Nanny Bans The Ploughman's Lunch

My thanks to Macheath who, based on yesterday's article about Nanny banning cheese, has unearthed Nanny's sinister plot to ban the Ploughman's Lunch!

"So now it's cheese...

Prof Graham McGregor, September 2011:
"It is frankly outrageous that bread still contains so much salt. The Department of Health needs to ensure that [...] all manufacturers reduce the salt of bread to less than the target of 1g per 100g."

Meanwhile, at the CASH website:
'Avoid salty spreads such as mustard, salted butter and pickle'

Bit by bit, he's basically declaring war on the ploughman's lunch."

The pieces are falling into place now!

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Nanny Hates Cheese

Oh dear oh dear, I see our old chums from Consensus Action on Salt and Health (Cash) are on the warpath again.

This time they are ranting about the amount of salt put into cheese.

Seemingly the most salty cheese is roquefort.

Cash keep prattling on that salt intake should be less than 6g a day.

Bollocks!

The amount of salt intake that is "safe" depends on the age, health, size, fluid intake and sweat of an individual.

Cash chairman Prof Graham MacGregor is quoted by the BBC:

"Even small reductions will have large health benefits. For every one gram reduction in population salt intake we can prevent 12,000 heart attacks, stroke and heart failure, half of which would have been fatal.

The Department of Health must now stop its delaying tactics and set new much lower targets for cheese manufacturers, and make sure they achieve them. The cheese industry must comply if we are to save the maximum number of lives." 

Piss off!

I like strong salty cheese, it is not Nanny's place to dictate to me what type of cheese I can eat.

What is it with these single issue groups that makes them think that they have the right to dictate to us what we may or may not drink, eat, smoke or imbibe?

Dr Judith Bryans, director of the Dairy Council, notes that Cash is using dodgy research to justify its own warped philosophy:

"The Cash survey is mixing up the effect of cheese on health with the effect of salt on health.

Cheese provides a wide range of nutrients including protein, vitamins and important minerals such as calcium.

Salt is an integral part of the cheese-making process. It is not added for taste or flavour but for safety and technical reasons.

Cheese manufacturers have worked very hard to reduce salt levels in their products and worked constructively and positively with government agencies to do this whilst producing products which are nutritious, safe and acceptable to the consumer."

Well said!

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Booze Matters - Nanny's Minimum Pricing Plan

As I have stated many times before on this site (and indeed some of my other sites), Nanny is broke.

Sadly, unlike you and I when we find ourselves short of money, instead of tightening her belt Nanny chooses the easy option and raises taxes and fines (ie Nanny screws the citizens of the UK in order that she may continue to enjoy the privileges of power to which she has become accustomed).

An easy source of revenue for Nanny is the taxation levied on booze (given that she drinks in taxpayer subsidised bars in Westminster this tax doesn't impact her lifestyle one iota).

Therefore today Cameron (the man who was happily drinking champers the other day in Brussels at £120 per bottle) is launching a consultation on minimum booze pricing (45p per unit).

The plans would not just put the price of "shite" booze up (as claimed by Nanny), but the price of normal drink (eg G&T) would also rise. Gin is expected to rise by 20%, and whisky by 10%.

Multi-buy offers would also be banned under the proposals.

Nanny claims that the price rises are designed to impact the cost of premium strength booze, drunk by those she regards as "scum".

She is lying, these proposals will increase the price of booze for us all.

As I have noted many times before, this will not work:

1 People will brew their own illegal hooch.

2 Hardened drinkers will continue to buy booze.

3 It will encourage more binge drinking on cheaper shite.

4 It is the thin end of the wedge, as Nanny will continue to increase the minimum price.

5 It will be used as an excuse to set minimum prices for other "vices" that Nanny disapproves of.

6 It will be used by the single issue obsessives as an excuse to launch a moral crusade against alcohol and to try to ban it altogether.

Meanwhile Nanny continues to enjoy taxpayer subsidised booze in Westminster!

This is simply a method used by Nanny to raise revenue to pay for her perks, privileges and lifestyle.

