are assigned to protect.

This is not the first time that this has happened, nor indeed will it be the last.

Indeed the recent botched undercover operation, relating to so called "eco warriors", could hardly have been helped by the fact that the undercover officer used his role as an excuse for a fling.

What kind of police force has Nanny created, that so willingly compromises itself in this manner just to satisfy carnal desires?

Whilst I am on the subject, how is that so many details about the "man with eccentric" hair (apparently wrongly arrested for murder, now someone else has been arrested) were leaked to the press; thus causing a firestorm of shouty headlines and lurid sh*te to be published wrecking that man's life.

Is this the way that "justice" is now to be conducted in this country? Media driven lynch mobs working hand in hand with the police?

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The Dead Hand of Bureaucracy

Here is a little story highlighting Nanny's "bloody mindedness", that relates to the recently passed New Year's eve.

Newquay as many a teenager knows is "party central", and indeed the local economy is propped up by the surf and booze environment encouraged by the local council.

Anyhoo, come New year's eve people were expecting a wee drinky or two.

Not so fast me hearties!

Newquay's Central Square suffered from a lack lustre atmosphere, as a result of police telling the Central Inn not to not play music outside the premises.

Now, as we know from previous articles on this site, Nanny does not authorise bars, shops, garages etc to play music (even turning on the radio) unless they pay (Ker Farking Ching) a fee for a licence.

Anyhoo, bar managers were only told a few days before the piss up that they would have to get a temporary event licence to play music outside or lose their licence if music was heard.

Ker farking ching!

Needless to say, as I am sure the police were well aware, the bureaucracy involved required that they give notice considerably earlier than they did if the bar managers could have a chance to obtain the licence.

Nanny will use every trick in the book in order to ensure we don't enjoy ourselves.

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Eggcellent!

I am gemused to read on Inspector Gadget's site that his branch of the police have recently banned the use of the phrase:

"Sure as eggs is eggs."

For why?

Seemingly Nanny fears that the phrase may upset women (especially those who may suffer from fertility problems).

We truly live in a crazy country!

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No Snowballs

As the winter snow is washed away by a torrent of rain, spare a thought for Dean Smith who had been recently frolicking in the snow with his family after a Christmas shopping trip.

Rather foolishly he decided to lob a snowball at a passing female police officer.

Can you guess what happened three days later children?

Yes, that's right, the police arrived at Mr Smith's house and arrested him. He was handcuffed and taken off to the local nick to be charged with common assault.

He has appeared before magistrates in Derby and now has to wait, possibly until 12 January, to see if the case will proceed.

I accept that lobbing snowballs at the police is a silly thing to do. However, if a sound telling off is administered, and the snowballer apologises, are there not more pressing things that the police could be attending to....eg arresting men with eccentric hair, releasing their names to the press (the result being that the shouty media have tried him and found him guilty) and banning ITV from attending news conferences?

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Waste of Time

It never ceases to amaze me how Nanny has managed to strip the British people of their commonsense, and how Nanny's employees engage themselves on "fools' errands" trying to impose absurd rules and regulations on the public for the most trifling of issues.

Stephen West, from Bridlington, found this to his cost when in August he pruned a honeysuckle overhanging from next door and threw away the cuttings.

Mr West's neighbour informed the police about the "theft" of the cuttings. As if by magic a Police Community Support Officer came to question Mr West in September.

He was told it was perfectly legal to cut the plant on his side of the boundary wall. However, he had broken the law by disposing of them instead of returning them to the owner.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

The PCSO then informed Mr West that he faced prosecution unless he accepted a caution. Mr West was also required to give fingerprints, and now has a criminal record.

It does seem that there is something of a long running dispute between Mr West and his neighbour over a number of issues. However, using the law to "get him" for this particular issue makes the law look a complete ass!

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Police Arrest Pensioner

An elderly man, stopped for not wearing a seatbelt, was chased by police who broke a window and dragged him from his car. The incident was captured on a police video.

A tad over the top don't you think?

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New Balls Please

Oh dear, I really despair sometimes when I read what certain members of the police feel is worthy of their time and energy.

Lorretta Cole of North Baddesley has been getting a tad fed up with her neighbours' kids' cricket ball constantly landing in her garden.

One day it damaged her car, and she decided not to hand it back.

A classic neighbourhood dispute!

What happened next was not so "classic".

Mrs Cole was visited on three occasions by officers from Hampshire Police, who tried to persuade her to return it.

They warned her she could be arrested for theft, but she continued to hold on to the ball.

The result?

She was arresyed and detained for 5 hours while she was questioned and had her photograph, DNA and fingerprints taken.

Whilst I can see that, "technically", refusing to hand back the ball could be construed as "theft" and possibly also "wasting police time".

Surely questioning her for 5 hours and taking her DNA was a tad OTT?

She has now been released on bail, pending advice from the Crown Prosecution Service, and will have to return to the police station next month.

The ball has been seized by police as evidence.

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Ker Farking Ching! - Nanny Resorts To Theft

What can I say?

The country's financial situation has now become so desperate, that Nanny has resorted to theft and demanding money for the safe return of the stolen merchandise.

