Nanny's League Tables Are Bollocks

Kudos to Nanny for managing to screw up even further her school league table system, that was already regarded by many (including Nanny herself) as being bollocks.

Nanny, in an attempt to make exams etc more "challenging" and "relevant", has altered what goes into her league tables.

Unfortunately, one type of qualifications that are excluded are International GCSEs. Which is ironic, because these are regarded as being more demanding and challenging than UK GCSEs.

The result being that those schools who seek to stretch their pupils by having them sit IGCSEs find their results excluded from the table.

Step forward Britain's leading independent schools, that now find themselves at the bottom of the table. My own alma mater (Dulwich) indeed resides at a leisurely 3864 towards the bottom of the table.

In short the table is bollocks!

Now if only Nanny hadn't got rid of O and A levels we wouldn't be in this mess, but hey hoh!

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Prats of The Week

Kudos to the organisers of a conference on breastfeeding for making prats of themselves..

The conference, entitled “Shifting the Curve - Sharing the Challenge Breastfeeding Summit”, claims that it is "open to everyone who works with children and families" and aims to “remove some of the barriers” about breastfeeding. 

 

So far so good, except that when mothers asked if they could breastfeed their babies at next month’s conference at Edinburgh’s Murrayfield Stadium, they were told by officials that this would not be "appropriate”. 

 

There's irony for you!

 

However, following a hoo hah it now seems that breastfeeding will be allowed after all.

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The Educational Value of Risk

Those of us of a certain age will doubtless recall the Ladybird books that showed children how to conduct unsupervised science experiments, craft models with matches and build rudimentary electric motors etc etc.

In order to celebrate the 100th anniversary of the brand, 200 original Ladybird illustrations are on display at the Ladybird by Design exhibition at the De La Warr Pavillion in Bexhill-on-Sea from January 24 to May 10.

The illustrations show children playing with matches, whittling with a knife and dipping their fingers in boiling water.

Other illustrations show them lighting a fire using a magnifying glass, stripping batteries, whittling wooden propellers and using tongues to make an electric circuit. 

 

All done without the use of adults, safety goggles, gloves or hi vis!

 

Halcyon days!

Sadly none of these activities are allowed by Nanny anymore, as such children are being deliberately dumbed down and made into timid risk averse adults.

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Advice To Benedict Cumberbatch

As per the Mail.

In a statement, British anti-racism educational charity Show Racism the Red Card said the term 'colored' is now outdated and has the potential to cause offence.

It said:

"Benedict Cumberbatch has highlighted a very important issue within the entertainment industry and within society.

Appropriate terminology differs from country to country; for example, we know that in some countries the term 'colored' is still widely used, and that in the US the term 'people of color' is quite common.

The lack of representation of people from black and ethnic minority backgrounds within certain industries in the UK is an issue which needs addressing.

We are pleased that Benedict has spoken out in support of more appropriate representation and of the views of actors and campaigners like Lenny Henry.

In doing so, he has also inadvertently highlighted the issue of appropriate terminology and the evolution of language.

Show Racism the Red Card feel that the term 'colored' is now outdated and has the potential to cause offence due to the connotations associated with the term and its historical usage.

Appropriate terminology differs from country to country; for example, we know that in some countries the term 'colored' is still widely used, and that in the US the term 'people of color' is quite common.

During our work with young people in schools throughout England, we discuss appropriate language to use when describing people of different skin colors and backgrounds and explain why the term 'colored' is no longer the best way to describe someone."

In the US and in Britain, 'colored' was widely used until the 1960s, when it fell out of favour and was replaced by 'blacks' and 'people of color.'

The term 'colored' is now widely regarded as offensive, except when talking about the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP).

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Nanny Kills Common Sense

My thanks to a loyal reader who pointed me to an appalling example of Nanny nonsense, emanating from Legoland in the Trafford-Centre.

Legoland has a policy of banning adults without children from the attraction (on the principle of guilty until proven innocent).

For reasons best known to itself it also decided to apply this policy to Simon Thomason a 40 year old man with cerebal palsy and with the mental age of seven, who used to enjoy visiting the centre with his carer. As such his annual pass will not be renewed next year when it expires, even though he has been going there for 7 months.

Mr Thomason would be allowed in if he went with a child, but he is sadly not capable of looking after himself (let alone a child) without a carer.

