Nanny's Special Police Force - Bouncers

Hot on the heels of Nanny's great wheeze to create "Plastic Policemen" (PCSO) and empowering park wardens and others to be able to fine people ("Jacqui's Specials"), Nanny has come up with another "terrific" idea.

She has decided to grant night club doormen ("bouncers" to you and I) the power to be able to fine people who are unruly.

Not only that, but Nanny's Bouncers will be abe to access the police criminal records database. In other words, a person whose only "qualification" to levy fines etc is a special T shirt and high vis yellow vest both with logos that say he/she can levy fines (provided by Nanny) will be able to nose around the criminal records database at will.

Good isn't it?

By the way, in order for bouncers (or rather the companies running the bouncers) to be able to "qualify" to levy fines and wear the T shirts etc, they first have to pay a fee to Nanny.

Kerching!

Any fines levied will go into the coffers of the local councils or police.

Ker-Farking-Ching!

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Barfing News

Good news everyone, Jacqui Smith (Home Economics Minister, sorry Home Secretary) is to "resign" from the Cabinet (she will stay on as an MP in order to fund her lifestyle) in this week's reshuffle.

The Milky Bars are on me!

I wonder what will become of Jacqui's Irregulars?

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Jacqui's Secret Army

Oh dear, I see our Home Economics Minister (sorry, Home Secretary) Jacqui Smith has decided to create her own secret army.

Not content with the normal police, and the "plastic" police (Police Community Support Officers), Jacqui has decided to add another layer of policing "Jacqui's Irregulars".

These are a wee army of private security guards and town hall employees (eg park wardens and car park attendants) who have "police type powers". Our "respected and efficient" Home Orifice imbues these people with their "special powers" (eg to be able to fine people for truancy and littering, and to be able to demand someone's name and address) once they have undergone "training".

Jacqui's scheme is known as the Community Safety Accreditation Scheme, members of Jacqui's Irregulars get to wear a special badge and a uniform (and we all know what happens to some jumped up jobsworths once they start to wear uniforms, don't we?).

Seemingly there are now 1,406 people who are members of Jacqui's Irregulars.

Has anyone ever come across a "Jacqui Irregular", I must admit it was news to me that a third layer of police had been created.

Errm...isn't this rather alarming?

Has this been discussed in Parliament?

Did anyone get to vote on it?

Is this merely a private army to protect Jacqui when she goes to buy a kebab?

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Horrornation Street

My sympathies to the good people of Manchester, who are to be used by Nanny as guinea pigs in her id card scheme.

Manchester has been selected as the first place in the UK where Nanny's id cards are to be rolled out on "voluntary" basis. Those who are so inclined can buy one of these things for £30.

Here is a link to why id cards are bollocks, also do remember that if the so called terrorist threat comes from British born citizens, then they will have an id card.

This is just another way for the government to raise taxes, a nice little earner!

Who in their right mind would voluntarily give Nanny more money to waste?

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Of Apes and Man

Here is are a few questions for our Home Economics Minister (sorry Home Secretary) Jacqui Smith (of no specific address) wrt her planned law, due to come into force later this year, re prostitution.

Under the new legislation a man will face prosecution if he pays for sex with a woman who is being "controlled for gain" by someone else.

In court he will not be able to argue he did not know the woman was being controlled, because ignorance is no defence.

Do you really think that this is provable in a court of law?

What about women who pay for sex?

To quote Gloucestershire Chief Constable Dr Tim Brain, he said that the complexity of the law may make gaining evidence hard.

"It will take a lot of unpicking to prove and therefore I am concerned that the deterrent effect the government was hoping to bring about will be lessened because the legislation is so complex."

Quite!

Aside from that I read today that male apes apparently give food for sex, will they be prosecuted too?

Re the concept of paying for "sex", what exactly does the word "sex" mean in terms of the law?

