Happy Halloween

Happy Halloween folks!

Remember, under Nanny's rules of engagement, in the event you are plagued by children "trick or treating" do not interact with them unless you have had a CRB check and there are independent witnesses on hand.

The Frost household will be telling the little brats to sod off, as "trick or treating" is a vile form of begging/door step intimidation and is not part of the British culture but a ghaslty import from across the water.

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Nanny's Special Little Pledge - Catch Them Young

As we all know, unlike other countries Brits tend not to do "pledges"; regarding them as a tad suspect and reminiscent of tawdry dictatorships that we long ago bombed to oblivion.

Anyhoo, Nanny has decided to change all of that and "re-engineer" our thinking.

Her special little friends from Norwich and Norfolk Racial Equality Council had fun and games recently with a pledge that they tried to make children say during "Local Democracy Week".

"Local Democracy Week"!!!

Pass the sick bag someone!

Nanny's little "pledge incident" occurred during a workshop for children (aged between 6 and 11) organised by Norwich and Norfolk Racial Equality Council.

Many of the children were from Spooners Row Primary School, near Wymondham, Norfolk. Coincidentally residents from there are fighting plans by South Norfolk District Council to build a permanent travellers' site with eight pitches.

Can you guess what Nanny made the children do?

She tried to make them stand on chairs and recite a pledge to be nice to Gypsy and traveller children, welcome them into the community and not bully them. The children were encouraged to put their fingers in the air, or their hands on their hearts, to signify their acceptance.

Rather encouragingly, it seems that none of the children were fooled by this and did not stand up. Nanny went ahead and read out the pledge anyway.

A very low trick by Nanny in trying to brainwash the kids in this way.

Not very democratic was it?

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Balls Talks Balls Again

I see Nanny's best chum, Ed Balls (Education Minister), has opened his trap again and let forth a stream of bullshit.

As ever Nanny and Balls are concerned about our fatness; specifically, they are concerned about the fatness of children.

Nanny, as we know, has already introduced "healthy" meals to school canteens in the hope that she can wean children off their diet of shite.

In theory this may be a noble idea. However, it is destined to fail:

1 Children throughout the ages have always had a predisposition to eat shite (eg crisps, chocolate, gobstoppers and vast quantities of chips etc).

2 The "battle" to make kids eat veg and more "adult" food can only be won on the home front, when they are pre school. Lazy parents who do not enforce eating discipline (ie eating veg), and instead allow the kids to rule the dining table, create a spoilt unhealthy child who will only eat shite who will in turn become a fat unhealthy immature adult.

Anyhoo, Balls wants more than just healthy meals at schools he also wants to ban kids form leaving school premises during lunch breaks (lest they go and buy a bag of chips) and to ban fast food outlets from opening near schools.

Here's why this is bollocks:

1 Schools are not prison camps, yet!

2 Adults also live near schools, and have the right to have free and unfettered access to goods and services; adults should not be forced to take second place to children.

Balls is talking Balls!

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CRB Checks for Swimmers

You know how Nanny is so afraid of anything happening to children that she insists that all who come into contact with them on a professional level (eg teachers, volunteers, coaches etc) have CRB (Criminal Record Bureau) checks done first?

Well, she has thought about it and realised that there is a failure of logic.

Cue the dramatic roll on the drums!



For you see dear readers, teachers, volunteers etc are not the only adults to come into contact with children...are they?

Adults pursuing their ordinary day to day activities may come into contact with children as well.

Thus Nanny is tightening up her CRB rules and insisting that local swimming clubs (who wish to have Swim 21 accreditation) perform CRB checks on all those over 18 who join...lest they come into contact with those in the club who are under 18.

Errmmm...am I alone in thinking that this is not a tad paranoid?

Given that people in the clubs swim together, what precisely could happen in such a group scenario?

I would also note that adults are not placed in the same swim lanes as the under 18's.

Those who join clubs under the age of 18 do not have to have a CRB check. However, as and when they turn 18 they do. Additionally, coaches who wish to teach at more than one club have to have CRB's performed at each club they work at (even though the check is performed by the same police force and same call centre).

Has Nanny totally lost the plot here?

Now here is a little question for Nanny.

You know how much she loves her forthcoming great waste of resources, namely The 2012 Olympics?

Will all British Olympic athletes (and indeed foreign ones too) need to be CRB checked before the London games, given that there are competitors who will be under 18?

