A Nation of Spies

Nanny has managed to turn us into a nation of snoopers and spies, if the story about Pauline Palmer is anything to go by.

Mrs Palmer, a Neighbourhood Watch co-ordinator, for reasons best known to her decided to keep a close watch on her neighbour Brian Collins for the last 3 years.

By the phrase "close watch", I really mean "close watch". Mrs Palmer kept a diary of Mr Collins's activities details included:

- his garden hot tub sessions with women
- when he had sex in his bedroom
- Mr Collins telling two lady friends to "get your tits out"
- details of women who stayed overnight
- the fact that male visitors wore baseball caps
- registration numbers of visitors' vehicles
- listening to conversations and noting them down etc.

The result of her actions?

She managed to persuade Colchester Council, her local council, to serve a noise abatement order on Mr Collins, even though his other neighbour said she had never heard any noise.

Mr Collins was fined £100 for breaching the noise abatement order, and faces a further bill of £365 in legal costs after failing in an appeal.

Most of us would conclude that Mrs Palmer was "taking things a bit far". Essex Police, on the other hand, think that she is great and awarded her "Neighbourhood Watch Co-ordinator of the Year" in January.

Welcome to Nanny Britain, where neighbours are encouraged by the police and state to spy on each other.

Ghastly!

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Auntie Puts The "N" Into Cuts

I am hugely gemused to read of the hooh hah whipped up by certain shouty sections of the tabloid press and Mary Whitehouse wannabees, over a scripted "joke" made by Sandi Toksvig on BBS radio's The News Quiz.

Quote:

"It's the Tories who have put the 'n' into cuts."

End Quote.

Not screamingly funny, and most certainly not original. I would have thought that the script writers could have done better than that.

Anyhoo, needless to say the real issue (ie the BBC's political bias) has been overridden and hijacked, by an eruption of moralising from the tabloids and Mary Whitehouse wannabees over swearing on the radio.

As can be clearly seen from the quote, Ms Toksvig did not swear. Those who know the word she was referring to will understand the "joke", and those that don't won't.

Needless to say Auntie (the BBC) has made a complete hash of handling the barrage of abuse levelled at for using the swear word (which it didn't).

Auntie received a complaint from Colin Harrow (retired General Manager of Mirror Group newspapers) about the "joke" being offensive.

The programme was cleared by Paul Mayhew Archer, then commissioning editor of Radio 4 Comedy, who wrote back to Mr Harrow:

"If my job was simply not to risk offending any listeners I could have cut it instantly.

But that is not my job.

My job here was to balance the offence it might cause some listeners against the delight it might give other listeners.

For good or ill, the word does not seem to have quite the shock value it did.

I am not saying this is a good thing. I am simply saying that I think attitudes shift."

All of which is perfectly reasonable. However, the key issue is that Ms Toksvig did not swear..PERIOD!

Needless to say all and sundry are now tryinmg to grab the "moral majority" headlines. John Whittingdale, chairman of the Commons culture, media and sport select committee, called for Ofcom to investigate.

"That word is way out in front in terms of people finding it offensive, and I think to broadcast it on radio at 6.30pm is inappropriate. Even though they did it by implication, nobody was left in any doubt about what was meant....

But I would expect them to be aware of the risk that children might be listening, especially at such an early hour."

Won't someone think of the children!!! (who of course never swear).

For fark's sake, Ms Toksvig didn't use the word!

The issue is not the non swearing by Toksvig, nor the fuss hyped by the tabloids, but the use of a mainstream programme broadcast on the "unbiased" BBC to pursue a political agenda and useing an appallingly old joke in the process.

By all means criticise the BBC, if they have breached their charter by pursuing a political agenda and for using an old joke. However, don't let the tabloids and wannabee Mary Whitehouses hijack the issue for their own purposes and agenda.

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The Dangers of Kung Foo Fighting

It is "interesting" (not really the ideal word, but it is a Monday morning!) to see how thin skinned many people have become as a result of living in the Nanny state.

