Nanny Bans Hitler

Dear oh dear, talk about a storm in a teacup over some traditional defacing of a political poster!

The residents of Pitcombe Somerset received a number of police visits recently, following the defacing of a poster of the Conservative councillor Mike Beech.

What was the defacement?

Some "wag" had drawn a Hitler moustache on it.

Despite being a politician, who has voluntarily cast himself into the public eye, Beech reported it to the police. The police then began an inquiry, under the Public Order Act, claiming that the defacement could be deemed to cause "harassment, alarm and distress" to the councillor.

Officers then conducted house-to-house inquiries, visiting each of the village's 20 houses.

A remarkable waste of time and money!

If you choose to vote in today's council elections, do remember that councils have become the enemy of the people!

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Prats of The Week - The NHS West Midlands Strategic Health Authority

Oooh Errr, it has been a long time since I have awarded one of my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Awards.

Therefore I will not beat about the bush any longer.

This week I am happy to award it to the NHS West Midlands Strategic Health Authority, for their remarkably wasteful and inept staff survey circulated to 3,300 workers at the West Midlands Ambulance Service.

Staff surveys are known for asking somewhat inept and "odd" questions. However, one question in this survey left everyone with rather an unpleasant taste in their mouths.

The theory behind the survey was to identify characteristics of good leadership, as part of a £10K project to allegedly help the NHS West Midlands Strategic Health Authority devise a new leadership strategy.

Why not just buy a book about leadership, for approx £10, and read it?

Anyhoo, amongst the questions about leadership was one that asked staff to rate how "cool" Adolf Hitler was, on a scale of one to five.

The ambulance employees were then asked to rate Hitler in comparison with their own chief executive.

They were also asked if being gay, funny or black made a leader cool.

Quite what "coolness" has to do with being a good leader I don't know?

Maybe the people who designed the survey were a tad muddled, and actually meant to ask how cool was Ron Mael (keyboard player of Sparks)?



Anyhoo well done the NHS West Midlands Strategic Health Authority, well deserving "Prats of The Week"!

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Veni Vidi Vici

My thanks to Guy Leven-Torres MA (Hons), FSEFA for providing me with this example of Nannyism, relating to an incident with some metal armour, from the world of Experimental Field Archaeology.

I have reproduced it in full, without any edits:

"If you teach national history, outside the curriculum, you are being political! Sounds dangerous...Could be seen as a Hitler Youth!

A cloud has hung over Legio IX Hispana for nearly two years and would have put us out of business if it had succeeded.......I have not until now been able to write about it due to legal necessities.

Above in the title are the words spoken to me yesterday by a Leftwing academic I know who is 'most concerned' about advanced plans to turn the Archaeological society Legio IX Hispana (V), otherwise known as the Society of Experimental Field Archaeology into an institution that compliments access to knowledge and training, for anybody from ages 16 to Pensionable age. We cannot take anybody under 16 years now, due to the hideous regulations laid down by the paedophile obsessed, homo- loving, marriage hating paranoid EU inspired State Directives, that are the reality behind the Children’s Act and the Criminal Records Bureau and soon to be ISA that replaces it with even more draconian idiocy. In short the EuroState is after your children and does not want you to have any say in the matter.

If you do not believe me, look only to the uproar last week over two police officers, both women refused permission to look after their own children. A few months ago a woman friend of my family, was refused permission by the local Surrey County Council to travel in the back of a taxi, with her own child until she was 'cleared to do so by the CRB'. The taxi was provided by Surrey Education to get the disabled child to school for 'special needs'. Her case is far from alone.

At our annual AGM last night, we decided that we could not afford the costs and risks of allowing any person under 16 years to join. The costs involved, to have all adult Members and Fellows vetted, would amount to thousands of pounds, money we do not have. We already pay out over £2,000 per annum for Insurance policies due to the ‘Elf n Safety’ Gestapo. Last year a yob punched a legionary in full armour (18swg) and broke his wrist. The teenage pupil was at one of our shows we do every year for a Water Board. The 15 years old boy asked if the re-enactor's armour was plastic. He was told it was heavy steel but he then assaulted the poor man, who of course felt nothing but found himself staring down at a youth rolling on the ground in agony with a broken wrist.

The teacher in charge of his group, scolded our Member for wearing ‘dangerous real armour’ and we faced several months of hell- 32 letters, threats, and finally a hearing in court against a professional Barrister, funded by a local authority claiming damages for the incident in favour of the boy, who stood to one side of the court grinning at the victim of his assault. The case has cost us £3,200 in time and finally engaging a Solicitor, who agreed to waive most of the other fees. He was as incensed as we were.

