Nanny Knows Best

Nanny Knows Best
Dedicated to exposing, and resisting, the all pervasive nanny state that is corroding the way of life and the freedom of the people of Britain.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Fag Off!

Fag Off!
Nanny's unrelenting campaign against smoking continues apace.

Today, the new Highway Code is published. This mighty tome, issued by the Department for Transport, contains 29 extra rules and is now 135 pages long — 42 more than the previous version brought out in 1999.

One of the new rules leaves drivers who have a fag behind the wheel open to being prosecuted, for driving without due care and attention.

Under the new Highway Code having a cigarette while driving is a breach of the rules of the road, and is classed as a "distraction".

Therefore, if a driver crashes his/her car while smoking they could be charged with driving without due care and attention. That could mean a fine of up to £2,500, three to nine penalty points or even a ban.

The move is technically regarded as "best practice". However, failing to observe the advice does leave motorists vulnerable to prosecution.

As a pedestrian, I feel much safer now that I know drivers won't be having a fag whilst driving!

Thursday, September 27, 2007


Those of you who shop at Sainsburys may find the following email sent to Justin King, CEO Sainsburys, to be of interest:

"Dear Mr King

Please be advised of the following problems that I am having with your "service":

1 Delivery arranged for 25 Sept 10-12am

2 I was called on 25th at 10:30 by the driver who claimed that the van would not start, and said the delivery would be late

3 We agreed that I would wait until 13:00, and he would call me back before then to advise of progress

4 He never called

5 I called "help desk" 13:30 and was advised (after many attempts by them to contact the Purley Way store) that earliest delivery would be 14:30.

Not acceptable.

We rescheduled for 27th 10am, first delivery slot

6 I was called back later by "help centre" to be told that the vans are only loaded at 10:00, as such delivery could not be at 10:00 but latest 11:00

Why do you have 10:00-12:00 as a slot, if you are not even loading vans until 10:00?

7 I confirmed the above by email, though no one wrote back; I merely have an electronic confirmation that someone would write back

Why do your people not answer emails?

8 Today, 27th, nothing has arrived.

9 I called "help centre", who have a record of Tuesday's discussion; they called Purley Way. The store claim to have no record of the delivery for today, and that they have no record of my delivery not being made on Tuesday.

10 They say that they will call me back, I am still waiting.

-Who has my Tuesday delivery?

-Don't you record customer returns?

-Someone is lying here, who?

-Are you impressed with the quality of customer service?

-Has my credit card been charged for this non delivery?

-What are you going to do about this?

-Why should I not use Tescos instead?

FYI, I run a network of popular, well known and highly Google ranked extensive websites under "The Living Brand". I have extensive media contacts.

Within the network are two sites that may be of particular interest to you; and

This story goes on my sites at 14:00 today.

I look forward to hearing from you.


Ken Frost "The Living Brand

Nanny Bans Needles

needlesDear oh dear, what a nation of pussies Nanny is trying to turn us in to.

Nanny's chums in the Health and Safety Gestapo have put their size ten jackboots into the humble practice of knitting. Seemingly knitting needles are now deemed to be as dangerous as knives.

For three years at the Congleton War Memorial Hospital, in Cheshire, it has been a simple way for hospital visitors to make a difference while they wait. Patients and relatives have been asked to knit a small square, to be turned into blankets for local charities.

The Health and Safety Gestapo have now ruled that knitting needles are too sharp to be used safely.

Now you have to ask permission at the hospital's reception, before being handed a knitting needle.

Tory MP Philip Davies makes no bones about it:

"Whoever made this decision is completely barmy.

It is a typical act by a bureaucratic jobsworth

with too much time on their hands and nothing to do.

People young and old have been knitting for

centuries at home. When was the last time

you heard of a spate of knitting needle accidents

Bernie Salisbury, director of nursing and operations at East Cheshire NHS Trust, said:

"We believe this sensible and

proactive measure will avoid preventable accidents


Also banned in charity shops!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007


A dental chum of mine advises me that there are more bacteria in your mouth, than in your bottom.

Why is that Nanny has not warned us of this?

Why do Nanny's acolytes, ie politicians, persist in going round kissing babies at election times?

