The Danger of Databases

As we know, Nanny and her acolytes have something of a fetish for gathering data on all of us and putting that data into databases.

Nanny's rationale being that the databases help her to "help" us live "better" more "secure" lives etc etc; eg the "super" NHS database (that has yet to work) and the proposed child "protection" database (that allows all manner of people access to personal details).

Nanny has assured us, on numerous occasions, that the data stored in these databases is secure.

Bollocks!

As we have seen in the UK (eg with the loss of HMRC data on 25 million people), databases are far from secure.

However, the ongoing Wikileaks fiasco wrt 250,000 "classified" US cables knocks the UK security failures into a cocked hat.

Whilst the content of the leaked cables is, to people with half a brain, hardly surprising and in many cases bordering on the trivial; the damage done to US diplomatic efforts is incalculable. People will now treat US diplomats in the same way as they treat journalists, and work on the assumption that whatever is said may well appear on the net one day.

How did this fiasco come to pass?

Post 9/11 the US became more scared and paranoid than it usually is. Now, under such conditions, one would assume that there would have been a "security lockdown" wrt handling diplomatic communications.

Perversely, no, the exact opposite happened.

Working from the premise that sharing data would increase US security, the government of the day undertook to build a central database of all diplomatic communications.

Maybe, in itself, this was a logical idea.

However, the US government then asked themselves the fundamental question wrt databases namely:

"Who do we grant access rights to?"

They chose, for reasons that are beyond any understanding, to grant unfettered access rights to over 3.5 million people.

Yes, you did read that correctly, over 3.5 million people were given access rights to this database!

An accident waiting to happen!

Quite why the US authorities are so "shocked" over this leak is beyond me. Frankly the fact that the leak didn't occur years ago is more surprising.

The lesson to our own Nanny is clear, databases can be abused. To leave the design and security of such databases to politicians (who have zero experience of the real world, work or IT) is asking for trouble.

BTW, one small question, what on earth does the US government want the biometric data of UN personnel for?

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Useless Gobshites!

Fresh on the heels of the recent announcement by the Tory led coalition to ban all branding of fags, our "beloved" government is now planning to up the minimum price of booze.

Nanny's Health Secretary, Andrew Lansley, will publish a white paper this week that will outline plans to ban cheap alcohol sales.

Supermarkets will be banned from selling wine, beer and spirits below the cost of duty on the product plus VAT.

There are also plans to raise the duty paid on super-strength beer, as part of the Police and Social Responsibility Bill that is also due to be published.

Licences could be removed from sellers that breach the rules.

I had been labouring under the misunderstanding that we were now being governed by a Tory led government, with an agenda to lessen the burden of state control on the individual, not a socialist administration intent on encroaching ever further into our daily lives.

Clearly I was wrong.

I find it hypocritical, to say the least, that our "respected" MPs (hereafter referred to as useless gobshites) are striving to increase the price of booze; given that these useless gobshites have unfettered access to subsidised bars and restaurants (open until the wee small hours) courtesy of the long suffering taxpayer.

Why do they allow themselves the option of being able to drink cheap booze, but deny the voters that same option?

My thanks to the Irish Daily Star for coming up with a headline (albeit intended for the Irish cabinet) that so ably describes our government.

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Happiness

I am gemused to see that our coalition government has announced that it will spend around £2M a year measuring our "happiness".

A fascinating idea yet, somehow, I suspect deeply flawed.

Let us start with the basics, ie what exactly is "happiness"?

There are some basic theories that state that humans have several levels of "needs" that have to be satisfied before they achieve "nirvana".

The basic "needs" are:

- Food
- Shelter
- Safety/warmth
- Sex

Once these have been sated, the human "id" (or ego) takes over, and mankind (so the theory goes) looks for fulfillment (or his/her destiny) via intellectual pursuits and "leisure activities that boost the ego and give rise to feeling of self satisfaction/contentment.

Hmmmm, all well and good, yet measuring these key performance indicators (KPI's) is all but impossible.

