The Bells of Kendal

Loyal readers will recall that back in November 2012 I wrote about how the Town Hall bells of Kendal were to be silenced between 11PM and 7AM, because of the complaints of two people who had recently moved into the area to run a pub.

My thanks to a loyal reader who sent me the above clipping from the Westmoreland Gazette (06/02/13), which states that the two individuals who complained about the bells are now leaving Kendal.

There's irony for you!

Suffice to say, now that Nanny has decreed that the bells will be silent, Nanny will not be changing her mind.

Beware the tyranny of the minority!

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Booze Matters - Nanny's Bollocks Statistics

FFS won't that old witch Nanny give it a rest with her incessant carping about our drinking habits?

I almost choked on my morning vodka today, when I read that Nanny is now getting her knickers in a twist over the fact that there is a dichotomy between reported booze sales and what we tell Nanny we actually drink.

Shock horror probe!

"Research" published today by the European Journal of Public Health purports to show that England is a nation of secret boozers, with over 33% of the population drinking unhealthy quantities of alcohol.

Seemingly, if the "research" is to be believed self-reported alcohol consumption accounts for between 40% and 60% of sales.

Now why would this be?

Well here's a couple of obvious points:

1 We don't drink everything we buy as soon as we buy it; eg people lay down wines and stock up on beer etc for future consumption. I, for instance, buy 96 cans of Red Stripe at a time in order to get a good deal on the price; that doesn't mean to say that I down them all in one evening!

2 Who the fark in their right mind would ever tell Nanny about their private lives eg drink habits? Of course those statistics are wrong.

Anyhoo, irrespective of those two obvious flaws in Nanny's "research", Nanny has drawn the conclusion (based on dodgy "research") that 44% of men and 31% of women in England are drinking more than the Royal College of Physicians' safety guidelines for weekly alcohol consumption.

Yawn, well as loyal readers know guidelines are merely that "guidelines" for the "average" person (whoever he/she is), and are not meant to be rigid rules enforceable by law etc.

Sadly of course Nanny doesn't see it that way.

Lead researcher Sadie Boniface, from University College London, is quoted by the Independent:

"Currently we don't know who consumes almost half of all the alcohol sold in England. This study was conducted to show what alcohol consumption would look like when all of what is sold is accounted for, if everyone under-reported equally.

The results are putative, but they show that this gap between what is seen in the surveys and sales potentially has enormous implications for public health in England."

In other words the "research" has been a farking waste of time, money and effort!

Oh, and for good measure, the statistics used are out of date; Boniface used "self reported stats" from 2008.

We can safely conclude that the whole thing is complete and utter bollocks!

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Prat of The Week - Dave Willetts

Ooh er missus, it has been a wee while since I have awarded a Prat (or Prats) of The Week Award, therefore without further ado here it is.

This week it goes to an individual, David "Two Brains" Willetts (Nanny's higher education minister, whose nickname derives from the fact that people regard him as being very intelligent).

Anyhoo, Two Brains was applying his intellect to the issue of those who are in their sixties who still need to work in order to be able to live.

His solution was simple and "brilliant", they should go to university in order to obtain new skills; thus they would stand a better chance of being employed, or of simply keeping their jobs.

Brilliant!

How would these silver haired students pay for their education?

Study loans.....just like the youngsters!

Therefore, at the end of three years or so at university a sixty something graduate will leave with around £27K of debt.

What are their chances of being employed?

Well, based on the fact that 20 year old graduates are having problems finding work, I would say fark all.

So what happens to the £27K debt then?

No income, no need to to pay back!

Simples!

Money and time well spent!

Dave "Two Brains" Willetts, well deserving Prat of The Week.
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Nanny's 57,000 Felons

Despite Coalition promises to do away with (or at least tone down) the requirements that all and sundry be vetted lest they wish to interact with children, it transpires that the promise was nothing more than hot air.

The Telegraph reports that over 57,000 volunteers (of which 11,000 were mothers, fathers and grandparents) have been subjected to Nanny's vetting procedure this academic year thus far.

It seems that instead of a reduction in the number of "vettings", the total number this academic year will exceed last year's!

The Manifesto Club has issued a report that highlights the fact that many parents are being treated like “felons on remand” after volunteering to help read with young children, supervise school trips, take part in language exchanges, lead a “walking bus” and help out at discos.

Some are even being forced to register with the Criminal Records Bureau to escort their children into the school building or watch sons and daughters playing sport.

Unsurprisingly the vetting process is putting many people off volunteering, as they are made to feel like “second-class citizens” by hostile fearful schools that now resemble prisons (shrouded in barbed wire, with electronic entry systems etc) rather than places of learning and enlightenment.

Nanny's Department for Education spokeswoman said:

“We expect headteachers to take a common-sense approach to criminal record checks and adhere to the changes this government brought in to ensure the vetting system was scaled back to sensible levels.” 

Well Nanny might "expect common-sense", but that clearly is not an expectation that is being fulfilled.

The result of living in a Nanny state has turned many people into box ticking automatons, devoid of common-sense and responsibility. Thus Nanny's schools are giving kids a very ugly lesson indeed; fear all adults, abrogate your responsibilities by ticking boxes and let the state do your thinking for you.

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Nanny's First No Smoking Street

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FFS III - The £1,000 Parrot

In which Ms Frost (no relation) uses £1,000 of our money to buy a blue and gold parrot.

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Nanny's Hi Vis Horse

Ladies and Gentlemen you are doubtless familiar with Nanny's penchant for shrouding everyone in hi vis attire, I now give you Nanny's hi vis horse!

Seemingly, in the wake of the horsegate scandal, Nanny is worried that we may not able to recognise a horse. The next time your munching your way through a ready made lasagne, and you come across a fragment of hi vis clothing you know that the product wasn't made of beef.

Still, the hi vis wear doubtless has other uses, let's face it without such attire it would be remarkably difficult to see the horse in the middle of the road!

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FFSII - Come Fly With Me

I see we are funding Ms Frost's (no relation) boyfriend's flying lessons now!

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Nanny's Calorie Labels Are Bollocks

Ah how I chortled (there's a word I haven't used for a long time) to myself when I read about a wee bit of a problem with Nanny's calorie measures printed on food packs.

As loyal readers know, Nanny is obsessed with how much we eat and is very keen to remind us on a daily basis that we should not eat more than her prescribed daily calorie limit (2,500 for chaps and 2,000 for chapesses).

How do we know how many calories there are in our food?

Nanny has insisted for many years that manufacturers print the calorie content on food packs.

All fine and dandy..maybe.

However, it transpires that the calorie labels on our packs of horsemeat lasagne etc may not be entirely accurate.

Really?

Yes, for it seems that the calorie measures ignore the calorie content of fibre. Thus those of you who think that they are being very healthy in eating a "low calorie" bowl of Mueseli are in fact kidding yourselves, you are in fact eating an extra 250 calories per week without realising it.

Gosh!...snut snut:)

Ironically the calorie labels overstate the calorie content of protein by up to 20%. This means that we can all go out and eat 20% more steak, pork, chicken, horse etc.

Hoozah!

Oh, and by the way, cooking and processing food can alter calorie levels by up to 30% because we burn more energy digesting things which are hard and uncooked.

FFS!

Re yesterday's Question for Nanny, Ms Frost (no relation!) speaks out:

"An unemployed mother-of-11 who made headlines after it emerged she was getting a six-bedroom home built for her by the council said she may never move in because of the “hassle”. "

FFS!

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Clean Up On Aisle 5!

Oh dear, this will need to be cleaned up....

On the subject of Horsegate I saw an "expert" on Channel 4 News the other night arguing that this would not have happened if food were not so cheap; ie he was arguing that food prices should increase!

Utter bollocks!

The higher the price of meat, the greater the incentive to commit fraud by substituting cheap/illegal meat.

Clearly these Nannying "experts" have no understanding of human nature.

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Question For Nanny

Why is Ms Frost (no relation I hasten to add!) having a 6 bedroom eco council house built for her at our expense?

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Nanny Bans Fizzy Sugar Water and Shite Food

I see that Nanny's chums from the medical profession are yet again hyperventilating about the dangers to our health posed by fizzy sugared water and shite processed/fast food (sans horsemeat).

The good doctors want fizzy sugared water taxed, and adverts for shite food banned until after the watershed.

The Academy of Medical Royal Colleges, which represents nearly every doctor in the UK, is worried about the obesity epidemic and wants unhealthy foods to be treated in the same way as fags.

As I have warned many times before on this site Nanny, once she has dealt with the smokers and drinkers, will come after those who eat food that she deems to be "unhealthy".

Ermmmm...horsegate anyone (did Nanny herself not serve unhealthy food to our kids?)?

It is very well, and easy, to demonise advertising and the abundance of "cheap" food for the rise in obesity in this country. However, like it or not, people are not forced to eat shite; they eat it (horsegate aside) of their own free will.

I enjoy the occasional bucket of fried chicken and fries, washed down with copious amounts of Red Stripe. Once in a while, with a balanced diet, this does no harm. However, were I to eat that everyday I would become a fat unhealthy lard bucket.

I don't eat that every day for a number of reasons:

1 I don't want to.

2 I enjoy variety in my food intake.

3 I don't wish to become a lard bucket etc.

The doctors press their case on the basis that we don't seem to be able to control ourselves, well how is it that I and a good many other people can control ourselves and not gorge ourselves to death on shite?

The doctors also worry about the cost to the NHS of treating obese people. That is true, the costs of treating obesity are rising. However, were the obese people to be made slim and healthy tomorrow by a flip of Nanny's magic wand we can assume that they would live long lives into a demented, decaying old age. Thus transferring the cost of treating them from obesity to the long term care of elderly and demented.

Sorry to say it, but Nanny knows full well that the younger you die the less you cost the state.

The doctors are failing to look at the overall picture, namely that the demands on the NHS are simply too great for it to be able to bear in its current form; the NHS is like a balloon squeeze one end (eg tackle obesity) and another pops out (ie the cost of caring for the elderly).

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Won't Someone Think of The Children?

Nanny keeps bleating that she cares about kids, if that is the case why has she fed them horsemeat in "Cottage pies" (more accurately termed "Stable pies") in numerous schools around the country?

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Back To The Future - The Horsemeat Scandal 1948

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Booze Matters - Nanny's Bollocks Research

How very tedious to see that Nanny's obsession about how much we drink has yet again bubbled to the surface.

According to "research" carried out in a pub one night, by Nanny's Department of Health, people are seemingly underestimating their consumption of booze by up to 40%.

Yaaaawnnnnn...so farking what!

I had a business meeting yesterday, that lasted five hours, during which we quaffed significant quantities of malt whisky etc. I didn't bloody count how many measures I had, because I know when I have had enough and don't need to be told by Nanny.

Booze is part of our social and business culture, to tamper with our boozing habits is to tamper with our culture!

Anyhoo, medical "experts" are of the view that these "shocking" statistics  mean that Nanny's warnings about the dangers of excessive drinking are not being listened to.

Shock horror probe!

If anyone is in the slightest bit interested, Nanny is of the view that men should not regularly drink more 3-4 units of alcohol a day – equivalent to a pint and a half of beer – and 2-3 units of alcohol for women, the same as a 175ml glass of wine.

Well, like it or not one size does not fit all!

We are all different and respond/react to food, booze, fags, drugs in different ways.

Anyhoo, despite the fact the evidence clearly shows that we are not listening to Nanny's tedious warnings, Nanny has recently launched yet another tedious advertising campaign on the TV telling us to stop drinking so much.

Ugh!

Earlier in this article I stated:

"According to "research" carried out in a pub one night."

Was that tongue in cheek?

Yes.

However, how many people did Nanny really use in her research to base her findings on?

100,000?

No!

10,000?

No!

1,000?

No!

100?

No!

Nanny used a sample size of 19 people!

Snort!

 

Time for another five hour business meeting I think!

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Nanny Bans Colour

I was ungemused to see that some nimbies in the Corinimu Via estate in the Cotswolds have taken a dislike to a newly constructed children's playground.

Is it 'cos the kids who use it are unruly?

No!

Seemingly the angst of the nimbies is driven by their dislike of the colour scheme of the playground, apparently it is too bright!

The result being that the playground has been fenced off, and the kids are not allowed to use it until a "satisfactory" colour scheme is derived.
 

Developer Redrow Homes, because of the complaints, have erected a metal fence around the site and vowed to re-paint the swings and climbing frames, which are primarily red, green and blue. However, as the Telegraph reports, the area has remained sealed off ever since; Redrow is now seeking planning permission to change the colour scheme and re-locate some of the equipment.

A Cotswold District Council spokesman Bob McNally said:

"Cotswolds District Council has responded to objections that were brought to us by some residents whose homes are near or overlook the play area. 

At the request of several residents, it was agreed collectively that the opening of the play area would be put on hold until their concerns were considered further. 

One of the residents' concerns was about the bright colours of the equipment - which are not in line with the approved plan conditions for the play area.

The developer has agreed to address this as soon as the formal planning approval for relocating the equipment is granted."

As ever in Nanny's Britain the voice of the disgruntled, sad whining individual takes precedence over that of the well adjusted sensible majority!

Kids are given a lot of "stick" by the media, politicians etc these days for hanging round streets looking menacing, and for disrespecting their elders. Given this selfish nonsense, it is hardly surprising that kids have a less than positive attitude to adults and turn into selfish gits hanging round street corners disrespecting adults.

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Croydon London Wanking Capital

I am ungemused to read that Nanny's chums from the council my old hometown (and place of my birth) Croydon (today named as Wanking Capital of London) is redoubling its efforts to extort money from the hapless local residents, by employing Xfor a private security firm (made up of ex squaddies) who will act as "street enforcement officers" anbd impose £80 fines on anyone dropping litter etc.

Now here's the catch, Xfor are accountable to no one and receive £45 for every £80 fine imposed.

Can you see the incentive for them to whack the residents of Croydon with as many fines as possible?

It's known as the "corruption of punishment", whereby the state is incentivised to levy as many fines as possible in order to increase its revenue stream.

Inside Croydon reports that neighbouring Bromley hired Xfor, and saw a the number of on the spot fines increase from 4 to 618 in a year!

Councils are the enemies of the people and Croydon, under the ruling Tory council there, is most certainly London's wanking capital!

Have some sympathy for my poor old mum., who still lives there!

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Nanny Can Never Be Trusted

Loyal readers will recall that in January I wrote about Nanny's chums from Harningey council first banning London's oldest working smokehouse from using smoke, then unbanning it:

"Last week I wrote about the Uber Prats from Haringey council banning London's oldest working smokehouse (Walter Purkis & Sons) from using smoke to smoke fish.

Unsurprisingly, a veritable firestorm of anger was unleashed upon the cretins within the council.
 
Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, Nanny (as she always does when she is exposed as being a cretin) backed down."

However, as I noted at the time, the good people of Walter Purkis & Sons were sceptical about Hanringey council keeping its word.

Mr Purkis said:

"We will be happy if it does come out right but we are a little worried in case it is a temporary thing until things have calmed down."

Sadly it seems his scepticism was justified. The Telegraph reports that the council is now trying to pass the buck to the department for the Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (Defra).

Typical weasel behaviour by Nanny!

Anyhoo, it seems that word of the Purkis family's travails has reached the ears of Prince Charles, who has sent an envoy to the smokehouse to find out what is going on.

Let us see what happens next!

Nanny can never be trusted, and must be watched closely at all times.
 
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Shout Out To Tonk

It seems someone has been reading your regular comments/opinions on hi-viz and has written an article based on them!

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The Dangers of Chests

My thanks to the good people of IKEA for their "clear", "easy to follow" and risk averse instructions booklet showing me how to assemble a chest of drawers.

I was particularly grateful for the pictogram warning that advised me against using the completed chest of drawers as a staircase/ladder (by pulling the drawers out to form a staircase).

Good risk averse advice indeed!

However, why on earth would I want to use the chest of drawers as a staircase/ladder in the first place?

Oh, and if anyone is wondering, I didn't complete a risk assessment before assembling the product and, owing to the absence of a hammer, used a log of wood to bang in the nails.

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Question For Nanny

If the state is so benevolent, caring and all knowing how is it up to 1,200 patients died needlessly in Mid Staffordshire NHS, ill people were left to rot in soiled sheets, were unwashed and hungry and why did the state allow Gloria Foster to starve to death?

Once Nanny deems you to be too old to be of any "productive use" then she leaves you to rot.

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Shades of Grey

Contrary to what Nanny, Disney and saccharine mainstream media outlets would have us believe, there is no such thing as good and evil (black or white); when it comes to global power games there are merely shades of grey:

"At least 54 countries including Syria, Iran, Sweden, Iceland, and UK offered CIA “covert support” to detain, transport, interrogate and torture suspects in the years following the 9/11 attacks, according to a new report.

­The 213-page report released by the Open Society Justice Initiative (OSJI), a New York-based human rights organization, documents wide-ranging international involvement in the American campaign against Al-Qaeda.

The report, titled Globalizing Torture, provides a detailed account of other countries covertly helping the US to run secret prisons, also known as ‘black sites’ on their territory and allowing the CIA to use national airports for refueling while transporting prisoners. 

Countries listed in the report include many from the Middle East and Europe. 

The OSJI identifies Syria and Iran as two participants of the CIA’s rendition program.
“Syria detained, interrogated, and tortured extraordinarily-rendered individuals. It was one of the ‘most common destinations for rendered suspects’,” states the report. “The CIA rendered at least nine individuals to Syria between December 2001 and October 2002.”"

Source RT.

FYI, I wrote about this five years ago in February 2008:

"How nice to see Nanny apologising, for once, over something that she said that she said that was based on "incorrect" information.

Nanny has been very embarrassed, and a tad pissed off with her chums in the Bush administration, over the revelation that previous denials about the US using British airports for rendition flights were in fact bollocks.

Can you guess what the problem was?

Yes, that's right; seemingly the US has been using British airports for rendition flights!

Gosh, what a surprise!"

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Nanny Imposes New Parking Restrictions

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Nanny Hates Fags - Say No To Plain Packs

In total it is estimated that Nanny received over 700,000 responses to her survey about her plans to impose plain packaging requirements on fag manufacturers. Approximately half a million opposed plain packaging, whilst around 210,000 were in favour.

Nanny is still reviewing the responses, and the report might be published any time soon.

Forest has set up a website to push the message home that plain packs are bollocks, if you are opposed to plain packaging please use the website to write and tell your MP.

The website can be visited here - Say No To Plain Packs, it allows you to send a letter in just two clicks.

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The Empire Strikes Back

Euro Nanny has "lofty" ambitions.

As per Luke Baker:

"Belgian ex-PM and MEP Verhofstadt calls for European Union to become an empire "in the good sense of the word." What sense is that?"

Loyal readers will, I am sure, not be the slightest bit surprised at this.

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Bin Brother - The Twats From Merton!

In a move that proves Nanny has lost all sense of reality and is drunk with power, Merton Council intends to impose restrictions on when its taxpayers are allowed to place their rubbish out on the street for collection by the binmen.

Now, in theory, this is not unreasonable as a sensible "window" for rubbish placement will ensure that the streets are not awash with rubbish 24/7. Unfortunately, Nanny's chums from Merton Council have lost their collective minds.

The proposed "windows" for rubbish placement are either 17:00-18:00 (when most people are still at work) or 05:00-06:00 (when most people are still in bed). The collections will then take place immediately after the closure of each "window".

Brilliant!

Needless to say, those hapless residents who fail to comply with the diktat from Merton Council will be fined.

 

Ker Farking Ching!

 

The council is quoted by the Telegraph:

"Merton Council's drive to keep the borough's streets clean is taking another positive step with proposals to introduce a time-specific waste collection scheme in Wimbledon."

Councils are the enemies of the people!

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Councils Are The Enemies of The People

Democracy in action, as we see Nanny's councils avoid asking the electorate if they want to pay more tax by implementing tax rises of less than 3.5%!

Vote via recommending this link if you agree that councils are the enemies of the people.

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Solar Activity Affects Global Warming

As per a draft UN report:

"[Results] do suggest the possibility of a much larger impact of solar variations on the stratosphere than previously thought, and some studies have suggested that this may lead to significant regional impacts on climate."

Well then!

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Nanny Bans Bush Trimming

I was more than a little gemused to read that Nanny, apparently, has started to lose her grip on reality (if she ever had one).

I draw this conclusion based on the absurd and insane treatment by Nanny's chums from Sheffield Council of Tracey Smith, who was dismissed last year from her teaching position at Aldine House (a secure unit for problem youths).

Why was Ms Smith dismissed?

She had pruned a bush without conducting a risk assessment!

However, Ms Smith has been vindicated and has been awarded £70,000 compensation (the maximum possible) after successfully arguing her career had been left in ruins following her unfair dismissal.

Incidentally, and I never knew this, Nanny operates something called a "Dismissed Persons Register" (upon which Ms Smith's name was added).

A spokesman for Sheffield Council is quoted by the Telegraph:

“We note the result of the tribunal and we are looking into appealing the decision. 

It would be inappropriate for us to comment further than this at this time.” 

Nanny really hates to lose!

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