- Full scale intercourse?
- Slap and tickle?
- Dressing in women's underwear?
- Watching porn? etc

Many people get their rocks off in many different ways, as we know from reading the lurid stories about our MPs and their "sex" lives/proclivities.

Surely, it could be argued, that a man/woman who pays to watch porn is paying for sex?

Will Jacqui be bringing a prosecution case against her husband then?

I see also that Jac's Home Orifice had linked their website to a Japanese porn site the other day. Errmmm..who is running this shower?

The issue that our "respected" Home Secretary hasn't quite grasped is that once people think that you are corrupt and have become a joke, your career in politics is over.

Just a few thoughts.....

Over to you Hom Sec...

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The Grim RIPA - Local Government Spies

Not for the first time on this site has our old "friend" The Regulation of Investigatory Powers Act 2000 (RIPA) appeared with the depressing inevitability of an unloved season.

Recent figures obtained from 400 councils show that thousands of council staff have been authorised to use RIPA, which according to Nanny was meant to be used against terrorists, covertly keep a watch on local voters et al.

Seemingly 20% of those using the powers were below senior management grade, and few of our "respected" and "trusted" local authorities demonstrated that they checked as to whether the powers were being used appropriately.

The figures show that 182 local authorities employed 1,615 staff who had used the powers 10,133 times in the past five years.

Less than 10% of surveillance missions resulted in a prosecution, caution or fixed penalty notice.

The powers were also used on 451 investigations into fly-tipping investigations and on 88 cases of unlawful dog fouling.

Other reasons included "establishing the identities of those taking fairy lights from a Christmas tree", "illegal sale of shellfish" and "unauthorised internet access by staff".

Maybe our own Home Economics Minister (sorry, Home Secretary) would have benefited from her council spying on her husband...thus preventing him from claiming for watching porn, and defrauding the public purse?

The point being that by using these powers for trivia, Nanny and her braindead chums in the local councils are eroding the public's trust in the political system and making a mockery of the legislation intended for the prevention of terrorism.

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Big Brother - Nanny's DNA Database For Babies

Nanny's desire to record all of her subjects on a DNA database will not be mollified by ethics, decency or public outcry.

Nanny's best chum the ever hapless and hopeless Home Economics Minister (sorry Secretary of State for The Home Orifice), Jacqui Smith, has found herself trying lamely to defend a decision to place a baby's DNA on the national database.

Smith admitted that the child was aged under one at the time its profile was taken by police and stored.

I would remind everyone that, aside from the obvious point that a baby is unlikely to commit a crime, the age of age of criminal responsibility is ten in England and Wales.

Why therefore did the state choose to take the baby's DNA sample?

The most likely explanation is that the baby was at a crime scene, and all persons present had their DNA taken.

OK, that sounds just about plausible.

However, could Ms Smith explain why the baby's DNA sample (having been eliminated from the enquiry) was not then destroyed instead of being place in the database?

Even our "friends" in Europe think we are overdoing this. The European Court of Human Rights condemned the system as excessive and disproportionate, claiming it "could not be regarded as necessary in a democratic society".

Oddly, back in December Ms Smith said that the Nanny would take "immediate steps" to remove the profiles of children under ten.

So why then does this baby's DNA remain on the database?

To further expose her lack of comprehension of the basic tenets of a democratic and just criminal justice system, Ms Smith said it was her intention to treat innocent people with "greater flexibility and fairness".

Errmmm...call me old fashioned...but isn't that what the system was meant to be doing already?

Is Ms Smith suggesting that the system does not, at present, treat innocent people fairly?

Isn't that the hallmark of a dictatorship?

Ms Smith is a fine example of a ZaNuLabour frontbencher:

- lacking in initiative,
- lacking intelligence,
- lacking understanding of the basic principles of law,
- lacking empathy with the voters,
- a failure,
- disliking democracy and,
- ignorant.

Vote ZaNuLabour for more of the same.