1 As each new generation is born in the "First World", their aspirations are higher than the previous generation.

Economic, political, technological and social advancement means that each generation expects growth and improvement in their basic conditions. Our grandfathers would have been more than content with a roof over their heads and an indoor privy. The current generation expects nothing less than a 42 inch plasma TV with internet access etc.

2 One person's view of "enough" wrt eg food or sex, is not the same as another's. There are some who can make do with sex once a month whilst there are others, eg certain "celebrities", who cannot get a "boner" unless it's at least 3 in a bed twice a day with half a kilo of coke.

3 It is fair to say that many in the UK are more than sated wrt their food intake, one only has to watch people stuff their faces with all manner of shit from takeaways etc to see that.

Yet, take a close look at many of these face stuffers and ask yourselves are they really happy?

To my view they look terribly unhappy, and are in fact using food to take their minds off their own self perceived misery and self pity.

4 Despite all our social and economic advances, there are still people in this country who do not have a roof over their heads, who live in cold damp rooms and who do not have enough to eat.

Unless their basic needs are met there can be no effective measure of the country's happiness, because they have yet to get to the next level (where "happiness" is meant to kick in).

5 The Orifice of National Statistics will be the organ of the state assigned the task of measuring "happiness". As we know from its lamentable record wrt providing economic statistics whatever numbers it reports are unreliable, out of date and subject to revision.

Having proven that measuring "happiness" is all but impossible, the question that also needs to be asked is whether this really is any of the government's business?

Traditional political models work on the assumption that if the government stimulates the economy, and ensures that there is a reasonable level of "full" employment, then people will be happy. As demonstrated above, "happiness" is a little but more complicated than that.

For sure, money alone cannot buy you happiness. However, abject poverty in the face of conspicuous abundance is miserable.

The real key to "happiness" is a subjective mixture of:

- "wealth",
- "freedom", and
- the expectation/"hope" of self improvement.

These three "keys" to happiness can only come about when a government runs a "plug in and play" environment, whereby the individual can safely go about his/her business (without harming others) in the expectation that the government will not keep changing the rules of the game or stifle initiative and self growth via excessive rules, regulations and taxes.

This means that governments need to focus on downsizing their role in society, and individuals need to become (and be allowed to become) more responsible for their own lives.

Wasting money on measuring "happiness" will not achieve anything tangible, other than a "feelgood" buzz for Nanny.

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Happy Thanksgiving - Don't Touch My Junk

I would like to wish all my loyal American readers, wherever they are in the world, a happy and peaceful Thanksgiving.

Thanksgiving in the USA is one of the busiest periods for travelling in the year. Therefore this story from the USA is rather appropriate.

In Europe, over the past few years, we have become accustomed to increased security checks at airports eg; shoes and belts have to be removed, passengers have to walk through metal detectors, pat downs are common place, body scanners are now being installed etc.

These security checks are as a result of the perceived increase in threat level from various terrorist groups, and the increased security requirements imposed on Europe by the US authorities.

I was therefore somewhat surprised to read that in the US, only recently have pat downs and body scanners been introduced and that a vocal minority of the travelling public there are rebelling against these on the grounds that they represent a threat to individual civil liberties.

John Tyner, a software engineer from California, has become something of an internet "hero" when he recorded his run-in with Transportation Security Administration (TSA) officers at San Diego airport on his mobile phone.

The new security pat-down procedure, introduced on November 1, has caused an uproar; the alternative, walking through a body scanner, is not trusted by people in the USA on both health and modesty grounds.

Mr Tyner refused to submit to the body search, and told security officials in San Diego "If you touch my junk, I'll have you arrested".

Apparently there is now a range of T shirts with that motto emblazoned on them, and a movement has formed declaring 24 November to be "National Opt-Out Day" (urging passengers to refuse to be searched).

I can, to a degree, sympathise with the idea behind this; innocent until proven guilty ought to be the maxim, yet we are all seemingly treated as potential terrorists. The delays to travel brought about by the increased security checks is also a major hindrance to the "enjoyment" of flying.