This is but the thin end of the wedge, Nanny will soon insist that all adults have a CRB check performed.

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Massaging The Figures

Oh dear oh dear, poor old Plod has been been caught out massaging the figures for violent crime.

Despite no one with half a brain believing Nanny's political "top" cops, when they reeled out figures "proving" that violent crime was on the decline, Nanny continued to insist that things were getting better.

Sadly, she was talking bollocks.

Most people knew that already, and had long since stopped believing the bullshit figures spewed forth by Nanny's "top" cops.

It seems, dear readers, that Nanny and her "top" cops were in fact "misreporting" (I think that means "massaging") the figures (ie they were lying); certain types of violent crime were in fact not included within the violent crime statistics.

My advice to Nanny, and her political game playing "top" cops, is simple.

The role of the police is not to play politics, but to ensure that the streets are crime free and that people feel safe in their own homes.

Stop playing politics, and go back to real policing!

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Nanny Bans Vacuum Cleaning

Nanny has surpassed herself on this one, mark my words.

You will all have doubtless in your lives used a vacuum cleaner at some stage, for cleaning or pleasure?

No doubt you felt that the activity was entirely safe, and risk free?

Hah!

Not for Karl Walker!

He was told by Apollo Cleaning, for which he works, that at the tender age of 16 he is not old enough to use hot water, washing up liquid, furniture polish, empty bins or to use cleaning equipment such as vacuum cleaners.

The firm claims that it is following government guidelines by insisting on safety clearance.

I should note that at 16 people in the UK can bonk, join up and play the lottery.

Karl is unimpressed:

"I just don't understand what is going on. How can I be too young to use a vacuum cleaner? It is so stupid.

I want to earn a living."

Nanny doesn't want people to earn a living, as that would make them responsible for their own lives. Nanny wants people to rely on her to support them, thus she will have control over them for the rest of their lives.

Paul Lundy, boss of London-based Apollo Cleaning, said:

"When an employee is only 16 we have to be very careful with the tasks we set them as their bodies are not yet fully formed.

But I am sure once the proper checks have been completed there will be no problem in re-employing these young people."

Snort!

How "fully formed" (a rather odd phrase to use, given the tasks Karl was meant to perform) do you need to be to wash dishes?

Knobheads!

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Get Mad!

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Spawn of The Nanny State

Twonk!

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Nanny Bans Egg Sarnies

I understand, from a highly reliable source (who may, if he wishes, reveal his identity), that a certain well known London Hospital has banned egg sarnies in their cafe.

For why?

Farking 'elf and safety!

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Nanny Bans Teddy Bear

Poor old Barty Bristle, all he wanted to do was to network with old and new chums on the internet.

Thinking this to be a simple matter, he set up an account on Faecesbook, the networking site.

He was so happy with the results, he attracted a large following.

Unfortunately, Nanny's chums on Faecesbook closed his account.

For why?

Was he a stalker?

No!

Was he a paedophile?

No!

He was a teddy bear.

His owner, Amanda Middleditch, merely wanted to make contact with other Arctophiles (lovers of Teddy bears).

Regrettably Faecesbook banned Bartie because his membership was "against the rules". Seemingly Bartie could be "masquerading" as someone else, and "it could be dangerous".

Prats!

How many entries on Faecesbook actually are 100% accurate?

I am sure that many entries "masquerade" a teeny tiny amount, at the very least; whether they are teddy bears, or "real" people.

Truly pathetic!

Buy your authentic, and thoroughly gorgeous, Kenny Bear here: Kenny Bear.

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The Dangers of Grass

Oh dear another TORY council making prats of themselves!

I thought that the Tory party was anti Nanny?

Brian Hubbard of Hereford has found to his costs that Tories can be as thick headed as "Nu Labour" when to comes to imposing petty rules and regulations.

His crime?

He has been cutting the council grass verge outside the front of his home.

Why is this such a crime?

Herefordshire's parks, countryside and leisure development service accuse him of 'encroaching' on its property.

Funny, I thought that as taxpayers we owned council "property"?

The council ordered Mr Hubbard to return the land "to its original state within 28 days", or the work will be carried out by contractors and charged to him.

Why are they so upset?

It seems that Mr H has been making such a good job of it, that it puts the rest of the council's verges to shame...ie the council grass cutters are being made to look useless. The council claim that people might "not want to walk over it", as it is too tidy.

