Nanny Would Prefer Dehydration, Rather Than Coke

The boss of the “consumer voice” NGO who complained about cola being given to earthquake victims has deleted this tweet. pic.twitter.com/p6ExrlP56f

— Christopher Snowdon (@cjsnowdon) November 16, 2017

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Drink Only Water

I see that Nanny has become so paranoid about obesity, that she has resorted to telling us that in order to avoid gaining weight we should not drink anything other than water.

Seemingly, if some "research" carried out on seven people (yes, SEVEN people) published in Nature is to be believed, artificial sweeteners in diet drinks and food could cause obesity and diabetes.

The hapless seven volunteers were asked to consume the equivalent of 40 cans of diet cola a day for a week.

Guess what?

There blood sugar levels went berserk!

Now call me "picky", but who that fark drinks 40 cans of diet cola a day?

Anyhoo, based on that load of bollocks Dr Katarina Kos, Senior Lecturer and Consultant in Diabetes and Endocrinology at the University of Exeter, is quoted by the Telegraph:

“The study is based primarily on mouse experiments and only seven human subjects were studied. The findings require further confirmation prior to making firm conclusions. Larger scale human studies and funding are urgently required controlling for overall calorie intake."

Adding that water was the healthiest drink option.

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Nanny Bans All Liquids, Except Water

I see that a group of experts has concluded that children should only drink water at mealtimes, and that all other liquids should be banned.

For why?

We are becoming a nation of fatties and one of the culprits is all the sugar laden shite that we apparently all consume.

There is of course an irony here, fruit juices (laden with sugar, both natural and added) have long been promoted by Nanny as an essential source of her now debunked 5 a day campaign.

Anyhoo, all that aside, Prof Susan Jebb of the University of Oxford is quoted by the BBC:

"It comes back to simple advice to parents - encourage your children to drink water. 

Once they've been weaned, 'children should be drinking water' is absolutely the message. Milk is fine, but that should be the mainstay of our advice." 

Her comment about milk is interesting, because when I was a nipper I never drank water but 3 pints of milk a day.

Did I become obese?

No!

However, as a child I was brought up with the concept that cola etc was a treat to be enjoyed once in a while; it was not to be consumed on a daily basis.

The issue, as ever, comes down to sensible eating and drinking habits built on a basis of sound parenting; where kids are taught that they cannot have everything they want (eg packets of crisps and gallons of sugar laden shite).

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Excess Hydration Is Dangerous

It appears that excess hydration is dangerous!

Humans evolved doing intense exercise in extreme heat and dryness. We are able to tolerate losses in water relatively well whereas even slight over hydration can be far more dangerous. In simple terms, being too watery is as bad for you as being too concentrated.

As per the BBC:

"British Journal of Sports Medicine, September 2013, Current hydration guidelines are erroneous: dehydration does not impair exercise performance in the heat, Wall BA"

My advice, don't add water to your malt whisky!

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Southern Advice

My compliments to Southern Railway for the following advice displayed on their "in train" electronic message boards on Tuesday:

"During hot weather please remember to take a bottle of water with you. If you fell unwell it is normally best to get off at the next station and seek assistance."

Sage advice indeed, so long as the toilets work and the train isn't stranded for too long between stations!

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Nanny Bans The Dambusters

Today is the 70th anniversary of the Dambusters' raid on the Mohne, Eder and Sorpe dams that were vital to the Nazi military industrial complex.

Seventy years ago 617 Squadron left RAF Scampton on its mission to destroy the dams.

To mark the anniversary there will be a sunset ceremony at Scampton attended by members of Guy Gibson’s (the squadron leader who led the raid) family, along with two veterans of the raid and the daughter of Barnes Wallis who invented the bouncing bombs that were used in the raid.

As well as events at Scampton, there will be various fly-pasts by the RAF’s Battle of Britain Memorial Flight and Friday’s international service at Lincoln Cathedral. Today the last operational Lancaster will fly down the Derwent Valley and strafe the Derwent Dam (which was used by the squadron as a practice target in their training for the raid).

Unfortunately many people who would like to watch this will be unable to.

For why?

Health and safety!

Severn Trent Water, which owns the dam, and other public sector ‘stakeholders’ have decreed that heavy traffic on country lanes would pose an unacceptable threat to the emergency services. So there can be no official event at the Derwent Dam.

The Mail quotes  Mary Stopes-Roe, daughter of Barnes Wallis:

"It’s absolutely ridiculous. Do they think we’re all going to fall into the water?"