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Knobhead of The Year - Keith Vaz

Congratultations to Keith Vaz MP who, despite it being only February, has placed himself in pole position for my ultra prestigious "Knobhead of The Year" Award.

There he was on Newsnight last night pontificating on how morally riught it was for Jacqui Smith (Home Economics Minister...sorry, slip of the tongue, Home Secretary) to ban Dutch MP Geert Wilders from entering the UK to attend a screening of his film (Fitna) that contains extracts of the Koran, on the grounds that he is anti Islamic.

Vaz gave a perfunctory performance, until it was noted that he hadn't actually seen the film that he said was anti Islamic. Moreover he went on to say that he didn't need to see the film in order to know that it was right to ban Wilders.

A British Muslim guest on the show complained to Vaz that he would have liked to have debated publicly with Wilders, to expose the foolishness of his views.

Vaz said he could do so by going to Holland!

As the Muslim guest noted, that response from Vaz said a lot about the so called freedom of speech in this country if he had to go abroad in order to be able to discuss a subject.

The added irony being that the film was screened anyway, and Mr Wilders (whom, until now, most will have never heard of) has now gained an awful lot of publicity.

I guess that Mr Vaz was a tad too busy to view the film, as he had been involved in a "lively" phone call with Boris Johnson the day before; a transcript of which had been inexplicably leaked by someone (not Boris or his team, that's for sure) to the media.

Keith Vaz, well deserving Knobhead of The Year!

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Prat of The Week - The Home Economics Minister

Tis a Monday morning, the birds are wheezing and the skies are grey..time to award my world famous and internationally renowned "Prat of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to Nanny's Home Economics Minister, Jacqui Smith.

Ms Smith has evidently had a rush of blood to the head, or is suffering from some form of delusion that she can change thousands of years of human socio economic history and human nature itself.

Her plan?

Banning prostitution (in a round about sort of way) and cutting down the number of lap dancing clubs (re the clubs...ermm didn't many of these sprout up during Labour's many years in orifice?).

Anyhoo, Ms Smith's great plan is that she will fine men who pay for sex with prostitutes who are "controlled".

Under the new offence, men would not be able to claim in court that they had not known the prostitute had a pimp or a drug habit.

"It won't be enough to say, 'I didn't know'.

What I hope people will say is, 'I am not actually going to take the risk if there is any concern that this woman hasn't made a free choice.' It would be quite difficult for a man paying for sex in the majority of cases not to fall under this particular offence."

Will she be prosecuting women who pay for sex with other women/men, or is that different in her eyes?

How will the state catch a man paying for sex with a "controlled" person, and prove that the person is "controlled"?

It sounds to me as though Ms Smith doesn't believe that women are capable of managing their own lives or making decisions for themselves without being drug dependent or "controlled".

Patronising isn't she?

Prohibition of booze in the USA didn't work and spawned the Mafia. Despite stringent drugs laws, Britain is awash with drugs and those that control the trade make a nice living.

This has no chance in hell of eliminating/controlling prostitution, the world's oldest profession, all it will do is drive it further underground thus pushing those who are most vulnerable further into danger and spawning further criminal activity.

When will Nanny learn that banning things more often than not causes even more problems?

Jacqui Smith, well deserving Prat of The Week.

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Foreign ID Cards

I see that Jacqui Smith, Nanny's home economics teacher (now Home Secretary), is feeling very pleased with herself about the launch of the ID cards for foreigners.

If I may insert a small factoid here, one of Hitler's first acts as chancellor was to impose compulsory ID cards on every German citizen.

The cards will be compulsory for foreign nationals, who will need one to enter the UK, to work and to claim benefits.

Fine, except that the foreign terrorists, who Nanny claims that these cards will deter, will of course not be entering the UK legally. Additionally, as the London bombings showed, the acts of terrorism will as likely be carried out by British citizens.

Jacqui also believes that UK citizens will volunteer to pay £30 to have one as well.