A spokesman for Legoland is quoted by the Manchester Evening News:

"Our policy not to permit entry to groups of adults, adult couples, or lone adults, regardless of circumstances, who are not accompanied by a child or children under the age of 16 is we believe therefore appropriate and the best way to constantly maintain a welcoming environment for our young visitors.

We make no apologies for this policy and believe it to be reasonable and appropriate, and one on which we make no exceptions.

That said, we also very much appreciate the continuing appeal that Lego has for all ages, and it has never been our intention to deny access to our adult fans, or cause distress to anyone.

That is why we regularly host evening events specifically for adults in order to showcase specific attractions within the centre and these are very well attended.

We hope very much that all adult guests will join us at one of these sessions and we are sure that he would very much enjoy it.

However if an evening event is difficult for him to attend then if his family make contact we would be happy to agree a time when one of our managers is available to show him around.”

Nanny has killed common sense!


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Plain Fag Packets - Fag Off!

I am ungemsued to see that Nanny is bringing forward her daft plans to make fag packets "plain" (lest the current "bright and colourful" ones tempt people to smoke).

In the event Parliament approves this harebrained scheme, plain packets will be on the shelves by 2016.

This proposal of course is bollocks:

1 It will make packets look "cool" (less is more)

2 It will spawn a whole new industry of designer fag packet containers (similar to mobile phone covers)

3 It will be a boon to the smugglers and counterfeiters.

This of course could be a massive PR stunt (akin to The Sun), one day after plain packs appear on the shelves topless packs are then introduced!

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Exercise Less

I am gemused to see that Nanny's advice that we should do 150 minutes of exercise a week, has been castigated in the BMJ as being unrealistic.

Instead of setting a target that many (eg the elderly) can't achieve, researchers argue that doctors should set more achievable targets of small increases in activity (especially for those who currently do fark all exercise).

Prof Philipe de Souto Barreto at the University Hospital of Toulouse, advises people who are sedentary to make small incremental increases in their activity levels - rather than pushing to achieve current goals.

He points to previous studies which show even short periods of walking or just 20 minutes of vigorous activity a few times a month, can reduce the risk of death, compared to people who do no exercise.

In the second article, Prof Phillip Sparling of the Georgia Institute of Technology, says doctors should tailor their advice - particularly for older patients.

He suggests using GP visits for people over 60 to discuss "realistic options" to increase activity - such as getting people to stand up and move during TV commercial breaks.

Suffice to say, Nanny is having non of this backsliding nonsense!

Prof Kevin Fenton at Public Health England, is quoted by the BBC:

"Everyone needs to be active every day - bouts of 10 or more minutes of physical activity have proven health benefits, but getting 150 minutes or more of moderate activity every week is the amount we need to positively impact on a wide range of health conditions. 

This includes reducing the risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes."

It is farking pointless of Nanny to stick rigidly to the 150 minute formula, if people are put off from doing anything at all if they are told that they MUST do 150 minutes a week in order to save themselves from diseases!

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Drinking Prevents Heart Attacks

Hoozah!

Research carried out by the Harvard Medical School, has found hat middle-aged men who have up to seven drinks a week are 20% less likely to develop heart failure later in life compared to teetotallers.

The same drinking levels were also associated with a 16% reduced risk in women.

Even those drinking two or three drinks a day had the same rate of heart failure as non-drinkers.


Professor Scott Solomon, of Harvard Medical School in Boston, is quoted by the Telegraph:

"These findings suggest drinking alcohol in moderation does not contribute to an increased risk of heart failure and may even be protective." 

Hoozah!

Crack open those bottles!

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The Spawn of The Nanny State

The Nanny state has spawned parents such as these, who go to war over a £15 bill for a kids' party then choose to air their dispute with the media.

I dread to think what the next generation of Nanny's spawn will be like!

Courtesy of the Telegraph:

"Tanya Walsh

Hi Julie. This is Alex's mum. I don't know what has happened between you and my partner, Derek. I was very shocked to see the invoice in Alex's school bag. I did not realise that you had to pay for each child, as you never mentioned anything about money when we spoke. The only reason Alex did not attend the party was because his nan and grandad were going away for christmas and the only day the kids could go see them was on the same day as the party. I did not know this. On the day Alex decided that he wanted to spend time with his nan and grandad. I apologise for not letting you know, but I did not have a phone number or an e-mail for you to let you know the situation(I also didn't know your first name, or I would have looked you up). If I had known that I would have to pay if Alex did not go, then I would have paid you the money, no problem. I do not like fighting with people, and would prefer to settle this amicably.
Julie Lawrence
Hi Tanya, I didn't mention the money when we spoke because it was a child's party, it doesn't matter if you have to pay per person or for a group if people agree to going, I confirmed that with all parents on the Thursday before the party that they were going as I had to pay that day, and Derek told me Alex was looking forward to it and would see us there, to me that is confirmation. My phone number was on the invitation that was sent out to Alex. I don't like fighting with people either, and was not best impressed when Derek turned up on my doorstep, and said you won't get any money out of me, rather rudely, I do admit it rattled me. This is not the first time Alex has not turned up to a party that he has been invited to, either. the amicable way round this I believe would be to pay me the money and let a lesson be learnt, I hope this is agreeable? Julie
Tanya Walsh
Hi Julie, whose party is Alex supposed to have gone to? I did speak to another mum about a party but she never got back to me with details, other than that I don't recall any other confirmed invites. The only reason Derek was angry was because of the fact that the envelope was put into Alex's school bag, when it has nothing to do with the school. He spoke to the headteacher about and she said that it's against school policy to do that kind of thing. Birthday invites are fine, but not personal items. Like I said before, no money was mentioned when we spoke, and I feel it would be inappropriate to pay you the money, when I don't know what it's actually paying for. Alex was very excited to go to the party. I didn't know until the day about his nan and grandad, and he decided he would rather spend the day with them. Like I said before I didn't have your number to let you know. And exactly what lesson would I be learning. I am not a child, so please do not speak to me like I am one. So, to answer your question, unfortunately no. This is not agreeable.
Julie Lawrence
You are paying for 1 x child's party at the ski slope including snow tubing and tobogganing and lunch, to with you said Alex was attending on the Thursday
Tanya Walsh
Just so you know, small claims court cost £60 just to start a claim. Also I'm not paying for something we didn't use.
Julie Lawrence
It doesn't cost that much
Tanya Walsh
It does. Also I don't think the school are very happy with you involving them in this either. I don't know why you are out for our blood and slandering us. I've told you the reasons why Alex didn't go. I also told you why I couldn't call. You also don't seem to understand that I never ran away from you. I didn't hear you calling after me. I have to get to my daughter at carbeile. So if they let Alex out last then I have to rush a bit because evie, my 2 year old, walks slow. So maybe that's why you thought I was rushing off. I had no reason to run to run away from you. So please do not state things as truth when you do not have all the facts. Maybe if you actually spoke to me rather than making your own mind up about what happened then none of this would be happening right now. If you had come up to us the first day back and explained about the money, then I could have explained about alex, then maybe we could have sorted something out. Instead you send an invoice."

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Cameron Overrules Pope

Following on from an attempt by God (via the Pope) to limit freedom of speech, David Cameron has come out in defence of freedom of speech and the right to offend.

He was speaking on CBS when in the USA last week, and is quoted by the BBC:

"I think in a free society, there is a right to cause offence about someone's religion. 

I'm a Christian - if someone says something offensive about Jesus, I might find that offensive, but in a free society I don't have a right to, sort of, wreak my vengeance on them."

Good for him!

I doubt that will have gone down well with the Christian fundamentalists over there; whose priority appears to be to bring about the "Rapture" as quickly as possible, by whatever means possible.

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God Bans Freedom of Speech

The Pope (God's mouthpiece on earth, if you are a Catholic) has indicated that God is feeling a little insecure these days, and has said as per the BBC:

"You cannot provoke. You cannot insult the faith of others. You cannot make fun of the faith of others. There is a limit."

It seems to me that the issue lies not with God (were he/she to exist) feeling insecure, but humans feeling insecure about their faiths (if they have one), and those "faiths" being used by some as an excuse to pursue a political "ideology".

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Nanny Bans Pork

Kudos to Oxford University Press for making utter knobheads of themselves.

For why?

OUP has decreed that its writers must not mention pigs, sausages or pork-related words in children's books, lest Jews and Muslims be offended.

Suffice to say this has brought down a torrent of well deserved ridicule upon OUP.

A spokesman for OUP is unrepentant, and is quoted by the Telegraph:

"OUP's commitment to its mission of academic and educational excellence is absolute. 

Our materials are sold in nearly 200 countries, and as such, and without compromising our commitment in any way, we encourage some authors of educational materials respectfully to consider cultural differences and sensitivities." 