The public have the right to know!

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Please Sign My Petition

Folks please can you sign, and get others to sign, my petition to stop Croydon Council's attempt to build an arena in Croydon.

Petition can be signed here Petition

Background to the fight can be found here CATARENA



Raking It In

Raking It In
Nanny knows a good money raising tax scam when she sees one, and nothing is more lucrative to her cronies in our "respected" local councils than parking fines.

My fine home town of Croydon illustrates this point rather well. Local motorists have been complaining for months that Croydon's traffic wardens have become more ruthless than ever before.

Statistics confirm what has long been believed, by those on the receiving ends of fines, that the number of parking tickets issued in the borough is soaring.

A humongous 21,300 extra fines were issued to drivers in Croydon in the 2006/7 financial year compared to 2005/6.

The increase of 25%, from 86,500 to 107,800, included fines to Debbie Morrison who, being pregnant, walked too slowly to her car and Aimee Green who was fined for putting too much money in the meter.

A nice little tax scam indeed!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

AIA Accountant of The Year

Dear friends,

Following on from my earlier note, about being nominated for "Accountant of The Year" for The Association of International Accountants (AIA), you may be interested to know that I have made it through to the finals.


AIA President's Awards 2007

Congratulations to the finalists and to all those who were short listed. Winners will be announced at the President's Dinner on 21 November 2007.

AIA Accountant of the Year


Ken Lever, Helen Weir, Ken Frost.

Short listed
Ken Lever, John Griffith-Jones, Helen Weir, Jon Symonds, John Connolly, Ken Frost.


An award designed to recognise organisations' accountancy stars. Firms, businesses and institutes are encouraged to make nominations, though individual entries are also welcome. Open to all qualified accountants whether in business, practice or public services.
  • Nominees must have demonstrated sound judgment, technical skill, innovation and leadership ability.

  • Nominees must have demonstrated dedication to clients.

  • Nominees must stand out from their colleagues as an accountant who has made significant impact, taking into account the length of their career in accountancy and any notable obstacles they have had to overcome.

  • Nominations should include any work related activities undertaken and broader contribution to the profession.

  • Nominations should include their contribution to the community.
Source AIA

The two other finalists are:

Ken Lever

Finance Director Tomkins plc
Age: 52

Appointed to the Board of Tomkins plc in November 1999. He is a non-executive director of iSOFT Group plc. He is a Chartered Accountant and a member of the ICAEW Financial Reporting Committee and Chairman of the Hundred Group Financial Reporting Committee. He has held executive directorships at Albright and Wilson plc, Alfred McAlpine PLC and Corton Beach plc and was a partner in Arthur Andersen.

Helen Weir

Group Finance Director Lloyds TSB

Joined the board in 2004. Group finance director of Kingfisher from 2000 to 2004. Previously finance director of B&Q from 1997, having joined that company in 1995, and held a senior position at McKinsey & Co from 1990 to 1995. Began her career at Unilever in 1983. A non-executive director of Royal Mail Holdings and a member of the Accounting Standards Board. Aged 45.

Saturday, September 22, 2007

The Taxman Cometh

What Nanny takes with her right hand, she also takes with her left too!

Despite all her urging for us to get off our bottoms and do more exercise, it would seem that Nanny has not told her chums in HMRC.

The taxman is trying to add VAT to membership of local leisure centres. This would of course undermine Nanny's campaign to tackle obesity, as millions of people use swimming pools, gyms and leisure centres run by non-profit making leisure trusts.

HM Revenue & Customs is demanding 17.5% VAT on monthly and annual subscriptions to trusts, which include access to sporting and non-sporting facilities such as steam rooms and saunas.

The Revenue has also indicated that it will collect unpaid VAT retrospectively over the past three years, and could even charge interest on the debt — placing a huge financial burden on trusts.

A fine example of non integrated, non joined up and unconnected government policy.

Thursday, September 20, 2007

British Airways

Previewing a new site soon to be added to the network: providing the latest news and views on British Airways, the world's "favourite" airline.

It is in "beta mode" at the moment, and will be linked into the main sites in my network in the next few days. Please let me know if there are any glitches, or if you have any suggestions for improvements that I can make to it.

