Monday, June 02, 2008
The Trouble With Gin
What is a gentleman of my quality, such as myself, meant to do when confronted with the frim task of having to travel on Network Snail?
Well, in theory, the answer is simple; buy a large gin and tonic from one of Network Snail's purveyors of food and drink and consume it on the train.
Ah, if only life were that simple!
Last Friday evening, I had cause to leave Croyodonia and travel to Londinium.
On platform 1 of East Croydonia station I went to the SSP outlet to buy a gin and tonic.
SSP, on their website, describe themselves as follows:
"SSP is the leading dedicated operator of food and beverage brands in travel locations worldwide. We have a long heritage in food and travel, with over 60 years experience in the industry.
All our operations feature a mix of food and beverage brands tailored specifically for each location."
It should come as no surprise to you to learn that their "expertise" does not extend to having sufficient stocks of gin and tonic to sate my needs.
Indeed, SSP's outlet in the hinterlands of Croydonia has been bereft of gin and tonic for the last 7 weeks. Despite the fact that I have complained and filled in numerous "customer care" forms, they still have failed to replenish stocks.
They are to be congratulated, for they have now been awarded my prestigious "Worse Than WorthlessAward".
However, I digress, allow me to get to the point.
I made do with buying a vodka and tonic.
SSP, being completely useless, did not even have a plastic cup for me to drink this from, but instead proffered me a waxed paper coffee cup!
As I consumed my vodka from this waxed receptacle, I read the following waring:
"Caution contents hot"
Why does Nanny think that people need a warning that a coffee cup would contain a hot liquid?
What possible added value does this warning convey?
What use was it to me with my vodka and tonic?
What a bunch of pussies we have become!
Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.
Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.
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