Nanny Unbans Jolly Roger

Last Friday I wrote about prats from east Lindsey District Council banning a child from flying the Jolly Roger flag in his parents' garden:

"Anthony Steele (7 years old) has been targeted by Nanny's chums from East Lindsey Council.

For why?

He was flying a toy Jolly Roger flag (on a fishing pole) in his parent's garden.

What's wrong with that?

Well me hearties, Nanny believes that the skull and crossbones breaches advertising laws (what?), and have banned him from flying it!

Excuse me, how the hell does the skull and crossbones breach advertising laws?

It's not as though he is a real pirate advertising his pirating skills is he?

Anyhoo , notwithstanding that bleedin' obvious point, Nanny has told Anthony's parents that they face legal action unless they take it down."

Several loyal readers speculated that once the publicity hit home to the council, and they realised that they had been exposed to the world as being utter knobheads, that the council would wimp out and backtrack.

Well, surprise surprise!

East Lindsey District Council has indeed backtracked.

The council has now apologised to the family, and admitted the letter had been "over the top"

It has sent the family an official apology, saying that no further action would be taken.

The council has proven itself to be useless and spineless.

Councils are the enemies of the people!

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Nanny Bans Jolly Roger

Poor old Roger, what harm has he ever done anyone apart from being "Jolly"?

Sadly Nanny doesn't see it that way, and has decided to ban him.

Anthony Steele (7 years old) has been targeted by Nanny's chums from East Lindsey Council.

For why?

He was flying a toy Jolly Roger flag (on a fishing pole) in his parent's garden.

What's wrong with that?

Well me hearties, Nanny believes that the skull and crossbones breaches advertising laws (what?), and have banned him from flying it!

Excuse me, how the hell does the skull and crossbones breach advertising laws?

It's not as though he is a real pirate advertising his pirating skills is he?

Anyhoo, notwithstanding that bleedin' obvious point, Nanny has told Anthony's parents that they face legal action unless they take it down.

How did the council find out about the flag?

They have spies everywhere.

Some sad git reported it!

Why?

On the subject of pirate flags, now that we are approaching the anniversary of the Falklands war, I wonder if East Lindsey Council would have dared to tell the guys on HMS Conqueror that their flying of the skull and crossbones constituted a breach in advertising laws?

No, I thought not!

Councils are the enemies of the people!

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Avast Behind!

Pirates taking part in an annual World Walking the Plank championship, at Queenborough Harbour on the Isle of Sheppey, last Sunday almost came a cropper thanks to Nanny.

The competition had been run for 12 years. However, Nanny's local council (Swale Borough Council) was worried that people who jumped into the water may ingest something unpleasant.

I have to say I was under the naive impression that councils were responsible for the cleanliness, or otherwise, of water (be it river, harbour or sea) within their domain.

Anyhoo, the event was allowed to go ahead after organisers brought in their own chemical analyst Michael Young who declared it safe.

Ironically Mike won the competition, as he had done in 2002 and 2004, scoring 102 points out of a possible 120.

He jumped off the plank with his "pogo of death", after setting fire to his top hat.

See, perfectly safe!

The competition judges pirates on their use of pirate language such as "Avast" or "Arrr Matey", original costume, execution of jump and overall star quality.

The event has to warn its contestants that they "could get wet", as part of its insurance.

I would ask this, what exactly would the council actually be able to do to ban it?

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Shiver Me Timbers!

Oh dear on hearing about this story I really do wonder, yet again, why we bother to allow local councils to exist.

Have they nothing better to do with their time, and our council tax?

David Waterman, of Ashtead, has found out to his cost that Nanny's local council (Mole Valley) has got a veritable bee in its bonnet over the fact that he flew a Jolly Roger pirate flag in his garden for his daughter's 8th birthday party.

The flag, all 5ft by 3ft of it, was flown to enhance the pirate theme of his daughter's birthday.

Needless to say, Nanny's chums in Mole Valley want him to de-erect his pole and flag (can I say that?).

Oddly enough this is not the first time that Nanny has banned pirate flags, I cite the case last June whereby Stafford Borough Council did the same thing.

Anyhoo, this all blew up some months ago, Mr Waterman has received a letter from the council telling him to take it down; in response he has applied for advertising consent for the flag to be flown.

It seems that there is something of a dispute going on with some of his neighbours who don't like his kids playing outside, as such they complained to the council about the flag.

Another neighbour erected a pirate flag in support, but took it down after receiving a warning letter from the council.

He replaced it with a Union flag, as the law states anyone can fly a national flag or flags promoting a business at their home.

