Shropshire Council Appoints £1K Per Day Pothole Consultant

Shropshire is spending about £1,000 a day on a potholes consultant.

In an email seen by the BBC, Shropshire Council's boss said the appointment was part of a range of measures to speed up repairs of the county's roads.

It is a little more than "ironic", that despite professing poverty councils are still more than happy to piss our money away!

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Bin Brother - Clean Your Baked Bean Cans!

Hull City council are a tad fed up with dirty bins and erroneous baked beans, as such they have decided to take action. Householders who mix up their recycling, or fail to wash old tins and bottles, face having their bins left unemptied, losing collections altogether or even being sent on awareness courses.

The Mail reports that this "bold initiative" will be publicised by consultants in a £100,000 campaign to encourage residents to recycle more effectively.

Seemingly a particular bugbear is placing food waste with recycling, contaminating materials that could otherwise be reused.

There are plans to confiscate the blue recycling bins of 2,150 householders who fail to recycle correctly.

A spokesman said:

"A few baked beans let in the tin can dribble onto the cardboard packaging"

How the fark are binmen meant to check every baked bean can they find for erroneous baked beans?

This is absolutely bonkers!

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The Value of Consultations

As per Transport for London:

"Over 37,000 responses were received. Around a third of respondents agreed with the proposal to remove cash fares."

In other words two thirds of respondents did not agree with the proposal.

Can you guess children what TfL now intend to do?

Yes, that's right:

"We have made a decision to go ahead with a cashless fare system on London’s buses from summer this year."

Nannyism at its best, if the results of consultations don't match your intended plans then ignore the results.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Health and Safety

Occasionally in the morass of rules and regulations that Nanny spews forth, there is a ray of sunshine in the form of commonsense being applied. Such was the case recently when Chris Grayling, the Employment Minister, told voluntary organisations that they are not required to obtain independent audits and should not be 'bogged down' in red tape.

Charity shops run by volunteers were facing the threat of closure, because they could not afford the costs of complying with additional regulations wrt health and safety.

The shops were fearful that they would have to hire "health and safety consultants" to perform risk assessments etc. Mr Grayling referred to these "consultants" in a refreshingly direct manner, as "cowboys".

As said, this is a rare ray of sunshine. I was, until now, wondering if commonsense had been banned completely.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

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Nanny Wastes Your Money

What use are con-sultants?

We Are All Screwed

I must congratulate Nanny on her "skills" at deceiving the public, that's you and me folks, as to what she is really doing about cutting back on the number of public sector employees.

You will recall that a couple of years or so ago Nanny's best "friend" and neighbour, Gordon "Smiler" Brown, said that he would cut back the number of public sector employees by around 70,000.

Well folks, guess what?

The number of people working for Nanny remains at 7 million, in fact it is rising.

Not only that, but Nanny and her chums have been secretly adding to the number of state employees by keeping them off the official headcount.

How has she done this?, I hear you ask.

Simple, she has brought in consultants.

Nanny's ever respected and efficient HM Revenue & Customs is now hiring £1,000 a day management consultants to carry out IT tasks for its new IT department, Information Management Solutions.

Nanny has already hired 80 of these outside "wonder" consultants.

The odd thing is that these consultants are being hired as business analysts, and are doing the same work that Revenue staff do for £120 a day.

What does Nanny think that she is doing?

Many of the consultants were hired from PA Consulting, although some are also freelance consultants.

It is very reassuring to know that such a sensible and cost effective use our money has been thought up by our future Prime Minister.




The future looks "bright"!

Doesn't it?

Nanny's Prescription Glasses

Nanny is very proud of her work, yet she knows that not everyone shares her pride.

In fact she knows that some people, eg journalists, go out of their way to criticise what she does.

Now I know that this may come as something of a surprise to some of you, but Nanny has feelings too.

Prick her, does she not bleed?

Anyhoo, Nanny is getting fed up with the constant criticism of her "management" of the country; and has decided to go on the counter offensive.

She wants all of us to see the world as she does, through special rose coloured glasses (coming soon on the NHS).

In order to ensure that we see the world as she does, her first action will be to improve the reporting techniques of journalists; so that they only tell us the good things about Nanny.

To this end Nanny has commenced a special study of the media, to weed out all those nasty negative journalists who are criticising her. Nanny's Department of Health has begun publishing statistics on the output, and perceived "slant", of the journalists who write the most frequently about the state of the NHS.

Nanny has hired media consultants Millward Brown to assess every article published by the media according to whether it is positive, negative or neutral.

The results of the survey have highlighted 21 correspondents who reach the most readers, either because they wrote a lot or because their papers had the biggest circulations. Within these, 9 of them were very naughty; they had nothing positive to say about the NHS.

