Brighton and Hove Council's Clusterfuck Parking Fee Contract

Those of you who would like to study a textbook example of council incompetence, should read the article in Brighton and Hove News about how Brighton and Hove council managed to end up being owed £3.2M by a company (CCI) that was hired to collect parking fees that went bust.

Several "ironies" are obvious within this clusterfuck:

1 The council did not have insurance! Colour me stupid, but don't councils always bang on to everyone else about needing insurance for absolutely everything?

2 The company was meant to pay money over to the council within 10 days of collection. It didn't, and the debt built up over 3 months. How is it the paid "professionals" in the council didn't see this as a warning sign of trouble?

3 The council renewed the 3 year contract in February 2014, even though there were obvious signs of trouble.

4 The council’s previous cash collections contractor also went bust.

5 CCI was set up by a former Metropolitan Police officer, John Baker, and his wife Doreen, in 1981. He, and his daughter, have now been arrested.


Here is an extract of the full story :

"The company that collected cash from parking machines around Brighton and Hove went bust owing the council £3.2 million.

The loss was not insured and Brighton and Hove City Council is unable to tell what chance it has of recovering the unsecured debt. It is believed to be unlikely to receive more than £25,000.

An audit report to councillors pointed out that at one point Coin Co International (CCI) owed the council more than £4.7 million.

The debt built up over several months even though CCI was contracted to deposit any cash that it collected within ten days.

Officials said that lessons had been learnt but declined to say whether anyone had been held to account over the loss when quizzed by councillors this week.

CCI was paid almost £300,000 a year to collect more than £11 million cash from parking meters and £8 million cash from council offices and schools. The company also handled £21 million in cheques.
It was allowed to hang on to the funds for up to ten days, enabling it to earn interest on top of the fees paid by the council. The money should have been paid into a separate and safe account by CCI but it wasn’t.

Officials briefed the council’s Audit and Standards Committee at Portslade Town Hall on Tuesday (22 September).

For the second time in three months, members of the committee expressed disbelief at the turn of events.

They were told that this was an unusual case yet the council’s previous cash collections contractor – Estate Security Southern – also went bust. The Kent company won the £1 million three-year contract in August 2006......

..In January this year about 90 officers from the National Crime Agency (NCA) swooped in a series of co-ordinated raids at six Sussex properties, including CCI’s offices.

The NCA said: “Five people have been arrested as part of a major joint investigation into the supply and importation of counterfeit pound coins worth around £1.2 million.

“On the morning of Tuesday 27 January around 90 officers from the National Crime Agency executed warrants at six locations in the Sussex area.

“They arrested four men and a woman at five different addresses on suspicion of importation, money laundering and offences under the Forgery Act.

“Searches were also carried out at a business premises in the Burgess Hill area.

“Accompanying NCA investigators were officers from the Dutch fraud investigation service FIOD and an expert from the Royal Mint.

“A number of items have been seized and the investigation continues.”

National Crime Agency senior investigating officer Steve McIntyre said: “These arrests and searches were the latest phase of an ongoing international investigation looking into the supply of fake currency from the Netherlands to the UK.

“This investigation follows the closure of a Dutch mint suspected of manufacturing counterfeit coins in November 2013.

“This element of the inquiry is focused on the alleged importation and laundering of coins worth around £1.2 million and we will continue to work closely with our colleagues in the Netherlands and the Royal Mint.”

You couldn't make this up if you tried!

I have no doubt that this sort of bollocks is going on the length and breadth of the country.

Councils are quick to blame central government for funding problems, yet it is quite clear that when it comes to money councils are farking clueless, incompetent and on occasions corrupt!

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Prats of The Week - KFC

Kudos to a branch of KFC in Leicester that displayed utter fuckwittery over the issuance, or rather non issuance, of the obligatory KFC finger and face wipes.

The branch is trialing offering halal chicken alongside non halal chicken and, for reasons that escape all and sundry, decided that because the face wipes contain alcohol they should not be given out lest they offend Muslims.

Now here's the thing, Muslims are allowed to use alcohol for cleanliness and for medicine etc. The only issue being if they were to drink it.

Unless I am very much mistake people tend not to drink face wipes!

Suffice to say this sort of nonsense, aside from making KFC look like knobheads, stokes up tensions between Muslim and non Muslims by creating an issue where there isn't one.

A spokesman for KFC is quoted by the Telegraph:

“Our alcohol-based hand wipes are approved for use in all our restaurants, including those who are part of the halal trial. 

There was a misunderstanding at the store in question, but the wipes are now being used again.

We’re sorry for the customer’s experience.” 

Sigh!

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Brighton Council Knobheads

Councils, as loyal readers know, are populated with a strange mix of people who more often than not are detached from the day to day realities that the real world occupants (ie ourselves) have to face.

Sadly for the good people of Brighton, the Brighton and Hove (actually) Council are at the top end wrt being detached from reality.

Evidence of this comes from the ongoing neglect by the council of Brighton's seafront infrastructure.

Brighton is a seaside resort and its local economy is dependent on the tourist industry. The one area of Brighton that all tourists head towards is the seafront. Hence the one area of Brighton that must be maintained and looked after is the seafront.

Can you guess what has happened children?

Yes, that's right, the council has for years neglected the seafront. The result being that the area is unkempt, unloved and in many parts derelict.

Aside from "cosmetic" issues, there are also safety issues. Parts of the seafront have been closed because the infrastructure (pavements, railing, steps etc) have been neglected for so long that they are dangerous.

A public meeting on Tuesday highlighted the fact that if the council don't get off their backsides now, more of the seafront will be closed off to people for safety reasons.

The council claims that it has no money, which is ironic given that it intends to waste £36M on an absurd tower that allegedly people will pay to go up to look at Brighton from aloft. Fear not though, the council has a solution.

Can you guess what that is children?

Yes, that's right, the council wants to tax tourists.

All very well and dandy maybe if Brighton's seafront didn't look like shit, the trouble is that the seafront does look like shit. Additionally, as already noted on this site, the council already charge the highest rates of parking charges in Christendom for the "privileged" of parking on the seafront.

Why the fark would people come here if they are going to be taxed to buggery before they even spend their money on tourist type things such as fish and chips, and ice cream?

Brighton and Hove (actually) council are deluded knobheads who will end up destroying the city.

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Euro Nanny Has Abolished Private Property

As the Cyprus clusterfuck gather pace (keep up to speed on it by checking out my Loans and Finance site) it seems that in a twinkling of an eye Euro Nanny has abolished private property.

As per Zero Hedge:

"Deposit Insurance at a bank, any bank in Europe, is now meaningless. A bond indenture, any clause, any paragraph, any promise or assurance; now meaningless. The notion of private property, land, cash, house; now meaningless. The European Union will take what they want as they deem it necessary and the IMF will follow along. The question has been asked, during the last few days, why the bond holders of Cyprus were not tagged along with the bank deposits. I can answer the question. Virtually all of the Cyprus sovereign debt is governed under British law and so the EU did not pursue this course.

I recall the movie, Casablanca, where the Germans stood up to sing their National Anthem and the French responded with the "Marseilles." It is too bad that the French have forgotten how to sing this song but then, apparently, all of the nations in the EU have forgotten how to sing their own songs.

Greece came first. Lesson one and "shame on you." Cyprus comes second and now "shame on me." What will come next? What will you tell your partners or your shareholders when they say, "You should have known." You will have no excuse! The Europeans will take what they want and when they want it and to have money invested there now only has one excuse; masochism. Neither you nor I have any idea of what they might do next. When a government changes an indenture retroactively as a condition of funding and then demands that private property be seized as a condition of funding then this government, the European Union, will stop at nothing, find no boundary or fence, to halt its ambitions.

When Lesson three comes, and it will, I will not be kind. I will say; "I told you so!""

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Cyprus Clusterfuck

Those of you who want to see just how badly the Eurozone can screw things up, should pop over to my site Loans and Finance to watch the Cyprus/Euro meltdown as it happens.


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Spot The Difference

Here is a wee spot the difference competition (no prizes) for you to test your observational skills on.

Can you tell me the difference between the two objects in the picture above, and what each is used for?

Yes, that's right, the one on the left is a white stick used by the visually impaired, the one on the right is a Samurai sword used for killing people.

Now that wasn't too difficult was it?

Sadly some in the Lancashire police might have had some problems with it.

The Telegraph reports that Colin Farmer (a 61 year old visually impaired gentlemen) found himself tasered and handcuffed whilst on his way to meet friends for a drink in his local pub in Chorley.

For why?

Police had earlier been dispatched after reports of a man roaming around Chorley town centre in Lancs armed with a sword, and a patrolman spotted Mr Farmer walking down the street using his white stick to get around and mistook it for a samurai sword.

Mr Farmer said:

"The whole thing was like being trapped in a nightmare.

I didn't even know the police were there. I heard this man shouting. I thought they were shouting at some people.

I certainly didn't know they were police - and I certainly didn't know they were shouting at me.

I thought I was going to be attacked by some hooligans. The next thing they fired a Taser at me, though I didn't know it was a taser at the time. 

I just felt this thump in my back. As soon as the taser hit me I hit the ground. 

I hit my head on the floor, then this policeman came around. I said 'I'm blind, I'm blind. I'm blind'.

This policeman knelt on me and dragged my arms round my back and handcuffed me so tight I've had bruises since. 

I said 'you're hurting me, I'm blind' - and there's no way he could not have seen my stick on the floor.

I walk at a snail's pace. They could have walked past me, driven past me in the van, or said drop your weapon. 

It's a sad excuse. They wouldn't even stop when I said I'm blind. I was absolutely terrified. I thought any second I'm going to have another stroke and this one will kill me."

Chief Supt Stuart Williams, of Chorley Police said:

"We have launched an urgent investigation to understand what lessons can be learned and the matter has also been referred to the Independent Police Complaints Commission."

Mistakes of course do happen, but this seems to be one hell of a snafu!

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Nanny Bans Chillisauce

Last Friday I congratulated London Metropolitan University for demonstrating some "supreme fuckwittery":

"Congratulations to London Metropolitan University (one of this country's "older" bastions of learning, founded in 2002) for demonstrating some supreme fuckwittery.

Professor Malcolm Gillies, its vice chancellor, has told a conference that the university is considering banning the sale of alcohol from some parts of the campus.

For why?

Seemingly, according to the Prof, a "high percentage" of students consider drinking "immoral" . "

Well now, here we are one week hence and I see that LMU has again caused a wee kerfuffle. However, this time it is not the university that is displaying fuckwittery but some of its lecturers.

For reasons best known to themselves, some of LMU's lecturers have taken against Chillisauce.

No, I don't mean the condomment (or is is condiment?;), I mean the events company that is linking up with LMU to offer masters courses in events management.

Irrespective of whether a degree in events management is a "real" degree or not, one might ask why it is that the lecturers are so aggrieved by the link up.

It seems that Chillisauce organise custom stag and hen weekends across Europe.

Quote:

"No meal is really complete without a juicy bird. Whether you're a fan of a firm thigh or you prefer a succulent breast a tender chick is always a more-than-welcome lip-smacking culinary delight.... you've realised we're not talking about poultry here right? Ok, good.

Whilst you're munching away on your delicious feast a naughty Dutch bird will saunter out and get rid of those unnecessary clothes and show you just how bendy those long legs of hers are. As the food drops from your mouth and back onto your plate the saucy sexpot will grind relentlessly at your table, gyrating what God so kindly gave her for your viewing pleasure. Seriously tasty stuff.

Other Notes:
No stuffing
Stripper to strip in a private room in the restaurant whilst the group are eating the meal."

Is this illegal?

No!

Is this the sort of thing that events managers are sometimes meant to handle?

Yes!

Therefore why are the lecturers so aggrieved at the link up?

It seems that the lecturers’ leaders are worried that the formal partnership will damage the “university’s reputation”, sorry lads but LMU's reputation was damaged last week anyway wrt the alcohol and sex ban nonsense.

My advice to LMU, loosen up!

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The London Metropolitan University Degree in Fuckwits

Congratulations to London Metropolitan University (one of this country's "older" bastions of learning, founded in 2002) for demonstrating some supreme fuckwittery.

Professor Malcolm Gillies, its vice chancellor, has told a conference that the university is considering banning the sale of alcohol from some parts of the campus.

For why?

Seemingly, according to the Prof, a "high percentage" of students consider drinking "immoral".

Really?

Has he actually asked them?

Students find drinking immoral?

Is it compulsory for students to drink?

No, I thought not!

On planet does the Prof live?

Ah, wait a minute, I see.

It seems that 20% of the students are Muslim, and the Prof is using the excuse of "cultural sensitivity" to promote his own personal belief (as stated in his speech) that he "was not a great fan of alcohol on campus".

It seems a pretty lousy tactic to use other people's religious beliefs as an excuse to promote your own prejudices, given that the students attend the university of their own free will and are not forced to drink.

He is quoted by the Telegraph:

"Because there's no majority ethnic group, I think it [selling alcohol] is playing to particular parts of our society much more [than to others]". 

For good measure the Prof is worried about sex on campus too.

Good luck with banning that then!

London Metropolitan University, offering degrees in fuckwittery.

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Ker Farking Ching - Brighton Council's Fuckwittery

Here in sunny Brighton we used to welcome day trippers and tourists.

For why?

Well, Brighton is a seaside resort that arose from the hedonistic "larks" of a rather portly Prince Regent. The financial infrastructure of the seafront is based on encouraging tourists to part with their cash, in exchange for fish &chips, sticks of rock, deckchairs and other such stuff.

That at least was the set up in the past.

Unfortunately our Green Party overlords have other ideas and other agendas. The Greens do not like cars, and have come up with a "terrific" wheeze that raises money for their moribund accounts and discourages people from parking their cars along the seafront.

Can you guess what that is children?

Yes, that's right, the council as from 1 April are now charging £20 per day (an increase of £16 from the current winter rate of £4 per day) for the privilege of parking in car parking spaces along Madeira Drive.

Brilliant!

That makes Brighton the most expensive place in the UK in which to park!

Ker Farking Ching!  
 
Not only that, but the meters only accept £1 coins (they do not take notes or cards).

In one fell swoop the council have made Brighton seafront the least attractive place in the country to park.

Well done lads!

Surely though, the council have an effective "park and ride" scheme?

Errmm..not that I am aware of!

Alternative transport options are great in the Green world (the Greens actually claim that people can bicycle here, yes if they are local but not if they are coming en mass from eg Croydon!), if there are decent alternatives. However, who wants to pay for four or more to take a lousy train service to Brighton when the easiest option ought to be to drive to the seafront?

Given that no one in their right mid will pay £20, and given that taking the train only works if you are on the main London to Brighton line and don't mind paying £25 per head or more, the council have effectively cut the financial lifeblood of the sea front.

Well done lads!

Greedy, naive fuckwits!

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EU Hoisted on its Own Petard

Almost a month ago I wrote about some major EU Clusterfuckery wrt our EU Overlords decreeing that there is no evidence that water rehydrates you, and threatening legal action (a two year prison sentence no less) against companies that make any such claim.

Well, one month on, and I gemused to read that our EU Overlords have been hoisted on their own petard!

The EU could now be investigated, as its Milk Programme promoted the health benefits of drinking water to children.

Quote:

"You may not have known, but a large part of milk is actually water. So, if you regularly drink milk, you can stay hydrated at the same time. 
 
When people do not get enough water, a condition called ‘dehydration’, they can become tired, irritable and have a hard time concentrating.

Drinking milk can help put the necessary water back into the body, while providing carbohydrates, proteins and other nutrients to give you energy.”

Well, stap my vitals!


Let's sue the bastards!

BTW, as beer and lager contain a lot of water it is clear that we must tell our children to drink more beer and lager too!

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The EU Talks Shite

Oh dear, instead of focusing on resolving the self inflicted Euro crisis, our chums in the EU are focusing their gimlet gaze on other matters.

Prunes!

Contrary to popular belief that prunes are most efficacious for the bowels, Nanny's chums in the European Food Safety Authority (EFSA) have decreed that there is "insufficient" evidence of a link between prunes and normal bowel function after looking at three studies of prune consumption.

Thus, the labelling etc of prunes and prune products will not be allowed to make any claims wrt bowel matters.

Sir Graham Watson MEP is far from impressed, and hopes to get to the bottom of the matter by challenging the Commissioner responsible for health and consumer policy, John Dalli, to a prune-eating contest.
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More EU Clusterfuckery - The Dangers of Violins

Moving on from recent anal discussions, I bring you a fresh serving of "shite" with a continental flavour.

Our old friends in the EU have managed to come up with another set of rules, that I can only describe as being a "Clusterfuck" of ineptitude and stupidity.

It seems that regulations which control the use of certain types of animal tissue, in order to prevent the transmission of harmful diseases, are now in danger of threatening string instruments (eg the violin) that are strung with beef gut.

Apparently strict interpretation of the rules by the EU means that those who make violins, cellos and other string instruments are in danger of contracting Creutzfeldt – Jakob disease (CJD), and that the strict interpretation of the EU rules are threatening the existence of gut string manufacturers.

The regulations were introduced around ten years ago during the mad cow scare, and were "beefed up" (get it!.."beefed up"..oh please yourselves!) in 2009. Up until now companies that make violin strings etc have had dispensations. However, one of Europe's leading gut string manufacturers, Aquila Corde,  was recently told that its dispensation had ended and had not been renewed.

Other companies involved in the business have given up, complaining that they found could not operate under the red tape system.

The British based European Union Baroque Orchestra is also under threat, as are the King's Consort and the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment.

The EU is one giant Clusterfuck, from beginning to end!

On the subject of the mad cow scare in the early 90's, when beef ribs were banned, I well remember going to our friendly local butcher with my dad; and the butcher happily selling us illegal cuts of beef still on the bone.

 

Happy days!

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EU Clusterfuckery

Given the ongoing disintegration of the Euro experiment, I was more than gemused to recently read about some spectacular EU Clusterfuckery cooked up by our EU Overlords.

It seems that, according to EU officials from the European Food Standards Authority (EFSA) after a 3 year investigation, there is no evidence to prove that water rehydrates you.

Yes, you did read that correctly!

Seemingly reduced water content in the body is a symptom of dehydration, and not something that drinking water can subsequently control.

Errmm...that sounds like bollocks to me!

But what do I know about drinking, hydration or anything technical like that?

As such, producers of bottled water are now forbidden by law from claiming that water rehydrates you, if they make such a claim they will face a 2 year jail sentence.

This clusterfuck law comes into effect in the UK in the next few weeks!

Given that the NHS states that drinking water helps avoid dehydration, will the NHS be subject to a 2 year prison sentence?

To my humble view the EU is one giant Clusterfuck!

(Please feel to make this phrase go viral, eg via Twitter).



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