However, I do wonder if these same people who are complaining would be quite so vocal if a bomber manages to get through and blow up a plane?

There needs to be a balance struck between sensible precautions (eg profiling etc), and excessively intrusive time wasting searches.

We, in Europe, have rolled over and meekly accepted all the security "upgrades" (eg body scanners, no liquids, show removal etc) without so much as a whimper. This passive obedience particularly sticks in the gullet, when one reads that the country that has insisted on Europe introducing these measures can't introduce them in its own borders without an almighty fuss from the travelling public there.

European and US travellers may well have some lessons that they could learn from each other, with a view to persuading the authorities to make the security checks more focused and less intrusive for the ordinary non terrorist passenger.

Do remember this, the terrorists win if they force us to live in a state of fear and siege.

On this rather "heavy" note I wish you all a peaceful, happy and rewarding Thanksgiving.

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Booze Matter - Drink Regularly

Yawn...another tedious "study" into the alleged effects of drinking has been published.

This study, conducted by Toulouse University (so it didn't cost British taxpayers anything I assume), compared drinkers in Belfast to drinkers in several regions of France. The rationale for the demographic split is that the French drink the same amount, but in a different pattern.

It seems that the good people of Belfast drink most of their booze over the weekend (Nanny calls this "binge" drinking), whilst the French spread it out over the week.

The study concluded that men who "binge" drink, had nearly twice the risk of heart attack or dying from heart disease compared to regular drinkers over the 10 years of follow up.

Binging, according to "experts", consists of drinking just over two pints of strong lager in one day!

Good grief, that's absolutely pathetic!

That is barely a gnat's piss in a swimming pool.

Clearly those who conduct research live on a different planet to me (and I guess a few of my loyal readers?).

As to what "twice the risk of heart attack" actually means in real life is not quantified. Given that a vast number of people in Britain consume more than two pints on a daily basis, I don't see bodies piling up in the street felled by a sudden cardiac arrest.

Needless to say, the media have latched on to this and of course our dog whistle politicians (who enjoy subsidised all day drinking courtesy of the taxpayers) will call for "action" to be taken.

It is of course utterly meaningless, the so called "unit" approach to "safe" drinking is nonsense. One person can drink gallons and not be affected, whilst another can have but half a glass of wine and fall flat on their face. It all depends on the individual, both physically and mentally.

One size does not fit all and Nanny, by reducing the "recommended unit intake" to the lowest possible level, makes a mockery of her health advice.

The only "lesson" one can possibly draw from this study is that drinking all week does you no harm.

Hoorah!

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Fag Matters - Packets

I see that Nanny's war against fags continues unabated.

Rather ironic, given that Nanny makes so much money out of fag taxes and that people's health is worse affected by pollution from cars and planes etc.

Anyhoo, dismissing those "annoying" little facts, Nanny has decided that the current design of fag packets is just too sexy. In her view they encourage people to smoke.

LOL!

Please, who is she trying to kid?

Who can seriously say that a fag packet looks sexy, or enticing?

Who on the planet has really been tempted to smoke, simply because of a fag packet?

Nanny's proposed solution is to have all fag packets made from brown paper, no logos or anything.

Here's why this idea is bollocks:

1 No one gives a fark about the design of fag packets, least of all the hardened smoker.

2 There will be a new market created in fag cases and fag packet covers (much like mobile phone covers).

3 Counterfeiters will rejoice, and Nanny's tax take will be reduced accordingly.

A totally daft idea!

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The Big Society?

Nanny's so called "Big Society" may or may not be quite as "big" as we were led to believe. Those who publicly "swim against the tide" of whatever the media/politicians deem to be the "big society" will find themselves ostracised.

The departure of Lord Young, David Cameron's "enterprise tsar" and scourge of "red tape and health and safety", may well backfire on the government.

It most certainly can be argued that Lord Young, given that he is a very experienced politician, should have known that by saying that those who have mortgages have "never had it so good" that his words would be twisted by the media.