Simon Ledger (a pub singer/entertainer) discovered this to his cost a couple of months ago, when he was singing at the Driftwood Beach Bar in Sandown on the Isle of Wight.

Mr Ledger regularly performed there, and one song (Kung Foo Fighting) is by all accounts popular with the regulars.

Anyhoo, as Mr ledger was belting it out a man of Chinese origin and his mother were walking past. For reasons that are unclear to my thick skinned hide, they found the song to be offensive and reported it to the police.

Later Mr Ledger, ironically having just finished eating in a Chinese restaurant, was arrested on suspicion of racially aggravated harassment then released on bail.

There don't seem to be any updated media reports about whether the police have formally charged Mr ledger, if anyone has any updated information please feel free to drop me a note.

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Ker Farking Ching!

Nanny has yet again shown her true colours wrt her petty mindedness and jobsworth attitude towards her subjects. Ian Norfolk made the mistake of trying to park his car in Hull some 14 months ago, that was the start of a very sorry tale indeed.

When Mr Norfolk parked his car (perfectly legally) he bought a parking ticket, and went to visit his mum. On his return imagine his surprise to see that, despite the fact the parking ticket had one hour left to run, a traffic warden was in the process of issuing him a ticket.

Ker Farking Ching!

Mr Norfolk explained to the warden that he still had an hour left, the warden agreed and admitted that she had made a mistake.

Problem sorted?

Ermmm...no, not quite!

In Nanny's world nothing is ever so simple; because the warden had officially issued the ticket, the warden told Mr Norfolk he would have to appeal.

Some 14 months on, having taken on Hull City Council and endured threats from bailiffs (who extorted £434.36 from Mr Norfolk and pushed him into mortgage arrears), he has finally managed to get the council to admit that they were wrong and have offered to pay a refund.

Councils have become the enemy of the people!

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The Dangers of Football

Football, as Septic Bladder and various superinjunction wielding players know, can be ruinous wrt one's personal reputation.

Sadly, Tom Clarke (15) recently found this out as well.

Tom was recently having a kickabout with his cousin in his garden in Chalgrove.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, the ball went through a neighbour's greenhouse.

Being a teenager, Tom legged it.

Now at this stage, were people behaving in a reasonably "human" way one would have assumed that at some stage an angry neighbour would have appeared at the front door demanding an apology and restitution etc.

This of course is Nanny Britain and therefore, for reasons that are not clear (it could be that there is ongoing friction between the neighbours), the neighbour reported it to the police.

One therefore might assume that a friendly copper would have turned up and "had a word", thus defusing the situation.

Errmmm...no, not quite!

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, a police patrol car, two officers and the Thames Valley police helicopter (complete with thermal imaging cameras) were dispatched.

Unsurprisingly, with all these resources, officers did manage to track Tom down.

What did they then do?

Tick him off, have a word with his dad?

No, they told Tom that the incident had been recorded as criminal damage and could be revealed to future employers carrying out record checks.

Errmm, am I being terribly soft here, is this not an overreaction to a simple accident?

It never happened like this when Dennis The Menace trashed his neighbour's greenhouse!

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FFS

I am gemused to see that Nanny not only likes telling ordinary citizens how to live their lives, but has also now taken to telling her friends and helpers how to live their lives.

Nanny is now issuing the police with "lifestyle guides", these guides include "helpful" suggestions on bedtime routines and healthy eating options.

Nanny is telling the police to help spouses with the housework, do some gardening and take up dancing lessons.

There is also a helpful section, in some guides, on what filling to put in a police sandwich.

A guide issued to Northamptonshire Police takes top prize for patronising its readers:

"There can be few things more frustrating than just drifting off to sleep then having to get up to visit the toilet.

You should avoid liquid towards the end of a night shift – otherwise your full bladder will respond in the correct fashion."

A sad farewell then to the bottle of whisky and pack of fags in the bottom draw.

Jack Regan must be turning in his grave!

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