Where would we be now, if this absurd attitude to health and safety been prevalent during the war?

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Ofsmoke - Go On Have A Fag!

I am gemused to see that some academics have come up with a "novel" scheme for raising tax revenues from the fag industry, without raising taxes on the fags themselves.

Their solution?

Cap the profits of the fag manufacturers by imposing a form of "super profits tax".

The academics are of the view that Nanny could raise at least £500M a year by imposing a profits tax similar to the means used to control the price of water.

How amusing that they liken fags to water!

Writing in the journal Tobacco Control, they say reducing profits would allow for higher taxes without changing the price in shops.

Dr Branston of the University of Bath wants to create a regulator (Ofsmoke), similar to Ofwat, to limit the profits made by tobacco manufacturers.

All very academically "entertaining" no doubt. However, here is the real world reality:

1 Ofwat has proven itself to be bollocks at regulating the water industry. Just ask yourself how much water is being wasted, at a cost to the consumer of water shortages and hosepipe bans, by some of the water companies because they will not upgrade their infrastructure.

2 The cigarette industry directly employs approximately 70,000 people in the UK (not forgetting those employed in other sectors who benefit from the sale of fags, eg corner shops). Were Nanny to implement profit hostile legislation they would simply move their remaining operations offshore.

Nanny should allow people to indulge their vices, and not interfere in people's private lives.

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Nanny's Drought

You remember that a week or so ago that Nanny and the water companies were all telling us that we were officially in a drought, and that the use of hosepipes was banned (except for the Olympics and various football matches etc)?

Well here we are, a couple of weeks forward in time, and Nanny's Environment Agency is now warning householders in many areas that their homes are at risk from flooding due to the recent heavy rain.

In fact Nanny is offering householders in the "at risk" areas free sandbags to build barriers around their properties

The spate of torrential rain has put Britain on course for the wettest April on record, and over 40 flood warnings have been issued.

That'll be global warming then!

Of course the "drought" would be less severe if the water companies (eg Thames Water) fixed their leaking pipe network!

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EU Hoisted on its Own Petard

Almost a month ago I wrote about some major EU Clusterfuckery wrt our EU Overlords decreeing that there is no evidence that water rehydrates you, and threatening legal action (a two year prison sentence no less) against companies that make any such claim.

Well, one month on, and I gemused to read that our EU Overlords have been hoisted on their own petard!

The EU could now be investigated, as its Milk Programme promoted the health benefits of drinking water to children.

Quote:

"You may not have known, but a large part of milk is actually water. So, if you regularly drink milk, you can stay hydrated at the same time. 
 
When people do not get enough water, a condition called ‘dehydration’, they can become tired, irritable and have a hard time concentrating.

Drinking milk can help put the necessary water back into the body, while providing carbohydrates, proteins and other nutrients to give you energy.”

Well, stap my vitals!


Let's sue the bastards!

BTW, as beer and lager contain a lot of water it is clear that we must tell our children to drink more beer and lager too!

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EU Clusterfuckery

Given the ongoing disintegration of the Euro experiment, I was more than gemused to recently read about some spectacular EU Clusterfuckery cooked up by our EU Overlords.

It seems that, according to EU officials from the European Food Standards Authority (EFSA) after a 3 year investigation, there is no evidence to prove that water rehydrates you.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

Seemingly reduced water content in the body is a symptom of dehydration, and not something that drinking water can subsequently control.

Errmm...that sounds like bollocks to me!

But what do I know about drinking, hydration or anything technical like that?

As such, producers of bottled water are now forbidden by law from claiming that water rehydrates you, if they make such a claim they will face a 2 year jail sentence.

This clusterfuck law comes into effect in the UK in the next few weeks!

Given that the NHS states that drinking water helps avoid dehydration, will the NHS be subject to a 2 year prison sentence?

To my humble view the EU is one giant Clusterfuck!

(Please feel to make this phrase go viral, eg via Twitter).



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Another Load of Old Bollocks

I am gemused to see that another piece of "research" promulgated by Nanny as "fact" appears now to be bollocks.

You recall that Nanny has been banging on a lot about "hydration" and making sure we drink several (8 to be precise) glasses of water a day?

Well my old muckers it turns out that this may in fact be unnecessary, and that humans can (if they eat sensibly and drink sensibly) hydrate themselves perfectly well without having to down extra glasses of water each day.