Last week, the Recorder threw the case out with the remark to the young man, ‘If you are so stupid as to punch steel plate, when not only a clear warning was given but only a complete idiot would not see that the armour was real, then you deserve what happened to you, no matter how painful!'

The Recorder has not left matters there and has ordered the teacher to appear before him to answer, 'Why you pursued such an obvious idiotic case? My colleagues and I are tired of these obviously politically motivated claims placed before the courts!' The Barrister and her Solicitor, are also under investigation for bringing the 'Law into disrepute'. The Barrister, a real little 'Madame' was told off in front of us all with the words, 'Why was this case brought at all? I do not wish to see you here before me again and I will be writing to your chambers!' We have been awarded £5,000 costs. The woman had tried to get me to settle 'damages' out of court before we went in, telling me that ‘You have not a hope Mr Leven-Torres!'

We won and she has arranged to pay us within the next few days. Common Sense is a rare commodity nowadays. I also informed the court about her bullying before we went in for the hearing. I am trained in Common Law and have proved a second time that it is still the Law of the land. Previously we had three women Recorders who seem to side with the plaintiff despite our protests, by refusing to allow us to give evidence, until finally we obtained a solicitor known to me for years. It worries me that women 'judges' automatically seem to side with yobs. Why? What is their motive? Gender and politics have no place in Justice!

What we want to do, is to turn Legio IX into a kind of adult 'boy-scouts' institution, where youngsters and the not so young, can have their brains unscrambled, be taught real history and a healthy respect for authority and Queen and Country free of all the Gramscian PC garbage foisted upon them at school. We will also teach them self -respect, their country’s real heritage but also a little drill that will produce the desired effect. We started a month or so ago and two mothers have telephoned us today, to say that their sons loved it. 'He is a different child!' said one... 'He has not stopped talking about it!' The boy is nearly 18 years old and the difference is amazing. He came to us dishevelled and sullen but we put him through his paces and the change that quickly came upon him was stunning, as he discovered his strengths through the challenges we gave him.
We taught him ancient drill and weapons handling (wooden swords), mock combat, even allowing him to takeover a squad of legionaries. He is now far more confident, better dressed and very much more outgoing after languishing for years in local comprehensive. We also teach map reading with the archaeological orienteering.

Yet there is a sinister cloud looming. An academic colleague is reporting us to the CRB as an ‘unauthorised child training facility that must be regulated!’ He added that

'If you teach national history, outside the curriculum, you are being political! Sounds dangerous...Could be seen as a Hitler Youth!'

God give us strength! Nobody escapes the PC Inquisition! Nobody! Why can they not just leave people alone?

Dr Goebbels would be proud!"

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Prats of The Week - The Home Orifice

Tis a Monday morning, and with a song in my heart I am happy to award my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award to Nanny's Home Orifice.

What have they done to deserve this?

Easy peasy, they have issued a booklet (at our expense) telling their own staff not to eat food in front of Muslim colleagues during Ramadan; lest it makes them feel hungry.

Aside from the sheer bollocks waste of time and money that this absurd piece of "homespun" advice has inflicted, it is also highly offensive and patronising to Muslims as it singles them out as being "different".

Didn't Hitler do the same thing with Jewish people?

It is also somewhat ironic that the Home Orifice is so concerned about the possible "hurtfulness" of eating in front of Muslims who are fasting.

Is this not the same Home Orifice that, as part of the Nanny state, gave approval to the US to use the UK for rendition flights (whereby Muslim terror suspects were snatched from various foreign locations, and taken to G'tmo to be waterboarded without due legal process)?

What's worse?

Waterboarding, or eating in front of someone who is fasting?

Maybe eating in front of a fasting Muslim will be added to the CIA torture manual?

The Home Orifice, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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The Joy of High Heels

I see that the dinosaurs of the TUC, who are convening in Liverpool this week, are once again proving their "relevance" for the 21st century.

Amidst the most serious recession that we have had in generations, facing cuts in public expenditure, facing a pensions crisis in the private sector and an ending to the public sector defined benefit pension schemes what do the "brothers" and "sisters" of the TUC talk about?

High heels!

The TUC have deemed that high heels in the work place are dangerous (and they don't mean on the factory floor, but in the office), and have called for employers to carry out risk assessments on women wearing high heels at work.

Aren't men allowed to wear them too?

The "brothers" and "sisters" have demanded that women wear "sensible" shoes to work.

Errmm...surely women are able to decide for themselves what they will wear to normal office jobs (within the confines of good taste and decency etc)?

The motion received overwhelming support.

Doubtless world leaders will stop what they are doing, trying to salvage the global economy, and rush to carry out the TUC's bidding!

This nonsense reminds me of a tale that my late father (a captain in the Merchant Navy) told me about his "amusing" interactions with British dockers in the 50's/60's.