However, he is technically correct. Those with mortgages and jobs are better off in this recession, with low interest rates, than they would have been in earlier recessions when rates were higher.

He also noted that the spending cuts are not as "harsh" as they are being made out to be. In fact the "cuts" will take government spending back to levels last seen in...wait for it...2007! Also bear in mind that the national debt stands at a staggering £4.8 Trillion, the cuts are but a "gnat's piss" when compared to that figure.

With regard to the loss of 0.5M public sector jobs, this should be taken against a backdrop of a workforce that numbers 30M and the fact that there are many public sector jobs (eg back office diversity officers etc) that are non jobs.

Needless to say, if you have no job or are on a very low income and rely on the state then the recession will bite.

Lord Young though was pointing out that the self flagellation of the government and media, over the depth and harshness of the recession and cuts, may well in fact be overdone.

His straight talking advice and commonsense wrt cutting bureaucracy and rolling back the state (which is responsible for getting the country into this mess) will be badly missed.

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Health and Safety - Heavy Handed Jobsworths

I see that yet another bunch of Nanny's jobsworths have been "laying down the law" wrt health and safety issues.

This time the health and safety Gestapo have goose stepped their way to Bucknell village railway station, which for several decades has been garnished with flowers etc by members of the Bucknell Women's Institute.

Despite the fact that no one has ever had an accident tending the floral displays, Nanny's chums from Network Rail have now decreed that the WI's actions are contrary to health and safety regulations. Network Rail have ordered that the ladies stop their activities until they complete a risk assessment, arrange insurance and sign a five-page licence restricting their activities.

They will also need to have safety training.

Is this Victoria station?

Ermmm...no...a "staggering" 8 trains a day use the station, at a mind blistering 2mph.

Word on the street has it that when representatives of Network Rail confronted the ladies at the station, the manner of the representatives was not that "polite".

Bully boy tactics from failing state enterprises are not what we expect from our brave new "big society".

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Nanny Bans Beyonce

Poor Beyonce, all she wanted to do was advertise "her" perfume "Heat". However, Nanny's chums from our old "friends" the Advertising Standards Authority (ASA) are not best pleased with her TV advert (watch it above).

As per usual with these things, a handful of people watched the advert and chose to be offended by it. I suspect that the people who tend to complain to ASA are in fact a hard core of "professional complainers", who deliberately seek out material that is "offensive" to them.

Anyhoo, the basis of their complaint this time was that the advert was shown during the day and had been seen by some children. Nanny's shrill screech:

"Won't someone think of the children?"

was exalted throughout the land.

ASA deemed that the advert is "sexually provocative", and "unsuitable to be seen by young children".

ASA have forbidden it from being shown before 7.30pm.

ASA said, and I have to say I am suppressing a snigger or two at the pomposity and nonsense within this:

"Beyonce's body movements and the camera's prolonged focus on shots of her dress slipping away to partially expose her breasts created a sexually provocative ad that was unsuitable to be seen by young children.

We considered that the ad should not have been shown before 7.30pm due to the sexually provocative nature of the imagery."

Here's why the ruling is bollocks:

1 ASA are somewhat out of touch with the "modern wired" age. Kids can access, and in fact do, far more lurid scenes on the internet.

2 Could it be that ASA, by commenting on the advert in this way, has now encouraged a whole host of kids to try to watch this "naughty" advert?

3 Could it be that those who created the advert had hoped that the handful of regular "professional complainers" would in fact complain, thus giving the advert and product greater publicity and making the video go "viral" on the web (eg I have posted the video here on my site)? ASA, I think, have fallen into a trap here.

I can't see the problem with the advert myself.

All I see is a lady wearing the sort of dress, usually worn by women (though I do live in Brighton:)), that is commonplace at parties and clubs any day of the week. (It does seem though that the airconditioning on the film set has broken down, as she looks a little hot).

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Prats of The Week - Tower Hamlets Homes

Aha it is midweek and time, methinks, for another of my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Awards.

