Prats of The Week - Geoplace

Kudos to Geoplace (a local government quango that oversees the official database of addresses used by councils and emergency services) for winning my prestigious Prats of The Week Award.

For why have they been thusly honoured?

Geoplace have told councils that streets should no longer be named after local heroes - including fallen soldiers - in case they are later linked to "inappropriate activities".

The edict comes after hundreds of streets, footpaths and plaques named after Jimmy Savile had to be altered when he was exposed as a child abuser.

Nanny's chums in the Local Government Association have defended the decision, arguing it would save taxpayers' money in the future.


The idea is of course utter bollocks, as it would mean that streets can never be named after anyone ever again.

Also, for good measure, councils have also been asked to ban the word “the” from all new place names on the grounds that it  causes confusion and lengthy delays for the emergency services.

Geoplace, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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How To Be Offended By Everything

Make everything about yourself, even when it has nothing to do with you!

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Lord Carlile Asks Where Fiddler's £1M Went

It seems that I am not alone in asking, as I did yesterday, as to where Fiddler's £1m went. Lord Carlile is also asking the same!

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Ten A Day - Nanny Doubles Down

As loyal readers know, Nanny's "eat five a day" mantra has been widely derided. Not least, because it transpired that the five portion advice was simply plucked from the air.

Anyhoo, taking a leaf from Donald Trump's book and doubling down when a lie/exaggeration is exposed, Nanny's chums from Imperial College have now stated that we should not be eating five a day but ten a day.

Allegedly this will stave off cancer, strokes, heart attacks and early death.

Ten portions are quantified as 800g.

Those of you who want to try this out can achieve Nanny's goal by increasing your intake of chips!

I dare say in a year or so Nanny will be advising us to eat twenty portions.

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What Happened To Ronald Fiddler's £1M?

I see that, quite rightly, people are more than a little pissed off that suicide bomber Ronald Fiddler was released from "Gitmo" in 2004 after assurances as to his innocence from Middle East paid "expert" and champion of the EU Tony Blair.

To add salt to the wounds Nanny, at the time, paid Fiddler £1m compensation.

Now the question that needs answering is this, before Fiddler went and blew himself up what did he do with the money?

Did he spend it on fancy clothes, cars, booze?

Unlikely I think.

More probably most, or all of it, went to ISIS.

That being the case, Nanny is guilty of funding terrorism.

Fiddler's financial transactions since the receipt of the money need to be gone through with a fine tooth comb.


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Vanuatu Nanny Bans Sugary Food and Drink

My sympathies to the good people of Vanuatu who are about to lose access to "unhealthy" food and drink.

For why?

It seems that local Nanny feels that such items, imported from outside, are responsible for the population's obesity and diabetes "epidemic".

As such foods and drinks deemed evil will be banned from government offices and tourist villas.

One small point, the population of Vanuatu have always had a propensity to be generously proportioned and prone to diabetes, long before imported shit ever hit their shores!

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Appearances Can Be Deceptive

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Nanny Hates Formula Milk

Don't feed your baby formula milk, because if you do Nanny will steal your baby and lie to the family court claiming you gave the baby away!

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Restaurant Offers Discount For Well Behaved Kids

The Evening Standard has rather an amusing story about a restaurant in Italy that offers discounts for diners with well behaved kids.


Antonio Ferrari, who owns a restaurant in Padua, said he was fed up of ill-mannered children ruining the atmosphere.

He told the Times he decided to introduce a five per cent discount for “polite children” after witnessing countless instances of kids behaving badly.

He told the paper: “We are not set up for kids we have no crèche, the spaces are tight, bottles can be knocked over and we have a clientele that spends a bit of money to be tranquil while eating well. 

“I have seen five-year-olds put their feet on the table and four-year-olds jumping from chair to chair, while parents do nothing. 

“And when I complain the parents tell me 'My children can do what they want'."

Mr Ferrari said he introduced the discount six months ago and in that time has only given it to three families.

It “shows how rare good behaviour is”, he added.

An excellent idea, one that should be copied by restaurants everywhere!

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Snow Bomb Alert!

Oh dear the mercury drops a wee bit and Nanny, her chums in the various health agencies and the media all hyperventilate about an allegedly oncoming bit of chilly weather.

Apparently, we will all die of hypothermia and a "snow bomb" (whatever that is?) is on its way!

Well I am old enough to remember the "thunder snow" debacle of January, half an hours sleet and that was it!

Just dress warm if you are feeling a tad cold, and have some hot soup!

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Rice Is Poisonous

Oh dear, yet another staple food has been adjudged by "experts" to be dangerous.

This time rice is caught between Nanny's cross hairs, as it contains arsenic...apparently!

Millions of us are endangering our health by cooking rice incorrectly, scientists believe.

Small point, experts have long debated what level of arsenic is safe.
Chronic exposure to the toxin has been linked to a range of health problems including developmental problems, heart disease, diabetes and cancer.