Dockyard practices were rigidly applied, and were based on agreements between the powerful dockers' unions and management of the docks. Should you wish to unload your cargo on a Saturday the rules were particularly inflexible.

Primarily the dockers were only on duty for 3 hours on Saturday, for which they naturally received double time. Time and motion studies had concluded that it took 30 minutes for the average docker to walk to the ship, and a further 30 minutes to walk back. This of course counted as part of the working day, and so only 2 hours were left for the docker to actually "work".

Time and motion had also dictated that it took 45 minutes to open the cargo holds, and another 45 minutes to close them. This left some 30 minutes in which the cargo could be unloaded.

However, no doubt exhausted by the gruelling schedule, our hardworking dockers needed a break. Therefore two tea breaks, of 15 minutes each, were built into the day. The result, dockers were paid double time not to come to work (after all, what was the point of coming into work to open and close a cargo hold?).

My father tweaked their noses by ensuring that the holds of his ship were opened whilst still at sea, thus the dockers had to come into work to unload the cargo.

Irate docker - "You can't do that mister!"

My father - "I'm the captain, this is my ship; I will do as I please when it is at sea!"

Needless to say working practices like that ensured the destruction of the once thriving dockyards in the UK (something that Hitler had failed to achieve), as container ships moved to unload their cargoes on mainland Europe.

Clearly the TUC is still staffed by the same type of bone headed, obstinate mules that once ruled to docks.

Fortunately no one listens to the TUC anymore!

PS substitute "TUC" for "FCC" to fully enjoy the song.

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Nanny Bans Ice Cream Vans

As summer approaches we cast our mind back to the halcyon days of summers past, the sound of leather upon willow (that's cricket folks) and the merry jingle of the ice cream van.

Sadly, if Nanny's cums in her "respected" local councils have their way, the sound of ice cream vans may be but a distant faded memory.

For why?

Nanny has decreed that:

1 The sound of the jingles and general commotion of children queuing to buy ice cream is a nuisance, and

2 Ice cream makes people fat, therefore it should not be sold.

Harrow Council is leading the anti ice cream van vendetta, by refusing to issue new vending licences to ice cream sellers and encouraging police to enforce the embargo.

Kypros Kimonos, a purveyor of ices etc, was recently on the receiving end of Nanny's bully boy tactics. The police threatened to arrest him because he didn't have a licence.

Can he get a licence?

No!

Why?

Because the council won't issue any new ones!

Angela Mawle, of the UK Public Health Association, said:

"Ice cream is a fattening product, a luxury item. Councils need to start thinking about how they can promote healthy communities."

Why is this the council responsibility?

Who gave them the right to dictate our gut size?

Will all other fattening foods be banned, eg chips, lard, hotdogs, food in general?

All food, if eaten in sufficient quantities, is fattening!

Ice cream can be bought from shops, will councils ban that too?

These councils, and their patsies from the so called "health profession", are behaving like little Hitlers; it is time that they were dealt with in the same manner that we dealt with Herr Shickelgruber and his chums!

Needless to say, Harrow is a Conservative council.

You know the drill folks, tell Cameron that he will lose the next election unless he gets these idiots to realise that we are fed up with the state telling us how to live our lives.

Here's David Cameron's email to tell him what you think: camerond@parliament.uk

Ice Cream Van Man
by ScottishTornado

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Booze Matters - Minimum Price

I see that Nanny's chum and chief medical officer, Sir Liam Donaldson, is pushing for there to be a minimum price on booze. He doesn't want any drinks to be sold for less than 50 pence per unit of alcohol they contain.

Here's a few reasons why a minimum price on booze is bollocks:

1 The state has no business interfering in the pricing mechanism of the market.

2 When the state interferes in market pricing mechanisms, disaster is sure to follow.

3 A minimum price will cause a decline in demand and put people out of work.

4 Prohibition, or in this case semi state control, does not work; the USA found that out to its cost when its prohibition period spawned a whole criminal subclass and industry. Why do you think that there is so much criminal activity associated with drugs? Answer, because Nanny has banned them.

5 We each of us go to the devil in our own way; booze, drugs, food, smoking, excess exercise etc. The state has no business in dictating to us as to how we live our lives.

6 Raising the price of booze in the UK will simply mean that more people will import booze from Europe (eg as is the case in Sweden, where people avoid paying the absurdly high tax on booze - imposed by the state to stop people drinking - by going on booze cruises to Denmark etc).

7 We are facing the worst recession in decades, people on low incomes have precious little to amuse themselves with (given that Nanny is doing her best to deny them their fags); let the people have some fun during these dark days.

8 It is part of our national culture to drink heavily, whether Nanny likes it or not. The Romans marvelled at our ability to drink like fish, then brawl in public; nothing has changed, that is who we are.