Errmmm...is she on drugs?

The scheme is bollocks from start to finish!

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Bollocks - Home Orifice Leak

Nanny's special chum, Jacqui Smith (Home Orifice Home Economics teacher), has played the old politicians' trick of "leaking" a memo; the memo forewarns of strife and chaos, as the recession bites ever deeper.

In summary the Home Orifice believes that crime will rise, and the "disenfranchised" would be tempted to join terrorist organisations.

Why would the Home Orifice leak such a memo?

How can such a dire vision of the future be helpful to "Smiler" Brown and his "administration" (the word "administration" usually implies some form of competence, not in this government's case)?

The answer is simple:

FEAR!

Governments know that if the population is fearful of an enemy (be it another country, organisation or "the enemy within"), then the population will be more compliant and malleable.

Additionally, it will give Nanny the opportunity to impose more surveillance and more restrictive laws/rules upon the population.

As to the assertion that the recession will drive more people to terrorism, that is palpable bollocks.

This did not happen in the slump of the 1930's or the recessions of the 1970's, 80's and early 90's.

Why should it happen now?

Nanny is talking out of her backside!

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Prats of The Week - The Home Orifice

Ah a cheerful, grey Friday morning; just the right time to award my prestigious, and world renowned, "Prats of The Week" Award.

This week it goes to the Home Orifice (so deserving, on so many occasions, I wonder if I should make this a lifetime "achievement award?).

Anyhoo, here is why I think they deserve this award.

The Home Orifice, in a naive and wasteful use of taxpayers' money have attempted to bring the "yoof" vote onto their side. They have set up a website (MyLifeMyId.org) for 16 to 25 year olds to express their views about identity cards.

I assume the "brains" in the Home Orifice thought that they would get a tidal wave of approval for the scheme; yet all they got in return is scorn, sneering and scepticism.

Eg:

"The NIS is an authoritarian imposition on this country and places the desires of the state above the rights of the people. It will entail threatening the public and extorting money from them until they comply.

The biggest effect it will have on my life is to completely redefine my relationship with the state. Now I'll have to tell them everything about myself and will be forced to keep it up to date and will be responsible for it's accuracy while having no power to control how it's used/stored/accessed.

The state has all of the rights and I have all of the responsibility.

Political language is designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind."

Good for the "yoof" of Britain!

Odd that the Home Orifice could make such a bad judgement call on "yoof" issues, given that our "respected" and "highly qualified" Home Secretary (Jacqui Smith) was a teacher (Home Econ was it?) herself.

Seemingly there was also a YouTube video featuring Jacqui Smith, which was meant to augment the website. However, it had its comments section disabled and now seems to have disappeared.

Fear not though, one individual resurrected it (and enabled comments):



Rest assured, because the responses have not been up to Jacqui's expectations, the government will ignore them and try to airbrush them from history.

The Home Orifice well deserving winners of the Lifetime Achievement Award for "Prats of The Week".

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The Home Orifice - Worse Than Worthless

Those of you who have been worried about what Nanny intends to do with all the data that she is collecting about us, and wants to collect on us, should not worry.

Nanny does not intend to keep it, or indeed use it, she intends to lose it!

Added to the list of shame of incompetent government departments is Nanny's Home Orifice. It has managed to lose a memory stick that contains details of thousands of criminals, informers, police officers etc.

Well done lads!

However, Nanny in the shape of our highly "qualified" (wasn't she a teacher or something?) Home Secretary (Jacqui Smith) has been quick to point out that Nanny didn't lose the data, but PA Consulting (a private firm) lost it.

So that's alright then!

Errrmmm...no not quite Jacqui, as you are the people who hired PA Consulting you are therefore responsible for ensuring that they are up to the job.

QED!

Let us be clear, this government is complete shite and could not be trusted to sit the right way on a lavatory let alone handle confidential data.

There is no way we should allow it to collect any more data about us, eg via ID cards, medical records etc etc.

