Balls!

Congratulations to Children's Secretary (why do children need a secretary?) Ed Balls for plumbing new depths of Nannyism.

He has launched and lauded a new website (that cost us £60M).

The site www.begrand.net tells grandparents how to be errmmm..grandparents!

Quote, grandparents often have "strong and sometimes strange opinions".

I assume by that Nanny means that grandparents have common sense, use their initiative and don't listen to Nanny.

The site contains some classic ZaNuLabour bullshit, eg bribe teenagers with a plate of chips if they don't want to eat their greens!

ROFLOL!!

The site tells grandparents what a burn is, and advises grandparents to ring an ambulance if their grandchild collapses.

For fark's sake!

Other gems:

"Pretty much any noise your new grandchild makes can be claimed as the word for you, even if not in your own language. Try 'Zulu,' or Thakur-da’, which it's Bengali for Grandad."

"Abundance is a new-ish term for 'making the most of what you've got.' [It's easy] to forget that winter is a time for the soil to cool, the weeds to die and bulbs to grow in the dark. That spring is planting time; summer and autumn are all about harvest and preserve-making."

"Help your grandchild to walk. No instructions required. Just hold out a hand and be prepared to take a thousand small steps to anywhere – very slowly and for a very long time. You practise patience and they just practise.

This method works when imparting many other skills, from using a spoon to bowling a spin ball. Just be present and accepting while the practising is going on.
Kit required: comfortable shoes."

This has to be the largest piece of patronising BS I have read in a long time.

I really would have thought that the average grandparent would have some skills wrt helping grandchildren walking, calling ambulances and treating burns.

That being said maybe this is actually aimed at the new generation of ZaNuLabour grandparents who are in fact still under 30, because they had their children when they were 12.

Feel free to plunder Balls' site and post other "gems".

I need a stiff drink!

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Blair's Fanaticism

Sadly fanaticism occurs in "democracies", not just dictatorships.

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Nanny Bans Nose Blowing

I see that the media is veritably awash with the story of Michael Mancini of Ayr, who fell foul of Nanny's police last October.

Seemingly, if Mr Mancini's version is accurate, he was apprehended by Nanny's police for "not being in control of his vehicle".

Was this a case of Harriet Harman dangerous driving?

Not really.

Mr Mancini was apprehended for blowing his nose and taking his hands off the wheel.

Now that would indeed be a dangerous action, if the vehicle was in motion and in gear. However, Mr Mancini contends that he was in stationary traffic, he took the vehicle out of gear and put the handbrake on before blowing his hooter.

Wouldn't a windscreen covered in snot be construed as a visual impairment to safe driving?

Doesn't Nanny tell us to catch our sneezes in handkerchiefs?

Disregarding that, Mr Mancini was given a £60 fixed penalty notice which he has refused to pay.

He now faces a trial later this year.

On the assumption that Mr Mancini's version of events is accurate, I would wonder why the police and the Procurator Fiscal (Scotland's version of the CPS) feel that this is such a vital case?

Aren't there more pressing criminal matters to attend to?

Still, I guess it looks good in the statistics that Nanny jerks off to every night.

BTW, The Independent reports that the policeman who gave Mancini his ticket was PC Stuart Gray. Gray recently issued a £50 fixed penalty to a man who accidentally dropped a £10 note in the street!

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It's The Money Stupid!

My commiserations to the bus driver who works for Ellie Rose Travel Limited, a Hull based bus company, who had the misfortune to be driving a school bus with a right little brat on on board.

The 12 year old brat was taking the bus to school, last October, and misbehaving. She was clambering on the luggage rack whilst the bus was in motion. Despite being warned by her school mates and the driver that this was stupid, she continued to do it.

Can you guess what happened next loyal readers?

Yes, that's right, she and another brat who was arsing about with her fell through the window of the single decker bus.

No serious injuries were suffered.

End of story?

Not quite!

Can you guess what is happening now?

Yes, that's right, one of the brats has instructed a solicitor (really? Bit young to be "instructing" solicitors aren't they?) who specialises in personal injury cases to prepare a claim for damages.

Jim Houghton, owner of Ellie Rose Travel, is quoted in the Mail:

"I am not surprised someone is trying to sue us. It's the way things are these days, which upsets me.

The parents of the other girl who fell out said they didn't want to take the matter any further."

Ellie Rose Travel withdrew the school service shortly after the incident, so now all the kids have to find other means of getting to school.

Gosh, here's a thought, how about walking?

Cynics might suggest that the parents of the brat making the damages claim are hoping to make a nice little windfall here.

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Prats of The Week - Sutton Council

Ooh my Golly Gosh!

It has been a wee while since I have awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week I have absolutely no hesitation whatsoever in awarding it to the Prats on Sutton Council.

For why?

For their knobheaded decision to ban a poster advertising "Anybody for Murder?", a comedy performed by Croydon based Exit Theatre amateur dramatics group.

The dickheads in Sutton Council deemed that the poster might "offend" residents, as it showed actress Red Cook in a swimming costume coming out of the water.

Evidently the councillors of Sutton don't get out that much. As an ex resident of Croydon I would note that the ladies who go out and about partying there at night wear a lot less, and show a lot more, than Red Cook.

Were Nanny to try to ban everything that might be deemed to be "offensive" there would be no TV/radio, no printed media, no internet and no religion (banning the latter may well be a good idea come to think of it:)).

Sutton Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Drop them a line via this link (btw it took quite a lot of finding, evidently Sutton don't like people writing to them) Sutton.

Anybody for Murder? is at the Charles Cryer Studio Theatre, Carshalton from February 17 to 20. Call the box office on 020 8770 6990.

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Lawyers Cancel School Trip

I was sad to read recently that Highland Council cancelled Crown Primary School's (from Inverness) annual trip, because they were afraid of being sued for excluding a disabled child from the trip.

The Equality and Human Rights Commission wasn't much impressed either, and said that the action was short sighted.

Normally the school stays at an outdoor activity centre in Craggan in the Cairngorms. However, Donna Williamson said that her daughter was physically unable to take part in the activities planned. Therefore, fearing legal action, the council cancelled the trip for everyone.

Quite how cancelling the trip helps the children of the school I fail to see.

Nor do I think that they have made the daughter of Ms Williamson terribly popular (even though she is blameless) with her class mates for this.

The concept of integration etc works both ways. By all means do your utmost to help include people. However, inclusion is not helped by banning activities that not all can take part in.

The child will now feel thoroughly miserable for being the unwitting cause of this.

The council are gutless, as their actions indicate that they could not be bothered to try to withstand a speculative legal challenge on this matter.

Sometimes you do have to stand up for what you think is right, even if some lawyer says that you will lose.

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