9 Hitler didn't drink.

Feel free to add to the list.

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A Wake Up Call

Now that this has happened to one of their own, perhaps the Tory party will finally wake up to what Nu Labour has done to our rights and freedoms over that last 11 years and fight to roll back the state?

Nine counter terrorism officers to arrest one MP!!!

Have the police gone mad?

Full article from The Telegraph

David Cameron today criticised the decision to use counter-terrorist police to arrest the shadow immigration minister, Damian Green, after he published leaked documents allegedly sent to the Tories by a government whistleblower.

The Conservative leader said that it was "a worrying stage in our democracy" if shadow ministers could not release information in the national interest.

"If this had happened in the 1930s, Churchill would have been arrested," said Cameron, in a reference to the way Winston Churchill used leaked information to support his campaign for Britain to rearm against Adolf Hitler's Germany.

Cameron also said that ministers needed to explain what they knew in advance about the decision to arrest Green, who was held for nine hours before being arrested without charge.

"These are extraordinary and frankly rather worrying circumstances," Cameron said this morning.

"What seems to be the case is that [Green] was arrested for making public information that the government didn't want to have made public."

Phil Woolas, a Home Office minister, said that as far as he knew ministers did not know that the police were going to arrest Green before it happened.

Asked to comment on the arrest in an interview on BBC Radio 4's Today programme, Woolas said that the police had said it had been in relation to "conspiracy" to commit misconduct in public office and that the situation therefore might not be as "straightforward" as some people thought. But he stressed that he did not have special knowledge of the case.

"While I know nothing about the case, that's the charge. Therefore I think the wisest thing to do is to what and see what happens," Woolas said.

Green was taken into custody at about 1.50pm in his Ashford constituency in Kent and escorted to a central London police station. At around 11pm, as the Tories accused the authorities of a "perverse sense of priorities" for using counter-terrorism officers to arrest an MP while terrorists attacked Mumbai, Green was released on unconditional bail to return at a date in February for further questioning.

A "tired and angry" Green said early this morning: "I was astonished to have spent more than nine hours under arrest for doing my job. I emphatically deny that I have done anything wrong. I have many times made public information that the government wanted to keep secret, information that the public has a right to know.

"In a democracy, opposition politicians have a duty to hold the government to account. I was elected to the House of Commons precisely to do that and I certainly intend to continue doing so."

Green's defiant statement came at the end of a day in which nine counter-terrorism officers conducted simultaneous searches at four locations: Green's constituency office and home in Ashford, his office in the House of Commons and his London home.

The MP was arrested under common law for "on suspicion of conspiring to commit misconduct in a public office and aiding and abetting, counselling or procuring misconduct in a public office".

The police action followed the arrest 10 days ago of a government whistleblower who allegedly leaked four documents to Green, who then passed them to the press. Cameron was convinced that such a move would have to be approved at top political levels. A Tory source said: "David Cameron is angry. This is Stalinesque."

Labour sources indicated that neither the prime minister nor the home secretary, Jacqui Smith, knew about the arrest. Gordon Brown only learned of it around three hours later. Sources said it was "preposterous" to suggest that ministers would have approved the arrest. The Metropolitan police denied any ministerial involvement.

Cameron and the mayor of London, Boris Johnson, were informed that Green would be arrested. Johnson reportedly asked Sir Paul Stephenson, the deputy commissioner of the Metropolitan police, whether he was sure that he needed to arrest Green, who could have been questioned.

George Osborne, the shadow chancellor, told the BBC: "I think it is extraordinary that the police have taken that decision. It has long been the case in our democracy that MPs have received information from civil servants. To hide information from the public is wrong."

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Foreign ID Cards

I see that Jacqui Smith, Nanny's home economics teacher (now Home Secretary), is feeling very pleased with herself about the launch of the ID cards for foreigners.

If I may insert a small factoid here, one of Hitler's first acts as chancellor was to impose compulsory ID cards on every German citizen.

The cards will be compulsory for foreign nationals, who will need one to enter the UK, to work and to claim benefits.

Fine, except that the foreign terrorists, who Nanny claims that these cards will deter, will of course not be entering the UK legally. Additionally, as the London bombings showed, the acts of terrorism will as likely be carried out by British citizens.

Jacqui also believes that UK citizens will volunteer to pay £30 to have one as well.

Errmmm...is she on drugs?

The scheme is bollocks from start to finish!

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Length Matters

You know how it is sometimes said that "length doesn't matter"? (Not that I have ever heard that myself you understand).

Whilst that may be true for human relations, that is most certainly not the case when dealing with Nanny's local councils and their binmen.

Gordon Morris, from Southwick Wiltshire, found this out to his cost recently when his binmen refused to walk a staggering 18 inches to collect his green waste.