Please let me know if you have story about BA, that you would like to have posted on the site.

Feel free to add comments, to the site itself.



Wednesday, September 19, 2007

The Dog's Bollocks

The Dog's Bollocks
Isn't it amazing how the daily trivia of ordinary people's lives gets Nanny into a right old state?

In the village of Kingslere, the parish council has recently approved controversial proposals for new dog control orders, despite strong objections.

It seems that Nanny objects to people walking more than three dogs at one time. This "dog limitation statute" has raised the ire of the villagers, and 63 signed a petition against the ban.

Needless to say, as with all of Nanny's "bright" ideas, the actual details of how this would be enforced don't seem to have been properly thought through. Concerns expressed included how the dog control orders would be imposed.

The parish council are of the view that a police officer, or dog warden, would be able to issue an on-the-spot £30 fixed penalty notice. Ah ha! Another method of raising taxes.

Marie Gundry, of Basingstoke Road, a lifelong villager who owns two dogs, has a disability and said after the meeting she relies on her dog walker, who owns three dogs, for help in exercising them.

Personally, I am a pussy man myself. However, I am sure that had Nanny consulted with the villagers a little more sensibly a reasonable solution to this would have been found.

The trouble is, Nanny doesn't listen.

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

Nanny Bans Red Arrows

Red Arrows
Oh dear, it seems that Nanny is a tad worried about upsetting foreigners and is likely to ban the Red Arrows from performing at the opening of the 2012 London Olympics.

Seemingly Nanny thinks that the Red Arrows are just "too British and too militaristic".


Monday, September 17, 2007

Fag Off!

Fag Off!
Nanny's no smoking rules really are a crock of old sh**e. London Underground have, for many years, forbidden smoking within their network; consequently they have well placed notices on the tube trains, and tube stations, telling people not to smoke.

So far so good, they are ahead of the curve in respect of Nanny's recent "no smoking in public places" rules.

Unfortunately it would seem that they are not complying with Nanny's rules, in as precise a form as Nanny would wish.

You see Ladies and Gentlemen it is not just a case of banning smoking, but the wording by which you ban the smoking that is important to Nanny.

London Underground are having to flog off their old "No Smoking", as they no longer comply with the new law.

Transport for London, under Nanny's instructions and at great cost, are having to replace the "No Smoking" signs with new signs that read:

"It Is Against The Law To Smoke In This Station."

What utter bollocks!

BTW, here's a fine song about London Underground for a Monday morning:

Saturday, September 15, 2007


Am I the only one on this planet who finds the hysteria over the so called "nut allergy" to be a tad errrmmm...nuts?

Cadbury Schweppes was forced for the second time in two years to recall thousands of chocolate bars. A printing problem had led to the omission of nut allergy warning labels from 250g Dairy Milk Double Choc bars.

The Double Choc bars are produced on a production line that is used to make other products containing nuts, and there is, therefore, a risk of contamination.

I am in no way criticising Cadbury, but seriously many millions are likely to die if a Double Choc bar (which does not contain farking nuts anyway) were to be inadvertently eaten by those allegedly with this so called "nut allergy"?

Friday, September 14, 2007

Nanny Bans Flags

Nanny Bans FlagsLast month, Nanny got her kerrr....nickers into something of a twist again over the contentious issue of flags.

One of Nanny's "respected" local councils, South Derbyshire District Council, decreed that Robert Hicking could not fly some flags from the roof of his house.

Isn't funny how Nanny uses local councils to enforce her petty rules and regulations?

Could it be that local councils are akin to dog shit (in the way it attracts flies), and that councils just attract petty minded interfering jobsworths?

Anyhoo, Mr Hicking was told that his flags were banned because they "could be seen as advertising".

What were these flags then?

Nothing more harmful than the flags of his local football team, Derby County.

Correct me if I am wrong, but during the world cup did not countless people fly the Cross of St George from various poles and erections?

Why are South Derbyshire District Council so sensitive about the flag of their own football team?

Mr Hicking now plans to fly the flag of St George and the Union Jack instead.