Dr Margaret McCartney, a GP from Glasgow, wrote in the BMJ stating (what most doctors already know) there is no scientific evidence that we need so much extra water.

How is that this myth about needing 8 glasses a day keeps getting spewed forth. Well it seems that some companies, such as Danone, have been pushing "research" to Nanny that supports the myth and have sponsored the 8 a day concept.

Danone?

Yes, that's right, they own several well known brands of bottled water.

Aha!

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The Floating Corpse

Here is a very sad story that was recently featured in the media, highlighting how deeply health and safety regulations are impacting the ability of the rescue services to perform their roles.

Simon Burgess fell into Gosport Boating Lake and drowned, his corpse (note, no one is yet sure as to when he died in the water as he suffered from blackouts) then floated on the water whilst the crews of two fire engines, two police cars, two ambulances and an air ambulance looked on.

For why?

They were told not to enter the 3 foot deep water, in case they "compromised their safety".

A specialist water rescue crew arrived 26 minutes later, and removed Mr Burgess's corpse from the lake.

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Nanny Corrupts and Weakens All

It is often noted on this site that Nanny's rules, regulations and risk averse predilections have had a detrimental effect on the young.

This is true.

However, I would also venture to suggest that those over the age of 40 have also been weakened by Nanny as well.

Take this harmless example of what happened in my gym/leisure club the other day.

Having been brought up properly and having attended a sensible school (where you were made to brush your teeth with carbolic soap and use a Brillo pad to wash your armpits - only kidding folks:)) I happen to enjoy ice cold showers in between sessions in the sauna (it is actually very good for the immune system, as it raises the white cell count).

Therefore I adjust the thermostat accordingly (it's not difficult, one merely turns it clockwise).

I was therefore greatly gemused to enter the changing rooms post sauna the other day to hear one bloke (in his 50's) moaning that "someone keeps leaving the showers on cold".

I cheerily said "Oh that's me".

To which he replied "Would you mind in future return them to the hot setting".

Am I missing something here?

1 Do people not follow the advice taught to them by their mums, and learned from real life, that you never enter a bath or shower without first testing the temperature (lest you scald or shock yourself)?

2 Are people incapable of turning a thermostat counter clockwise?

3 Maybe I should ask this guy to please turn the shower to the cold setting, when he has finished, so that I don't have to waste 10 seconds of my life adjusting it?

This, by the way, is the same club where I have been asked by someone (in her 20's) how to turn the egg timer (in the sauna) over, where many people regularly leave showers running (without turning them off) because they are lazy/selfish and where one couple left the door to the sauna open whilst they were using it because it was too hot!

Nanny corrupts and weakens all ages, not just the young!

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The Dangers of Cones

Way back in 2004 (yes, this site really has been around for 6 years!) I wrote the following missive to Nanny about "warning cones":

"Dear Nanny,

I would like you to address the following issue, relating to those warning cones and signs that are liberally erected whenever some water is spilt onto a floor.

They are bloody dangerous!

I almost tripped over one in Sainsbury's on Saturday, whilst buying my Christmas pudding.

Please can you ensure that, in future, there are warning signs erected; warning us about the slippery floor warning signs.

Thank you.

Ken"

I regret to inform you that Nanny has yet to heed my missive.

I was exiting the changing rooms of my health club yesterday, only to nearly fall "arse over tit" over a cone that was warning me of the dangers of slipping on a wet floor.

Why put the cone so close to the door that people fall over it?

I know that the floor is wet, it's a health club with lots of water from eg showers, sauna and the swimming pool!

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Question?

Why does my leisure club insist on putting up warning cones, that advise me that the floor is wet and slippery, in and around the showers and swimming pool area?

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The Dangers of Curling

I understand that the ice curlers of Kirk Loch (Lochmaben) had a wee bit of bother with Nanny's health and safety gestapo.

Nanny's local council had checked the ice (7-8 inches) for safety and solidity (that will be the global warming then?), and the curlers of Kirk Loch duly began curling.

Can you guess what happened next loyal readers?

Yes, that's right, someone phoned the police to tell them that there people on the ice.

Nanny's police, six of them to be precise (according to "Skip Cottage Curling"), duly turned up to warn of the danger.

However, owing to health and safety rules, they couldn't go onto the ice.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, Nith rescue arrived in a rescue boat. However, owing to health and safety rules, they couldn't go onto the ice either.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, the coast guard arrived!

