Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Monday, November 26, 2012

The Danger of Dildos

It being a gloomy, grey and dismal Monday morning what better way to cheer us all up than to read a gemusing tale of how Nanny jailed a yob for five years for brandishing a dildo during a street row.

Court News reports that Ian Poulton was reported to police, as he was having a row with another person in the street, by panicked neighbours who thought that a dildo tucked into his waistband was a gun.

Given the perceived nature of the threat fifteen officers armed with machine guns swooped on him as he walked along a street in Telford, Shropshire, on May 22.

Passing sentence, Judge Robin Onions said:
"It was clearly not a gun, be it imitation or real.

It was an entirely innocent object. 

It was the defendant’s intention to deceive.

Witnesses thought it was a firearm so he has to take the consequences."
Poulton, compounding his offence, put up resistance when officers tried to arrest him and damaged a police car in the scuffle.

He admitted possessing an imitation firearm (the dildo) with intent to cause fear of violence, criminal damage and assault causing actual bodily harm.

Poulton, of Mill Bank, Wellington, Shropshire, further admitted criminal damage to a laptop, aggravated vehicle taking, assault occasioning actual bodily harm and common assault on a neighbour, all committed in July.

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  1. Anonymous11:22 AM

    Of all the things that you could shove down your waistband to intimidate people into believing that you had a gun, this fuck-wit chooses a dildo. Why? Did he just happen to have it lying around?

    And who on earth advised him to plead guilty to possessing an imitation firearm? It was a dildo for fucks sake! Nothing could look less like a gun!

    What happens if one of us decides to walk along the road having purchased a banana, a courgette (or indeed a dildo), do we all run the risk of being machine gunned down?

  2. Anonymous11:57 AM

    Full Metal Jacket

    "This is my rifle and this is my...."

    What I want to know is what idiot actually believed he/she was being threatened with a gun whilst a, presumably plastic (not having any experience of such things - and proud of that fact - er, Ken any idea?), buzzing (?) phallic shaped object was waved in their general direction. Whoever they are they seriously need to be locked up (too?) for their own safety.

    1. Anonymous12:58 PM

      A dildo does not necessarily have to be plastic; as long as it fits comfortably into a lady’s sausage pocket it would do the job. Some come with a slight bend in the design in order to find the mysterious G-spot. Others are double-headed so that a pair of ‘carpet munchers’ can enjoy simultaneous fanny fun.

      They do come in a range of colours and pink would be one of them. They range in sizes from ‘Japanese Standard’ to ‘Cunt Buster’ models; however, a dildo would not ‘buzz’. That would be a vibrator that you are thinking of, and these are used primarily for stimulation of the clit, but can be used for insertion into a lady’s front (or rear) bottom if required.

      A butt-plug is something quite different………… I am told.

    2. Anonymous2:19 PM

      I am both indebted and amazed (Ok, mostly wondering why you're such an expert. With a possible touch of jealousy regarding possible 'experience' in gaining such esoteric knowledge).

      So, in your obviously vastly experienced (you bugger!), er.. experience, are many manufactured by/or to resemble products produced by Glock and Smith and Wesson then?

      Seriously, I wouldn't be surprised. I am, however, now going to both have my mind dry-cleaned and unboggled.

      Oh, and Ken, why are you pretending to be anonymous? I only asked you since we all know you put yourself about... er got about a bit... er, I mean, are a widely traveled, experienced and ... Oh you know!

    3. Very amusing Able.

      Sorry to disappoint, I do not post anon on my own sites..t'was someone else:)

    4. "A dildo does not necessarily have to be plastic"
      But light weight definitely helps if you want to make it fly...

  3. Tonk.1:31 PM

    So, was it a stick up? Literarily:-)