Feel free to list as many pork related words as you can think of, I can then submit a draft "Porkasaurus" to the OUP for publication.

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Cretin of The Millennium II

Steven Emerson clearly enjoys the spotlight, and has managed to dig himself further into an even deeper hole after his nonsensical comments about Birmingham and London on Fox "News".

This time, whilst trying to apologise for his stupidity, he likened listening to his comments as akin to "waterboarding".

Well, unless he listened to his comments whilst having his head ducked under water or a wet rag shoved down his throat, I don't think it was.

Steven Emerson (Congressional and FBI Advisor), the gift that just keeps giving!

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Cretin of The Millennium

Kudos to Fox "News" for surpassing even its appalling standards of shite "journalism", for featuring an interview with Steven Emerson who claims to be a terrorism "expert".

The Guardian reports that Emerson later apologised for his comments, which he admitted were “totally in error”, and said he was planning to make a donation to the Birmingham Children’s hospital.

"My comments about Birmingham were totally in error. And I am issuing an apology and correction on my website immediately for having made this comment about the beautiful city of Birmingham.

I do not intend to justify or mitigate my mistake by stating that I had relied on other sources because I should have been much more careful.

“There was no excuse for making this mistake and I owe an apology to every resident of Birmingham. I am not going to make any excuses. I made an inexcusable error. And I am obligated to openly acknowledge that mistake.

I intend to make a donation to Birmingham Children’s Hospital.”

You will note he has yet to apologise for his comments about London!


Worryingly this cretin regularly testifies before Congressional committees.

We should all be very worried indeed, if this is the standard of "expert" that advises Western governments on how to deal with terrorism and interact with the Middle East etc.

Feel free to tweet about this using hashtag #FoxNewsFacts

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The Viz Diet

Source: Viz

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Bad Luck - The House Always Wins In The End

I see that, despite the current belief in lifestyle being responsible for all ills and joys, it seems that sometimes good old fashioned "bad luck" has a part to play in our lives (something that Nanny cannot protect us from, or compensate us against).

Thirty one cancers were studied by scientists at Johns Hopkins University School of Medicine in the US. Nine of which were found to be linked to lifestyle or genetic faults. The remaining 22 were mainly just the result of ‘bad luck,’ with DNA and behaviour only having a small impact.

Researchers found that two thirds of cancers are driven by random mistakes in cell division which are completely outside of our control.

The scientists claim that because it is impossible to prevent most types of cancer through behavioural changes or genetic screening.

Prof Hans Clevers, a stem cell and cancer biologist at the Hubrecht Institute in Utrecht, the Netherlands, is quoted by the Telegraph:

“The average cancer patient is just unlucky.” 

I would also point out that, as with all games of chance, the longer you play them the greater the chance of something statistically significant happening (be it good or bad). Putting this into context of longer life, the longer you live the greater the chances of "the house" winning.

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Nanny Bans Kids Playing

Nanny's chums from Derbyshire Dales County Council were "pressured" into closing Bakewell Recreation Ground in June, because of ONE complaint about the noise of children playing in it. However, the council reopened the area after receiving more than one complaint about closing it.

Thusfar thus good!

Needless to say Nanny is never quite satisfied with losing a battle, as such Nanny will spend £12K of taxpayers' money on erecting (may I say "erecting" before the watershed?) a sound barrier (seemingly ONE person complained again, and the council was "forced" to conduct noise tests). The sound tests showed that the noise level was 10dB higher (to a peak of 59dB) when the kids were playing, as opposed to when the facility was shut.

Is a 10dB increase really that much?

Here is a handy chart, showing how noisy 59dB really is (less than a normal conversation).

Anyhoo, the barrier will measure two metres high and be 13.5 metres long.

Ironically, the recreation area has been there for years and, as far as I am aware, kids have been in existence for hundreds of thousands of years. Therefore quite why this has now become such an urgent problem is beyond my limited intelligence!

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Nanny's Perverse Advice

I see that one of Nanny's health organs (Public Health England) is advising people to feed their kids less sugar.

Fair enough, maybe.

However, it seems that as an alternative Nanny is recommending that the sugar be substituted by yogurt.

Correct me if I'm wrong but aren't yogurts, especially the low fat ones, loaded with sugar (in order to replace the flavour lost by removing the fat, manufacturers add sugar to low fat foods)?

Somewhat perverse advice in my humble opinion!

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