West Wiltshire District Council have issued an edict that states that wheelie bins must be within one metre of the kerb before they are collected. Mr Morris claims that his wheelie bin would block the pavement if he followed the rule. Therefore he places his bin 18 inches away on his driveway.

Herein lies Mr Morris's mistake, he has assumed that Nanny uses common sense.

She doesn't!

The brain dead people who set these rules do not have any ability to think laterally, "out of the box" or act with any form of imagination. The rules must be followed at all times, no matter what the cost.

You can guarantee that if he blocked the pavement with the bin, the council would then have sued him him.

Mr Morris though is not a man to give up, and had a bust up with his council (who in theory work for the council taxpayers). He has now been given "dispensation" to place the bin with only the wheels on the pavement.

Bin crews now only have to walk an extra nine inches to collect the bin!

The council though are not best pleased with his victory, and have warned (as they are a spiteful bunch of c**ts) that his bin was too heavy. They have ordered him to take some of the leaves and twigs out, because they may fall on operatives as it is being emptied onto the van "which was a health and safety issue".

It's a farking joke isn't it?

How dangerous is a leaf?

Mr Morris pays £1800 a year in council tax to be treated like this by petty minded Hitlers and jobsworths.

It is high time for a serious and nationwide council tax payers' strike, and to kick twats like these out of office asap.

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The Grim Ripa

"The best way to take control over a people and control them utterly is to take a little of their freedom at a time, to erode rights by a thousand tiny and almost imperceptible reductions.

In this way the people will not see those rights and freedoms being removed until past the point at which these changes cannot be reversed."

Adolf Hitler

Wise words indeed!

It is "reassuring" to see that our local councils (those organs of the Nanny state which, as you know, I have such a high "respect" for) are testing out Herr Shickelgruber's ideas at this very minute.

Following on from last week's story about Poole council using the Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000 (Ripa) to spy on a family, over the non terrorist issue of school catchment areas, it transpires that other local councils have been invoking Ripa for spy missions too.

Were they invoking Ripa to counteract possible terrorist threats?

No!

They invoked Ripa, and spied on their voters to investigate petty offences such as dog fouling, under-age smoking and breaches of planning regulations.

Councils and other public bodies are using Ripa (anti terrorist legislation) to spy on people, obtain their telephone records and find out who they are emailing.

Did you know they could do all of that?

In 2007 councils and government departments made 12,494 applications for "directed surveillance", according to figures released by the Office of the Surveillance Commissioner. This was almost double the number for the previous year.

Ironically, applications from police and other law enforcement agencies fell during the same period, to about 19,000. One local government body stated that councils and other public bodies would soon carry out more surveillance than the police.

That's reassuring isn't it?

Ripa is now being used by councils to spy on otherwise law-abiding people committing minor offences such as; fly-tipping, failing to pick up dog mess and to gather evidence that can be used to instigate fines.

Gosport borough council is currently using Ripa for an undercover investigation into dog fouling. Council officers equipped with digital cameras and binoculars are spying on dog walkers.

Chris Davis, the council's head of internal audit, said without irony:

"We have strategically placed members of our enforcement team to blend in with the natural environment and observe people walking dogs.

They are using digital cameras to get hard evidence. Dog fouling is a real issue and in this case it is happening close to a leisure facility where children play."

Dog fouling may well be a nuisance, but why is anti terrorist legalisation being used to combat it?

Why are innocent people being spied on by the council?

What controls are in place wrt the data gathered? (None I would warrant!)

When Ripa was passed in 2000, only nine organisations, such as the police and security services, were allowed to use it. That number has risen to 792, including 474 councils.

Whilst councillors can be held to account, and indeed can be voted out of office; Local Government Officers (LOG's), on defined pensions and very generous pay packages, cannot be held to account and are virtually impossible to remove from office.

Do we really want people like that spying on us?

When Ripa and other anti terrorist laws were introduced by our political "masters", we were assured that they would only be used against the "bad guys".

It transpires that we are all now "bad guys".

How did this happen?

1 The politicians lied

2 Politicians are incompetent headline grabbing fools, who don't think things through

3 Politicians ignore the fundamental principle of British law, ie innocent until proven guilty. The reason that we have limits on detention without charge etc is to protect the innocent from being held on false charges. Without that failsafe, we would all be held by the police on the slightest whim.

4 Brown and his ilk are control freaks, who do want to monitor what we do

5 Local councils are worse than worthless

6 It is the nature of councils et al to use all the tools at their disposal, to monitor and control their populations. The more we give them, the more they will use.

Brown and his mob even now are pressing for the police to have the wright to detain someone for 42 days without charge, if they suspect him/her of being a terrorist. How the hell do we know that one day we will not be held for 42 days, without charge, on suspicion of being a terrorist?