However, owing to health and safety rules, they couldn't go onto the ice.

Spiffing!

The lesson is clear, those of us who wish to isoloate ourselves from Nanny and her rules just need to stand on some ice!

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Prats of The Week - Water Ban II

Well, well, well, look what I got in my mailbox this morning from Bury Council!

Looks like the adverse publicity forced a change of heart.

"Dear Mr Frost

Thank you for your email regarding this issue. I can confirm that we have had problems at some events with people trying to bring in alcohol in bottles and this is in breach of our licence. However, this instance appears to have been an over reaction on our part for which we apologise, and we will review our policy on providing free water with a more customer friendly emphasis.

I hope this statement clarifies the position

Kind Regards


Communications Team
Bury Council. "

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Prats of The Week - Water Ban

Gosh it seems that there has been a veritable smorgasbord of "Prats of The Week" Awards recently.

Is that a good thing, or a bad thing I wonder?

Anyhoo, this time I doff my cap and polish the "Prats of The Week" orb (we really must design one and mass produce it) for the knobheads of Bury Town Hall.

Nanny's chums in the town hall have got their frilly knickers in a twist over the issue of people taking liquids into the town hall for events, such as dance classes.

Is this cos of security issues Ken?

Are they expecting some heinous plot to blow up the town hall using liquid explosives?

Errmmm...no!

The rule has been imposed to stop people turning up at events with their own alcohol.

Now all well and good if you want to make a profit selling booze at wedding receptions etc. However, the jobsworths at the town hall are also banning people from taking bottled water into dance classes.

Oh, of course there is an alternative, the town hall helpfully tells dance class students that they can buy soft drinks at the bar.

Ker farking ching!

This being a Nanny stupidity issue, there is one more factoid that I need to impart to you. People can still bring soft drinks into the town hall if they are attending a physical exercise classes.

Unfortunately, Nanny defines dance classes as a "social activity".

Commonsense would of course dictate that all Nanny has to do is to change the definition, or indeed simply turn a blind eye.

However, my loyal readers, as we all know Nanny never uses commonsense.

Nanny now confiscates the dance class members' water, and tells them to collect it on the way out.

They have quite happily been taking water there for the last 6 years, this fact is ignored by the town hall and council.

By the way, even if the dance class members wish to use ordinary tap water (supplied by the town hall) they are still charged for that!

Ker farking ching!

Bury Town Hall, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Drop them a line here Bury Town Hall.

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Avast Behind!

Pirates taking part in an annual World Walking the Plank championship, at Queenborough Harbour on the Isle of Sheppey, last Sunday almost came a cropper thanks to Nanny.

The competition had been run for 12 years. However, Nanny's local council (Swale Borough Council) was worried that people who jumped into the water may ingest something unpleasant.

I have to say I was under the naive impression that councils were responsible for the cleanliness, or otherwise, of water (be it river, harbour or sea) within their domain.

Anyhoo, the event was allowed to go ahead after organisers brought in their own chemical analyst Michael Young who declared it safe.

Ironically Mike won the competition, as he had done in 2002 and 2004, scoring 102 points out of a possible 120.

He jumped off the plank with his "pogo of death", after setting fire to his top hat.

See, perfectly safe!

The competition judges pirates on their use of pirate language such as "Avast" or "Arrr Matey", original costume, execution of jump and overall star quality.

The event has to warn its contestants that they "could get wet", as part of its insurance.

I would ask this, what exactly would the council actually be able to do to ban it?

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Too Dangerous To Rescue

It seems that Nanny's attitude to "risk" and health and safety may have cost someone their life, or at the very least distressed the dead man's family.

An inquest has heard the tragic story of what happened in the last hours of Karl Malton's life.

In May last year Mr Malton was hit by a car as he walked along an unlit country road, near his home in Crowland. He fell down a 15 ft bank into a ditch filled with 18 inches of water.

Police (ten of them), firemen (a fire engine load) and paramedics (an ambulance load), having all carried out risk assessments, were ordered by their respective bosses not to climb down the bank to help him (it was unclear as to whether he was already dead or not).

Instead a decision was made to send for a "water rescue team", based more than 50 miles away. Mr Malton's body lay in the ditch for 3 hours, whilst the rescue teams (waiting for water rescue) sat around and drank tea.

The inquest heard that officers no longer have to swim or receive life-saving training.

It has come to this!

When are the British public going to rebel against Nanny and her health and safety legislation, and reclaim their lives?

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