Irony's a Gas

It is somewhat "ironic" that despite many people getting very hot under the collar about pollution, plastic, litter and poisoning the environment; when they get pissed and high, their worthy ethical values desert them.

Viz Brighton Beach post Pride:

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Millennials Lose Their Ethics

Millennials are very fond of telling everyone else about their "green credentials", and about how much they care for the environment.

However, once they get off their faces on booze and drugs (as happened during this weekend's Pride in Brighton) their environmental awareness and ethics vanish; and their hypocrisy and selfishness is displayed.

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Nanny Fines Blind Person For Recycling Error

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Nanny's Nice Little Earner - The Litter Police

The BBC's Panorama has exposed one of Nanny's nice little earners, namely finin g people fro dropping litter.

A private company acting as the "litter police" for dozens of councils pays officers a bonus for issuing fines.

One officer from Kingdom Services, a leading enforcement company, claimed that his bonus one month was £987.

Other officers were filmed handing out £75 fines for tiny pieces of dropped orange peel and poured-away coffee.

Kingdom told Panorama that its competency allowance was not a paid incentive for officers to issue fines.

Councils are increasingly using private companies such as Kingdom, based in Cheshire, to enforce the Environmental Protection Act.

Kingdom currently has about 28 contracts with local authorities and last year saw its profits jump 30% to £9m.

Guess what?

The company frequently splits the proceeds of the fines with the councils!

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The £8K Orange Peel

Kudos to Broxbourne Borough Council for making utter knobheads of themselves (and costing taxpayers £8K), over a farcical dispute regarding a dropped orange peel.

Luke Gutteridge accidentally dropped an orange peel (which is biodegradable), then binned it immediately and apologised to the Broxbourne Borough Council-contracted officer.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, Mr Gutteridge was fined £75.

Instead of bending over and taking it, Mr Gutteridge went to court.

Suffice to say the case was dismissed, and the council claimed that lessons would be learnt.

Pah!

Tim Hutchins, Broxbourne council member for environmental protection, is quoted by the BBC:

"Clearly we thought we had sufficient evidence to bring this case. The costs were not awarded against us and I think that's a fair indication the court believed the case had been properly brought."

Bollocks, they lost and the costs of Mr Guterridge's defence will be met by the taxpayer.

As the Budget is delivered today (see live tweets here), many councils will bleat and snivel about the cuts they will have to bear. However, do not forget that councils are very wasteful of our money and cannot be trusted to run a piss up brewery!

Councils are very good at spending other people's money!

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Prats of The Week - Liverpool Council

My oh my, it feels like a gazillion years since I last awarded one of my prestigious Prats of The Week Awards.

Therefore, without further ado, based on the recommendation of a loyal reader I present the award this week to Liverpool Council.

For why?

Liverpool City Council want to ban people from eating takeaway food with their fingers, in a move designed to curb litter.

Nick Small, Liverpool council's enterprise chief, is quoted by the Liverpool Echo:

 "We don’t want people buying chips, eating them outside and  then dropping their litter.”

The new rules will apply to city centre businesses with outdoor seating areas - known as pavement cafes.

Any new business bidding for a pavement cafe licence will now be ordered to serve food on plates with cutlery, rather than in paper bags or polystyrene trays.

Cllr Small said:

“We can see the benefits of pavement cafes being there, we just want them to up their standards.

For any new business with a pavement cafe, we are going to make sure they give out plates and cutlery.

We can’t go back and review licences we have already issued, but we would like all businesses with pavement cafes to start issuing plates and cutlery voluntarily.”

This is all very well and dandy. However, the ruling doesn't apply to those establishments that don't have outside seating. Additionally, the littering is caused by ignorant people who are too lazy or stupid to look for a bin; it is not caused by the takeaway.


Punish the cretins who drop the litter, not the takeaway or their non littering customers who have to pay more for a plate and cutlery (which doubtless will be broken or used as weapons by some).


Liverpool Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Prats of The Week - Croydon Council

Loyal readers with good memories, that have not been addled by age, booze, drugs and lusche living, may recall that back in February I wrote about the plans by my old "chums" from Croydon Council to hire a private security firm to levy fines on those who drop litter:

"I am ungemused to read that Nanny's chums from the council my old hometown (and place of my birth) Croydon (today named as Wanking Capital of London) is redoubling its efforts to extort money from the hapless local residents, by employing Xfor a private security firm (made up of ex squaddies) who will act as "street enforcement officers" anbd impose £80 fines on anyone dropping litter etc.