The solution?

-These festering sores on our democracy, LGO's et al, brought in en masse by "Nu Labour" should be removed from office in one massive culling operation.

-Ripa needs to be repealed and reworked.

-The 42 days detention rule must be stopped.

-Brown and Labour must be kicked out.

Nu labour and the local councils have marked out a path (by misuse of Ripa) that others, even more repellent people, will follow.

You have been warned!

"The best way to take control over a people and control them utterly is to take a little of their freedom at a time, to erode rights by a thousand tiny and almost imperceptible reductions.

In this way the people will not see those rights and freedoms being removed until past the point at which these changes cannot be reversed."

Adolf Hitler

The People's Republic of Liverpool Bans Smoking

Oh my gosh, another smoking ban!

Nanny really needs to get some therapy, to help her get over her paranoia over smoking.

This time we must journey to the People's Republic of Liverpool for a cautionary tale of mind numbing heavy handed state interference.

As we all know, Nanny's local council in Liverpool regards Liverpool as being the world's most perfect city. Thanks to the "wise" policies of Nanny and generations of local councillors Liverpool now has zero crime, perfect race relations, no drugs, 100% literacy and zero anti social behaviour.

As such it should not surprise us to learn that Nanny's councillors have a lot of free time on their hands, and need something to do.

That at least is the only explanation that I can come up with for their latest daft idea.

SmokeFree Liverpool, there's a group with high aspirations, has decreed that all movies with smoking scenes should be given an 18 certificate. Needless to say, Nanny's chums on Liverpool City Council have backed this absurd and ridiculous idea.

Andy Hull, Liverpool's head of public protection (what the fark is that when it's at home?...another Nanny state militia?) and chair (how can a human be a "chair", ie a piece of furniture, he is chairman) of SmokeFree Liverpool, said that an adult rating on movies that depict smoking will reduce the number of young people lighting up.

"The international evidence...is that one in two children between 11 and 18 who witness smoking in movies actually experiment with - and therefore start - smoking themselves."

Prat!

All this will do is encourage children to regard smoking as an even more naughty adult vice, that they must most definitely try. Additionally, as with all adult films, the under 18's will be queuing up to get in.

When I was a lad, it was just nudie films that one had to sneak in to see (or watch late night on BBC2)...Nanny now wants to create a whole new list of "must sees"; eg smoking, eating, fatty etc.

Violence in under 18 movies is of course OK!

Hull said that Liverpool (what everyone in Liverpool?) wants the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC) to act.

Needless to say, as with all of Nanny's daft ill thought through ideas, there is a large fly in Nanny's oinkment.

The BBFC is none too impressed with this daft idea, and said:

"To simply classify a film 18 because people smoke in it would not be popular with the public."

Politely put, BBFC told Liverpool council to fark off!

Hull, being a true disciple of Nanny, is not interested in common sense or indeed the advice of experts if that advice contradicts his prejudices. He said that if the BBFC is not prepared to adopt an 18 certificate, then Liverpool will consider using licensing laws to bring in its own stricter ratings for films screened locally.

Thus making Liverpool look completely ridiculous, and dictatorial.

The arrogance of local councils never ceases to amaze me. Their role is not to interfere in the daily lives of people, nor is it to act like mini Hitlers. yet they choose to do so.

Why?

Because we have allowed them to, and we elect useless third rate human beings to become councillors.

Isn't it about time that we put an end to local councils?

We need to rid of these useless appendages once and for all.

Feel free to email Andy Hull andy.hull@liverpool.gov.uk

Who Ate All The Pies?

Hello folks, I have dragged myself away from the mince pies and assorted Christmas goodies to bring you this sorry tale of Nannyism that landed on my desk a wee while ago.

Nanny has stuck her interfering nose into the noble art of pie eating. The organisers of Wigan's prestigious pie eating contest have been seduced by Nanny's dark side, and changed the rules.

First prize has always gone to the contestant who could eat the most meat and potato pies in three minutes.

However, the title of World Pie Eating Champion will now be awarded to the person who can eat a single pie in the shortest time.

Pah!

I spit upon such nonsense.

This debasement of the noble art of pie eating is in response to Nanny's incessant whining about the number of calories that we all consume.

As if this were not enough, to add insult to injury, vegetarians will be allowed to eat non meat pies.

What is the world coming to?

Dave Smyth, who won the first contest in 1992 when he ate four pies in three minutes, thinks that this is bollocks.

Quote:

"This contest has always been about savouring as many pies as possible

over a three minute period,

not sprinting through a few mouthfuls of a single pie.

They've taken things too far this year.

Pies are supposed to be meat and potato

and anything else just isn't normal.

I intend to lobby the organising committee

and I'm not going to rest until I've got answers."