This is not Conservatism with a small "c", this is state dictatorship infringing on our rights to live our lives as we wish to.

Cameron is not a Conservative, he is a state interventionist.
 

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Swedish Nanny - Gender Reversal

As loyal readers know, I am oft to spread my tentacles abroad to search out and highlight foreign Nanny's doings. This time I would like to highlight the doings of Swedish Nanny (a country I used to live and work in).

Step forward Top Toy, which produces children's Christmas catalogues in Sweden and Denmark for Toys R Us and BR.

So far so good.

However, RT reports that although the catalogues' page layouts are the same in both countries, the gender of children shown playing with the toys is reversed in the Swedish edition; eg a girl is shown playing with a machine gun in the Swedish edition.

Top Toy director of sales Jan Nyberg is quoted:

"With the new gender thinking, there is nothing that is right or wrong. It's not a boy or a girl thing, it's a toy for children." 

Top Toy is clearly running scared, in 2008, the company was criticised by Swedish Nanny's advertising watchdog Reklamombudsmannen (RO) for encouraging outdated gender roles with catalogues that featured boys dressed as superheroes and girls as princesses.

It is of course "ironic" that a country that eschews the machismo of "gun culture" should be happy to promote images of girls wielding machine guns. However, so long as it is "gender" neutral who cares?!

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Drought To Last Until Christmas

From the BBC in April 2012:

"Official drought zones have been declared in a further 17 English counties, as a warning came that water shortages could last until Christmas."

Snort!

I blame global warming for the EPA's failure!

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The Danger of Dildos

It being a gloomy, grey and dismal Monday morning what better way to cheer us all up than to read a gemusing tale of how Nanny jailed a yob for five years for brandishing a dildo during a street row.

Court News reports that Ian Poulton was reported to police, as he was having a row with another person in the street, by panicked neighbours who thought that a dildo tucked into his waistband was a gun.

Given the perceived nature of the threat fifteen officers armed with machine guns swooped on him as he walked along a street in Telford, Shropshire, on May 22.

Passing sentence, Judge Robin Onions said:

"It was clearly not a gun, be it imitation or real.

It was an entirely innocent object. 

It was the defendant’s intention to deceive.

Witnesses thought it was a firearm so he has to take the consequences."

Poulton, compounding his offence, put up resistance when officers tried to arrest him and damaged a police car in the scuffle.

He admitted possessing an imitation firearm (the dildo) with intent to cause fear of violence, criminal damage and assault causing actual bodily harm.

Poulton, of Mill Bank, Wellington, Shropshire, further admitted criminal damage to a laptop, aggravated vehicle taking, assault occasioning actual bodily harm and common assault on a neighbour, all committed in July.
 

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Nanny's Child Catchers From Rotherham Metropolitan Borough Council

On Monday I noted that Nanny had called for hundreds more vulnerable children a year to be taken into care.

Swift off the mark to heed Nanny's call and to show loyalty to the state was Rotherham Metropolitan Borough Council, which has decreed that the three foster children that a couple have been caring for since September (note the couple have been foster parents for over six years) must be removed from their care.

For why?

The couple belong to UKIP.

So?

Nanny received a tip off that the couple belong to UKIP; ie the council uses anonymous informers to spy on people!

Nanny sent her Gestapo around to the couple's house, the Gestapo informed that couple that UKIP was a racist party and that the three children (because they were non British) must be removed from their care.

Factoid: UKIP may well have views on immigration/multiculturalism. However, that does not necessarily make it a racist party.

Factoid: Given that the couple voluntarily fostered the three kids, knowing that they were non British, they can hardly be described as being racists can they?

All of this means nothing to Nanny.

Step forward Joyce Thacker, the council's Director of Children and Young People's Services, who is quoted in the Telegraph:

"We always try to place children in a sensible cultural placement. These children are not UK children and we were not aware of the foster parents having strong political views. There are some strong views in the Ukip party and we have to think of the future of the children.