This week it goes to Tower Hamlets Homes (THH), who are responsible for council housing in Tower Hamlets.

For why?

Ask Sister Christine Frost (a nun, but no relation I hasten to add), who stood up for herself and her neighbours when THH lackeys and jobsworths took away (ie stole) her neighbours' doormats and cut down (and steal) their washing lines.

Sister Christine told them to do something more constructive, such as tackling yobs.

Why does Tower Hamlets Homes want to remove doormats and washing lines?

Why health and safety of course!

Loyal readers of this site will recall that doormats have featured several times here (use the search box to hunt down the relevant articles), it seems that Nanny really has a bee in her bonnet over these "insidious" "threats" to our health and safety.

Anyhoo, THH not being a company to do things by halves (and clearly knowing that they would be given a hard time) sent their lackeys along with police protection to the Will Crooks Estate in Poplar in order to enforce the rules.

It as not just doormats and washing lines that were removed (stolen by the lackeys), but also children's bicycles chained to railings.

Sister Christine chaired a residents meeting formally protesting THH's actions and demanding that the doormats etc be returned.

Make no mistake, police protection or not, the removal of people's property by THH is theft!

As if by magic THH, having faced the humiliation of a public drubbing, duly grovelled and squirmed out a mealy mouthed "apology/excuse" claiming that they "thought" that they were following "guidance" from the fire brigade.

They didn't even have the guts to say "we were only following orders", merely that they "thought" that they were following "guidance".

Useless, pathetic and spineless!

Seemingly, for now, the health and safety measures were now "on hold".

Pathetic!

Why in the bowels of Christ do we allow people and organisations such as this to control our lives?

The government wants to find areas to cut?

THH is an excellent starting point for eradication of wasted money.

Hand control of council estates over to the residents, who should be made responsible for the maintenance/governance of the estates (grants from the government for the maintenance of the estate would be accounted for, and audited, by an independent professional).

All private apartment blocks and estates have to do this, why are council tenants deemed by Nanny to be incapable of running their own lives and estates?

Tower Hamlets Homes, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Fag Matters - Hmmmm..

The Press Association report the following:

"Children whose mothers smoke heavily during pregnancy are more likely to become career criminals, research suggests.

Heavy smoking is linked to offending regardless of whether the child was brought up in socially deprived circumstances, a study found.

Experts from the Harvard School of Public Health in the US found an increased risk for women who smoked 20 or more cigarettes a day during pregnancy.

Their study, published in the Journal of Epidemiology and Community Health, enrolled more than 3,700 mothers between 1959 and 1966 and asked about their smoking habits during pregnancy.

In 1999/2000, when their children were aged at least 33, criminal record checks were carried out on the offspring.

The results showed that those children whose mothers smoked heavily were 31% more likely to have been arrested as those whose mothers never smoked, and were more likely to be repeat criminal offenders...."

I wonder!

I would have thought that if heavy smoking harms the foetus then one primary symptom would be a reduced IQ (owing to subnormal development and oxygen deprivation). However, other studies indicate that many criminals in fact have a higher than average IQ.

Hmmm...

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Waste of Time

It never ceases to amaze me how Nanny has managed to strip the British people of their commonsense, and how Nanny's employees engage themselves on "fools' errands" trying to impose absurd rules and regulations on the public for the most trifling of issues.

Stephen West, from Bridlington, found this to his cost when in August he pruned a honeysuckle overhanging from next door and threw away the cuttings.

Mr West's neighbour informed the police about the "theft" of the cuttings. As if by magic a Police Community Support Officer came to question Mr West in September.

He was told it was perfectly legal to cut the plant on his side of the boundary wall. However, he had broken the law by disposing of them instead of returning them to the owner.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

The PCSO then informed Mr West that he faced prosecution unless he accepted a caution. Mr West was also required to give fingerprints, and now has a criminal record.

It does seem that there is something of a long running dispute between Mr West and his neighbour over a number of issues. However, using the law to "get him" for this particular issue makes the law look a complete ass!

