Christians Trigger Nanny

 

The University of Nottingham, for reasons best known to itself, is shit scared of Christians.

As such, it has placed a trigger warning on Chaucer's Canterbury Tales because it contains elements of the Christian faith!

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Nanny Bans Robin Hood

Nanny in the shape of Nottingham Council’s decision to remove Robin Hood from the city logo is a baffling and misguided move that has left many residents and admirers of the legendary folk hero outraged. This decision not only erases a significant part of Nottingham’s cultural heritage but also undermines the city’s identity and historical significance.

Robin Hood is more than just a character from folklore; he is a symbol of Nottingham’s rich history and its enduring spirit of resistance and justice. By removing him from the city logo, Nottingham Council is effectively severing a vital link to the past and alienating a community that takes pride in its unique heritage.

The council’s justification for this change, citing a need for a more “inclusive” and “modern” image (some shite squiggle), falls flat. Robin Hood’s story is one of inclusivity and standing up for the oppressed. His legend resonates with people from all walks of life, and his removal from the logo is a disservice to the very principles he represents.

Moreover, this decision appears to be a wasteful exercise in rebranding that does little to address the real issues facing the city. Instead of focusing on superficial changes, Nottingham Council should be directing its efforts towards meaningful improvements that benefit the community.

In conclusion, Nottingham Council’s decision to remove Robin Hood from the city logo is a cretinous and ill-advised move that disregards the city’s rich history and cultural significance. It’s time for the council to listen to its residents and restore the iconic symbol that truly represents Nottingham.

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Student Learns That University Is Not Just Book Learning But Life Too

I am an actual state someone help pic.twitter.com/160mC5j9I4

— Natalie Smith (@natalie5mith) May 7, 2017

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Nanny Bans Billy The Trumpet

My thanks to a loyal reader who has pointed out that Nanny's chums from Nottinghamshire have banned the Barmy Army trumpeter, Billy Cooper, from the first Investec Test at Trent Bridge.

The England side are appealing for a relaxation of the ban, as they consider him "the unspoken 12th man."

Nottinghamshire justify the ban on the basis of their blanket ban on musical instruments, which is stated on match tickets and, that being so, they could face requests for refunds from supporters who object to Cooper's playlist. 

However, espncricinfo note that the ECB is thought to have some sympathy with Cooper's commitment to England's cause and respect for his professional playing ability.

One compromise suggested is that Billy The Trumpet plays from the balcony of the Trent Bridge Inn behind the ground, something which Nottinghamshire could not control, or even an official guest spot during an interval. 

Views ladies and gentlemen?

 

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The Hair of The Dog

I never cease to be amazed at how deranged our local councils are. Yet even I am more than gobsmacked by what Nottingham City Council did to Roy Wyre last week.

Mr Wyre was walking his dog Spencer, and for reasons best known to Mr Wyre he was wearing a hi viz vest.

One of Nanny's Community Protection Officers (whatever that means) took exception to a non council human wearing the symbol of the state, and decided to ask Mr Wyre why he was wearing it etc.

Having finished discussing the hi viz jacket the CPO then fined Mr Wyre £75.

For why?

For  dropping dog fur (he was brushing Spencer) in a public place!

Ker Farking Ching!

Understandably this outrageous fine received some negative publicity, and Nottingham Council have now cancelled it and apologised to Mr Wyre for being utter knobheads!

Councils are the enemies of the people!

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Nanny Strips...

Ooh Err Missus!

Nanny has taken up stripping...the stripping of conkers from a large horse chestnut tree, in Queen's Walk Nottingham, that is.

Nottingham council decided to take up stripping after a four-year-old girl was injured by a stick thrown into the tree last year.

According to Michael Williams, the city council's corporate director of communities, the tree is the largest and most accessible horse chestnut in the area.

All very well, my sympathies to the injured girl etc, but what of all the other horse chestnut trees?

The issue is not that of the conkers, but of the manner in which the conkers were being dislodged.

Sticks have been thrown at horse chestnuts for centuries, does Nanny seriously believe that (short of stripping all horse chestnuts in the entire country) she will stop this practice?