Also the fact of the matter is I have to look at the children's cultural and ethnic needs. The children have been in care proceedings before and the judge had previously criticised us for not looking after the children's cultural and ethnic needs, and we have had to really take that into consideration with the placement that they were in.

 We have to think about the clear statements on ending multi-culturalism for example. 

These children are from EU migrant backgrounds and Ukip has very clear statements on ending multiculturalism, not having that going forward, and I have to think about how sensitive I am being to those children." 

This is of course an abhorrent thing to do and the lesson is clear; if you belong to a party that the state disapproves of, the state will take your children away from you.

Councils are the enemies of the people.

Rotherham Metropolitan Borough Council's decision must be overturned, and its network of informers and spies dismantled, if the British people are to once again regain their freedom!

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Nanny Bans Nipples

Oooh err Missus, as we all know Brighton is not exactly prudish when it comes to matters risque. Therefore I was surprised to learn that Brighton Nanny has got her knickers in a twist over a mural of a woman with nipple tassels, that has adorned the wall of a burlesque shop for a number of years.

Owner Nic Ramsey said she was forced to paint over the artwork after complaints were made to the council.

How many people complained?

A staggering total to TWO!

Ah Nanny's favourite weapon, that she loves to deploy in order to stifle freedom of expression, the tyranny of the minority.

As well as the painting of Laura Nixon, a Brighton-based Marilyn Monroe look alike, with nipple tassels and a multicoloured fan, Nanny also banned an animal mural of the Garden of Eden with insects “bonking” and bugs having threesomes.

The Argus reports that about 20 women donned nipple tassels to protest against the loss of the mural before it was painted over.

Despite the nipple ban, I understand that Brighton's annual nude bike ride will continue as will the nudist beach.

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Do Not Feed The Horses

Loyal readers with ultra long memories may recall that way back in June 2005 I wrote about how Nanny took offence to one of her horses being called gay:

"Sam Brown a student celebrating the end of his finals at Oxford happened upon a mounted police officer.

For reasons best known to himself, he asked as to whether the horse was gay.

Being a good student, when not receiving a satisfactory answer, he repeated the question a few times.

The police were not amused, and despite trying to apologise Brown found himself "nicked".

It seems that it required 6 officers to take track him down, he boldly tried to make a run for it, and bring him to justice.

A spokesman for Thames Valley Police said that the "homophobic comments" were offensive to the policeman and his horse."

It seems that seven years on, Nanny is still very sensitive when it comes to equine matters; as Francis Kelly found to his cost.

Mr Kelly was charged with causing a breach of the peace in Glasgow earlier this year.

For why?

He seemingly broke the law when he ignored police warnings and gave a sausage roll to a police horse.

Whilst it may well be that Mr Kelly was being a bit of a plonker, he claims that the horse looked hungry. Despite this, Nanny is planning to take him to court next year because in her view he behaved in a “threatening or abusive manner” by attempting to feed meat to the horse. 

Is this really an efficient use of police and the court's time and resources?

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Nanny's Safe Christmas

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me to Nanny's annual "Have a Safe Christmas" roadshow in Wokingham.

As per Get Wokingham:

"The annual Have a Safe Christmas roadshow returns with a series of events across the borough.

The event, run by Wokingham Borough Council, offers people the chance to meet emergency services, trading standards and the community safety team to find out how to stay safe over the festive period.

Roadshows take place at:
In ASDA, in Chalfont Way, Lower Earley, on Thursday, November 29, from 10am to 1pm.
In Tesco, in Finchampstead Road, Wokingham, on Friday, November 30, from 10am to 1pm.
In Sainsbury’s, in King Street Lane, Winnersh, on Wednesday, December 5, from 10am to 1pm.

Trading standards officers will provide information about counterfeit goods and rogue traders. 

Royal Berkshire Fire and Rescue Service will have information about candle safety and checking Christmas lights."

This is all very well intentioned, I am sure.

However, do people not already know that candles can, if improperly positioned etc, present a fire hazard?

Do people not realise that a cheap gift from a dodgy trader may well not be safe? etc etc.

How did we survive Christams before Nanny came along?