Each pie weighs 12oz and contains about 400 calories.

Organiser Tony Callaghan said:

"I realise it may be controversial,

but this is the way forward for pie-eating at this level.

It will make for an exciting sporting spectacle,

whilst also doffing its cap to Government guidelines on obesity.

We have also bowed to relentless pressure from the Vegetarian Society

and agreed to introduce a vegetarian option,

although vegetarian pie-eaters in the competition

will be allowed to eat a slightly smaller version

because of its rather more glutinous content."

FYI, Hitler was a vegetarian.

In honour of this noble art I am off to consume another mince pie!

Nanny's Little Hitlers

Beware the state Gestapo, who are being given extra powers by Nanny.

Nanny is to extend the power to issue on-the-spot fines to "authority" figures, other than the police.

Some of you may be wondering who, or what, an "authority" figure is. Allow me to enlighten you; authority figures (according to Nanny) include the following, teachers, council workers and even RSPCA inspectors.

In short anyone in some form of uniform, or with aspirations of wearing some form of uniform!

These "Little Hitlers" would be given the same right as police officers to mete out summary justice for offences including; vandalism, antisocial behaviour and theft.

The proposal was debated a few weeks ago in the Lords.

At the moment penalty notices are dispensed by police officers, community support officers and neighbourhood wardens (what the hell is a neighbourhood warden?).

Nanny's chums in the Home Office are preparing a much longer list of the types of people, who would then be "accredited" by their local chief constable to issue the notices.

Home Office sources say the list could include teachers, who need to deal with unruly pupils, housing officials who need to punish troublesome tenants and RSPCA inspectors.

Fixed-penalty notices do not count as a criminal record, but police forces would keep a register of those issued with them.

To quote Basil Fawlty:

"That's exactly how Nazi Germany began!"

Why Did We Fight The Nazis?

Those who fought Nazism and the threat of dictatorship in the last war may be wondering today whether their sacrifice, and the sacrifice of their fallen comrades, was really worthwhile.

Nanny's Health and Safety Gestapo have taken up the mantle, which was once worn by the dictators of the last century, and have threatened to ban remembrance parades as they fall foul of Nanny's health and safety rules.

Organisers of these events have been told that the marches cannot proceed unless they take out public liability insurance, carry out a risk assessment and organise stewards dressed in fluorescent jackets to police the event.

Seemingly Nanny is worried that the veterans, who risked life and limb for our liberty, are not capable of walking down a street without inflicting upon themselves some terrible injury.

You see, Nanny hates independent thoughts and actions. Those that seek to organise themselves, without her "help" and "guidance", are seen to be a threat to Nanny.

The effort and cost required to comply with Nanny's rules and regulations will force many veterans' associations to cancel ceremonies.

Members of the 8th Destroyer Association in Scarborough, North Yorkshire, have already been targeted by Nanny's police. Nanny's police have threatened to ban the event unless the organisers agree to pay £300 for insurance, and to file the necessary paperwork.

Read that again.

A British police force is threatening to BAN a peaceful and honourable gathering of war veterans, who fought for our freedom and liberty.

That is simply WRONG.

Veterans Association chairman, Peter Lee-Hale, said:

"We've been marching for 18 years now and never had this before.

The police have provided motorcycle escorts

and everything has been fine.

Now health and safety has reared its ugly head.

What's going to happen on Remembrance Day

when there are so many marches around the country?

Are they all going to have to do this?

The £300 is not a lot of money really,

but it's the hassle of it all.

I'm 73 and one of the younger members.

Most of them are in their late 70s and 80s

and it is a lot to cope with.

The whole thing is ridiculous.

We're only marching less than a mile.

We went to war to fight fascism

but it's our police who are acting like Hitler."

North Yorkshire Police said:

"We are concerned with the safety of everyone involved in the parade

including those taking part, spectators and our own officers..

...but safety is of paramount importance."

The march organisers have been told they must be accompanied by two lines of stewards in fluorescent jackets, and have an ambulance in attendance.

Mr Lee-Hale said:

"I could understand it if we were a bunch of yobs marching through the town,

but what trouble do they think an 80-year-old ex-sailor is going to cause?"

Last year poppy sellers were banned from pinning flowers on people's clothes, in case they cause injury.

Nanny is as much a threat to the freedom and liberty of the people of Britain, as the Nazis were some 60 years ago.

The question many veterans must be asking themselves now is why did we sacrifice so much to fight for freedom and liberty, if that freedom and liberty has been taken away from us by our own government?

We shall Fight Them on the Beaches and in The Assembly Rooms

Congratulations to Mel Smith for sticking two fingers up at Nanny's extremist government in Scotland, and refusing to put out his cigar on stage.