A spokeswoman for South Derbyshire District Council said:

"It's against the town and country planning

regulations to fly a flag that contains an advertisement

and a football club flag would be considered

to fall into that category

I bet no one actually asked a qualified lawyer about this, and that this phrase "would be considered" is being used as a catch all by some bureaucrat who has nothing better to do than to stop people living their lives.

Nanny and her local councils hate individuality.

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Rolling Stones In Trouble

Rolling Stones In Trouble
Oooohhh errr Missus...I read a while ago that the Rolling Stones have found themselves in trouble with the law.....again.

How unusual?

Their crime?

They smoked (fags, not illegal drugs) on stage during one of their performances in August.

The naughty wee scamps!

The bad boys of rock, Keith Richards and Ronnie Wood, lit up on numerous occasions on stage at the O2 Arena in London.

Yet Nanny has decided not to prosecute!

Why is this?

Nanny's lackeys in Greenwich borough council said that nothing could be done because fans at the 23,000 capacity venue had not objected. Now we know how to avoid prosecution for smoking on stage...make sure your audience does not contain any government informers.

However, the council had said that it had warned them not to smoke on stage. Who the hell respects their local councils anymore?

Seemingly Nanny had threatened them with a £50 fine for each fag that they smoked...a heavy blow the to their finances methinks!

What a tossingly stupid law this is!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007


Dear Friends

I am now back in the UK, having had a very sucesssful business trip to Pyongyang, and thought that you may be interested/amused to see that I have been nominated for Accountant of the Year for the Association of International Accountants (AIA) in the AIA President's Awards 2007.

The Association of International Accountants (AIA) was founded in the UK in 1928 as a professional accountancy body and from conception has promoted the concept of "international accounting" to create a global network of accountants in over 85 countries worldwide.

AIA is constantly working with its people and partners in financial centres worldwide to encourage trust, clarity and shared international standards in the accounting profession. Many of its members are at the top of the industry, from senior management to director level, representing some of the most important and profitable firms in the world. With a select membership demographic including high numbers of these influential decision makers, the AIA is a truly prestigious organisation.

Please note, that I have not won it...nor am I yet in the shortlist...but apparently being nominated is something.

The award is designed to recognise organisations' accountancy stars. Firms, businesses and institutes are encouraged to make nominations, though individual entries are also welcome.

Open to all qualified accountants whether in business, practice or public services.
  • Nominees must have demonstrated sound judgment, technical skill, innovation and leadership ability

  • Nominees must have demonstrated dedication to clients

  • Nominees must stand out from their colleagues as an accountant who has made significant impact, taking into account the length of their career in accountancy and any notable obstacles they have had to overcome

  • Nominations should include any work related activities undertaken and broader contribution to the profession

  • Nominations should include their contribution to the community
Best regards


Sunday, September 09, 2007

Greetings From Beijing

Hello everyone,

Greetings from Beijing, where I am having a few days stop over after a 4 day business trip to Pyongyang.

Back to Blighty in a couple of days.


Saturday, September 08, 2007

Big Brother

Big Brother
Nanny, despite the fact that her DNA database is riddled with errors (see the "Big Bruvver" article) is intent on filling it with more data.

Nanny's ever efficient Home Orifice is considering giving the police the power to take a DNA sample on the street, without taking the suspect to a police station, as well as taking samples from suspects in relatively minor offences such as littering, speeding or not wearing a seat belt.

That's nice isn't it?

Drop a sweet wrapper, and you will end up on a criminal database!

The database is the largest in the world, with 3.4m profiles, more than 5% of the UK population. If the powers are granted, it would expand massively.

Don't worry folks, there will be public inquiry held by the official genetics watchdog.

So that's alright then!

Nanny always listens to her watchdogs, doesn't she?

Friday, September 07, 2007

Nanny Bans Shorts

Nanny Bans Shorts

Nanny bans shorts!

This is quite the most daft ban that I have ever read Nanny trying to introduce.

Seemingly Nanny believes that shorts, when worn in a swimming pool, are threat to health and safety (pass the sick bag someone).

Therefore she has banned people from wearing them!

Needless to say the only type of person idiotic enough to come up with such a ban, naturally enough, works for a local council. Funny how all the morons and idiots end up in our "respected" local councils isn't it?. In this particularly case the local council being Harlow.