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Auntie's Reporter Calls For UK To Be Chav Free

How very odd, one of Auntie's technology reporters (Dave Lee) has tweeted a call for Leicester Square to be euthanised every Saturday night in order for the UK to become "chav free".

Don't believe me?

Here is his Tweet:

"Leicester Square is a moron magnet. We should euthanise it every saturday for the next year, and the UK will be chav free."

Let's see how long that is allowed to stay before Auntie orders him to remove it.

Hat tip to Guido for spotting it.


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Porn Matters - Cameron Talks Bollocks

I see that Nanny, in the form of David Cameron, is keen to introduce new controls over what people do with their computers at home.

Seemingly, if these plans come to fruition, Nanny wants all new computers purchased and ISP services signed up for to ask their proud new owners at their first login whether they have children.

In the event the answer is "yes", the parent will be taken through the process of installing anti-pornography filters, as well as a series of questions on how stringent they wish the restrictions to be.

ISP's will also be told by Nanny to prompt existing customers to install the technology to block pornography.

Here's why the idea is bollocks:

1 Kids are very adept at using the net, it will take the average teenager approximately 30 seconds to use a proxy to overcome and firewall.

2 Who decides on what constitutes porn?

3 It is a further step towards censoring the internet.

4 Parents who care about what their kids look at on the net should simply place the kid's pc in the main family room, rather than let them skulk away upstairs with it behind a locked door. Parents who don't care what their kids look at will simply lie when asked if they have kids.

It is quite clear that Nanny doesn't understand how the net works, nor indeed how cunning and bright the average teenager can be when looking to circumvent rules and regulations.

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Nanny's Child Catcher

I see that Michael Gove has called for hundreds more vulnerable children a year to be taken into care, and for an end to "preoccupation with rights of biological parents".

Would these be the same sort of "care homes" that allow kids to disappear for days on end, and the same sort of "care homes" that are being referred to in the ongoing Savilegate scandal?

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Danish Nanny Repeals Fat Tax

As loyal readers know, Nanny likes to tax things that she doesn't approve of (eg booze and fags).

She claims that the tax reduces the demand for these "evil" vices, yet the more "worldly wise" of us know full well that she makes a nice little living out of the revenues raised by these taxes.

Anyhoo, as loyal readers are also aware Nanny often bleats about the harm we are doing ourselves by eating fat; on occasions there have been calls by Nanny's special little chums for a fat tax to be imposed.

Step forward Denmark which last year did just that.

Hmmmm...

But......

One year on and the Danes have just repealed that tax.

For why?

It was harming the economy and, rather "bizarrely", has caused a spike in the demand for butter.

The Wall Street Journal quotes Mette Gjerskov, the minister for food, agriculture and fisheries:

"The fat tax is one of the most maligned we [have] had in a long time.

Now we have to try improving the public health by other means."

Now here's the thing that rather nails the lie that Nanny spins when she claims that the taxes are there for our own good, the fat tax netted an estimated €170M in 2012 in new revenue. Danish Nanny doesn't want to lose this increased revenue stream, so she will be raising income taxes and reduce personal tax deductions to offset the lost revenue.

So much for the lie that the taxes were meant to be for our own good!

Ha!

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Nanny Bans Signs

I am gemused to see that even Nanny has finally recognised that some of her road signs are complete and utter bollocks.

Patrick McLoughlin (Nanny's Transport Secretary) recently said that Nanny is working on new guidance for local councils and highways officials on reducing sign clutter.

He is quoted by the Telegraph:

“Too many country roads carry a reminder of how insensitive planners can be to the aesthetics of transport design with the ugly and unnecessary signage that clutters up the network. 

New signs are added without any apparent consideration of existing ones or what’s needed. And then there are those ‘temporary’ yellow signs saying ‘new road layout ahead’ that are left to rot for years.

Often what we’re left with is not just a blot on the landscape. It’s also something that’s confusing and dangerous.

The combined effect of these changes will be to give authorities and designers much greater freedom to declutter and simplify country junctions. 

And I want to make sure that they use it. So my message today to Highways engineers is: if in doubt, don’t do it. Save your money for something that matters.” 