ROFLOL!!!

What a bunch of lying, slimy tosspots!

They just don't like being shown up, and are afraid that people will resent paying council tax for half arsed work.

HAH!

That ship already sailed!

Now that this absurdity has received publicity the local council has apologised for the contents of the letter, and said it had now been retracted. The council will review its 'approach' over this matter, but it had not yet been decided if Mr Hubbard could continue maintaining the verge.

Pathetic!

Tell Cameron what you think of his party.

You know the procedure by now folks, drop Cameron a note about this as well via this link: Cameron

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The Bleedin' Obvious

Sorry about the current lack of pics folks, but the orifice and mighty computer network/database of the KenFrost.com empire is still in the process of being set up here in Brighton.

Anyhoo, here is a wee question for you to ponder.

Why do gastropubs and other similar establishments insist on putting the label "V" (indicating vegetarian) after chips?

Errmmm...isn't it kind of bleeding obvious that chips are a vegetable?

Unless of course they have been cooked in beef dripping...yum!...in which case they would say that.

How stupid do they think their customers are?

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Prats of The Week - Nanny Bans Smoking in Cars

A wet and grey day in Brighton, and I am up to my armpits in removal boxes. Hence it is time to award "Prats of The Week".

This week it goes to the anti smoking Nazis who now want the Government to ban smoking in cars.

Action on Smoking and Health (Ash) claims the pollution caused by one cigarette in a car is as bad as a pub filled with smoke.

Ermmm...what about the pollution caused by the car itself?

In its report, Beyond Smoking Kills, it states that stopping smoking in cars is "vital in cutting the exposure of children and young people to the toxins in second-hand tobacco smoke".

Ash's director Deborah Arnott said:

"It's a serious health issue. Research from Canada shows if you smoke once in a car you get the same pollution as you used to get at the end of an evening in a pub.

The level of exposure you get in an enclosed vehicle is extremely high and it's not at all good for your health."

The thin end of the wedge, they will ban it altogether.

ASH, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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Booze Matters - Nanny Bans Sex

A quick and dirty article today, as moving in day looms tomorrow.

Nanny is trying to cut down the amount of free drinks offered to ladies in pubs and clubs, seemingly she is of the belief that sex and booze should not mix.

My dear old Nanny, sex and booze are inextricably linked and have been so since time began. Hell will freeze over before you are able to decouple that link.

Indeed I would go on to say that a large percentage of the human race would not exist today were it not for the "romantic" effectS of booze.

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Nanny's Special Plumbers

The next time you call a plumber or electrician, beware.

He/she may in fact be a spy, paid for by Nanny to inform Nanny about suspected child abuse.

I kid you not!

Plumbers and electricians in Lincoln could soon be asked to spot signs of child abuse while at work.

All 800 Lincoln City Council employees are to receive training to help them detect signs of abuse. Staff who spot signs of abuse while out on day-to-day jobs will be asked to report their concerns to the council.

Simon Walters, head of corporate review and development, said:

"It's about young people who may be suffering from neglect and abuse – that's our primary goal.

We need to ensure our staff are trained to recognise child neglect and abuse.

What this proposal makes very clear is that all public bodies have a duty under the Children's Act to take the responsibility to spot signs of child abuse."

Nanny's primary goal is to spy on us, and she will use every means at her disposal to do so.

This is another step towards dictatorship.

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Nanny Bans Bubbles

I understand that the health and safety Gestapo in my "beloved" (soon to be ex) borough of Croydon have set a limit on the amount of time you can spend in the Virgin health club jacuzzi.

Eight minutes to be precise!

For why?

Seemingly there is a health and safety risk from prolonged exposure to bubbles!

I would be very grateful to hear from anyone who can explain why bubbles are dangerous.

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1984 - The Reality

Oh dear, it seems that Nanny has been reading Orwell's "1984".

All well and good, except that instead of taking it as a warning she is using it as a blueprint.

Nanny is thinking about spending £12BN on a database to monitor and store the internet browsing habits, e-mail and telephone records of everyone in Britain.

GCHQ, Nanny's eavesdropping centre, has already been given £1BN to start the ball rolling.

The Home Orifice, run by the ex Home Economics teacher (Jacqui Smith), is keen to stress that "no formal decision had been taken" (they say that when they want to gauge how angry people will be). However, our "respected" government ministers have already agreed "in principle" to the programme.

