Happy New Year!

Despite Nanny's health service telling us to avoid hangovers by not drinking, I intend to have one or two today.

On that note I would like to take this opportunity to wish you all a happy, healthy, peaceful and prosperous 2015!

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Everything is bad For You

 
Despite the fact, or because, the festive season is still in full swing Nanny can't help but lecture us about our lifestyles. Included on the list of things that she is targeting during the festive season are:

- smoking (it rots everything)
- eating (we are too fat)
- drinking (we are alcoholics) etc etc

That pretty well covers all things that people do.

It should be noted though that our lords and masters all do rather well in the Palarse of Westminster at our expense, in subsidised bars and restaurants (wherein I believe they are allowed to smoke - in certain parts). During Christmas they are of course stuffing their fat faces in their country piles!

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Nanny Hated By 80% of Brits

A survey carried out by ComRes has found that more than 80 per cent of those questioned, excluding ‘don’t knows’, believe it should be down to individuals to make their own lifestyle choices without official interference from Government; ie they loath Nanny..

The survey also noted significant opposition to stealth “sin taxes” on products such as tobacco, alcohol or sugary drinks.

The only surprise here is that 20% of people approve of Nanny.

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Merry Christmas

Have it large this Christmas everyone!

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All Hail Our EU Overlords

According to Euro Nanny, being obese must now be classified as a disability.


The consequences?
Employers etc must provide larger seating, special parking spaces etc.


Bollocks!!!
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Drink More To Prevent Dementia

Despite Nanny haranguing us about our drinking habits, it seems that drinking actually helps stave off dementia.

That is the conclusion of Age UK, based on a 30 year study.

Hoozah, I'll drink to that!

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Nanny's NHS Christmas Party

My commiserations to the good people of Brighton and Sussex University Hospitals NHS Trust, who have been sent an edict by Nanny's equality and diversity team about how to hold their Christmas parties.

In brief the edict says:

1 Choose a time that is friendly to mothers, lest someone sues for discrimination (what sort of people sue because they can't attend a party?)

2 Avoid pubs. For why? Lest there be age discrimination (for the wee kiddies under 18 who work in our hospitals).

3 Cater (foodwise) for all religions and "disabled staff".

4 Make sure the date doesn't clash with other religious festivals (why?, isn't Christmas meant to be a "Christian" thing?)

5 Carry out a risk assessment (pass the sick bag someone!)

6 Don't skive off the next day with a hangover (in other words, come to work and perform an operation whilst drunk!). Good advice!!

The edict also lists contact details for three companies providing interpreting services, as well as an out-of-hours contact for an organisation specialising in sign language and lip-reading for the deaf.

What a truly ghastly way to organise a party, I certainly wouldn't want to go to one of these!

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Nanny's Nice Little Earner - Parking Charges

Nanny is suffering these days, because we are not earning enough to pay for her ever increasing cash needs. Thus, as taxes are not doing the job, she has found another way to milk us dry.

Parking charges and fines!

The Telegraph reports that results of an RAC survey found in 2013/14, Nanny's councils in England made a combined "profit" of £667 million from their on and off-street parking operations. This was 12% more than the 2012/13 figure of £594 million, with 44% of the 2013/14 total being generated by councils in London, the foundation said.

The figures were calculated by adding up income from parking charges and penalty notices, then deducting running costs.

The five biggest "earners" were all London authorities. However, the Green "paradise" of Brighton and Hove stormed in at number 6 earning £18M.

Well done lads!

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Hoh Hoh Hoh - Australian Nanny Bans Santa

My commiserations to the good people of Australia who have to endure Nannyism every bit as annoying as our Nannyism.

Now that we are approaching the season of goodwill etc, it should come as no surprise to learn that Australian Nanny wants to ban the traditional activity of kids sitting on the lap of an overweight, red faced stranger.

Step forward child protection activist (what is a child protection activist, is this an official role or something that she has made up?) Hetty Johnston who is quoted by The Courier Mail:

“What we would like to see is shopping centre owners updating their child protection policies.

The directive would be for children to stand beside Santa, unless parents or children request to sit on his knee. Shopping centres have duty of care to protect children on premises.”

Given that the knee sitting takes place in front of the kid's parents and assorted elves etc, what exactly does she think Santa is going to do to the kids?

The lesson that the kids will learn is to never trust any adult. That is not a healthy lesson!

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Nanny To Steam All Chickens

Oh dear I sere that because some people are clueless about how to handle and cook chicken safely, and have given themselves food poisoning, Nanny's chums from the supermarkets are considering freezing or steaming all chickens that they sell.

This of course buggers up the texture, looks and flavour of the chicken.

This hysteria is as a result of a recent report by the Food Standards Agency (FSA), that noted that 18% of birds in supermarkets contained dangerously high levels of campylobacter.

So what?

Those who handle and cook their birds properly will not be poisoned by this.

Why should the actions of the incompetent penalise the competent?

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Knobhead of The Millennium

Kudos to the utter knobhead who tried to spam the comments section of this site with an advert for his health and safety review service.

Clearly he has not read this site, nor understood its target audience!

Hence he is well deserving of the ward Knobhead of The Millennium.


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Nanny Bans Operations For Smokers and The Obese

I see that Nanny's chums from NHS Devon have decreed that smokers and the morbidly obese in Devon will be denied routine surgery, unless they quit smoking or lose weight. Specifically patients with a BMI of 35 or above will have to shed 5% of their weight, while smokers will have to quit eight weeks before surgery.

This might be all very well and dandy for those of us who are not obese and who don't smoke. However, here's why it's farking disgraceful:

1 BMI is an arbitrary bollocks indicator of obesity, and should not be used as a criteria for assessing fatness.

2 The NHS, the last time I looked, provides universal health care. These restrictions are fundamentally contrary to the principles of the NHS.

3 Smokers pay tax on the fags they smoke, are they not already therefore providing extra funding for their health issues from their smoking habit?

4 This is but the thin end of the wedge. As we all know Nanny has bees in her bonnet wrt eating, drinking, lifestyle etc. In the event that NHS Devon is allowed to get away with this, Nanny will target those who drink and eat fat/sugar for "lifestyle changes" before allowing them to receive medical help for which they have paid taxes.

Ignore this at your peril, one day Nanny will identify something that you do that she will classify as a "health risk"!

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Prats of The Week - Pembrokeshire Council

Kudos to Pembrokeshire council for winning this week's Prats of The Week Award.

For why did they win it?

They were spectacularly prattish in wasting taxpayers' money wrt Bryn Parry-Jones a former council CEO who, apart from being at the centre of a row over cash payments made in lieu of pension contributions, was also given a luxury £90,000 Porsche as his work vehicle.

Wales Online reports that Parry-Jones walked away from his job with a golden handshake deal worth £280,000 after an 11th hour attempt to stop it failed.

The former chief executive left his post on 31 October.
 

Parry-Jones, the highest paid local authority chief executive in Wales, has been mired in controversy since the Wales Audit Office ruled cash payments given to him in lieu of pension contributions were unlawful . 

Police inquiries into the payments were dropped after no evidence was found of criminal offences.

Parry-Jones was the highest paid council chief executive in Wales with a salary of almost £195,000 plus benefits.

Pembrokeshire council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Drink More Vodka

I see that Duncan Selbie, one of Nanny's chums from the head of Public Health England, has issued a dire warning that drinking a glass of wine after work does the same harm as drinking three shots of vodka.

Selbie claims that deaths from liver disease of working age people have increased by 500% since the 1970s because many arrive home, "pour a glass and have no idea how much they are drinking". 

 

MPs say that people are safer enjoying an alcoholic drink in their local pub as measures are controlled rather than buying large quantities of wine at "rock bottom prices" in supermarkets and drinking in a "non-sociable atmosphere away from people's communities".

That's a laugh, considering these hypocrites enjoy drinking taxpayers' subsidised booze in Westminster bars where they never have to get off their fat backsides to leave the building (unless they are off to a drug fuelled orgy in Dolphin Square).

Tracey Crouch MP, the former chair of the All Parliamentary Alcohol Misuse Group, is quoted by the Telegraph:

"The middle class professional is coming home of an evening and pouring themselves a glass of wine with dinner, and then possibly another after that, without realising that over the course of a week it can tot up to more than what is medically advised. 

I'm really pleased that Public Health England has raised this, because raising awareness of this is not about telling people they cannot drink, it is about getting people to understand the drinking habits they have, and it does become a habit, it becomes a habitual part of your evening rather than some sort of special occasion when people enjoy a glass of wine. 

People will see it is a very different thing pouring a glass of wine to pouring a three measure vodka, but this is why it's important to have calorific content on the labels - you wouldn't pour three shots of vodka but you also wouldn't sit down and eat six doughnuts either - but you tend to pour yourself a large measure of wine not a small glass."

MPs sit down all day boozing away in subsidised bars, please explain how that is better than someone who actually works coming home and pouring themselves a drink?

Anyhoo, the solution is easy; drink vodka instead of wine, or dilute your wine with vodka.

Simples!

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Nanny Brand Throws a Wobbly

Proof that some celebrities/pseudo politicians who claim to seek to improve the lives of others are a tad hypocritical.

I dare say someone will find out the value of Russell Brand's house, and indeed who he rents it from.

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Feed Your Baby Quavers!

As we all know, Nanny is obsessed with how much we eat and the high sugar content of our diet. As such, she has bombarded us with propaganda warning us about obesity etc.

I was therefore a tad surprised the other day, to read that Nanny's chums in the NHS are telling some mothers to feed babies junk food to help them overcome feeding problems.

Leaflets distributed by Poole Hospital NHS Foundation Trust to families attending feeding clinic appointments with young children recommend feeding babies aged over eight months crisps, chocolate bars, fried foods and sugary sweets.

The Telegraph notes that the leaflet suggests “finger foods” under three categories: “Bite and Dissolve”, “Bite and Squash/Suck” and “Easy Chew Food”. Wotsits, Quavers, Skips and Pom-Bears are among the crisps to feature under “Bite and Dissolve”, as well as Mini Cheddars and meringue.

The document states that Kit Kats, Crunchies, Milky Bars and Ripple chocolate bars are also suitable “if a child sucks food well”.

The leaflet also recommends fried onion rings, Flumps, Turkish Delight and Iced Gems.

Tracey Nutter (no puns please), director of nursing at Poole Hospital NHS Foundation Trust, said that the leaflet was the “first of several documents given to a small number of parents with babies and toddlers who have significant feeding problems and are failing to progress onto solid food for a variety of medical or developmental reasons.....not intended as meal replacements or as a means to put on weight.”

Call me old fashioned, but the advice sounds bollocks to me. Most certainly it will further confuse those who are subjected to the daily bombardment of Nanny's food/drink/health propaganda.

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The Dangers of Black Friday

Oh dear it seems people's desire to fill the voids in their lives with transient consumer products is turning them into savages.



As per the Telegraph:

"It was getting more heated by the minute and the next thing, at about ten to midnight, voices got raised. The shouting went through the roof, then all hell broke loose. They were ripping the plastic off the palettes and people started fighting. One girl, who can't have been more than 16, picked up some advent calendars and flung them across the shop. I saw a member of staff leaving with a black eye. It was something I would never like to experience again." 

I am surprised Nanny hasn't stepped in and banned it!

Come on folks it's Friday, do the British thing go down to the pub drink 20 pints then pick a fight with a complete stranger; none of this American nonsense!

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Nanny Bans Entrepreneur

Commiserations to entrepreneur Tommie Rose (a 15 year old schoolboy attending Buile High School in Salford) who has fallen foul of Nanny.

Tommie has been earning a living (£14K thus far) selling sweets from his own "tuck shop" to his school chums, in order to fund a university pace at Oxbridge where he hopes to study business.

Sadly for Tommie Nanny doesn't approve of his activities, and has been threatened with suspension.

For why?

His tuck shop apparently breaches healthy-eating guidelines!

James Inman, the head teacher at Buile Hill school, is quoted by the Telegraph: 

“We admire this pupil’s entrepreneurship but school is not the place to set up a black market of fizzy drinks, sweets and chocolates. 

We have extremely high standards and with our healthy-eating policy we don’t allow isotonic drinks, fizzy drinks and large amounts of sweets for the good of our children.”

To be honest Tommie should not despair. He has shown more intelligence, get up and go and entrepreneurial spirit than he would ever learn at university. He should stuff the degree, and go straight into business when he leaves school.

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Drink Matters - Nanny is Ignored

I am gemused to learn that Nanny has become somewhat dispirited that we are ignoring her anti booze propaganda (wrt daily limits of alcohol intake). Apparently, Nanny has conducted some "research" (ie asked a bloke in a pub) about why we are ignoring her and is shocked at the results.

Here are the reasons we ignore her:

1 Her daily limits are based on zero scientific research, and are made up.

2 The daily limits are set at the lowest possible amount, and are based on one size fits all.

3 Politicians enjoy drinking way beyond Nanny's daily limits, courtesy of taxpayer subsidised drinking dens in the Palace of Westminster.

No surprises there then!

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Euro Nanny Bans Domestic Ovengloves

I see that our EU overlords, in the shape of Euro Nanny, have decided to ban domestic oven gloves and insist on people using professional oven gloves that can withstand 200 degrees.

All very well and health conscious. However, the stringent tests needed to ensure that Euro oven gloves meet the safety standards will put up the prices of such articles by as much as 20%.

The result will be that people will simply resort to using teatowels etc, hardly an improvement in the health and safety of the kitchen!

In other news, Euro Nanny also wants all washing-up gloves sold across the EU to be tested and then certified to prove that they can withstand “basic detergents”.

Sigh!

Meanwhile, the economies of the Eurozone fall apart as the ECB pursues its harebrained "one size fits all" monetary policy.

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Nanny's Knotweed Asbos

I am gemused to see that Nanny has decided to start imposing Asbos and fines on people who fail to control the spread of invasive non-native plants such as Japanese Knotweed.

People can now be fined up to £2,500 for failing to control it and other plants, such as Himalayan balsam and giant hogweed.

It does seem to me that adding yet more legislation to the statute books is a tad unnecessary, given that there are already methodologies in place for people to resolve disputes that involve damage to property etc resulting from the actions or lack of actions of others.


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Nanny To Give Advice on Relationships

What could possibly go wrong? pic.twitter.com/ebOFRqufaH
— Jess Brammar (@jessbrammar) November 19, 2014

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Paddington's Bear Faced Cheek

Oh dear I see that a childhood favourite, Paddington, has fallen foul of Nanny's censors.

The newly released Paddington film has garnered some free PR courtesy of the British Board of Film Classification (BBFC), which has decide in its infinite dwisdom to award the film a PG rating.

For why?

"dangerous behaviour, mild threat, mild sex references (and) mild bad language". 

Eh??

As per the Telegraph it said "infrequent scenes of dangerous behaviour" included Paddington hiding in a fridge, while "mild threat" was seen when a villain "threatens to kill and stuff" the famous bear.

Among the "mild sex references" is a "comic sequence in which a man disguised as a woman is flirted with by another man".

Unbelievable!

During this season of overindulgence, many a child will go to pantomimes which are stuffed to the gunnels with sexual innuendo, cross dressing and threats to kill.

These are not rated as PG, why is Paddington thusly rated?

Frankly I am surprised that Nanny didn't pick up on the far more dnagerous themes:

- Paddington is appraoched in a station by a middle aged man, who offers to take him into his home

- Paddington is addicted to marmalade sarnies ans cocoa (both very high in sugar)

- He's an illegal immigrant etc etc


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Nanny's Dress Code

RT @Yahkshi: Best one yet. #WomenAgainstFeminism pic.twitter.com/fSAMZisvy3 >> Fantastic 😂😂😂

— Hayden Hill (@KillSocialism) November 19, 2014

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Booze - Nanny Hates Home Delivery

Oh dear, I see Nanny is getting all hot and bothered over our drinking habits again.

This time she is targeting elderly middle class women who, shock horror probe, have the temerity to buy their booze online from supermarkets etc.

According to Nanny, increasing numbers of female retired professionals have developed drink problems after stepping down from successful careers.

The Priory, the rehabilitation centre favoured by celebrities with addiction problems, weighed in saying that the full extent of the problem among older women could be even higher than the figures suggest because many may be keeping their drinking hidden.

Well, if the figures aren't accurate what's the scientific point in speculating about them?

Oh, wait a minute, The Priory charges for its services and doubtless benefits from free publicity...aha!

According to Dr Paul McLaren, a consultant psychiatrist at The Priory, the growth of supermarket home delivery services was making it easier for their drink problems to go unnoticed by making it easier for them to get alcohol at home.

Quoted by the Telegraph:

“Many of the women I see are retired professionals who never had issues with alcohol in the past.

Then there is home delivery – I have seen many examples of alcohol being delivered to older people who are too damaged or impaired by it to go out and buy it themselves. 

So they don't even have to leave home to buy alcohol – supermarket delivery services will bring it straight to their door."

It doesn't take much imagination to see what will happen next, some idiot will call for home deliveries of alcohol to be rationed or banned.

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The Fashion Police

Apparently, according to the self appointed global fashion police, it is politically incorrect for a leading scientist involved in the Rosetta project to wear a shirt emblazoned with cartoon images of scantily clad women.

However, it is required that leading politicians wear T shirts (purporting to espouse feminism) manufactured by sweat shop labour, in order to promote a magazine's publicity stunt.

These fashion police are the same people who get very uppity about being judged by people for what they wear.

Funny old world isn't it?

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The Joy of Chips

My thanks to a loyal reader who alerted me to an utter load of Nanny fuckwittery, emanating from Cheltenham Borough Council.

The Nannies of Cheltenham have £3K of taxpayers' money they want to squander, and have decided to piss it away on a scheme to "educate" takeaways about the best way to cut and fry their chips.

The scheme is known as the “healthy chips” scheme.

Seemingly businesses will receive one-to-one help with Nanny looking at “educating” them about the size of the cut chip, the different types of oil available, how long things should be cooked for, how hot the oil should be and how often it should be changed.

All very well if these takeaways had never fried a chip in their lives. However, given that they are in the business of cooking and selling chips, I would have thought that their staff had already been shown how to cut and fry chips!

James Ritchie, co-owner of Simpsons Fish and Chips in Priors Road, is quoted in the Gloucestershire Echo:

“I would go to the National Federation of Fish Fryers for advice and not the council.

They couldn’t tell us anything. There is nothing they could tell us that we don’t already know.


But it could be a good idea for people that may need a bit of help.

I can see what they are trying to do but they would be better off sending people to training courses run by the NFFF.”

Coming soon...teaching your gran to suck eggs!

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Single Adults Banned From Puxton Park

It is a very sad reflection on the paranoias of a society wherein single adults (ie physically on their own) are banned from public areas, lest they be paedophiles.

Such is the case of Puxton Park bird sanctuary, which has a policy of banning lone adults from admission, as Matthew Richards found to his cost.

Visited the park before with his three grandchildren, and wanted to return on his own to watch the falconry display. To no avail, he was banned on the grounds of "child protection"!

The managers of the park claim, according to the Mirror, that this rule is “in line with other parks”.

 

When I was a kid I was taught the simple but effective rule "don't talk to strangers, or accept sweets or get into their cars", now the message is "fear all adults".

 

That is not a healthy message to indoctrinate children with!

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The Dangers of Sausages

Oh dear, I see another staple of our national diet has been deemed to be a health risk by Nanny.

Apparently, according to the BBC, one in 10 bangers and processed pork meat products in England and Wales could cause hepatitis E virus (HEV) infection if undercooked.

Seemingly, Scottish bangers are risk free (if the above were to be taken at face value).

Disregarding the Scotland/England health divide, the key point is that the danger only exists if the bangers are undercooked.

I am therefore moved to ask the question:

Who the hell eats raw sausages?

Reminding us to cook them is quite unnecessary. Those who undercook their bangers are more than likely to have poisoned themselves many times before, by undercooking far more dangerous foods eg chicken, pork etc. As such these people shouldn't be allowed anywhere near food!

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Burger Off!

I am gemused to see that the Hungry Horse pub chain, that runs the Rose & Crown in Bexhill-On-Sea, has launched a new burger that comes in at a stonking 1966 calories.

The Double Donut Burger (I thought doughnut was spelt thusly?) consists of two beef burgers, melted cheese, four smoked streaky bacon rashers and BBQ sauce served in two grilled, glazed ring doughnuts.

Quite why anyone would want to eat such an abomination is beyond me, but this is a free country (allegedly).

Anyhoo, cue the outrage of Mel Wakeman, senior lecturer in applied physiology at Birmingham City University, who feels it's an absolute disgrace that such a burger be sold.

He is quoted by The Argus:

"Hungry Horse obviously have no conscience and no doubt both their wallet and the size of their customers will be getting fatter by the week. 

To me, this is simply ludicrous and irresponsible. I am no killjoy but why is this sort of food available? This burger is literally a heart attack on a plate. 

Why can’t they include on the menu what the customer would need to do to burn all those calories off? In the case of this Double Donut Burger, around three hours of continuous running should just about do it. I wonder how many people would still opt for the item knowing this.” 

Well, as noted, I wouldn't eat it. However, unless I have misunderstood the catering arrangement at the Rose & Crown, no one is being forced to eat it.

I would also note that one burger (even a 1966 calorie burger) does not make a heart attack (unless you are already very unfit or the burger lodges in your throat). You would have to eat a few of these before you pegged put.

Nevertheless, Mr Wakeman has fallen into the Mary Whitehouse trap of those who are "outraged" over something by giving the product and pub some excellent free publicity.

Well done!

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Nanny Sacrifices The Elderly on The Altar of Climate Change

I was less than gemused to read a while back (before the weather got colder) that Public Health England has advised that the elderly should set their central heating lower during the day this winter, in order to save money and help combat climate change.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

In order to advance Nanny's dogma of "climate change", the warmth and safety of the elderly is to be sacrificed on its altar!

Nanny used to advise that rooms should be kept at 21C during daylight hours and 18C at night. Nanny now advises that rooms should be kept at 18C both day and night.

Now this might be all well and good for the young and fit. However, those in their seventies and beyond tend to react to temperatures in a different manner and don't realise that they are slowly getting colder and colder.

I think that this advice is farking mental, and disgraceful!

Stuff climate change, if you are elderly the one thing you want to avoid during periods of coldness is hypothermia!

Turn the thermostat up!

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Exercise Is Anti Establishment

According to this rather demented article in the Guardian, people who exercise in a gym (ie those who try to take care of their health and fitness) are right wing, libertarians who despise the state.

Thus we must conclude from the Guardian's article that "nice" people, who believe in the munificence of the state, should be unhealthy and fat.

Isn't that rather contrary to the advice that Nanny keeps giving us about losing weight and taking exercise?

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Lewes Bonfire Ignites Prats

Every Bonfire Night, since the original Gunpowder Plot itself, Lewes has held a lively and well attended series of bonfires in which effigies of well known personalities of the day are paraded through the streets by the various bonfire societies and are then burned.

This year, two of the effigies were of Alex Salmond.

Cue protests from a number of prats who felt that it was "naughty" to mock him.

Guess what Happened next?

Yes, that's right, the police have launched an investigation and the effigies were withdrawn from the public burning.

A Sussex Police statement as per the BBC said:

"We are aware of the portrayal of Scottish First Minister Alex Salmond as an effigy at the 2014 Lewes Bonfire event and acknowledge that concerns have been raised.

Whilst we accept there is a long tradition of creating effigies of high-profile individuals in politics, sport, the media, etc, a complaint has nevertheless been received and will be investigated."

It is of course "ironic" that certain individuals have complained about this, given that in the past effigies of Clegg, Cameron, Thatcher, Merkel and the Pope have been burned.

Where were these complainers then?

Despite Salmond's effigies not being burned, two of Putin were (and that seems to have pissed off some Russians) and he has a lot more power and is better known that Salmond!

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