Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Prats of The Week - Lothian and Borders Police

What a gloriously sunny and cheerful Monday morning it is!

What better time to award my prestigious and internationally renowned "Prats of The Week" Award?

This week it goes to Lothian and Borders Police.

For why?

For their incredibly complex and expensive sandwich order.

The force have put out to tender a contract for the supply of 7,500 packed lunches per annum.

Fair enough, until that is you look at the cost and the tender document.

How much do you think they intend to spend on 7,500 packed lunches?







A staggering £70K!

That works out at over £9 per lunch!

Moving on from the very high cost of what should be able to be sourced for less than £5 per lunch, I direct your attention to their tender document.

It comes in at a stonking 10,000 words spewed across 45 pages.

Good grief!

Baguettes must measure 11 inches long and contain one of 17 different fillings (specified in a separate spreadsheet), which include brie and cranberry, smoked salmon and cream cheese and prawn mayonnaise.
The document also states that 75% of the baguettes must be made from white bread, and 25% from brown. The filling must be “the standard size and weight stipulated by the British Sandwich Association”.

Other sections of the document cover health and safety rules, requirements for environmentally friendly packaging, compliance with anti-discrimination and anti-bribery laws, plus financial and legal clauses.

Any hapless caterer, brave enough to wade through this nonsense has but one month to submit a formal tender.

Is it any wonder that the public sector is so short of resources for front line jobs such as nursing etc, when it wastes so much time and money on this shite?

Only large, bureaucratic, wasteful private companies would have the resources necessary to wade through this nonsense. The result being waste and inefficiency.

Lothian and Borders Police, well deserving Prats of The Week!

Visit The Orifice of Government Commerce and buy a collector's item.

Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store. is brought to you by "The Living Brand"

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries


  1. Telephone conversation.

    Caller; "Hello, is that Lothian and Borders Police?"

    Police telephonist; "Yes, hello, how can I help you?"

    Caller; "I'd like to report a crime."

    Police Telephonist; "What is the nature of the crime?"

    Caller; "It's a robbery."

    Police Telephonist: "Who has been robbed?"

    Caller; "You have been, you dozy buggers."

  2. Lord of Atlantis12:07 PM

    Yes, Tonk, Summed up very well! Another telephone conversation:

    Caller: I've just come home from work and my house has been burgled.

    Police telephonist: I'm sorry sir/madam, but we cannot do anything about that as we have no funds for investigating crime, or arresting criminals.

  3. Anonymous2:17 PM

    Since when have the police had a ‘packed lunch’ as part of their perks?

    Why the fuck can’t they buy their own food, or make their own packed lunches like every other working person? American police manage to, as seen on just about every cop program they are always in and out of ‘Delis’ and forever getting donuts (sic), Chinese food and pizzas delivered to their station houses.

  4. 'The British Sandwich Association!'
    Is this a club, a professional body or legislative authority on what may or may not be allowed in a sandwich?
    Perhaps the ACPO lead on Sandwich Quality, Chief Superintendent Philmea Gobbovic can give us the answer.

  5. Anonymous8:35 PM

    You know, the more I think about this the more fucking angry I am getting.

    I remember just after the riots in Tottenham some Chief Police Officer (a woman, obviously, probably lesbian), was explaining how the local police had been ‘building bridges’ with the local community for over a decade. I don’t know quite how installing hundreds of CCTV cameras to watch every move can be classed as ‘building bridges’, but I do know that effective policing entails actually being a part of the community that you are supposed to be serving.

    Why is it that in almost every other country the police can be seen eating in their local bars and cafes and mixing with the locals, and in the UK they want to hide away and have their food delivered to them?

    These cunts have no intention or idea on how to integrate. They see themselves as a class above everyone else.

    No wonder they are disliked and mistrusted.

  6. The contract was supposed to boost 'local businesses' but it went to a firm in Glasgow.

    Ta for the £9.00 calculation, I read about this in the Telegraph but they did not point this out.

  7. An "anti-discriminatory" baguette???

    WTF is one of them....

    Anyway, white bread is BAD - the 75/25% should have been the other way round.

  8. skydog2:48 PM

    microdave:''An "anti-discriminatory" baguette???

    WTF is one of them?''

    Baroness Warsi, Polly Toynbee, La Greer to name but a few..... ;o)