His intentions may well be noble. Unfortunately, as we know, local councils tend to ignore "guidance" from Nanny (unless it adds to their revenue collecting powers).

Feel free to post your examples of useless road signs.

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Halcyon Days

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Licenced To Smoke

In October 2007 I wrote about one of Nanny's chums proposing that smokers should be made to apply for a licence to smoke:

"Prof Julian le Grand a former advisor to Tony Blair, has come up with the really potty idea that smokers should be forced to apply for an annual £200 licence in order to purchase cigarettes."

Some five years on and the idea has gained traction.

Step forward  Prof Simon Chapman from the University of Sydney who proposes that Nanny issue smokers with a licence.

As per the BBC:

"The application process might even include a test to find out if you understood the risks of smoking, and your swipe card licence would limit your tobacco purchases - perhaps to 50 cigarettes per day or less."

Here's why the idea is bollocks (aside from the very obvious point that it is not Nanny's place to do this):

1 Enforcing it would be almost impossible.

2 People with a permit would simply buy fags for their mates who don't have a permit.

3 It would require a special force of smoking permit inspectors to check on people who were seen smoking in the street.

4 In order for each smoker to see their GP every year, to have their permit renewed, it would take up 25 million appointments annually and rob millions of sick people of the chance of seeing their doctor.

Coming soon, Nanny's plans to issue licences for us to drink and eat fatty/salty/sugary foods!

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Nanny Bans Aliens

In the midst of her greatest crisis for decades, I am gemused to see that Auntie still has time to focus on the "important" issues.

Step forward Professor Brain Cox (ex keyboard player from Dare) who was happily going to do a live broadcast of Stargazing Live, wherein he would attempt to make contact with a newly discovered planet that may be home to aliens.

Professor Cox wanted to point a radio telescope at Threapleton Holmes B (a name that just roles off the tongue), a planet discovered by amateur stargazers on his show. The telescope would pick up radio emissions from the planet.

Unfortunately the good professor had not bargained on the remarkably complex rules and procedures that broadcasters have to follow if they are to show anything on one of Auntie's channels (the more wide awake of you may detect a hint of irony here).

Auntie banned him from doing the show live.

For why?

Regulations and health and safety, in case the aliens answered back.

Auntie was worried that there may be some intergalactic swearing etc.

Ooh the irony of it all, if only Auntie had applied the same rigorous rules and procedures to Newsnight on 2nd November!


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Auntie's £1.3M Payoff To Incurious George Entwistle

As loyal readers know, those who curry favour with Nanny and who become her favourites are looked after by Nanny.

Such is also the case with those who curry favour with Nanny's best chum, Auntie.

Step forward "Incurious" George Entwistle, who helped Auntie out of a jam by resigning from his job as Director General of the BBC after a mere 8 weeks in the position.

Auntie was so touched and overcome with gratitude that she awarded him a full year's salary of £450,000, on top of his £877,000 pension pot as a leaving present. Oddly enough Auntie's own headlines this morning neglect to mention the pension pot.

That's a leaving present of £1.3M!

You see folks, if you are friends with Nanny and Auntie you can do very well for yourselves!

This is of course at variance with the experience of those who are not chums with Nanny/Auntie. For example, during my "illustrious" lifetime to date I have been made redundant twice; from jobs in which I have spent considerably longer than 8 weeks, yet I do not recall being given a pension pot and a year's salary as a leaving present.

The difference of course being that Auntie is using taxpayers' money to fund the payoff.

Funny old world isn't it?

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Lest We Forget

Nanny Bans Accidents

I am gemused to see that the Royal Society for the Prevention of Accidents (RoSPA) has come out with the "startling" conclusion that if there were less accidents then there would be less injuries/deaths.

The BBC reports that RoSPA found that up to the age of 60, accidents were the leading cause of preventable years of life lost, accounting for 23% of the total.

That might, at a pinch, be true (although, as loyal readers know, Nanny tends to use very dodgy "research" to support her own views). However, it is a simple fact of the human condition that people are careless and that sometimes shit happens; ie accidents do happen.