Harlow swimming pool has placed a ban on three-quarter length shorts for health and safety reasons.

A spokesman for Harlow Council confirmed all swimmers banned from the pool had received a full refund.

Harlow's Labour MP Bill Rammell thinks the whole thing is do I.


"I don't agree with this.

If it is appropriate swimwear I don't think

it is the business of the council to decide

what swimmers can and can't wear

A spokesman for Harlow Council said:

"This type of swimwear is specifically

designed for strong swimmers,

as it creates extra drag.

However it is widely sold and available

to swimmers of all abilities

who may not be aware of this.

Unfortunately we have no way of knowing

whether the people wearing these shorts

are proficient swimmers or not

when they enter the pool.

Therefore in the interests of their safety

we have introduced a dress code,

details of which are available in reception

It is not the council's business as to whether people wish to wear "dragging shorts" or not.

How many people in the UK are drowning each day because they wear shorts when they swim?

I wish that these local councils would just cease to exist!

My advice, swim naked and see what they say then!

Thursday, September 06, 2007

Big Bruvver

Big Bruvver
Oh dear oh dear...what is the point of a database, if the data on the database is bollocks?

That is the question that Nanny is pondering after it was revealed that her much vaunted DNA database contains over 500,000 names that are false, misspelt or incorrect.

Nanny's much "respected" and "competent" ministers have admitted that one in seven of the genetic profiles on database is a "replicate", raising alarming questions about the integrity and accuracy of the entire system.

Nanny's database contains 4 million names, it is the largest in the world.

Something to be proud of eh?

It holds details of rapists, murderers, and suspects arrested but not charged. Unfortunately a database is only as good as the data it contains, if the data is bollocks then so is the database.

Thousands asked to give their details to police, upon arrest, have given false names or alternative spellings of their names. In other cases, mistakes have been made in the spelling of names. Some files include names belonging to someone else, or names of people who do not exist. Altogether there are 550,000 "replica" files.

Needless to say these errors, aside from making Nanny and her database look ridiculous, also pose a threat to innocent people who may be ensnared by the state because their names are mistakenly on the database.

The database also contains details of 150,000 children under the age of 16, many of whom have been arrested by police but found to be innocent or not charged with any crime.

We should not be surprised at this fiasco, Nanny's record when it comes to IT projects is lamentable (to put it politely) eg the health service. Politicians should never be allowed anywhere near long term complex projects such as IT development (or indeed the Olympics), they have neither the brains, experience, qualifications or time (5 year projects run by 2 year politicians) to be involved with such things.

That being said, Nanny doesn't give a stuff; she will continue adding to her erroneous database and hang the consequences (and any poor sod mistakenly picked up by the state for having his/her name on the system)!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Coming Soon..

Big Brother
This little story from China caught my eye.

"The Associated Press ("BEIJING POLICE LAUNCH VIRTUAL WEB PATROL", 2007-08-28) reported that police in the PRC's capital said they will start patrolling the Web using animated beat officers that pop up on a user's browser and walk, bike or drive across the screen warning them to stay away from illegal Internet content.

Starting Sept. 1, the cartoon alerts will appear every half hour on 13 of China's top portals, including Sohu and Sina, and by the end of the year will appear on all Web sites registered with Beijing servers, the Beijing Public Security Ministry said in a statement."

I have a warped sense of humour, so in a perverse way I cannot but help smile at the thought of a "virtual copper" appearing on my pc screen. However, the unpleasant implications of state surveillance of what people do on their pcs is clear for all to see.

I wonder when Nanny will be doing the same thing here?

Tuesday, September 04, 2007

It's a Tax Stupid!

It's a Tax Stupid
Our dearly "beloved" councils know that they are on to a good thing when it comes to using parking fines to raise revenue by the back door.

They know that given the right incentives, their army of jobsworth traffic wardens will go out issuing tickets and clamping anything that doesn't have a pulse. However, it is always amusing when the local council's schemes are found out and challenged.

Here is a nice example that happened in my home town of Croydon

Aimee Green did not have change when she parked in the Lion Green car park in Coulsdon (part of Croydon), so she paid £1 for her 80p ticket.