This is simply not a practical policy.

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Un Farking Believable!

Many thanks to all of you yesterday who wrote in with suggestions as to what the "3000" story was about.

Sadly, I am still at a loss as to what I was going to write about.

Could it be senility kicking in?

Anyhoo, moving on, I read that we live in the age of miracles where limbs grow back as if by magic.

That at least is the view of Nanny's chums from Nottinghampshire County Council, as Lance Corporal Johno Lee has discovered to his cost.

Lance Corporal Lee lost one of his legs in Afghanistan in 2008, trying bravely on the instructions of our "beloved" government to bring a country still in the Middle Ages into the 21st century.

For reasons best known to the council they have denied him a disabled parking badge three times, as such he has clocked up £800 in fines for parking in disabled bays in his home town of Newark.

Seemingly the council are of the view that Lane Corporal Lee is "young", and "may get better".

Yes, they really did say that!

I know the Pope is coming and all that, but even his presence will not gestate the regrowing of a limb.

Now the media are crawling all over the case the council's Service Director, Paul McKay, said:

"We are looking into the matter and have arranged for a member of staff to meet Mr Lee to review the situation. We will urgently assess whether he meets the criteria for a disabled parking badge as laid down by the Department of Transport."

Call me simple, but either he has two legs or he doesn't?

Un Farking Believable!

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Booze Ban

Nanny's chums in Nottingham may well make it the first first city in England and Wales to have a total ban on street drinking.

The council is looking at by-laws to make it illegal to drink alcohol on every city street, park and open space. The theory being that this will reduce the amount of drunken loutish behaviour.

Now that may be all very well, but I would make one observation. There are already laws in existence to combat loutish behaviour, eg if the police deem you to be drunk and disorderly they can arrest you.

Therefore why do we need another law on top of that?

Could it be the the existing laws are simply not being properly applied?

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Nanny's Child Snatchers - Nottingham City Council

Emulating the SS, Nottingham City Council have taken it upon themselves to snatch a child away from her mother because, in Nottingham City Council's eyes, the mother is too stupid to look after the child.

Welcome to ZaNuLabour Britain, where the state dictates who may or may not bring up their own children!

Rachel (24), who for legal reasons can be identified only by her first name, has been told by a family court that her daughter will be placed with adoptive parents within the next three months, and she will then be barred from further contact.

Is Rachel really that thick?

According to a psychiatrist Rachel has no learning difficulties and "good literacy and numeracy and [that] her general intellectual abilities appear to be within the normal range".

Her daughter was born prematurely and Nanny's "officials" decided that Rachel didn't have the brains to cope with her complex medical needs, as such the baby was "fostered out".

It should be noted that the medical issue has now been resolved, the baby now needs little or no day-to-day medical care.

So why the fark is Nanny still taking the child away?

There is a rather nasty added twist to this sad story, Rachel's attempts thus far to fight Nanny have been scuppered by the fact that her case was taken over by the official solicitor.

Guess who the official solicitor works for?

Yes, that's right, Nanny!

Nanny brought her own man in because Nanny decided that Rachel wasn't bright enough to instruct her own solicitor.

Good game this isn't it?

Nanny skews the result in her favour by putting her own man in the defence team.

Can you guess what Rachel's (sorry, Nanny's) solicitor did?

Yes, that's right, he declined to contest the council's adoption application, despite the fact that Rachel wanted to fight it.

This sounds more like some third world dictatorship, rather than a "democratic" first world country.

Does Nanny not see how bad this looks?

Answer: she does, but she doesn't care!

After the psychiatrist's assessment of Rachel, the court acknowledged that she does have the mental capacity to keep up with the legal aspects of her situation. However, it has refused her attempts to halt the adoption process.

Rachel is now going to the European Court to fight this.

Correct me if I am wrong, but there seems to be more than handful of slackjawed, dribbling, knuckle scrapping morons in this country who breed like rabbits and are allowed to keep their children (even though they allow them to roam the streets like packs of feral vermin).

There have also been a good few cases of appalling cruelty inflicted upon children (eg baby P), yet Nanny stood idly by. In this particular case Nanny is not even pretending that Rachel will deliberately harm her child.

Given the above obvious contradictions in state policy, why have the SS in Nottingham City Council acted in this way?

Nanny's behaviour in this instance is pretty loathsome as far as I can see. My gut tells me that there is something else here that Nanny does not want disclosed, ie Nanny is covering something up that will damage Nanny (not Rachel).

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Prats of The Week - Christmas Postponed For Eid

Congratulations to those running Greenwood Junior School in Nottingham, for winning this week's Prats of The Week Award.

The powers that be at the school decided that running a school nativity play, and celebrating Eid (which lasts only two days) was simply too much bother. Their solution was to send out letters saying that the Nativity play was cancelled.

Unsurprisingly a number of parents were a tad pissed off.

Surprisingly the school hadn't anticipated the reaction, and hastily tried to back peddle claiming there had been a misunderstanding and sent out another letter. The second letter said that the play would be postponed to the New Year.

Errmm...what use is a Nativity play in New Year?

Given that Eid lasts but two days the school, had they used a little bit of imagination, could have still put on the play.

Did they not think of the negative PR that this decision and letters would generate?

Did anyone really think of the consequences of their actions?

It seems not.

The powers that be at Greenwood Junior School, well deserving Prats of The Week.

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C**TS of The Week

It has been a while since I have awarded my prestigious and internationally famous "Prats of The Week" Award, as such I am making another award today but in a special "Uber Prat" category "C**TS of The Week".

Well deserving of this award are those in Newark and Sherwood District Council who seek to prosecute children who play football in the street in Newark.

The Gestapo in the local council have sent letters warning that children face prosecution, and fines of up to £100, if they annoy neighbours with ball games.

The purge against street football (surely street football is far less harmful than street drug dealing, street mugging or street loitering?) is being led by Lynn Pallett the Orwellian named anti-social behaviour co-ordinator.

Whilst I can see that residents who have complained about flowerbeds being trampled by children retrieving balls have reason to be peeved, is it really the right way to go about this to threaten children with prosecution?

Do we really hate children so much in this country that we can't let them act like children once in a while?

Surely it is better that the kids play football than deal drugs, drink or loiter with menaces?

Pauline Heath 73, a mother of ten grown-up children, has a rather sensible view:

"I have 20-odd grandchildren and as long as they don't cause a nuisance, there is no problem with letting them play in the street.

Children should be allowed to be children. I've had lads kick the ball in my front garden. I just go out and tell them that if it happens again I'm happy for them to retrieve it, as long as they close my gate afterwards. I've never had any problems."

Miss Pallett said that under section 161 of the Highways Act 1980, if a person plays football or any other game on a highway, to the annoyance of a user of the highway, he or she is guilty of an offence and liable to a fine of up to £100.

The police are ready and waiting. A spokesman for Nottinghamshire Police said the force plans to warn offenders in the first instance.

Quote:

"If they failed to move on or persisted to cause a problem, we would then consider arrests."

Are they as proactive about arresting drug dealers and others who cause problems on the streets?

Newark and Sherwood District Council well deserving C**TS of The Week.

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The Health and Safety Gestapo Strike Again

Nanny's much "respected" Health and Safety Gestapo have struck again, blighting the lives of decent people who are just trying to make their lives a little more pleasant.

This time the Gestapo, aided and abetted by Nanny's lackeys in the local council, have called upon the good citizens of Everton in Nottinghamshire.

Seemingly the residents of Everton were about to risk their lives, and maybe the very future of the human race, by performing a life threatening act.

What was this act?

Testing and nuclear device?

No!

Travelling in time?

No!

Opening a crack house?

No!

They were going to plant some flower beds beside a road.

Needless to say Nottinghamshire county council cannot allow such actions to go unchecked.

As I often ask, what the fark is the point of a local council?

Can anyone out there in cyberspace explain why we pay these people to interfere in our lives?

Anyhoo, Nottinghamshire county council have decreed that the flower beds represent a health and safety risk.

Health and safety risks need to be licensed and regulated.

The key word on the above is "licensed", because as we all know that a local council's sole raison d'etre (ooh, a posh phrase for a Monday morning!) is to tax people.

Seemingly when the village's parish council decided to plant flowerbeds by a main road, they didn't realise that they needed a "licence to cultivate".

On top of this "licence to cultivate", the hapless villagers were also told to submit a health and safety questionnaire and a risk assessment.

That was not the end of the nightmare for Everton. Once these had been granted, the plans then had to be approved by Nottinghamshire county council's landscape team.

Afet that the accident investigation department also had to be consulted, just in case the flower beds caused a motoring hazard.

Oh, I almost forgot, even if the good citizens of Everton had succeeded in jumping all of those hurdles they still would have to formally consult the utility companies just in case planting the beds caused them a problem.

Ooh, ooh, sorry there is also public liability insurance to be take into account. The cover for this by the way has to be at least £5M.

Whilst the 770 residents of Everton are a spirited and tenacious group, they recognise when they are defeated and in the end gave up.

Parish councillor Richard Bacon, said:

"It's ridiculous.

The expense of doing all this is totally

out of proportion with what we want to do.

We had planned a wooden border with top soil

beneath the hedgerow to make everything look lovely.

But the verge does belong to the council

so we needed permission.

Their response seems totally over the top.

Why do we need a risk assessment?

We've all got gardening skills."

Needless to say the jobsworths in the council don't give a fark.

Quote:

"There are many health and safety concerns

relating to works on the highway.

The required licence to cultivate helps

to make sure that plants chosen do not reach a height

that will obscure motorists' visibility

and we insist that whoever carries out

the work has public liability insurance."

Who are they to "insist"?

They work for us, don't they?

Not the other way around.

The Nanny state is a blight on people's lives, it saps their individuality and initiative. We are no longer able to act without the "approval" of bureaucratic deadheads, whose own "lust for life" (can I use the word lust on this site?) long since withered on the vine.

A pox upon Nottinghmashire county council and Nanny, the sooner we are rid of them the better.

Feel free to vent your spleens upon Notimghamshire county council, via this link: complaints@nottscc.gov.uk.

Here is a list of Nottinghamshire county councillors, their email addresses are cllr.firstname.surname@nottscc.gov.uk, knock yourselves out!

Nanny Bans Smoking

Nanny has started the New Year as she means to go on, by getting a little bit above herself.

NHS patients in the Ashfield and Mansfield districts of Nottinghamshire are to be banned from smoking in their own homes, if they are due a visit from a careworker.

Nanny has ruled that when a patient refuses to obey her instructions, the visit will have to take place on neutral premises.

Under Nanny's new rules, healthcare workers can ask a patient to stop smoking when they enter their home. Failure to comply will mean that the patient will have to go to an alternative venue for treatment.

Barbara Brady, Nanny's senior public health manager who produced the policy, said:

"If a patient or a family member is smoking during a home visit, NHS staff may be subjected to environmental tobacco smoke through passive smoking or secondhand smoking.

Tobacco smoke contains over 4,000 chemicals

in the form of particles and gases and some of the immediate effects of passive smoking include eye irritation, headache, cough, sore throat, dizziness and nausea."

Nanny also plans to ban healthworkers from smoking in their cars, if they use the vehicle during their work.

How the hell will Nanny enforce that one then?

In Scotland Nanny will send smokers a letter asking them not to light up for one hour before a council worker or health worker calls round.

In Scotland, Nanny will produce a map identifying where smokers live.

Doesn't this all sound rather Orwellian?

The instructions that Nanny has produced, covering the creation of this list, are a work of art in themselves:

"Does your organisation know which of the homes visited by its staff are occupied by smokers?

If not, it would be advisable to develop such a list.

Once the situation relating to individual properties is ascertained, steps can be taken to reduce the exposure the staff might face."

The smokers on Nanny's map would then be sent letters asking them not to smoke for one hour before a council worker or health worker called round.

Public bodies have also been advised to use the map to ensure that any workers who suffer from breathing problems are kept away from the homes of smokers.

This is going to cost a hell of a lot of money.

What about Nanny compiling other lists and maps?

-Those who eat too much fat?

-Those who drink?

The possibilities are endless!