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Educashun - A Privilege Not a Right

Wednesday's student protests against increased tuition fees for students, which turned into a punch up and serial vandalism outside/inside the Tory HQ, was a salient reminder as to how used people have become to having the state provide them with everything from birth to death.

When I was a student in the early 80's (Edinburgh was a fine place to study and drink:)), there were no such thing as student loans/fees, the state paid my fees and even paid a small sum to me each year towards my living expenses.

I had it easy!

To some extent I sympathise with the "modern student" who faces having to start work (if he/she finds a job on qualifying) with a debt owed to the bank for his/her tuition fees. That is not a great way to start one's working life.

However, smashing up buildings and punching police officers is not the way to make a coherent case against fees; it gave the impression that "today's students" are immature, petulant and spoiled.

I would also note the following points:

1 The world today is very different to the one I lived in as a student in the early 80's. The West is, to a large extent, broke; money and jobs are flowing to Asia Pacific.

2 Other countries, eg the USA, expect their students to pay their way through college.

3 Our country has a £4.8 trillion (yes, TRILLION!) debt, which future generations for decades ahead will have to pay off. We are in danger of becoming nothing more than the slaves of the state (working ever more to pay ever higher levels of tax), unless we find a way to pay down this debt.

4 When I was a student there were far fewer universities, and indeed students, than there are now. Like it or not, in the early 80's, higher educashun was still a privilege (rationed by means of entry qualifications and limited spaces).

Today we are awash with all manner of establishments calling themselves "universities", and offering all manner of courses (some less beneficial to finding gainful employment than others).

5 People manage to succeed in life without going to university (eg Lord Sugar -educated in the "school of life" - is the host of a popular TV series that humiliates those who have been to university).

6 When I went from university to study for my FCA (accounting) qualification I was expected to work a full day for my employer (KPMG) and study in the evening (aside form various periods when I was on training courses). The rate of pay I received was less than my contemporaries who went into other fields, eg banking, because it was understood that my firm was covering the cost of my study courses etc.

7 Why should the taxpayer be expected to fund very "man Jack" who wishes to indulge himself/herself in a 3 year course from a second rate institution that will add zero value to the economy?

These courses cost money, someone has to pay the bill.

The stark reality is that if it is everyone's desire (and the government's belief that everyone's desire should be fulfilled) to go to university, then that will cost a large sum of money.

Who will pay this?

The world has changed, thanks to Nanny's attempts at social engineering, and there is simply no longer the money in the pot to pay for all of Nanny's promises.

The cupboard is bare, get used to it!

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Prats of The Millennium - QD

On this dreadfully wet and windy Thursday morning I feel suitably inspired to award my ultra prestigious "Prats of The Millennium" Award.

This millennium it goes to the QD Store in Stowmarket.

For why?

Just ask Lisa Innes, and her daughter Tia-Rose (aged 6).

Tia-Rose was helping her mother buy some Christmas crackers. Alas her help was rejected by the shop assistant, who refused to take the box from her on the grounds that Nanny has forbidden the sale of 'explosives' to children.

For you see loyal readers, the "snap" in the crackers contains explosives.

The sales assistant remain unmoved when it was pointed out that Tia-Rose's mother would actually be paying for them.

Ah commonsense (sigh), whatever happened to it?

The QD Store, well deserving Prats of The Millennium!

BTW, I remember as a lad buying "caps" (those tiny explosives that you put in toy guns and rockets). It was always hugely amusing to put several in the firing mechanism at one time, or indeed just to light the whole roll.

I assume they have long since been banned?

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The Joy of CCTV - Ker Farking Ching!

I see that a new speed camera, amusingly called Asset (advanced safety and driver support for essential road transport), may be deployed in the UK.

Asset, aside from being able to spot speeding drivers, will also spot those who are not wearing seatbelts and measure distances between moving cars to identify tailgating.

The development of Asset is being funded by the European commission, and is currently being tested in Finland.

Deployment across all of Europe (including our "island haven") is expected to be complete by 2013.

