Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Saturday, January 30, 2010


Balls!Congratulations to Children's Secretary (why do children need a secretary?) Ed Balls for plumbing new depths of Nannyism.

He has launched and lauded a new website (that cost us £60M).

The site tells grandparents how to be errmmm..grandparents!

Quote, grandparents often have "strong and sometimes strange opinions".

I assume by that Nanny means that grandparents have common sense, use their initiative and don't listen to Nanny.

The site contains some classic ZaNuLabour bullshit, eg bribe teenagers with a plate of chips if they don't want to eat their greens!


The site tells grandparents what a burn is, and advises grandparents to ring an ambulance if their grandchild collapses.

For fark's sake!

Other gems:

"Pretty much any noise your new grandchild makes can be claimed as the word for you, even if not in your own language. Try 'Zulu,' or Thakur-da’, which it's Bengali for Grandad."

"Abundance is a new-ish term for 'making the most of what you've got.' [It's easy] to forget that winter is a time for the soil to cool, the weeds to die and bulbs to grow in the dark. That spring is planting time; summer and autumn are all about harvest and preserve-making."

"Help your grandchild to walk. No instructions required. Just hold out a hand and be prepared to take a thousand small steps to anywhere – very slowly and for a very long time. You practise patience and they just practise.

This method works when imparting many other skills, from using a spoon to bowling a spin ball. Just be present and accepting while the practising is going on.
Kit required: comfortable shoes

This has to be the largest piece of patronising BS I have read in a long time.

I really would have thought that the average grandparent would have some skills wrt helping grandchildren walking, calling ambulances and treating burns.

That being said maybe this is actually aimed at the new generation of ZaNuLabour grandparents who are in fact still under 30, because they had their children when they were 12.

Feel free to plunder Balls' site and post other "gems".

I need a stiff drink!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store. is brought to you by "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries


  1. They'd be better teaching grandparents to be net-savvy and not using their email addresses as their login names. Especially seeing as the site publishes these on the front page...

    I won't repeat the one I just saw in case it gets them deluged with even more spam.

  2. microdave12:18 PM

    "strong and sometimes strange opinions".

    Presumably any opinions that Nu Liebor don't agree with....

  3. This is unbelievable!!

    I am a grandparent and, by definition, we have already raised a child....You know Balls...The one that had our grandchildren!!

    Still at least, so far, we don't need to be CRB checked to see our grandchildren....Perhaps that's on its way; Who knows?

    Enjoy grandchildren responsibly.

  4. Anonymous3:06 PM

    Over 1500 people have signed up to the site!!


  5. "Pretty much any noise your new grandchild makes can be claimed as the word for you, even if not in your own language."

    My noise for Ed Balls in 57 different languages is "F**k Off!"

  6. "He has launched and lauded a new website (that cost us £60M)."

    How on earth does a website (any website) cost that kind of money?

  7. Lord of Atlantis11:33 AM

    From what I know of grandparents, they are perfectly capable of knowing how to be grandparents without any advice from anyone. Bearing in mind the mess the country is in, if the government has £60million to spare, why oh why wasn't it spent on something useful, such as more GOOD teachers or decent equipment for schools?

  8. Anonymous1:02 PM

    I am in complete disbelief over this.

    It's a satire right? The government has developed a (£60m) sense of humour, right?

  9. Number 67:20 PM

    The consultants the child experts, the five a day organic veg enforcers, the cultural diversity in granparenting all will have had their share of the dosh, our dosh, that Nu Labia throws around, plus some will simply have been stolen in one way or another and hey presto anothe £60 mill down the drain.

  10. What a messy site! I can only assume it was built cheap as an end-of-term project. Also, I'm assuming it loads so slowly because grandparents are very old and slow. Balls!

  11. Tonk.1:38 PM

    New Balls Please!!

    Play with balls responsibly.

    Search online for Ed-ucation Balls-up.