Mr Waterman is now considering registering a company called Jolly Roger at his house, so that he can keep the skull and crossbones.

A spokesman for Mole Valley council said it had not yet launched legal proceedings against Mr Waterman and would consider his application.

"We received a complaint about the flag flying outside Mr Waterman's house and are duty-bound to investigate complaints and enforce government regulations."

Herein lies the problem..."duty bound to enforce..."

Councils are not meant to act as state enforcers, they were once meant to "manage" and enhance their local catchment areas for the benefit of the local community as a whole.

It seems that their view of their "mission" has changed somewhat over the years.

As councils now see themselves as "enforcers", it inevitably places them on a direct collision course with their local residents and voters; this will only end in tears for the councils.

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The Crimson Permanent Assurance

By special request, following on from my article about Nanny banning pirates, here is The Crimson Permanent Assurance.

Part One



Part Two

Nanny Bans Pirates

Thirteen men on a dead man's chest,

Joh Hoh Hoh and a Bottle of Rum!

Or so the old saying goes.

Britain's wealth is based on the actions of pirates (state sponsored mercenaries who attacked Spanish galleons and colonies), such as Sir Walter Raleigh et al.

Yet now we see Nanny has decided to deny her own past, and ban pirates.

Out...bloody...rageous!

This is what six year old Morgan Smith (Capt Morgan was a pirate too!) found to his cost a wee while ago.

Morgan was getting ready for his sixth birthday party, and the hoisting of a pirate flag in the garden for the event (Morgan likes pirates).

The flag pole was duly erected (can I say erected on this site?), and the skull and cross bones run up the pole in the back garden. Morgan and his parents then waited for the day of the party, when his chums would turn up in eye patches wielding plastic cutlasses.

Unfortunately they reckoned without the intervention of the evil Stafford Borough Council.

For you see ladies and gentlemen, Stafford Borough Council is a local council; and we all know that local councils add zero value to the local community.

Therefore, it should come as no surprise to learn that Stafford Borough Council had something to say about the pirate flag.

Council officials branded the skull and crossbones flag "unneighbourly", and banned Morgan's parents Richard and Sharon from flying it.

It seems that the jobsworths in the council ordered Morgan's parents to apply for planning permission at a cost of £75 (have you noticed that local councils never miss a trick when it comes to screwing money out of their constituents?), and then they have to undertake an assessment of the 5ft by 4ft flag's "impact" on the surrounding area of Stone, Staffordshire.

As Morgan's dad said, citing the reality of the situation:

"It's not as though I'm building a huge extension

which will blight the neighbourhood.

It's a child's pirate flag."

Egg...zact....lee!!!

It's a flag for a child's party for fark's sake, it's not a permanent erection!

I will repeat, for the benefit of the morons from Stafford Borough Council.

It's a flag for a child's party for fark's sake, it's not a permanent erection!

Can I say erection here???

Ironically the family have flown the Union Jack or a St George's flag on the 18ft-high flagstaff at their detached home without a problem. Yet some SOB neighbour, clearly with nothing else in his/her life to do, complained to the council about the Jolly Roger.

It's people like that, who report on every little thing to the state, that enable Nanny to remain in power.

Mr Smith said:

"When the lady from the council came to see me

she said that it was no problem flying

any of the other flags,

it was the Jolly Roger that was of concern."

Councillor Richard Stevens (Lib Dem...that figures!) said the council had objected to the flag because:

"it was unneighbourly

and could open the doors for all kinds of flags".

Errmmmm...ever heard of using common sense, councillor, and taking each case on its own merits?

Silly me, common sense, what was I thinking of?

He's a councillor for fark's sake!

A Stafford Borough Council spokesman, with no sense of irony or pomposity, said:

"A planning application has been made for a Jolly Roger flag

to be flown at a property in Stone.

The application is currently under review

and will include planning officers looking

at the impact the flag has on the area,

with the decision expected by the end of this month.

Legislation requires planning approval

before it can be flown from the flagpole."

Do these people ever listen to, or read, what they say?

Don't they see how ridiculous they are?

Does this council have nothing better to do or spend the tax payers' money on???

Drop the council an email here, telling them what you think of them

- customerContactCentre@staffordbc.gov.uk

Drop councillor Steven a note here: prstevens@staffordbc.gov.uk

FYI, the Jolly Roger dates back to the 1700s when pirates would fly it to make their victims surrender readily.

I would also remind you, this being the 25th anniversary of the Falklands's victory, that the Jolly Roger was flown by H.M.S. Conqueror, the sub that sank the Belgrano, when she returned to Britain (as is the tradition of subs when they have successfully executed a kill).

Would Nanny have banned that too???