Now here's the catch, Xfor are accountable to no one and receive £45 for every £80 fine imposed.

Can you see the incentive for them to whack the residents of Croydon with as many fines as possible?

It's known as the "corruption of punishment", whereby the state is incentivised to levy as many fines as possible in order to increase its revenue stream.News reaches Inside Croydon of what appears to be yet another epic fail by the leadership at Croydon Council."

As ever with all great plans of mice, men and Nanny something went tits up.

Inside Croydon reports that Xfor are in administration.

Oops!

Not only that, but Xfor were in administration (owing HMRC a tidy sum) some weeks before the knobheads from Croydon Council actually appointed them!

Crikey!

Another fine example of a local council farking something up, yet walking away scot-free whilst the hapless taxpayers foot the bill!

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By Gum

I am genused to see that Nanny's chums in Milton Keynes Coucnil have become so enraged with the blight of disgarded chewing gum on the streets of MK that they intend to ban it and fine people £80 for depositing it on the streets akin to the rules in Singapore (although there you can be flogged as well for leaving it on the pavements).

All well and dandy, except that if you read what is being considered it appears to be a tad more heavy handed than simply fining people for littering the streets with gum.

After8, part of Milton Keynes city centre management, is considering banning it and using "gum police" to enforce the ban. As per the Huffington Post:

"This would be bigger because it will be introduced across the whole of Central Milton Keynes over a one to two mile radius. We are still looking into how we would enforce it but we are getting lots of positive feedback on social media. Whether it means there will be gum police, or a different employee taken on to enforce the gum ban, we are looking into it."

A "slight" overreaction wouldn't you say, given that there are already anti littering laws in place?

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Croydon London Wanking Capital

I am ungemused to read that Nanny's chums from the council my old hometown (and place of my birth) Croydon (today named as Wanking Capital of London) is redoubling its efforts to extort money from the hapless local residents, by employing Xfor a private security firm (made up of ex squaddies) who will act as "street enforcement officers" anbd impose £80 fines on anyone dropping litter etc.

Now here's the catch, Xfor are accountable to no one and receive £45 for every £80 fine imposed.

Can you see the incentive for them to whack the residents of Croydon with as many fines as possible?

It's known as the "corruption of punishment", whereby the state is incentivised to levy as many fines as possible in order to increase its revenue stream.

Inside Croydon reports that neighbouring Bromley hired Xfor, and saw a the number of on the spot fines increase from 4 to 618 in a year!

Councils are the enemies of the people and Croydon, under the ruling Tory council there, is most certainly London's wanking capital!

Have some sympathy for my poor old mum., who still lives there!

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Prats Of The Week - Canterbury Council

Oooh err Missus, tis a Monday morning and time for another "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week the award goes to Canterbury Council.

For why?

Just ask Kenneth Lightfoot, a street magician.

Mr Lightfoot was entertaining an audience of more than 100 in Canterbury, with a trick which involves ‘magically hurling’ a playing card onto a nearby roof.

No, the council didn't arrest him for not having a licence or insurance policy to entertain the crowd.

Can you guess what they did complain about though?

Yes, that's right, a "Street Scene Inspector" - SS Inspector (a what??) told Mr Lightfoot that if the playing card (which landed on the roof of a building) fell to the ground he would be fined on the spot for littering.

The audience told the SS Inspector to get a life, sadly the SS Inspector chose to ignore them.

Mr Lightfoot gave up and stopped performing.

Canterbury Council, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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Bin Brother - Don't Play With Matches

Commiserations to Kenneth Bonnard who fell foul of Chesterfiled Borough Council's Bin Police the other day.

Mr Bonnard was collecting his great-granddaughter from school and, whilst waiting, he lit his pipe.

The match he used burnt his fingers, and he dropped it.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, as if by magic a jobsworth member of the Stasi from the local council (official title "enforcement officer") appeared and asked for Mr Bonnard's name, address and date of birth. He then slapped Mr Bonnard with a £50 fine for littering.

Mr Bonnard paid up, for if he didn't he faced a £2500 fine.

A nice little earner for the council.

Ker Farking Ching!

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Ker Farking Ching!

Commiserations to the good ladies of Sawbridgeworth Evening Women's Institute, who recently fell foul of East Hertfordshire Council.

Their crime?

They were handing out flyers for a charity art exhibition.

One of Nanny's "litter wardens" deemed these to be litter, and promptly threatened them with a £80 fine.

Ker Farking Ching!

Seemingly, the warden was of the view it was illegal to hand these flyers out.

Funny that, I thought it was up to the police and courts to decide as to what was legal/illegal.

However, the ladies were in luck for the warden told them they would escape a fine as the warden was in a "good mood".

So, if you are doing something "illegal", if Nanny's enforcer is in a good mood then it is OK?

However, the WI must now obtain a licence from the council to legally hand fliers to passers-by.

Oh, and I should not have called the enforcer a "litter warden". Apparently, the official title is "Area Environmental Inspectors".

Snort!

A very large title, doubtless giving the individuals an inflated sense of their own importance (or is it impotence?).

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Prats of The Week - Thurrock Council

Well done Thurrock Council for winning this week's "Prats of The Week" Award.

Volunteers of North Stifford had been hard at work clearing their area of litter, and had managed to fill 43 bags of rubbish (bags that had been provided by the council for the voluntary litter clean up).

Now here comes the problem.

The volunteers then received an email reprimand from the council, telling them that the results of their cleaning up had been "excessive. It seems that the 43 bags filled up the bin men's lorry to such an extent, that they couldn't then go on and do their normal round.

Thurrock council have now apologised, and claim that the email was sent in error (I guess that the apology has nothing to do with the fact that the media were sniffing around then?)

Thurrock Council, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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Nanny's Little Helpers - Catch Them Young II

Way back in September 2008 I warned about certain local councils employing children (some as young as 8) to photograph and video people who infringe local council rules; eg dog fouling, littering and Nanny's most heinous of all crimes...

BIN CRIMES!!!!

Some councils were paying £500 a pop to encourage the kids to spy for them.

Catch them young and they will yours forever!

Well it seems that people have chosen to ignore my warning, and put a stop to this Nazification of our young, as the Mail reports that councils are still recruiting children to act as "environment volunteers" and report on litter louts, noisy neighbours and families putting their rubbish out on the wrong day.

It seems that there are now 9,000 people signed up to Nanny's spy scheme.

A spokesman for Islington town hall (one of the boroughs using children as spies) is quoted:

"It's not possible for the council to see what's going on in the borough at all times, so our Eyes for Islington are a great help, reporting issues such as dangerous footpaths, fly-tipping and graffiti."

I warn you again, to encourage children to spy on their fellow citizens is a very dangerous development; it mirrors the tactics of the Nazis and will result in the enslavement of the people by the state, by encouraging an atmosphere of fear and mistrust of our fellow citizens.

You were warned, and I have now warned you again!

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Nanny Bans Crumpet

Ooh eeerrr missus!

Nanny has banned crumpet!

That at least is what happened to Michelina Roy, 70, who fell foul of Nanny's crumpet police when she tried to feed the pigeons in Green Park a while ago.

Ms Roy was throwing crumpets to the pigeons, when she was approached by two council officials and fined £75 for her trouble.

Now the fine would be all very well if she had left a great big pile of crumpets littering the place. However, within seconds of the crumpets being tossed (can I say tossed?) they had been wolfed down by the pigeons.

Note, the fine was for littering it was not for feeding the pigeons; indeed she has been feeding the pigeons (bread) there for years.

Seemingly the council are now "investigating" the matter.

Kerching!!!

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Knobheads of The Year - Thanet Council

Even I, a man who is well used to Nanny's stupidity, was a tad gobsmacked when I read what Nanny's "we are only obeying orders" twats in Thanet Council did to Lazaris Michael (76 years old) recently.

Indeed I am so gobsmacked that I am awarding Thanet council my ultra prestigious, and much coveted, "Knobheads of The Year" Award.

What have they done to deserve such an award?

Pin back your lugholes dear readers, and I will relate a sorry tale of Thanet Council's arrogance and pigheadedness.

Mr Michael was minding his own business shopping in Margate and having a fag, when some policemen accidentally knocked his fag out of his hand as they rushed to nick two girls who were trying to leg it from a branch of Boots.

So far so good.

Mr Michael, being a responsible citizen (and not happy to waste a good fag), then bent down to pick it up...

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, before he could retrieve his fag as if by magic a council warden appeared and blinky blonky blimey issued him with a fixed penalty notice of £60 for littering.

Now at this stage one might have thought that, aside from the warden being a jobsworth "I'm only following orders" knobhead, the council would have used some commonsense and not followed this up.

Oh deary me, how wrong you are!

The council, being a bunch of thickheaded, obstinate knobheads chose to ignore his pleas for commonsense and are threatening him with a larger fine of £80 if he does not pay up.

Thanet Council when confronted showed no remorse, their environment chief Shirley Tomlinson said:

"We are happy with the process that has been followed.

Thanet Council's campaign warns people the council will take a zero tolerance approach to anyone who drops litter, including cigarette butts and chewing gum.

If spotted, no excuses will be accepted. You will be handed a fine.

It is therefore important to dispose of any litter in the right way.

Our wardens have been doing what they have been instructed to do and we cannot make any allowances."

By their own words so they have condemned themselves.

Let us reciprocate and show no mercy to these self important martinets, who choose to abandon the normal rules of mercy and commonsense that ought to be used in abundance by our elected officials.

- No more should we kowtow to these people.

- No more should we accept their "authority" over us.

- No more should we vote them back into office.

At every opportunity should we obstruct, and gum up the system. Use Nanny's "zero tolerance" approach against Nanny and her minions.

Local councils are the enemy of the people, they should be treated with absolute contempt!

Thanet Council well deserving Knobheads of The Year!

Now here's a funny thing:)

Can you guess children which party runs Thanet?

Yes, that's right, it's the Tory Party...again!

I don't know about you, but I am getting pig sick of writing about local council stupidity and rigid petty mindedness, only to find that it's not Zanu Labour but the Tories behaving like dickheads.

Well folks I give the Tory Party full and fair notice that even if it costs them the next election, unless they get their act together and clearly demonstrate to us that they have a workable plan for rolling back the frontiers of the state (and bring their councils to heel) I will use all my efforts to cause a "train wreck" in their election plans.

I would also like to remind them that I own the domain names laboursleaze.com and torysleaze.com.

You know the format by now folks, drop Cameron a line telling him your views of the Tory party.

Use this link: Cameron

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Nanny's Little Helpers - Catch Them Young

Ah die gut alt tags have returned with a vengeance.

Nanny has taken a little lesson from the history books, and is employing a rather nasty little technique once used by the Nazis.

Nanny's Gauliters in her local councils are employing children to act as spies.

Catch them young and they will yours forever!

The Telegraph reports that one in six councils contacted have signed up children to be "environment volunteers".

Sounds nice and cuddly and greeny doesn't it?

Errmmm...maybe not.

For you see dear readers Nanny's little helpers are being encouraged to photograph and video people who infringe local council rules; eg dog fouling, littering and Nanny's most heinous of all crimes...

BIN CRIMES!!!!

As an added bonus the kids are being paid £500 a pop by some councils.

Seems to me a clever kid and parent could come up with a nice little money making scheme, whereby the kid's reward exceeds the council's fine.

Nanny refers to these new recruits as "covert human intelligence sources", they will pass on the names and number plates of neighbours who are guilty of breaking Nanny's laws.

A recipe for all sorts of petty neighbourhood vendettas to be started and settled!

I wonder what kind of adults these kids will turn into?

Ealing Council said:

"There are hundreds of Junior Streetwatchers, aged 8-10 years old, who are trained to identify and report enviro-crime issues such as graffiti and fly-tipping."

Some kids are assigned code numbers, which they use instead of their real names when they ring a special informer's hotline.

Completely ghastly and very frightening!

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Bin Brother - The Dangers of Apples

It is rather ironic that, despite the alleged shortage of police on the beat, the complaints about unnecessary paperwork and bureaucracy slowing down "real" policing, Nanny's finest recently managed to find the time and resources to arrest Keith Hirst a 54 year old plumber with a heart condition.

His crime?

He was accused of dropping and apple core.

His punishment?

He was arrested by five police officers, taken to a police station, had his DNA and fingerprints taken and spent 18 hours in a police cell.

During his "sojourn" he twice needed to be seen by a doctor, after complaining about dizziness and chest pains.

Mr Hirst, from Swinton Manchester, was not best pleased with his experience.

"The way I was treated you would have thought I had robbed a bank.

My family are law-abiding people and I would help if I saw a gang of yobs attacking a police officer.

But this kind of incident does not help in improving relations between the community and police."

The story begins on 21 April, when Mr Hirst said that he was tapped on the shoulder by a police community support officer as he walked to the chemist at lunchtime.

The plastic policeman accused him of dropping an apple core (which Mr Hirst denied), and demanded his name and address.

Mr Hirst said:

"He was an overzealous young lad baying to give me a ticket.

I told him I was on my way to the shops, but would be walking back that way if he wanted to speak to me later. He followed through the precinct to the chemist.

When I came out there were five police officers surrounding me. I said I had done nothing wrong and so was not telling them who I was.

The most senior police officer said they would have to take me into custody."

Mr Hirst was arrested for refusing to pay a £50 on-the-spot fine and taken to Swinton police station before being eventually taken to the magistrates' court in handcuffs.

His wife, Glynis, who is disabled and cared for by her husband, did not know what had happened until 10.45pm on the day of his arrest.

She said:

"My daughter had been ringing hospitals as we thought something had happened to him."

The charge of obstruction has been dropped. However, but Mr Hirst still faces a trial for littering, which he denies, in July.

Supt Ian Palmer, of Greater Manchester Police, said:

"Littering is an offence and GMP work tirelessly to ensure the streets are not only safe but also clean."

It is indeed an offence.

However, there surely is such a thing as a "proportionate" and "common sense" response to whatever crime is being alleged?

Is this really an effective use of GMP's scarce resources?

Are there no other crimes in Manchester that are more deserving of the time and effort of 5 police officers?

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The Dangers of Sausage Rolls

Nanny has taken her automatic fines for "littering" to new and absurd levels, as Sarah Davies of Hull found to her cost recently.

Miss Davies was feeding her four year old daughter, Chloe, a sausage roll in public when a piece dropped on the pavement.

Can you guess what happened next?

Yes, that's right, Nanny's spies from Hull's "environment crime unit" (a big name for small minded people) spotted it and fined her £75 for "littering".

Nanny's spies even threatened her with arrest for refusing to give her name.

The real irony of this "littering" offence being that the pigeons had already eaten the piece of sausage roll that had fallen on the pavement.

Does this mean then that people who feed the birds will be fined for "littering" as well?

Needless to say, this is a very easy source of revenue for Nanny and her acolytes in her local councils. Could this be the real reason for their bone headed attitude?

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Fag Off!

Nanny's lackeys in Conwy council achieved something of a double whammy the other day. They managed to slap a fine on a guy not just for smoking in his lorry cab, but also for littering.

Result!

Not only that, but the council lackey that reported the hapless driver was in fact a council dog warden.

What an effective and clever use of resources!

Leonard King was the hapless victim of Nanny's spy culture that has now firmly taken root in our unloved and untrusted local councils. Mr King was having a fag in the cab of his lorry (parked I would hasten to add), which carried a no smoking sign, unfortunately one of Nanny's paid spies (a dog warden) was watching him.

Mr King was in breach of Nanny's recent rules about smoking in an enclosed space that others workmates use. Quite how some stale fag fumes in a cab will harm the next driver is somewhat medically suspect, in my humble view. However, Nanny does not worry about medical facts. Having been spotted smoking, Mr King then compounded his offence against the state by flicking some ash and the fag butt out of the window.

The dog warden immediately noted that down as well, as a littering offence.

Mr King was issued with fixed penalties for smoking illegally in his cab and for littering. Llandudno magistrates fined him £75 and imposed additional charges of £30 for investigative costs, £65 for legal costs and a £15 victim (what victim?) surcharge.

The £75 litter penalty, which he had already paid, took the final bill to £260.

A spokesman for the council in Conwy said its three dog wardens were spearheading the enforcement of smoking laws, and had issued four fixed-penalty notices.

I am sure they must feel very proud of themselves!

Errmm...aren't these guys meant to be dealing with dog related issues?

Doesn't this kind of prove what people have long suspected, namely that council employees are being used to spy on the local population?

The good news is that Conwy will soon give police community support officers the job of chasing smokers, so that's alright then.

Be careful what you do and what you say, the person next to you may work for the local council!