Nanny says that the live monitoring is necessary to fight terrorism and crime. Quite how Nanny can build a live system that can monitor eg an annual number of text messages of 57 billion is beyond me.

A few factoids:

1 It is immoral and repellent that our phone calls, emails and texts will be bugged by Nanny.

2 The state has proven itself incapable of implementing all large scale IT projects (eg NHS), Nanny will screw this up as well.

3 Data security is not Nanny's strong point, eg HMRC Datagate, the data gathered by this monstrosity will leak. Guaranteed!

4 1984 was a warning, not a blueprint!

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Nanny Bans Old Masters

Oh dear, Nanny's thought police have donned their jackboots again.

It seems that publishers and universities are banning tons (or is it tonnes?) of innocuous words in case they cause offence.

The banned list, drawn up by the British Sociological Association(no I have never heard of them either!), includes "Old Masters" (used to describe painters of quality).

Nanny deems that the term discriminates against women, and should be replaced by "classic artists". Small point, the old masters were in fact men.

Maybe we could have "old mistresses"?

Other banned words include:

- immigrants
- developing nations
- black
- patient
- elderly
- special needs.

Prof Frank Furedi, a sociologist at the University of Kent, thinks that it is bollocks and notes:

"I was genuinely taken aback when I discovered that the term 'Chinese Whisper' was offensive because of its apparently racist connotations.

I was moved to despair when I found out that one of my favourite words, 'civilised', ought not be used by a culturally sensitive author because of its alleged racist implications."

He notes, and I agree with him, that censorship is about the "policing of moral behaviour" by an army of campaign groups, teachers and media organisations who are on a "crusade" to ban certain words and promote their own politically correct alternatives.

Why are organisations such as the BSA allowed to interfere with our lives, what gives them the right to believe that they have moral authority over the rest of us?

Here's a word they haven't yet banned:

TWATS!

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Prats of The Week - Nanny Bans Sexual Toilets

This week's "Prats of The Week" Award goes to the students' union of the University of Manchester, which has "de-gendered" union toilets.

Temporary signs have been erected (can I say erected?) which now make the "ladies" simply "toilets", while the "gents" have become "toilets with urinals".

The new signs are there to help those transgender students, who complained that they were uncomfortable using the men's toilets.

The student union said it was needed to tackle transphobia.

Women's officer (why do women need an officer?) Jennie Killip told the BBC:

"If you were born female, still present quite feminine, but define as a man you should be able to go into the men's toilets - if that's how you define.

You don't necessarily have had to have gender reassignment surgery, but you could just define yourself as a man, feel very masculine in yourself, feel that in fact being a woman is not who you are."

All clear now?

University is meant to prepare people for real life. In the real world toilets are labelled according to sex (except for a few pubs in Sweden, where they are multi sexual).

How does this help transgender students when they become adults, and have to live in the real world?

The students' union of Manchester University, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Nanny Bans Jewellery

Nanny's Health and Safety Gestapo have got their teeth into the gentlemanly sport of football. It seems that Nanny is rather worried about footballers wearing jewellery.

The FA have banned not just major league players from wearing jewellery but also amateur footballers too.

Previously players could wear rings and earrings as long as they were taped up. Now they are required to remove all jewellery, including rings (even if they are wearing gloves).

How absurd!

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Celebrate the joy of living with champagne. Click and drink!

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Toys, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries

Service Announcement

Dear all,

Just to let you know that there will be some disruptions to service during the coming fortnight, as the KenFrost.com empire is moving house.

There's brave for you!

We are contra cyclical and believe that, despite the best efforts of Paulson, Brown, Bush and Congress to destroy the world economy (something that a terrorist or "evil" state could only dream of doing), now is an excellent time to move.

We are of course the last people in Britain selling/buying a house!

We will do our best to maintain a regular service during the coming fortnight.

One small piece of advice to Congress and those worried about "moral hazard".

Voting down the bailout caused real damage to the real economy, like it or not the man in the street is affected by a collapse in world stock markets and failing banks.

The essential truth that those who cite "moral hazard" fail to grasp, or choose for political reasons to ignore, is this.

If your neighbour's house is burning down, even if he started the fire himself, you do not stand idly by watching it burn; you try to put it out.

Once the fire is out, you can punish him afterwards.

We live in interesting times!

Ken

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