Ooh!

Seemingly Nic Cecil of the Sun has been identified as the journalist with the "highest reach", is he an orangutang?.

Most worryingly for Nanny, the Daily Mail is the paper with the "highest reach". The overwhelming majority of its 59 articles on the NHS during the month were negative or neutral, with only about 7% carrying a positive message about the NHS.


Now "clever" little exercises like this don't come cheap. The cost came to £200K.

No need to worry though, Nanny is not paying for it.

You are!

When questioned about the apparent waste of money, Nanny's Department of Health said:

"It was important to have this established on a scientific basis rather than hunch".

In further good news, Nanny is going to continue spending more money on this, the department will publish regular reviews of journalists' output over periods of six months.

Needless to say, no one would be penalised for taking a negative approach.

Do you believe that?

Additionally, it is expected that Nanny's other departments will also follow suit.

Well, as I said, it's not Nanny's money is it?

Money Well Spent!

The good news is that, ever mindful of the costs of her special projects, Nanny has been keeping costs as low as possible in regard to her planned ID card scheme.

The costs incurred to date have so far amounted to a mere £17M, according to information gleaned under the Freedom of Information Act.

Out of this, "drop in the ocean", £12M was paid directly to PA Consulting.

Astute observers will note that the ID cards bill has not yet reached a third reading in the House of Commons.

Who cares!

Nanny doesn't!

PA estimated the development and procurement phases of the project would cost £18.74m over the length of the two-year deal.

The figures also disclosed that at least 62 consultants are working alongside 43 civil servants and one secondee.

In the FOI statement the Home Office said:

"The PA Consulting contract involves work on the design, feasibility testing, business case and procurement elements of the id cards programme.

The nature of the contract for this service is such that an outturn value is not defined; packages of work are agreed monthly. The Home Office has made no commitment to any contract value.

Although the total value of the contract will not be known until the contract is concluded..

I can tell you that the estimated prices given in the successful tender by the contractor were £9.87m for the development phase of the programme and £8.87m for the subsequent procurement phase."

Roughly translated, that means "we don't know how much it will cost, because it is not our money and we don't care".

The Home Office said the "average daily cost for each consultant working on the programme was £1,093".

Remember folks, it's your money that Nanny is spending.

Nanny Bans Bristols

Nanny has had another attack of Orwellian correctness.

Her friends in Wyre Forest Council are concerned that the English language contains words that do not really please them.

As such, much like a jumped up third world failing dictator, they have decided to ban these "offensive" words.

What are the words that the good people of Wyre Forest are no longer allowed to speak?

-Ship shape

-Bristol fashion

-Nitty gritty

It seems that, according to the Orwellian thought police, these may refer to the slave trade. Needless to say, they have got it wrong, see below.

To be fair to the morons at Wyre Forest Council, this is not entirely of their own doing.

You see they hired consultants, yes that's right they spent your money on consultants, to tell them what words are no longer de rigueur.

By the way, if you want to hire these Orwellian thought police you can contact them at Aldridge Training Solutions. I have tried to find a website for this oragnisation, but cannot. I would be grateful if someone can provide contact details for publication on this site.

Money well spent I think, don't you?

Needless to say the good people of Bristol are well pissed off at the slur on their good name.

The city's Lord Mayor, Peter Abraham, said he had always understood the term referred to the standard of sailors and ships in the city and pre-dated links with slavery.

Mr Abraham said:

"I have used the phrase for 60 years and my family has there is no way it can be regarded as politically incorrect."

Bristol historian Gerry Brooke said:

"These councillors have certainly got the wrong end of the stick. Bristol was a very difficult port to work in before its floating harbour was built".

Adding:

"The term comes because vessels built and loaded in the city were always first class."

Disregarding the facts, the 15 council members who attended the council's equality and diversity meeting were instructed to stand by the ruling.

Nice to see they are keeping an open mind!

Wyre Forest councillor Ken Stokes, when interviewed by the press, said the terms were now taboo has even apologised for repeating the phrase "nitty gritty" over the phone.

What a prat!

There is still some common sense in the council. Councillor June Salter said:

"The political correctness is getting pathetic. I am not racist and I don't need to be told how not to be a racist, which is why I didn't attend."

I for one am getting mighty fed up with the morons running this country.

It is time to let them know what we think of them.

As such I suggest that we have an informal competition, compose an email that contains all of the above banned phrases; and send it to the good people at Wyre Forest Council.

Here is their email address communications@wyreforestdc.gov.uk

Please copy your email into the comments box, and the best/most original may (if I am in a very good mood) win a T shirt. You must confirm that you have sent it to the council.

The competition will be open for as long as I can be bothered, and any decision as to who wins will be entirely dependent on my mood at the time.

Good luck!