The Telegraph reports that Prof Andy Meharg, from Queens University Belfast, tested three ways of cooking rice for the BBC programme Trust Me, I’m a Doctor.

In the first, he used a ratio of two parts water to one part rice, where the water is “steamed out” during cooking.

In the second, with five parts water to one part rice, with the excess water washed off, levels of arsenic were almost halved.

In the third method, where the rice was soaked overnight, levels of the toxin were reduced by 80 per cent.

Right then, here's why this is bollocks:

1 Billions of people eat rice every day, yet do not seem to be dropping dead from arsenic poisoning.

2 White rice is treated in order to replace the nutrients lost when the germ is removed, washing before cooking removes those nutrients and the rice has no food value.

3 Over soaking, washing and cooking will turn the rice to clag.

4 Rice contains large amounts of starch, which is far more harmful to our bloated diabetic bodies than a small amount of arsenic.

5 As noted above, the "experts" can't agree on the safe levels of arsenic.

Ignore this bollocks, and enjoy your rice!

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Sheffield Council Hates Trees

Nanny's chums from Sheffield council have been at war with local residents for some time now, over the council's decision to fell hundreds of trees.

Despite the objection of local residents, the council is of the view that the trees represent a health and safety hazard!

Back in November last year Sheffield City Council contractors began removing eight trees in Rustlings Road at 05:00 GMT on 17 November.

In a manner akin to the Gestapo, doors were knocked on and people were woken up and asked to move their cars so work could begin. Three people were arrested when they, not unreasonably, complained.

Move forward to the present day, and the council continue to arrest people who try to oppose the tree cutting. ITV reports that seven people were arrested yesterday.

However, Nanny is not going to change her plans and issued a somewhat irritated statement (akin to an angry headmistress talking down to her charges):

"The Council is very disappointed that this disruption of lawful highway work is continuing. We have had the programme endorsed by the Courts following legal action by the protest group but the disruption continues to cause unnecessary delay. This delay and disruption is likely to cost the Council Taxpayers of Sheffield a significant amount of money. 

Whilst we appreciate that some people have strong views about the city’s trees, we must continue with works under the Streets Ahead contract whilst ensuring the safety of site operatives and the general public remain paramount at all times. In addition, the majority of residents on Chippinghouse Road did not disagree with our proposals for tree works on their road.

We want to reassure the people of Sheffield that every tree being removed as part of the Streets Ahead programme will be replaced on a one for one basis and ultimately, by the end of the contract, there will be more street trees in Sheffield than before the contract commenced in 2012.”

Methinks there is more to this than admitted to by Nanny.

Hang on a minute, STAG suggest that the real issue is profit for a third party company:

"Previously, the Council had built up 30 years of agreements on street trees, based on consultation with communities. These agreements were a commitment to the people of Sheffield – after all, they are our trees.

When in 2012 the street management was outsourced to Amey, these agreements were lost or ignored. Amey have a clear profit motive – if they blitz the city’s trees in the first 5 years of their 25-year contract, they can spend the next 20 years with much lower maintenance costs."

Surely not?!!!


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Size Matters - The Incredible Shrinking Mars bar

Oh dear, thanks to nanny's war on sugar, it seems that various choccy bars (eg Kat, Dairy Milk and Mars) will be shrunken in size by 20%.

For why?

In order to meet Nanny's targets on reducing sugar.

Had they not done this, the manufacturers might have been named and shamed by Public Health England.

Surely any publicity is good publicity?

Disregarding the manufacturers' apparent fear of PHE, there might be a wee catch in this for the hapless consumer, as yet none of the manufacturers have said that a 20% reduction in size will be a matched by a 20% reduction in price!

How odd!

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Scottish Nanny Shows Her True Colours

SNP/Green budget deal means 372,000 Scots in 40% tax bracket will pay £400 more than counterparts in rUK. Likely much more than that by 2020

— Andrew Neil (@afneil) February 3, 2017

Scottish Nanny intends to bleed her subjects dry!

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The Snowflakes at Berkeley

I see that the snowflakes at the University of California at Berkeley are a little confused over the difference between legitimate peaceful protest, and mindless destruction, violence and vandalism!

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-38837142

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Nanny Hates Cash

Nanny and her chums around the world (eg in the EU and India) have been doing their collective best to outlaw cash.

Nanny's official line is that cash is used by criminals and terrorists, and that they would be thwarted if they could only pay for things electronically.

That is of course utter bollocks!

Criminals and terrorists happily use electronic payments, as Nanny well knows.

Therefore why does Nanny want to ban cash?

Nanny wants control of your assets, if she forces everyone to use electronic payments she will be able to conduct forced bail ins of failing banks, levy one off wealth taxes on bank accounts and apply negative interest rates to prop up the banking system!

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