This isn't deterring the CEO of RoSPA, Tom Mullarkey, who said that there is a "moral obligation" to prevent people dying before their time.

"Before their time"?

What does that actually mean?

Who determines what my time, or your time is?

Mr Mullarkey went on to say:

"We all know about diseases and the resources that are pumped into preventing the deaths they cause.

But if only a fraction of that resource was used to prevent accidents we would not be faced, as we are today, with an accident epidemic that's wiping out people in their prime."

I don't doubt Mr Mullarkey's good intentions but he seems to have slipped into hyperbole here, I see little hard evidence of vast swathes of the population being "wiped out" by accidents.

Factoid: Official figures show accidents account for just 2% of deaths in England and Wales - far behind cancer, and heart and respiratory disease.

Methinks his hyperbole, and today's PR about accidents, has something to do with the name of his organisation.

Accidents happen, that's a fact of life!

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Nanny Bans Gay

I was gemused to read that Nanny's chums in Channel 4 managed to tie themselves in knots the other day, whilst trying to work out if they should be pc or unoffensive.

The result being that they were too pc and ended up offending a section of our community.

What did Nanny's chums in Channel 4 do?

They banned the word "gay" from a lunchtime episode of the Simpsons, because they deemed that it was not suitable for a daytime audience.

The Telegraph reports that line was cut from a 1994 episode called "Homer Loves Flanders" which aired just before 1pm last Sunday.

In the episode Homer Simpson goes to an American football match with his God-fearing neighbour Ned Flanders but is initially embarrassed to be seen with him.

The pair bond and Homer yells: "I want everyone to know that this is Ned Flanders ... my friend!"

His workmates Lenny and Carl overhear him and Lenny says: "What d'he say?"

Originally Carl replies: "I dunno. Somethin' about being gay."

Channel 4 claim that the cut was made by an overly cautious compliance checker.

As far as I am aware "gay" can refer to something/someone being cheerful, or a person who is homosexual or a thing/event that is deemed to be rubbish.

As with any word or phrase, context is the key to determining whether that word or phrase is intended to be offensive.

It is clear that in this case the word was not used in an offensive manner, yet Channel 4 by censoring it managed to give the impression that being gay is offensive/wrong.

Beware the power of censors who impose their own views of morality on the rest of us!


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Councils Are The Enemies of The People

As loyal readers know, I often state that councils are the enemies of the people; step forward Stratford-on-Avon District Council that threatened to fine Barbara Ray (82) £50K and send her to jail for 12 months.

What was her heinous "crime"?

Nothing more than have her gardener sweep fallen leaves from outside her three bedroom bungalow in Stratford-upon-Avon into the roadside.

As the Telegraph reports, the council took a very dim view of this and threatened to prosecute Mrs Ray for fly tipping. It seems that in Nanny's dictatorship of Stratford-on-Avon sweeping the leaves from her driveway into the tree lined road is illegal.

The fact that Mrs Ray had done this for many years cut no ice, in fact Nanny's chums had even gone to the trouble of photographing her gardener sweeping the leaves into the street.

Oddly enough, since the firestorm of media publicity, Nanny has now backed down (as she always does) and has dropped her threat to prosecute after Mrs Ray promised to stop the sweeping. For good measure she rejected Nanny's offer to supply her with a second green bin, for a £35 charge.

She will now put the leaves into refuse sacks, which a friend will drive to the council waste disposal centre.

A council jobsworth attempted to extricate his masters from the shit, by claiming that the letter threatening Mrs Ray with a fine and jail was addressed to “The Household”, not Mrs Ray herself.

So that's alright then!

Given that leaves constitute fly tipping, and given that the leaves are falling from the trees "owned" by the council, would it not be feasible for the citizens of Stratford-on-Avon to fine the council for fly tipping?

As noted many times before, councils are the enemies of the people!

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Nanny Bans Sparklers

I trust and assume that you all had a pleasant and accident free Bonfire Night last night?