Marcus Morris (of Leeds) discovered this to his cost the other day, when he parked his VW Polo near to Leeds city centre as he went for a job interview.

Some 30 minutes later he returned to find that his car had gone.

Guess who took it?

Yes, that's right, the police.

For why?

The police told Mr Morris that he had left a window open and a CD wallet in the back of the car.

Hence, for his own good, the police took the car to a storage facility.

When Mr Morris collected his car the next morning Nanny gave him a bill for £150.

Chief Insp Elizabeth Belton of West Yorkshire police said:

"Officers regularly patrol our communities looking for opportunities to prevent crime, which is exactly what has happened on this occasion.

The vehicle was left insecure with valuables on show in an area with significant levels of car crime and we were unable to locate the owner.

We make absolutely no apology whatsoever for the officer's actions, which have prevented this vehicle becoming a target for thieves. Had a thief got there first it would have been a very different story.

We need people to take responsibility for their own property and take any valuables with them when they park up. We hope Mr Morris's story will serve as a reminder."

It's a great wheeze, innocent people are punished and fined.

Far easier than catching criminals.

Ker Farking Ching!

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Quel Surprise - Not!

How amusing I see that, despite denials that airport scanners would be misused, police recently warned an airport worker about a crude remark he made about a colleague's breasts as a newly-installed security scanner took a full body X-ray of her.

Seemingly Jo Margetson walked into an X-ray machine at Heathrow by mistake, whereupon the incident allegedly occurred.

She claimed that she is now "totally traumatised".

Can anyone tell me why the police were called in though?

Surely the employer could have handled this?

If Ms Margetson is really so "traumatised", she could undoubtedly sue the worker for the alleged damage done to her?

Why did the police need to become involved?

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Thumb Prints

I was gemused to read recently about the scheme being operated in Norwich (at the request of the police) by a number of second hand stores re collecting customers' thumbprints.

Customers are being asked to leave a thumbprint when trading in second-hand goods for cash, in order to stop criminals making money out of stolen items.

The police say that the prints would be kept in shops, not on any central database, and police investigating other crimes would be able to examine them.

Inspector Lisa Hooper said that the idea was to act as a deterrence to thieves from trying to sell stolen property in second-hand shops. I would venture to suggest that the thieves would simply fence their stolen booty in another area/town.

Anyhoo, Inspector Hooper said:

"The scheme will deter criminals from even trying to sell property to the shops who have signed up to the scheme, it will not affect law-abiding customers so they need not (have) fear of their thumbprint being obtained.

It is purely to put a stop to the flow of stolen goods in the city and in the second-hand shops who are the ones who feel the financial cost if stolen items are recovered by police, even though they genuinely bought the items from the customer.

We hope that customers will support the scheme and voluntarily allow their thumbprint to be taken."

All very well, maybe.

However, what happens to the thumbprint data of innocent people when it is accessed by the police?

Presumably the data has to be taken back to the police station for comparison with that of alleged criminals, and for comparison with "scene of crime" forensics data?

How secure is the data in the shops anyway, and how long do they keep it?

Are customers under any legal obligation to provide thumbprints?

The scheme seems riddled ethical and security flaws to me.

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Treemendous!

Now here's something for the weekend for you to enjoy:)

A wee story that hit the media a few weeks ago about Kim Barrett, and her brush with Nannydom.

Ms Barrett was about her business near Manor School in Melksham, when she saw a small boy stuck up a tree.

Being a decent human being Ms Barrett assisted the boy down, and walked him over to the school (where he was a pupil).

That all sounds reasonable, doesn't it?

Well no actually.

You see my loyal readers we live in the Nanny state, where commonsense and decency are thrown out the window in deference to the rule of the state.

The teachers were already aware of the boy's plight. However, in keeping with "health and safety" (pass the sickbag) guidance, they walked away from the boy and left him up the tree.

It seems that Nanny's rules dictate that such incidents should be "observed from a distance", lest the teachers distract the stranded child.

So, in other words, he is left to his own devices until gravity takes over!

Anyhoo, aside from observing the boy the staff also observed Ms Barrett.

Did they rush to thank her?

No!

They called the police and Ms Barrett was warned about going near the school etc lest she be a paedophile.

Nanny's chums at the school were of the view that Ms Barrett "approached the school in an inappropriate way".

They sent her a letter stating they had reported her to police. The next day, a PCSO visited to say she had trespassed.

The head teacher Beverley Martin was unapologetic:

"We cannot assume that people who enter the school grounds without permission have innocent intentions."

Take a look at the schools where you live, have you noticed that they now all have sturdy iron gates, railings and entry phone systems?

They more closely resemble a prison, rather than a centre of community education. No wonder kids hate going to these places.

My old school was, and still is, open. You can walk in or out of the grounds (not the buildings) without any fuss (subject to you not looking like a complete loon). Indeed the pupils can exit without any fuss either, and go to the pub for lunch round the corner (where they will find a gaggle of masters preparing for afternoon double Latin).

Ms Barrett was given a warning for "anti social behaviour"!

What on earth is going on in the heads of these teachers and our police?

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