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Booze Matters

I see our kebab munching (only if surrounded by body guards), cannabis smoking (promoted to class B on Jacqui's personal recommendation...I guess she thought that she was still at school) ex teacher Home Secretary, Jacqui (she likes to use the short name) "42 days is not long enough" Smith, is keen to jump on the Boris Bandwagon.

Hot on the heels of Boris's announcement that he is to ban drinking booze on tubes and buses, she has decided to look into banning booze on trains.

One small fly in her oinkment, train journeys tend to be much longer than tube or bus journeys (ever suffered the 6-10 hour journey from London to Edinburgh?). Indeed, trains often have a drinks trolley flogging the stuff to their thoroughly fed up customers.

Whilst banning it on the tube and buses makes sense, as the journeys are much shorter and there are no facilities for serving it, drinking it or indeed pissing it away etc; banning it on trains is absurd.

How else am I meant to endure the journey from Croydonia to London, without my regular fix of a double G&T served in a non threatening plastic cup?

The majority of well behaved train drinkers should not be punished for the actions of the moronic, slack jawed, dribbling minority who misbehave on buses and tubes; usually because they are three sheets to the wind before they get on the tube, bus or train.

Smith should get off Boris's Bandwagon!

Maybe she needs to smoke something to calm down!



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Gutless

On the 18th of May the Freedom of Information (Amendment) Bill passed through the commons.

The Bill will remove Parliament from the scope of the Freedom of Information Act (FOIA), and create a new exemption for MPs' communications with public authorities. It has been explained as a measure that would protect the privacy of MPs' constituents.

In a letter to MPs, the Campaign for Freedom of Information has said that it believes that the bill is unnecessary for this purpose.

Correspondence sent by an MP to a public authority, on behalf of a constituent, is already exempt under the FOI Act's existing exemptions. Moreover, the Campaign says this does not explain why it is proposed to remove Parliament itself (which does not hold MPs' correspondence) from the FOI Act's scope.

On the 18th there was an opportunity, via filibuster, to talk the bill down and to wreck it. Unfortunately, aside from those MP's with the guts to at least openly support the bill, there were those MP's who were gutless and chose to hide their true views from the voters by not voting in the third motion.

These gutless MPs voted for the closure motion, but then didn't vote in the Third Reading. Just 16 minutes later.

This means that they supported the Bill, as they did not join in the attempt to filibuster. However, they were gutless and chose not to put on record that they supported it in the Third Reading division itself.

Here are the names of the gutless MPs:

-Christopher Chope, Christchurch (Con)
-Jonathan Djanogly, Huntingdon (Con)
-Stephen Hammond, Wimbledon (Con)
-Nick Hurd, Ruislip - Northwood (Con)
-Eleanor Laing, Epping Forest (Con)
-Shailesh Vara, North West Cambridgeshire (Con)

-Edward Balls, Normanton (Lab, minister)
-Ian Cawsey, Brigg & Goole (Lab, minister)
-Paul Clark, Gillingham (Lab (PPS))
-Vernon Coaker, Gedling (Lab, minister)
-Barry Gardiner, Brent North (Lab, minister)
-Roger Godsiff, Birmingham, Sparkbrook & Small Heath (Lab)
-Mike O'Brien, North Warwickshire (Lab, minister)
-Bridget Prentice, Lewisham East (Lab, minister)
-Joan Ruddock, Lewisham, Deptford (Lab)
-Barry Sheerman, Huddersfield (Lab)
-Jacqui Smith, Redditch (Lab, minister)
-Gerry Sutcliffe, Bradford South (Lab, minister)

Feel free to write to them, and tell them what you think of their gutless behaviour.

Those who stand for public office should have the courage of their convictions, even if they are wrong, to state them publicly.

The gutless ones above should be removed from office without delay.

Scroll down the menu bar on the right and look for the blue box "Fax Your MP", you can use this to write to them.