Our cat was remarkably relaxed about the whole affair, and the bangs and whistles around our house went off without causing any damage as far as I can see.

My commiserations to those who paid good money to attend public events where Nanny and the insurance companies did their best to put the mockers on it.

The Mail reports that the Round Table Group organised around 70 events across the country, where it seems that the health and safety/insurance rules had to be zealously applied wrt spectators not being allowed to bring in sparklers.

At one of the displays on Saturday night in Moseley, Birmingham, a large sign stated ‘Strictly no sparklers’ on site. Around 3,000 people attended, paying £5 for adults and £2 for children to enter. But anybody who attempted to light sparklers were told to extinguish them immediately.

Sigh!

In my day all manner of dodgy fireworks were freely available eg; jumping jacks, helicopters, bangers etc. Sadly many of these are now consigned to the dustbin of history, because they are deemed to be dangerous.

But sparklers???!!

OK, I admit that once I did mange to burn my hand on a dead sparkler; but that was my own stupid fault.

BTW, did anyone ever manage to get a jumping jack that actually worked satisfactorily?


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Come Squeeze My Cox's Orange Pippins

I am ungemused to see that Nanny, in her quest for maximum health and safety, has taken steps to erode yet another part our national culture and heritage.

This time Nanny has taken umbrage at the cries of market traders.

For why?

Nanny is concerned that traders who yell their wares and prices to passing punters may damage the hearing of those around them.

The result?

Nanny's chums from North Lincolnshire council have banned stallholders at Scunthorpe Market from shouting about their lovely pears etc etc.

The Mail reports that greengrocer Simon Stanley has been banned from the market and given a £1,000 legal fee for breaking the rule. Others have also faced the threat of bans and legal fees.

It seems that the council is using a new charter as the bedrock for its "right" to ban the cries of market traders.

There is one wee problem with the charter, it was imposed without discussion on the traders and not one of them has signed it; ie the council has turned dictator.

Councils are the enemies of the people!

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The Bells - The Tyranny of The Minority

Loyal readers, with good memories not addled by booze, age or illicit substances, may recall that on occasions I have written about towns and villages where the complaints of a minority (usually one newcomer) cause the silencing of church/clock bells (eg Wrington).

Anyhoo, it seems the tyranny of the minority has now blighted Kendal.

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me in the direction of the Westmorland Gazette, which reports that a date on which Kendal’s town hall bells will historically fall silent overnight has still not been set.

They are due to be turned off between 11pm and 7am for the first time since the Second World War, after complaints about ‘nuisance noise’.

It seems that whoever protested about the noise triggered an investigation which revealed sound levels were ‘unacceptable’, and in breach of environmental health laws.

The reason for the delay in silencing the bells is that it is a specialist job and it requires parts and labour that may have to be ordered.

Suffice to say, the poor old taxpayer will have to pay for this.

The tyranny of the minority is expensive!


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The Dangers of Santa

Having survived Halloween the next seasonal marketing gimmick is Christmas.

Unsurprisingly Nanny and her chums have a few words of "wisdom" on that subject. Step forward Pamela McColl, a publisher and anti smoking campaigner, who has (surprise surprise) published a new version of the poem about Santa, attributed to Clement C Moore.

In the original version there is the line (accompanied by a picture of Santa smoking):

"The stump of a pipe he held tight in his teeth / And the smoke, it encircled his head like a wreath."

Not anymore there isn't!

Ms McColl has published a new version of the poem without the line and without the picture.

She is quoted by the Telegraph:

“I just really don’t think Santa should be smoking in the 21st century.” 

Funny, I thought that Santa was a fictional character!

Ms McColl is of the view that by "removing these words we may save lives and avoid influencing new smokers.”

Snort!

How convenient and odd that she ignores the fact that Santa is overweight and red faced, surely his obesity also encourages children to eat like pigs?

As with all these single issue obsessives, McColl ignores that point.

“He doesn’t eat in the story. 

That’s not my issue. 

That's Jamie Oliver and other people’s issue.”

Oh and by the way, heaven forfend that someone remembers that he encourages children to sit on his lap!

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