Mel is playing Winston Churchill during the Edinburgh Fringe, as such he is required to smoke a cigar on stage.

There is one small problem with this, Nanny's chums in the People's Republic of Scotland have banned smoking on stage.

As such the Assembly Rooms, where the play "Allegiance" is being performed, risk being fined £5K and losing their licence.

In the true spirit of Churchill, Smith and his fellow thespians (can I say thespian on a public site?) have stuck two fingers up at Nanny and have vowed to carry on regardless.

As Smith wry quipped:

"Hitler would have been proud of the smoking ban."

Indeed it should not be forgotten that Hitler didn't smoke, or drink and was a vegetarian.

'Nuff said!

Those of you wishing to join Mel's protest against Nanny, should pop along to watch the play; Allegiance: Winston Churchill and Michael Collins, Assembly Rooms (0131-226 2428), until August 13, 11am.

Nanny In Disarray

It seems that Nanny, as usual, cannot get her act together with regard to yet another "centre piece" of her legislative programme.

This particular piece of legislation relates to her anti smoking fetish.

Nanny is meant to present a bill tomorrow, which bans smoking in public places. However, her plans are in disarray after Cabinet ministers failed to agree on whether there should be exemptions.

Health Secretary Patricia Hewitt wants to ban smoking in all pubs and clubs. However, she is prepared to give pubs and restaurants the freedom to set aside a room for smoking where staff would not have to work.

But get this, no food or drink would be served in these rooms.

Brilliant idea that Pat!

Needless to say, she has faced opposition.

Her predecessor, John Reid, is against a proposal to extend the ban to private clubs.

The failure of Nanny's acolytes to reach agreement raises doubts as to whether this piece of legislation will actually be introduced.

The future of our country in the hands of these people!

As a point of historical interest, Hitler was a vegetarian non smoker and non drinker.

Think about it!

By the way, once Nanny has banned smoking, she will then go after drinking and eating.

She's coming after you soon folks!

Nanny Bans Hitler?

It may not have escaped your attention, but the Second World War ended some 60 years ago.

Evidently this has come as something of a surprise to Nanny, for some 60 years on she has decided that Hitler should be banned.

Well, when I say Hitler has to be banned, I mean that his name should be banned.

Sixty years too late, but I suppose that the gesture is well meant!

Unfortunately, as with all things that Nanny turns her hand to, she has managed to over react.

Nanny, in her infinite wisdom, has banned the name Hitler in the Cornish port of Mevagissey. You see, ladies and gentlemen, in this picturesque beauty spot there is a park called Hitler's Walk.

The parkland, overlooking the harbour, received the name in the 1930's after a local councillor Wright Harris.

He wanted to make sure fishermen paid their fees, and would stand in the park checking their comings and goings.

Needless to say the locals soon nicknamed the spot after the German chancellor Adolf Hitler.

Now it seems that some people, not locals but newcomers, have nothing better to do with their time than to complain about things.

Isn't it funny how as soon as you let strangers come and live with you, they start to complain about things and try to change the way you live?

Anyhoo, the newbies have decided that they don't like the name of the park and have told Nanny's chums in the local borough council to take down two newly-erected signs.

However, the parish councillors are mounting a fierce resistance and want the signs returned.

I wish the parish council well, it is quite obvious that the name of the park is in no way some sinister memorial to Adolf Hitler of Berlin.

My suggestion to the newcomers is simple, you knew what the place was like before you went there; if you don't like it, then leave!

Nanny's Naughty Nurses

Nanny thinks that we are all very naughty when it comes to looking after our health, and in her view if we cannot be trusted to look after ourselves then she is jolly well going to enforce her views upon us.

Nanny has a particular abhorrence of smoking, just like Hitler did, and as such has decided to enforce a strict no smoking policy in and around her hospitals.

In order for this policy to work she has set up a Naughty Nurse Patrol (that phrase will get me some interesting hits from search engines) in the Aintree Hospitals NHS Trust in Liverpool, whoch will target people who in her view are being naughty.

Nurses in the trust have been asked to take part in anti-smoking patrols around two hospital sites, and offer smoking cessation advice to staff and visitors.

In other words they will be telling people to stop smoking, even though it is not their business to do so.

Nurses have been told to go on hour-long patrols, as part of Nanny's non-smoking policy, which cover the entire hospital site.

Naughty Nurse Patrols are carried out three times a day, with staff doing rounds in pairs, handing out smoking leaflets and advice.

Not surprisingly, given the somewhat overstretched nature of the NHS, many staff are unhappy about being asked to carry out these patrols; as they do not regard it as part of their job, and because it will take them away from patient care on the wards.

Another small point is that it is not up to Nanny to tell us what to do, but then again that has never stopped her in the past.

Nanny just loves to waste everyones time.