On returning to her car 15 minutes later she saw a traffic warden giving her a parking ticket.

She pointed out that she had more than an hour of two hours remaining.

The jobsworth retorted that she was parking illegally, because she didn't put exactly 80p in the machine.

Jobsworth, as quoted by Ms Green:

"Look at the sign, it says 80p.

You put in £1, look at the sign

He reasoned that he didn't know when it was bought. Therefore, in an attempt to prove she was right, Ms Green put another pound into the meter and showed the warden that the ticket was valid for exactly two hours.


"He said he did not believe me

and I had received the fine because

I had paid for more time than I was allowed

On being challenged, Croydon Council have cancelled the fine and "spoken to" the warden.

Fair enough, the trouble is that the current system whereby fines are diverted into the revenue streams of local councils is just too tempting for them not to be able to resist "taking a dip" and encouraging their jobsworths to fine anything that moves (or rather doesn't move).

A penalty that is used in effect as a tax, thereby tempting the local authorities to maximise revenues from penalties, is a recipe for trouble.

Trouble is now exactly what they have got, and rightly so!

Monday, September 03, 2007

Prats of The Week

Prats of The WeekIt has been wee while since I have awarded my prestigious, and internationally renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to Nanny's chums in West Mercia Constabulary, who have come up with brilliant plan to reduce bicycle theft on their beat.

They are going to requisition cycles that have not been properly locked up!


Yes, that's right, they will take away any unlocked bicycle that they find on their beat and impound it...thus making it impossible for the bike to be stolen, as it has already been...ahem.."requisitioned".

Brilliant isn't it?

Just one small fly in their oinkment, the plan is utter bollocks!

The force admits that cyclists who leave their bikes unsecured have not broken any law, and say they will eventually be returned.

Therefore please tell me how they can justify this, or indeed have the right to confiscate a legally placed piece of third party property?

Acting inspector Paul Crumpton said:

"While we clearly anticipate objections

from some quarters, we believe it is now time

to take strong action in bringing home the

message to cyclists that it is in their interests

to be far more pro-active in looking after their property.

Bikes used to be fairly inexpensive items,

but nowadays we are talking about high-tech

machines that can cost up to £5,000

and sometimes even more.

Admittedly, to consider removing bikes

before criminals do is very much a shock tactic,

but we believe that, if people do not start

securing their property, it will quickly

make many riders think longer and harder

about how they safeguard their bikes

By the above reasoning we can expect policemen to be breaking and entering, and removing TV sets etc, just to show how easy it is.

If a member of the public discovers their bicycle missing, they should report it to the police, who will then compare it to bikes already held in the property store at Worcester Police Station in Castle Street.

There would be no fee for retrieving a bike from police and owners would be reunited with their property as quickly as they could attend the police station to identify it.

West Mercia Constabulary, well deserving Prats of The Week.

Saturday, September 01, 2007


Nanny's much vaunted priority of "Educashun, Educashun, Educashun" appears to have hit the buffers.

Taxpayers have forked out over £21BN since 1997, on Nanny's early years education overhaul.

The result?

Fark all!

Nanny has failed to improve development levels of children entering primary school, according to research published last week.

A six-year study of 35,000 children by academics at Durham University found that children's development and skills, as they enter primary school, are no different than they were in 2000.

Since coming to orifice, Nanny introduced the early childhood curriculum, expanded the Sure Start programme, introduced free nursery education for all three-year-olds, passed the Children's Act 2004 and brought in the Every Child Matters Initiative.

There are some 1,325 Sure Start Children's Centres, and the Government wants to increase this to 2,500 by 2008.

Dr Christine Merrell, who led the Durham research, said her results suggested the Government's initiatives were not working.

"One would have expected that the major

Government programmes would have resulted

in some measurable changes in our sample

of almost 35,000 children

Pre primary school, I had a morning or two in nursery school (with my toy rabbit, Merrythought, who still is around today). However, the majority of my pre primary teaching re manners, reading and other matters (eg how to dress myself and interact with others) was performed by my parents.

That's what parents are there for isn't it?

It is not the state's role to take over from the parents...PERIOD!