The question is, will Nanny and her "beloved" local authorities be able to resist using this camera as a means to fill her much depleted coffers?

Ker Farking Ching!

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Auntie's Sense of Humour Failure

My thanks to the loyal reader who sent me this.

Proof positive that Nanny's best chum (Auntie) has zero sense of humour, and lacks the wit and wisdom to see a when the mickey is being well and truly taken!

Auntie's Gaff

Source: BBC radio Leicester.

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The Dangers of Cones

Way back in 2004 (yes, this site really has been around for 6 years!) I wrote the following missive to Nanny about "warning cones":

"Dear Nanny,

I would like you to address the following issue, relating to those warning cones and signs that are liberally erected whenever some water is spilt onto a floor.

They are bloody dangerous!

I almost tripped over one in Sainsbury's on Saturday, whilst buying my Christmas pudding.

Please can you ensure that, in future, there are warning signs erected; warning us about the slippery floor warning signs.

Thank you.

Ken"

I regret to inform you that Nanny has yet to heed my missive.

I was exiting the changing rooms of my health club yesterday, only to nearly fall "arse over tit" over a cone that was warning me of the dangers of slipping on a wet floor.

Why put the cone so close to the door that people fall over it?

I know that the floor is wet, it's a health club with lots of water from eg showers, sauna and the swimming pool!

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Booze Matters - Minimum Pricing

I see that Nanny continues to "pump up the volume" on her never ceasing campaign against alcohol.

Recently Alcohol Concern Cymru publicly called for an end to the "pocket money" prices of shop-bought alcohol.

It seems that, if Alcohol Concern Cymru are to be believed, shop deals mean that the weekly recommended alcohol limit for a man can be bought for less than £4 and a woman's for under £3.

The Welsh Assembly are also pressing to have more power over alcohol licensing and pricing.

Alcohol Concern Cymru says that it wants to see the unit price of alcohol raised to 50p, in order to "deter" under-age drinking.

Well, here are a few points:

1 As has been said by many loyal readers on this site, "normal" people do not drink "alcohol" they drink beer, gin etc etc. Normal people do not like, want to or indeed drink the cut priced "sh*te" that the anti alcohol campaigners keep referring to.

2 Most kids, if they are brought up to respect alcohol in the family home, do not rush down to the local bus stop every night to swing a 2 litre bottle of sh*te cider.

3 Minimum pricing is bollocks and, if anything, makes things worse. Scandinavia has had such a policy for decades (aside from the fact it actually breaks certain aspects of EU law), all that has happened is that a certain section of the population swig homemade hooch, whilst others drink themselves into a coma in their homes (before going out) or in pub toilets with shop bought booze (rather than pay the even more exorbitant prices charged by clubs and pubs). In other words, like it or not, people like to drink.

4 There will always be idiots, and ill/addicted people, who find pleasure in drinking themselves to oblivion each day (with whatever comes to hand). Whatever the price of "alcohol", these people will find something to sate their needs (eg meths).

5 The real issue that needs to be addressed is what causes certain kids to choose to seek to obliterate their brains each day on cheap sh*te. That of course might open up a whole can of worms that Nanny doesn't want addressed (eg lousy educashun system offering no future employment, squalid housing conditions, ineffective local services that do nothing more than "hector" the kids and parents etc etc).

The price of alcohol is not the cause of society's ills!

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Fag Matters - Scotland's "Biggest Killer"

Talking of drugs, as we are currently doing, I see that Nanny's other pet hate (fags) has been the subject of some recent discussion in Scotland.

Fags, as we now know, are almost on the same level as cocaine (which itself is around as third as harmful as booze); although they are a lot cheaper than coke, and raise significant revenue for Nanny.

Anyhoo, Ash Scotland (the Scottish anti-smoking charity) recently called for a "consultation" on banning smoking in vehicles in Scotland.

LOL!

Whenever I hear the word "consultation" spewed forth by Nanny and her acolytes, I instinctively reach for my sickbag. "Consultation" means that Nanny has already come to her conclusion, and is merely seeking a way to justify it to the media and the public.

