Well Done Boris!

The team at Nanny Knows Best would like to offer Boris Johnson, and the other victorious Tory candidates, hearty congratulations for giving Nanny's troglodytes a sound kicking in the local and mayoral elections.

One step further towards kicking the loathsome Nanny government, that for the last decade has been destroying the fabric of British society, out of office.

However, let the Tories and Boris not forget that they are mortal; let them also be aware that Tory councils can, on occasions, be as useless as Labour ones. I cite my own council of Croydon as a prime example.

In honour of Boris's victory I invite you all to read Nanny Bans Boris, which was published back in 2004 on this site.

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Dodgy Science

Nanny loves to ban things, and will often cite "scientific evidence" to back up her claims.

Rather reminiscent of the witch trials of the 16th century, Nanny's "evidence" often amounts to little more than heresay and lax research rather than detailed statistics that can withstand rigorous intellectual scrutiny.

Indeed, it is ironic that we have progressed very little from the days of hysterically burning people based on no evidence whatsoever to the modern day equivalent of fat haters, smoker haters and "all adults are paedophiles" etc.

Anyhoo, according to Nanny's Health and Safety Executive (HSE) sun beds pose a risk to under 18's, as such they may be banned from using them.

The Sunbed Association (TSA) notes that there is no scientific evidence for a ban on young people aged 17 or 18.

Over 100 deaths from skin cancer every year in the UK are thought to be linked to the use of sunbeds. That's hardly an epidemic is it?

In the 1920's and 30's Nanny would force children to sit in front of UV lamps, as she then thought that this was healthy.

Why should we now believe her, when she says that it is so dangerous?

Cry wolf too many times Nanny, and no one will believe you!

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Nanny Bans Pipes

It was to be expected, I suppose, that Nanny would finally set her gimlet eye upon the cultural icon of Britain...the bagpipes.

The pipes that have been used in war and peace over the centuries, to promote Britain and its interests throughout the world, have now been deemed by Nanny chums in Brussels to be a health and safety hazard.

Pipers must now adhere to strict volume limits, or run the risk of breaking European Union health and safety laws. Pipe bands have been ordered to tone down or wear earplugs to limit noise exposure to 85 decibels.

A pipe band played at full volume peaks at 122 decibels outdoors, noisier than the sound of either a nightclub or a chainsaw, which rises to 116 decibels.

The last time there was a pipe ban was after the Jacobite rising of 1745, and the defeat of Bonnie Prince Charlie's clansmen at the battle of Culloden.

The rules, part of the control of noise at work regulations introduced by the Health and Safety Executive (HSE) following a Brussels directive, are of course bollocks.

You cannot play the pipes quietly!

An HSE spokesman said:

"If an employer discovers an employee has been exposed above the exposure defined in the regulations they must take action."

I find the use of the word "must" by Nanny's troglodytes to be offensive.

Pass the sick bag someone!



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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

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Nanny Bans Tomato Ketchup

Oh dear, Nanny really is keen to take the joy out of childhood.

The "little rascals" of Caister in Norfolk have been banned by police from buying ketchup (or is it catsup? What is the difference?)

It seems that some wee rascals have been spraying cars and houses with it. Nanny therefore has instructed shops not to sell squirty bottles to kids.

In the great scheme of things, is it such an evil act to squirt ketchup over things?

Wouldn't it be far worse if they were using spray paint, or shooting each other?

Sometimes a little bit of naughtiness needs to come out of the system.

Needless to say, Nanny has also banned egg sales in this town as well!

Let the kids behave like prats once in a while!

The Dangers of Steps

David Smith, an elderly disabled man of 78, has been left with rubbish piling up at his home in my home town of Croydon.

Why?

It seems that is just "too dangerous" for binmen to collect it?

Why?

Does he have a dangerous dog?

No!

Does he threaten them with a shotgun?

No!

The bin men have to climb the four steps to the house to collect it.

Mr Smith has lived at his current address for over 20 years, and has always put his rubbish at the top of the steps on a Monday morning ready for collection.

Herein lies the problem, the entrance to his house is four steps up from the street level and down a walkway.

The binmen and our local council don't seem to like that.

As much as Mr Smith would like to make their lives easier, he suffers from diabetes, heart disease and has difficultly walking. Therefore he has always left the bin bags at the top of the steps for the binmen.

However, the other week, his rubbish and many other residents' waste was not picked up for health and safety reasons.

Mr Smith said:

"I walk with two sticks and it is very difficult to get to the end of the walkway and now they are refusing to even come up the stairs.

What is frustrating is that they just haven't bothered telling anyone about the changes and we have all done this for years without having any problems.

But on Monday I saw that the dustman hadn't taken it so I asked him why and he said he had been told it was too dangerous for them to collect it from where they had been in the past. I couldn't believe it."

There are more than 100 houses in the street, and Mr Smith believes a third of them have steps - none of which have had their rubbish collected.

A Croydon Council spokesman said:

"Several health and safety issues have been identified by the council's contractor with regard refuse collection in a number of roads.

The council is currently investigating alternative methods of collection and the affected residents will be notified."

Pass the sick bag someone!

Could Croydon council tell us why we pay council tax?

Could Croydon council tell us why they think that the "health and safety" bullshit, that they follow, outweighs the very real threat of disease and vermin from rotting uncollected rubbish?

Health and safety will be the death of us all!

Email the leader of Croydon council here, and give him my love mike.fisher@croydon.gov.uk

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Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

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The New "Superbug"

I see that there is an alleged new "superbug" at large in the community. Seemingly it resides in school playgrounds, parks and other public areas.

Over the last year or so 10 kids have caught this "superbug" from cuts and grazes that they have incurred whilst playing, and regrettably died.

Cue stage left shrill calls for Nanny do to more to stop this.

Prepare yourselves for warnings about the dangers of letting children play in public, and some form of unworkable "deep clean" policy to be announced.

The reality is, we are surrounded by bugs; it is part of growing up to be exposed to them, and to fight them off.

The alleged rise of a "superbug" is most likely the result of:

1 Children not being given jabs and booster jabs for basic bugs, such as tetanus.

2 Children living in ultra clean environments that do not expose them to ordinary bugs, thus reducing the effectiveness of their immune systems.

3 Insufficient use of Dettol and TCP on cuts and grazes immediately after the accident.

The "superbug" is not a threat to children, it's the cotton wool that Nanny and some over protective parents wrap the kids in that is the danger.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries