The bingo craze and 888bingo

So you’ve decided to get on board with the online gaming revolution. ‘Good choice lords & ladies!’

I tell you folks that I’ve been following this global movement with quite some interest. My Nan was a keen bingo player – so you know I’ve been well schooled.

Had it not been for those endless summers - and at times irksome experiences - spent in her care in north London, I would not have developed my particular fondness for this game.

Luckily my generation has evolved somewhat. But here’s the thing: it was actually Nan who introduced me to 888bingo. Now I hardly ever dish out praise where it’s due (I’ve been known to muster a good word here and there) but come on – this is golden!

A little looksy at this site confirms all your gaming expectations have been well and truly met –it’s a rollicking masterpiece – crème de la crème.

I kid you not.

You want bonus cash, you want fun, you want to chit-chat the crud out of some hot filly – you can do it all at this topnotch virtual parlour.

Nan had fun with those 90 balls, so I figure maybe there is something in it for me!

I’ve seen my fair share of bollocks on the web. But this bingo den is premium. Do yourselves a favour and click on it, to get a taste of something way different.

The crush of players in the online games realm is overwhelming at times. And that’s why it’s nice to know that variety is the spice of Nanny Knows Best! Other terrific gaming options that I’ve managed to enjoy – and regularly do, I might add – include the likes of instant games.

For the connoisseur of gaming, these are those anytime, anyplace, no-hassle games. Whether you want blackjack, baccarat, roulette, craps or Texas Hold’em – these instant games are readily available.

Fancy a walk on the wild side mate? Then you’ll do yourself a really good thing by logging on and enjoying a wealth of instant games – day and night.

Don your top hat, grab your cane and pirouette on your lounge floor because nothing comes close to the electrifying action of good time gaming.

As you well know, Nanny Knows Best is on top of the online bingo scene now. Ermmm…. I do quite enjoy feeling the gaming pulse of players throughout Britain.

I’m going to keep my feelers out there and report on how totally stark raving made Britain has gone for instant games and online bingo.

It’s a feast of fun I tell you. Watch this space…

The Enemy of The People

It never ceases to amaze me how our "beloved" and "respected" local councils deem themselves to be above the financial realities of day to day life (namely that one's expenditure should not exceed one's income).

Actually, I know full well why council deem themselves to be above financial reality; they know that they can simply raise taxes (either directly via council tax, or indirectly via ludicrous fines) to cover any shortfall.

That being said the arrogance of those running our local councils does still take my breath away. The Telegraph recently reported that, despite orders to cut spending by around 30%, council executives (let us be clear it is not the councillors but the executives that they employ) are happily spending lavish sums on dinners at Michelin-starred restaurants, leisure trips and expensive gifts (eg iPads and video games).

The travel bill over the last three years has topped £2M to places such as Thailand, Kenya and Bermuda.

Councils have also spent £2M on hotel bills, £2.6M on dinners, £0.5M on gifts etc etc.

The Telegraph estimates that credit card spending by local councils over the last 3 years has topped £100M. Note, some of this will be legitimate and specifically related to genuine business expenditure.

That being said I am at a loss to understand why Horsham Council used a credit card to spend £1150 on two llamas.

The executives of local council are quite clearly taking the piss.

Councils have become the enemy of the people!

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Drink Matters - You Grow Old, You Die

Yawwwnnnn!!!..

I see that the "ever reliable" Orifice for Nationals Statistics (the organ that understated inflation for several years, because it "forgot" to include certain types of clothing in its stats) has come up with a statistic that is entirely meaningless (expect to Nanny).

Seemingly, if the ONS is to be believed, the death rate from alcohol is lower among the most advantaged classes (eg lawyers, busyness people etc) until they reach middle age. After that the death rates rise as this "class" grows older.

Put simply, as you grow older booze is more likely to be a possible contributory factor towards you death.

Cynics might argue that old age may also be a "contributory factor" to death as well.

One might also argue (without the aid of ONS stats) that whilst at the age of 20 downing the equivalent of 15 pints probably won't kill you in one go, doing that at the age of 70 might have a more than adverse effect.

Having said that, I well recall assisting my late father (on more than one occasion) when he was in his 70's/early 80's after he had consumed an "elegant sufficiency" of whisky (which would have debilitated a youngster). He didn't die in his late 80's of booze!

Anyhoo, whatever the reality we can be assured that Nanny will make mischief with these "findings".

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Bad Manners

I am gemused to read that as from next year Nanny will pay GPs every time they tell a patient that they are fat, or more precisely for every patient they "advise to lose weight".

GPs will also receive money from Nanny for keeping lists of "fat" people.

A scheme that, if some doctors were broke or unscrupulous, could be massively open to abuse; eg:

- "You're fat!"

- "Please may I have money now Nanny?"

Aside from the dangers of abuse, isn't this something that doctors are meant to do anyway if they see that their patient's health is being affected by their weight?

Anyhoo, I was always taught that it was bad manners to comment on other people's weight and appearance.

This scheme is Complete and utter bollocks!

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The Dangers of Marmite

I am gemused to see that Denmark has banned Marmite, and shops are now busily removing the "love it or hate it" product from their shelves.

For why?

It seems that Marmite simply has too many additives and vitamins, these added vitamins and minerals allegedly break food safety laws.

All very well, maybe. However, are we really sure that the pack of Danish that we fry for breakfast is 100% free from additives and that the pigs who graciously allowed themselves to be sliced and packed were not fed food with additives?

Rumour has it that the British expats in Denmark may mount a campaign of civil disobedience. How ironic that the banning of Marmite causes such actions by Brits when abroad, yet Nanny can get away with murder here without raising so much as a whimper from her enslaved sheeple.

As to whether Denmark can enforce this ban remains to be seen, as it may well breach European law.

However, in the meantime, if there are any Marmite addicts in Denmark who need a "fix" feel free to drop me a line; I am sure we can come to an arrangement for me to get you some:)

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Customer Satisfaction

Given that we are in the age of austerity and in a financial hole that, according to Vince Cable, we will take years to dig ourselves out of it is surprising to learn that the police are paying marketing companies approximately £1M a year to carry out "customer satisfaction" surveys.

It seems that, according to figures obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, two of the largest suppliers of market research analysis to the police are Bostock Marketing Group (BMG) and Swift research. In total they received approximately £700K from the police (ermm..taxpayer) last year.

The research consist of the companies cold calling members of the public who have had dealings with the police (eg reporting a crime etc).

How do the companies obtain the details?

The police hand over approximately 30,000 names each month to the companies.

Do the police ask permission first?

Ermmm...if media reports are accurate, the police do not ask permission first.

Oh dear!

All this on the day that Britain's credit rating has been downgraded by a Chinese rating agency, thus increasing the cost of debt repayments.

Maybe we wouldn't be in such a large hole if Nanny stopped wasting so much of our money?

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Prats of The Week - Chiswick Business Park Health and Safety Team

Tis a fine sunny (volcanic ash cloud permitting) Monday morning.

The birds are tweeting (who would have thought that a bird could use a computer?), and I feel of good cheer.

Therefore what better time to award my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award?

This week it goes to the health and safety team at Chiswick Business Park.

They are to be congratulated for the assistance that they gave to a fitness instructor who was planning to hold classes there.

Nanny requires that those who run such classes first take account of the potential health and safety issues, and submit a list of potential hazards.

Having come up with not many hazards, the instructor was "helped" by the health and safety team who provided her with a list which included a number of amusing risks:

- the danger of collision with low flying wildlife (ie geese)

- the dangers of trees with low hanging branches

- lampposts

- benches

- low light areas

- water features

Oddly, for a box ticking exercise, the list excluded the risk of earthquakes, being hit by frozen piss extruded from aircraft, being struck by lightning and being hit by a meteorite.

Anyhoo here's to the health and safety team at Chiswick Business Park, well deserving Prats of The Week!

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The Rapture

Those of you who woke up this morning thankful that the predictions by some old guy in the USA of the end of the world today (known by some as the "Rapture", or is it "Rupture"?) have proven to be false, may need to hold back on popping those champagne corks.

I have bad news for you.

Actually the end of the world did happen, it's just that god has a super injunction and the media is not allowed to mention it.

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Shopping Lessons

As Jamie Oliver takes on the "establishment" in LA, trying to educate the residents to eat like he does, it is reassuring to know that Nanny has not forgotten those who do not eat the "proscribed diet" who reside closer to home.

The NHS in Manchester and the local council are funding a "healthy lifestyle initiative", that seeks to educate around 30 families with "obese" on the fine art of shopping for food. Nanny will offer free supermarket trips and lessons on buying healthy foods, the cost is estimated to be around £12K in total.

Parents will be told to set weight loss goals; nothing like making children "food phobic" at such a young age is there?

Families will also be told to stop eating junk food.

I am sure that this may be well intentioned, but really will it make the slightest bit of difference?

Mankind has for millennia survived by hunting/foraging for food (without government guidance on what to forage/hunt), why now do we need to be directed?

Given that the media is awash with advice wrt weight loss, healthy food, exercise regimes etc; if those who are "obese" (whatever that means?) choose not to interest themselves in the advice already available, why will they interest themselves in this scheme?

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Bin Brother - Sticky Grass

I was intrigued to read that Coventry council binmen recently refused to collect Alexander Neilson's (a disabled pensioner) grass cuttings from his recycling bin.

For why?

Seemingly the cuttings were "too sticky"!

Apparently sticky grass sticks to the base of the bin, or some such nonsense, and loosening wedged/stuck material is not in their job description.

This story shows that we all have a very bleak future indeed, under Nanny's "care", as we become older.

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The Dangers of Wind

I am gemused to read that the council of my old university town of Edinburgh have recently become a tad worried about the wind.

This is rather surprising, as anyone who knows Edinburgh knows full well that it is a windy city!

Anyhoo, the council have got bees in their bloomers over the possible danger of gusts of wind blowing away street parasols and other street furniture etc erected (can I say "erected"?) by pubs, cafes etc.

It seems that the council is so worried that they have requested pubs, cafes etc with outside parasols etc to conduct regular "wind checks" using an anemometer; and to compare the readings to a specially prepared chart which warns when the gusts may be strong enough to blow the parasol etc away.

In the event the wind reaches the "red zone", the parasols are meant to be "de erected".

All very nice I'm sure. However, the size of the parasols needs to be taken into account plus the fact that 99% of cafes/pubs who have parasols are wise enough to have already tethered them to the ground with massive concrete blocks.

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Health and Safety BS

Those whom the gods wish to destroy, they first make mad.

As a country we have evidently become raving mad, if this latest health and safety nonsense is anything to go by.

Ian Faletto was the station master at Lymington Station.

On seeing a supermarket trolley lying on the tracks in March he decided to remove it, lest it cause an accident.

Can you guess what happened next children?

Yes, that's right, South West Trains (his employer) sacked him for gross misconduct.

South West Trains ban staff from going onto the line unless it is an emergency, or they are trying to prevent a disaster.

Ermm...isn't that the case here then?

As said, as a country we have gone raving mad!

Those of you who wish to see him reinstated can sign a petition here Petition for Reinstatement.

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Stroke

Those of you who enjoy the seemingly innocent pleasures of coffee, sex and blowing your nose may soon find that Nanny is looking to ban them.

Seemingly research carried out by the University Medical Center in Utrecht has identified that those innocent pleasures may well increase the risk of a burst blood vessel in the brain, thus leading to a stroke.

Can't say that I have ever tried all three at once.

Anyhoo, make the most of these pleasures whilst you can!

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Blogger Outage - Twogging

Hi Folks

Sorry for being off the air for a couple of days. However, Blogger (owned by Google) on which my sites are published fell over.

Functionality is now gradually being restored. However, it is possible that there may be further service interruptions.

During the outage I posted short "Twogs" (Tweet/Blogs) on Twitter @ken_frost

Ken

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One Man Went To Mow

I must confess that I chuckled to myself with gemusement, over the recent problems that Darlington Council have had wrt their grass cutting.

The residents of Middleton One Row have, for many years, been paying the council (via local taxes) to cut the grass of the village green.

However, this year, grass cutting plans have hit a wee problem.

For why?

Health and safety!

Darlington Council is refusing to cut any grass on slopes of 25 degrees or more.

For why?

They fear that their fancy, hi tech, sit astride mowers might topple over.

Despite having cut the grass for many years, and presumably buying sit astride mowers that have been tested to "withstand" slopes, Darlington Council now claim that they need "specialised" equipment (costing an extra £40K in capital and £25K in running costs) to cut the grass.

Needless to say cynics might argue that the council is in fact talking bollocks, and that this is merely an excuse to avoid doing something for which the local residents pay taxes.

As I have said many times before, councils have become the enemy of the people!

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The Dangers of Dodgems

As the summer season approaches full pelt, what could be more traditional than a trip to the seaside, a walk along the pier and a jolly time on the dodgem cars?

Sadly the latter pastime may soon be but a passing memory, if the health and safety Gestapo have their way.

The Butlin resorts (which first introduced dodgems into the UK) in Bognor Regis, Minehead and Skegness have now introduced rules that ban anyone bumping into each other on the dodgem ride (despite the fact that the cars are designed specifically to bump into each other).

Customers have been told to drive slowly in circles!

What utter bollocks!

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Happy Europe Day (Barf!)

As I am sure all of you know, today is Europe Day!

No 10 Downing Street and the Foreign Office will not fly the European Union flag today. However, under the leadership of Vince Cable, the Department for Business will fly the European flag.

Happy Europe Day everyone..

Pass the sickbag someone!

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Animal House

I am gemused to read that the Journal of Animal Ethics, published by the University of Illinois Press, recently stated that animals should not be described as "vermin", "pests" or even "pets".

Seemingly these and similar words, used to describe animals, are "derogatory".

Maybe, one day, we will use less "derogatory" words to describe animals. However, until we start treating fellow human beings with decency, this is a step too far at the moment.

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Nanny Bans Hitler

Dear oh dear, talk about a storm in a teacup over some traditional defacing of a political poster!

The residents of Pitcombe Somerset received a number of police visits recently, following the defacing of a poster of the Conservative councillor Mike Beech.

What was the defacement?

Some "wag" had drawn a Hitler moustache on it.

Despite being a politician, who has voluntarily cast himself into the public eye, Beech reported it to the police. The police then began an inquiry, under the Public Order Act, claiming that the defacement could be deemed to cause "harassment, alarm and distress" to the councillor.

Officers then conducted house-to-house inquiries, visiting each of the village's 20 houses.

A remarkable waste of time and money!

If you choose to vote in today's council elections, do remember that councils have become the enemy of the people!

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Got To Pick a Pocket or Two.. II

Following on from yesterday's article about Nanny ignoring fiscal reality, and merrily devising new methods of taxing us further in order to meet her personal expenditure requirements, I think it would be appropriate to mention public sector pensions.

To be precise, if the word "precise" can ever be used to describe public sector pensions, the aggregate public sector net liability for unfunded pensions which is estimated by some to be around £1 Trillion (note the total level of public sector debt of the UK stands at £4.8 Trillion).

How do we pay public sector pensions?

Via tax revenues as, unlike the private sector, there is no pension fund (pot of money) set aside to pay for them.

How does the government budget, ie set tax rates, for public sector pensions that are payable for another 10-20 years?

They use a discount rate.

What is a discount rate?

This is the rate applied to current pension payments to tell Nanny what she will need in terms of funding to cover them over 10-20 years.

What is the discount rate used by Nanny to set her tax/pension budget?

According to Robert Peston it is 3%.

OK so far?

Not really!

Why?

The UK economy hasn't grown at 3% for quite a number of years!

In other words the pensions/tax budget that Nanny is using to calculate/cover future unfunded public sector pensions liabilities is bollocks!

This means that when the bills need to be settled over the coming 10-20 years, either taxes will have to go up or public sector pensions will have to be cut.

Needless to say, Nanny hasn't told anyone that yet!

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Got To Pick a Pocket or Two...

As austerity continues to bite, Nanny is faced with a shortfall between her tax revenues and her expenditures.

Now in the real world, inhabited by real people such as you and I, when we face a shortfall such as this we attempt to cut back on our expenditure.

Nanny, as we all know, doesn't live in the real world and therefore would not dream of cutting back on expenditure.

Her solution, during times of fiscal tightness, is simple she applies the well worn principle of:

Ker Farking Ching!

It should therefore come as no surprise to learn that local councils, instead of cutting back, are devising new ways to bleed ever more money from their overtaxed residents.

One "wheeze" dreamt up by Hammersmith and Fulham council (Tory run) is to charge people who use parks for their business; eg personal trainers, nannies, dog walkers, teachers leading children through the park etc.

Bills of between £350-£1200 per annum are on the cards for "business use" of the parks.

Funny that, as I assumed that the parks were already paid for via council tax?

On this basis, why not also charge "business" people for walking along the pavement?

Ker Farking Ching!

Councils have become the enemy of the people!

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Nanny's FSA Covers Itself in Glory

F*cking Useless FSA!

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Visit The Joy of Lard and indulge your lard fantasies.

Show your contempt for Nanny by buying a T shirt or thong from Nanny's Store.

www.nannyknowsbest.com is brought to you by www.kenfrost.com "The Living Brand"

Celebrate the joy of living with booze. Click and drink!

Visit Oh So Swedish Swedish arts and handicrafts

Why not really indulge yourself, by doing all the things that Nanny really hates? Click on the relevant link to indulge yourselves; Food, Bonking, Gifts and Flowers, Groceries