Ash Scotland are of the view that fags are "Scotland's biggest killer".

Are they sure?

Wasn't Scottish Nanny recently saying that obesity was Scotland's biggest killer, or was it booze (the threat always seems to chnage at Nanny's whim)?

Ash Scotland have published their views in "Beyond Smoke Free", which calls for a consultation on introducing legislation to ban smoking in vehicles and the development of "robust" intermediate and endpoint targets (whatever that means - why is Nanny incapable of speaking in plain English?) to reduce the effects of passive smoking in the home and in vehicles.

Given how "dangerous" Ash believes "second hand smoke" in cars is, will they also be banning cars as well (given that the pollution from cars is far more detrimental to everyone's health and the environment than fag smoke)?

Oh, one more point, this proposal means that the hapless smoker will be able to light up as soon as he/she crosses the border into England. That rather makes a mockery of it doesn't it?

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Booze Matters - Alcohol, The Drug of Choice

I am hugely gemused to read the findings of Professor David Nutt's (Labour Nanny's sacked drugs adviser) study into drugs, that state that (when measured on the damage done to society and oneself) alcohol is more dangerous than illegal drugs like heroin, ecstasy and crack cocaine.

Scoring from 0-100, alcohol scored 72 overall, heroin 55, crack 54.

Other drugs scored as follows:

- crystal meth 33
- cocaine 27
- tobacco 26
- amphetamine/speed 23
- cannabis 20
- GHB 18
- ketamine 15
- methadone 13
- ecstasy 9
- anabolic steroids 9
- LSD 7
- buprenorphine 6
- magic mushrooms 5.

Clearly the current drugs legislation in the UK (as I have noted many times before on this site), is bollocks and needs to be changed.

Sadly owing to the undue, and ill informed, influence of certain elements of the shouty media and that part of society that I will politely refer to as the "moral minority" all that we will see happen is extra pressure applied by Nanny to make us reduce our intake of alcohol and fags.

The current drugs (legal and illegal) policy of the UK is based on prejudice and hypocrisy, and that won't change in the foreseeable future.

Nanny's drugs policy is a shambles, and is destined to fail. Using the law to enforce certain people's views on "morality" never works in the long run.

Do remember loyal readers that our government, that continues to advocate the current drugs policy, is made up of a number of highly placed people who have used (and maybe continue to use) several illegal drugs (not "just" whacky backy).

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

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Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

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Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Prats of The Week - Oldham Council

Ooh err missus, a new week starts and tis time methinks to award another of my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Awards.

This week it goes to Oldham Council.

For why?

Just ask Alex Crossland-Robins (10), who goes to St Anne's Primary School in Royton. Alex, who has been a member of a local swimming club since he was 4 and has won more than 50 medals and trophies, has been told that he must not wear goggles when swimming because of health and safety guidelines.

Now as my loyal readers may recall, I have written articles on this site before about goggles being banned. The normal reason for the ban being the risk that they might shatter.

Oldham have taken a whole new "spin" on the goggle safety issue. They have banned them because they believe that swimmers' eyes must get used to the water.

A few points here:

1 Alex is an experienced swimmer, I would imagine that his eyes are used to the water.

2 He wear goggles to protect his eyes from the chlorine (an irritant, is it not, if you swim regularly?).

3 What possible business is it of Nanny as to whether a swimmer's eyes are "used to the water", or not? Surely it is better that an individual is taught to swim (even if they prefer to wear goggles)?

4 Oh yes, and one more "minor" point, there is a farking sign in the swimming pool that Alex's school uses that says:

"Goggles and swim caps are always a good idea to protect your eyes and hair from chlorine."

Alex's parents, having had their complaints ignored by the council, have stopped him from having swimming lessons at his school.

Oldham Council (coalition run), well deserving Prats of The Week!

Epilogue: By the way, re Halloween, I managed to remove the battery from my doorbell and replace it safely later, without the aid of a Nanny certificate of electrical engineering or qualified electrician.

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries