Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Tuesday, December 06, 2011

The Dangers of Bleach

As has been discussed many times on this site before, one of Nanny's tricks that she uses to divert people's attention from what she is up to is to fill the nation's TV screens with unrelenting mind sapping shite.

The TV schedules are stuffed to the gunnels with programmes exalting the "virtues" of Z list celebrities, whose only claim to "fame" is being "famous" and coloured orange. Alongside the vapid orgy of celebrity trivia comes a veritable smorgasbord of "reality" TV shows (usually scripted) that claim to portray "real" people in "real" life situations.

Recently joining the list of dross is "Desperate Scousewives" (allegedly featuring "real" people, who happen to be orange, living in Liverpool).

Now, here is where it all gets rather confusing for a simple chap like me. I have not seen the show, however I came upon a review of the first episode. Apparently one key scene within that episode was an earnest discussion about the necessity of having an "anal bleach".

Yes, you did read that correctly!

Aside from the fact that there is a remarkably obvious question, namely:

"What the fark would anyone want to bleach their anus for in the first place?"

There is also a interesting contradiction with Nanny's strict rules of health and safety.

As we all know, Nanny has for years been warning us about the dangers of drinking bleach. Indeed bleach bottles, aside from  having copious warnings about the dangers of imbibing the stuff, are now fitted with such stubborn anti child caps that even a fit adult sometimes has trouble opening the damn things.

Yet here is a Nanny approved mind numbing programme (designed to keep us docile), proactively encouraging the use of bleach on one's bottom.

Call me old fashioned, but if it is dangerous to drink bleach surely it is just as dangerous to squirt a bottle of Domestos up one's bottom?

Please could Nanny issue some much needed guidance on this most pressing of health and safety issues?

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  1. TV is crap.....If I had my way we would get rid of ours and therefore stop paying the TV Tax; sadly for me, Mrs Tonk can't, or won't, live without her TV and all the crap programmes it shows.

    I like to think of the kind of programmes Ken speaks about as bubblegum for the mind.....You dumbly chew bubblegum without having to think about it; people can watch these programmes without having to think about them.

    I suspect these "reality" shows are very cheap to make and helps dumb the population down even further. I suspect that by letting people vote, it produces cash for the TV company....Kerching....and it gives the sheeple the impression they have a say.
    I notice that these types of shows never release the actual figures of the votes made......Take X Factor for example, Mrs Tonk states that the bottom two acts have a sing off......Now what if the very bottom act had only a small fraction of the votes of the next lowest, but the judges save that act......Is there really any point?

    I prefer the wireless and listen to Gold, EWTN, LBC and UK Country all at the same time!

  2. I'm not best equipped to talk about anal bleaching (there's a phrase I didn't expect to come out with), but I do know what the best solution to this endless stream of TV crap is...

    Turn it off!

    We used to be terrible TV addicts, watching all the soaps and reality shows, but we turned ours off for a few months (to break the cycle of dependence) and now only watch specific science, nature etc programmes and let the kids watch some of the better kids channels for the sake of letting them fit in with their peers. We're much happier and have much more time for playing with the kids, cooking proper meals, reading books etc.

    So, I'm with you Tonk!

  3. Anonymous4:04 PM

    Personally I welcome such advice.

    As you say, bleach bottles are notoriously hard to open. For ease of use we always used to ‘decant’ our bleach into a lemonade bottle and leave it in the cupboard under our sink.

    One evening, whilst I was on a Guinness drinking binge, I mistook the bottle of ‘lemonade’ for something that I could drink.

    Not only was the combination of Guinness and bleach highly toxic, but for the next 3 days my turds resembled giant humbugs.

  4. Anonymous4:36 PM

    T.V. is almost always complete shit.

    I am sure that the schedule for the Christmas and New Year period will plummet to a new depth of shitiness.

    People that remind me that there is always the ‘off’ button are missing the point.

    I don’t care that the majority of channels show rubbish programmes, for them there is the ‘off’ button; but what really annoys me is the fact that the BBC show such mind-numbing shite, and that they get a fee from every T.V. set owner for doing so.

    Instead of fulfilling their obligation to inform, educate and entertain; they turn out cheap to make crap, usually centred on finding odds and ends in someone’s house and then flogging the stuff at a car boot sale or an auction. The presenters of these programmes seem to think that the wackier that they dress and talk, the more people that will watch, (are you reading this Tim Wonacott, you total cunt. There is no ‘r’ in the word off. It is not pronounced ‘orf’, as well you know. You never used to pronounce your words like that when you were on The Antiques Roadshow. Now behave yourself, you Yiddish fuckwit).

    Or there is the barrage of house renovation programmes that they continue to roll out.

    Just the other week I watched about 3 minutes of a daytime BBC programme that was centred on following the day to day actions of a dog shit warden. Today was an equally depressing offering about the role of a noise abatement officer.

    The BBC should be made to compete in the open marketplace. After all, they have dozens of channels that do show adverts, it is only BBC1 and BBC2 that don’t.

  5. Asuming lack of knowledge pertaining to the anal region, let me diffuse some knowledge. The anal region, through years of use, tends to take on a brownish complection. This is more to do with blood vessels succumbing to muscle strain rather than what passes through. Due to an increased interest in anal play, which includes rimming, an oral activity which I will let you google for youselves, and of course finger work and anal sex (which is most likely still illegal heterosexually), anal bleaching has become a new cosmetic pracice.

    Now of course, this does not mean squirting domestos up your sensibilities, but this should be explained. Anal bleaching is a medical treatment, like false boobs and botox etc, but I think it would be helpful and avoid some nasty accidents if this was explained.

  6. Anonymous9:50 AM

    My heartfelt thanks go to Timbone for getting to the bottom of things.

    I'm still recovering from from Anonymous at 4.04 lucid description.

    There's not much left to say really.

  7. Thanks Timbone for the detailed explanation:)

    I recall writing an article on this site about a guy who died from alcohol poisoning from an excessively large sherry enema. Therefore you are right to warn about not squirting Domestos in that general area:)

  8. skydog3:08 PM

    Couldn't they persuade those Turkish feet-nibbling carp to do the job instead? I'm sure they're far more environmentally friendly than Domestos. They'd probably go on strike for double wages though. And I can't say I'd blame them.

  9. Anonymous6:26 PM

    But, Timbone, how can anyone see what colour up your bottom is (or is that a naive question) so why would it matter what colour it is?

    Your 'avin a lorra lorra laughs, no?

    On the subject of TV, I haven't had one for about a fortnight and, in an odd kind of way, it's been liberating. If I wanted to watch crap daytime shows, I'd become unemployed but they've migrated to prime-time. BBC1 at 8pm on a Saturday night: "Merlin"! The 11-15s are happy and, as everything these days is for the cheeeldren, the rest of us can go hang and watch the Crap Dancing Show or the Crap Singing Show instead.